belleclavicule Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Okay, so we've known eachother for four year. I was attracted from the start, but soon after we met he got a serious girlfriend, and I really liked her, so I didn't really think about it that much. The three of us would hang out together, and it was all fine. He and I became best friends, and, when the girlfriend was out of town (sometimes for months) we would go out. People thought that we were a couple. We were always having to clarify. Since he's been single, my feelings have, predictably, intensified. This has been particularly true since he and I moved into the same house about nine months ago. Now we're like this asexual married couple. We go out together, have long, intimate conversations, cook and clean, have met eachothers' families. We know eachothers' neuroses, fears, and strengths. We talk to eachother about our day-to-day and life-long problems. All of this is irresistable, so I just let the conversations spin out to three in the morning. It's blissful to talk. It's blissful to be the one he wants to talk to. But because I know him so well, I know that when he is sexually attracted to a woman, he just tells her. He's never told me anything of the kind. He says other things: that I'm the only person he cares about in our town, that he's afraid of being away from me. So I know where I stand. Sometimes he finds a woman whom he wants to sleep with. So he and I will have this strange pattern: emotional intimacy and companionship for, say, five days in a row, and then she will show up on the sixth and get the sex. Sometimes he wants to tell me about it, what she's like, what the sex was like. This tears me apart. I don't tell him, but sometimes I get angry, which I know is not fair. It's just that I have a pattern of men only being interested in my ears. Sometimes it just makes me sad. I'm scared about when he gets serious about someone and I don't even have my five days anymore. So I know what I'm supposed to do: 1) Explain to him in an even and unemotional tone that my feelings have shifted and that I'm not angry that he is not attracted to me, but that I do need to create some distance to minimize my pain. 2) Tell him that that is why I'm moving out of the house. 3) Move out of the house. I am very sad. I love my house, and all of my other close friends have moved away, so I am scared of being lonely. I can't think of any other solution. Is there another solution? Link to post Share on other sites
happy girl Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Just because he tells a woman when he is attracted to her, and he hasn't told you, may not mean he isn't attracted to you. Sounds like you are thinking about what you stand to lose if you let him know how you feel. He has every bit as much to lose if he is attracted to you but isn't sure how you feel about him. Telling him how you feel sounds like a good idea to me, but don't tell him you are moving out until you find out if the feelings are mutual. Best of luck to you in whatever you decide to do. Link to post Share on other sites
love_darlings Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Reading your post made me think that you are really in love with each other. So, it's better for you to let the feeling out. You know it's nice to fall in love. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 It just seems hard to imagine that he feels the same way if he hasn't said so- or made a move on you. Obviously if you are going out and having intimate chats until 3am- the opportunity for physical contact has been there. It also seems strange that he wants to tell you about his sexual encounters with others. That's not something you discuss with someone you have a romantic interest in. He sounds like a best friend- at least that he views you as such. Has the possibility of you two dating ever come up in conversation? Have you ever spoken to him about potential crushes or encounters with others? How does he react to that? I can't imagine he doesn't know how you feel- especially if you get mad when he wants to talk about sex. I guess it's a chance you kind of have to take. If you don't tell him- you'll always wonder about it. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 3) Move out of the house. The best option by far. Or else, get drunk together and tell him how you feel. If it doesn't work out, you can blame it on the alcohol and say you're sorry. He'll understand, even though you won't feel any better because of it. If he's into you he'd have made a move already. Why torture yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
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