Fighting all the time, but both don't want to let go. Should we?

[southwest]

Okay, I need some kind of advice here. I'm 22 yrs old and have been in a relationship for 3 yrs/3months. My boyfriend is my bestfriend, but we didn't start out that way. When we got together we had just met and within a week he took me home to meet his parents. It's almost like we never did the "dating", just went straight into a hardcore relationship. Well, my problem now is that we fight all the time. We have a million double standards and we both realize it. We also don't have a lot in common. He loves video games, comedies, and music that is just funny, not real music. I like being outdoors, drama's and "real" music. These differences used to make us laugh b/c of how different we were, but now it just seems to make the other person feel stupid for having different interests.

We can be fine for a day or two(if even that), but we fight so easily. I hate the way he talks to me. He's always cussing and telling me to shut up. I tell him not to, but he still does it. He also compliments me all the time and is the sweetest thing. It's just that if he gets the least bit irritated by me(which happens all the time) he's suddenly a different person and is so rude.

We keep saying we're ending it in the heat of the moment, but then we look at eachother and smile and realize how much we love eachother. We're to the point that we laugh off that we will always fight and will have to just live with it b/c we will never break up. I don't think I can deal with this anymore and I don't know what to do. We both just keep thinking the other will change, but it doesn't happen. When is enough, enough? We both say never, but it's making our time together more miserable all the time. Please help me on mainly solving the relationship if anyone thinks that is possible, or give it to me straight. Does this need to be over?

[peaches1234]

Hi there,

 

I'm wondering if perhaps you've already made up your mind? Your post seems to be leaning towards wanting to end your relationship with this guy. You don't seem to be as happy as you want to be.

 

My suggestion is that you ask yourself what you think your life will be like without your current boyfriend. Would you feel a sense of relief, or would you feel emptiness? If your feelings lean towards the latter, you may be happier staying with him.

 

One thing you should consider is the possibility that you may be looking for a 'perfect' relationship (i.e. one in which all of your expectations are met and there are few disappointments in your boyfriend's character). Unfortunately, these perfect relationships do not exist, as no perfect boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives exist, because we cannot read one another's minds and therefore cannot know one another's expectations all of the time. You do not want to come to this realization after breaking it off with him.

 

On the other hand, if you tell him you don't like it when he does certain things (like telling you to shut up), then he is not respecting you in the way that he should.

 

If you want to save this relationship rather than end it, you need to talk to him about what you expect from the relationship, and also listen to what he expects. If you feel the two of you can meet one another's needs relatively well, it may be worth salvaging. It does sound like some change is necessary for you to be happy.