New Guy

[Princess]

Me and my boyfriend JUST broke up (like 2 weeks ago) from being together for almost 2 years. I'm on the rebound, but I don't really feel like it, and this is why. There's this really cute guy who seems interested in me at work. I thought he was cute before my boyfriend and I broke up. Someone told me that he's thinking about asking me out, but he's shy and he's worried that it's too early anyways. Well, here's the thing, I WANT him to ask me out. But I don't know if its because I just am scared to be alone, or its really because I want him to do it. Any how, another thing is that I don't want to hurt my exboyfriend's feelings by going and seeing people so early (we are still friends, we hang out still). And is it smart to go out with coworkers? Background info: I'm 18 and he's about 21 (the new guy) Is he too old for me? And if I end up asking him out, what do I say? We've never actually talked. I don't know what to do! I really like him, I just broke up, I don't want to seem slutty or easy or anything, but I dont know. Oh, and here's another problem, the new guy makes me feel all funny whenever he's around now. You know, like you can't hear anything and your stomache caves in? Is that some kind of sign???

 

Yours Truly,

 

Princess

[Tony T]

1. What difference does it make why you want this guy to ask you out. Just go out with him if he asks. You are 18 and in control. Stop worrying so much.

 

2. You have no power to hurt your boyfriend's feelings. He can only hurt his own feelings. You cannot alter your life for him. There is nothing wrong with going out and doing things with someone else or even going on a date at this point. I promise you, if your ex found a luscious babe he wanted, he'd go for it in a heartbeat and wouldn't give you a second thought.

 

3. No, it's not smart to go out with co-workers. It causes gossip, awkward feelings at work, etc. If the relationship breaks up nastilly, it can also cause you to feel very uncomfortable while at work. Some places have rules against it. But people sneak around them and usually end up feeling awkward and uncomfortable. Same goes for affairs with married people and the number one place where they start is at work.

 

4. No, he's not too old for you if you feel OK around him.

 

When he is 100, you will be 97 and he will probably consider you WAY to old for him!!!

 

5. Before you ask him out, you should say, Hi, my name is _______. So nice to meet you. I told the world about you recently on the World Wide Web!!!

 

6. You've never talked to him and you really like him. NOT. You lust for his body, maybe. You think he is HOT. Or you may have heard other girls who do know him talk about him. Other than being physically attracted, it is impossible to like someone, unless they are a celebrity and you enjoy their work or public persona or you like what you've heard about them.

 

7. If somebody makes your heart go pitter patter when they are close, that means there is a lot of physical attraction. Your heart beats faster, you feel giddy, nervous, etc. If you didn't REALLY, REALLY want to go out with this guy, you wouldn't have posted here.

 

I think you are extremely attracted to this guy and you really want to go out with him. I don't think it has anything to do with your ex. I don't think it has anything to do with a rebound. My gut tells me you are way more attracted to this guy than you were to your ex. I also don't think you were very crazy about your ex because you seem very much over him...and that's great.

 

So I suggest you arrange an introduction to this new guy, or introduce yourself. Talk a bit at work. Flirt with him some. If he doesn't make the first move, then you make it.

 

Stop worrying so much.

[Marie]

I agree with Tony on the point of fact that you can't really have feelings for someone if you've never spoken with them. You can be strongly physically attracted to them. But you can't form any sort of attachment unless you become fixated on the idea you've built in your head of what he must be like.

 

A lot of younger women fear being alone. My guess, from A LOT of personal experience, is that about two or three months down the road, once you've started dating this guy (because from your post I see that you've already made up your mind and you were just looking for reinforcement), you'll look back and regret that you didn't take a few months to play the field.

 

Now, I was known to some old friends (since I've been married for about 3 years) as the "rebound queen." After ending a relaitonhsip, I was suddenly dating someone else I'd met 3/4 weeks later. Every time. And every time I looked around me after 1/2/3 months and said, "hello. Why didn't I just play the field?"

 

You naturally miss that closeness you had with your boyfriend. You want it back. You're used to it. My advice is to try to feel comfortable being alone for at least 6 weeks. If this guy really wants you and you want him, try being friends for a while. He'll wait. See how you feel being single for once. Go out to clubs with girlfriends, flirt with boys. You're 18, for chirssake. You'll be glad you did it when you're 30.

[Princess]

Thanks guys for your advice. I know now that I can't really really like the new guy as much as I really really probably just want to get in his pants (that's a joke). I'm really not looking for a "relationship" per say, I just want to play the field and see what's out there. I'm not looking to be stuck with one guy for a long time (I've done it already, I think I'm due for some time out from that for awhile). I think that what I want is to get to know this new guy. Oh Tony, as for my ex, I was really crazy about him, and in certain ways, I still am, but the way I see it, I don't want to waste my time mourning over our break up. Life's too short.

 

Thanks,

 

Princess