I don't understand these signals:(

[amokqq]

First of all wanted to say hi after a long period of time.

 

I'm here again with a different situation. I'm sorry but it's a long story... but it's quite complicated and I would like to give as many details as I can.

 

 

I met this girl at work. It's been almost a year since we met. Lately we have gotten closer, I mean we talk a lot, I visit her often after work we do stuff together weekends. We talk about everything, i'd have to say we have a LOT in common, she said she wants me to be her "brother" because she never had one, on the other hand she finds me attractive, and reminds of that fact quite often:) she teases and flirts with me at work - and at home, that includes touching my arms, hugging, messing around with my hair, feeding me, sitting on my lap. I mean it's pretty intense...

 

She keeps asking me if I find her attractive, to which I honestly answer yes, would I like to have a girl like her... I told her that I would.

 

Lately, last week it's started to get worse/better, she started telling me intimate stuff... she feels lonely, her boyfriend never has time for her, even though they live together. He's always tired, only wants her to make dinner and sex. She asked me if I would help her change things in her life. She said she got so used to her BF treating her like this its just normal for her.

 

I told her I would help her out, sorting things up. During the conversation she mentioned "is one of the changes going to be dumping my BF for you?" I told her I did'nt suggest anything like that!

 

Yesterday was her birthday, we were talking at her place, she insisted me kissing her over and over(cheeks forehead) which i find pleasant... I asked her I she is not going to far, we're just "brother & sister" she said it's ok. Strange...

 

Her BF heard rumors that we are flirting, and told her to stop it, ( she told me that) and I told her that we're gonna have to chill down - to which she replied, nope we have to keep it a secret from him.

 

 

What does this mean! How should I understand this? Does she want to leave her BF? Keeps on touching, but says I'm brother...

 

Please give me some advice. I think I've fell in love with her...

I there somthing going on or is she playing?

BTW I'm 23 and she is 25

 

 

Ps. Yesterday, I don't want to be rude, but she grabbed my behind:) several times, which I find crossing the line definetly. I feel so mixed up...

[Thaddeus]

You're inches away from an avalanche of drama, my friend.

 

On one hand, she "likes you as a friend" and thinks of you as brother... she's already got a boyfriend... and she's sending out hugely mixed signals by kissing you, sitting on your lap and all the rest.

 

This is what I think she may be doing:

 

She's not happy in her current relationship but she's unwilling (apparently) to break it off. So she's getting her ego feed from you because she's not getting it from her BF.

 

Time to man up. This is going to be hard but it's what I suggest, take it or throw it away as you see fit:

 

"Look, this all very nice and I find you very attractive. But you're already with someone and I will not put myself in the position of being the 'other man'. Perhaps we can be together, it might work out very well, but I won't be an option while you're still with your boyfriend.

 

Choice is yours. We can be together if you split from your boyfriend, or we can just stop hanging out."

Something like that. Gauge her response. If she goes all emotional (pretty likely) then you'll know that you're just an ego feed, and nobody wants to lose an ego booster. But if she seriously considers your words and even starts to make plans to leave her BF, you might have a chance.

 

Lastly, bear one more thing in mind: If she's so willing to fool around - even mildly - on her boyfriend with you, she may also be likely to do it to you.

[amokqq]

thx for the relpy.

 

 

Yep... I think your right, I think it's time to show some balls and make a move.

 

but

 

on the other hand shouldn't I wait a little longer make the "friendship" closer and then give it a shot?

 

i mean... maybe with time when we get to know each other better she will be able and more willing to leave her current BF.

 

Yes, you maybe right with the flirting... she might do it to me, but that is if I will be like her BF. I she finds what she needs in a relationship she'll stop looking for ego boosters outside

 

... at least I think:)

[WTRanger]

Sure, she might leave her current BF for a normal guy like you. After a few months when she grows tired and gets bored of you, she'll go find some new bad-boy to cheat on you with, just like she's doing to her current BF.

 

So sure, go ahead, date this fine upstanding woman. I don't see this ending badly at all. Nope, it'll be a Hollywood ending.

[amokqq]

Um... I think I got this whole thing wrong. If I understand everything the way it is, she spoke with her BF and everything seems ok now...

 

So, I feel kinda used. The guy might have noticed somethings wrong, seeing me around her so much and basicly got scared.

 

Ah... women... and all there games:) Anyway I don't feel good with what happened. Damn.

[amokqq]

Apparently, I misunderstood the whole situation. I thought everything is fine, but after meeting her a few more times "as friends" she told me she distanced me because she didn't want to hurt me.

 

Well, basiclly she burst into tears and told me she started to have feeling for me... well, she told me straight that she fell in love.

 

I finally had the guts to tell me she is being manipulated in her relationship, she is scared to leave. It's like she is crying out for help. She also is scared she will be lonely if she leaves...

 

Oh, and her BF found out about the whole thing. Got angry, started to be loving and caring, took her for a trip. She told me whenever she has the guts to threaten to leave him he does that. She knows he'll be back to normal in no time.

 

Yep, we got really close now. Normally I would run at this point, but I love this woman and can't stand this happening to her.

 

What should I do? Be her friend to help her find the strength to tell her BF the truth? That she wants to leave? Patience?

 

Plz help!

[Davey McG]

She's playing you like a videogame!

 

She's fed you enough bullsh** to keep you on a string and still gets to keep her bad boy and her "niceguy"to feed her ego

 

Get away from her - if she loved you then nothing would stop her being with you.

[amokqq]

Well, just as you guys said... she used me to make her BF start to notice her. He is all loving and caring now, and she does not need me in her life anymore. Wow, how brutal is that.

 

That really wasn't nice from her side, I feel really bad about the whole thing now.

 

But it's my own fault... shouldn't be going after a unstable girl with a BF. Damn. She played the whole thing so good I didn't notice anything is wrong.

 

Well... It's a new experience for me. At least I learned something new.

 

Thanks for the help.

[amokqq]

Strange, but I think it ain't over yet.

 

She distanced herself from me, we don't meet at all, only at work. She told me she did this because she wanted the feeling to fade away. Didn't work, of course.

 

It only made it worst. I'm keeping cool with the whole thing not showing a thing. But, now she is hitting on me. Badly. Flirting like she never did.

 

And a conversation at work she told me her BF took her Cellphoneand her salary goes into his account now. She has no money of her own now. Can't call me + he booked a wedding party for next year!! WTF this guy is sick! I mean he is trying to keep her with her on a short leash.

 

It does not work that way. What now? I mean I'm sure if we meet, it will get physical. I'm 100% positive about that. But I'm sure that would destroy hr relationship which is toxic anyways.

 

I fighting my own morality, one part of me says "go for it", the other says to let it go.

 

I'm so confused by her I don't even know what to do. Jesus. Why does "love" for me have to be so damn complicated!

[WTRanger]

Why on Earth would this girl agree to have a joint account with just a boyfriend? Part of this is the BF is a control freak, the other half is this girl is willing to go along with it. But that's not related to you...

 

I understand your moral dilemma. Your just a guy, and I know I'd be asking myself the same questions. You are physically attracted to this girl, you're pretty sure you'll hit a home run with her, it will probably be a good time too. Plus, you may never get a shot like this with her again. However, you need to ask yourself if a few minutes in Heaven is worth a lifetime in Hell. For me, I don't care how good the sex is. It's not worth that much drama. Instead, I use my drama free hand and get to the same result.

 

You're going to have to lay the law down with her. You can't keep being around her, unless it's absolutely required for work. It has to stay professional until the feelings die down. Which, I don't think they will. The more control her bf puts on her the more she is going to want to break free with another man, which right now is you. The more you ignore her, the harder she will try with you. You are literally in a completely self driven system right now. Her bf's control drives her to you, you acting like she means nothing to you drives her to only try harder with you, and her flirting with you only drives you insane.

 

Or you can bang her brains out, which might be the best thing you've ever had or it will fail to live up to your expectations. I'd go with the latter on this one. To top it off, you've just opened up a world of crap for you. Not only in your personal life but also at work. Ask yourself one simple question. Is it worth it?

[amokqq]

Alright, thx for the advice. Thats the way I understand it too.

 

I got a plan, I have to push the whole thing either way. It's my only shot.

 

Will keep you guys updated. Things will start to happen monday, see what happens then.

 

Wish me luck and thanks again.

[freestyle]

Please tread very carefully here. Her replying to you, "Nope we have to keep it a secret" as you said in the original post should be a giant red banner.

 

Ask yourself if you reaaaalllly want to be involved with someone who`s willing to keep secrets from the man she lives with............someday, it might be you.

 

Have you met her bf? Sound to me like she might be villifying him to gain your sympathy...."oh, poor me..." It`s a very common tactic.

 

Ask yourself the hard question:

 

If she leaves him for you, will you be able to trust her?

[FreddieMay]

From a woman point of view...

 

She's just playing with you.. and you are a willing participant.

 

Nothing serious.

[gemgirl]

Another woman here. Just like Freddie said. She is playing you big time. She is trying to fill a void she is not getting in her own relationship but it is a deadend. Deadend. Watch what happens when you start showing interest in another girl(it has to be sincere). It will drive her crazy. That could act as the impetus for her to either leave her man for you or stay with him. If she stays you'll know she played you all along.

[spiderowl]

She's definitely giving you big hints she wants to get physically involved with you. Whether she also wants to get romantically involved is hard to say. But, there is a problem: she wants to keep this secret from her boyfriend. Despite what she says about dumping her boyfriend for you, would she really follow through? You'd need to ask her, if you wanted her that much. Make sure she has dumped him too, before you start anything with her. There's one last thing to remember though: if she is flirting with you like this when she already has a boyfriend, how is she going to be when you are her boyfriend? Would you trust her with others? Her behaving like this behind his back would certainly bother me. I don't think this woman knows how to treat people with respect and she crosses boundaries all the time. You get involved with her at your peril.