Mary Antoinette Posted November 9, 2003 Share Posted November 9, 2003 I'm a 27 year old female and have just recently got engaged to a man I adore, and can see myself with for the rest of my life. With only one small problem. I have had a very promiscuous past which involved lots of men and women. Last night before we fell asleep he started to ask me about my past relations and how many men I had been with. At the fear of losing him I froze and lied telling him there had only been a few before him, but now I feel terrible about the lie and don't know what I should do. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 9, 2003 Share Posted November 9, 2003 I told my husband he should never ask me any question whose answer he might not like or be able to handle. He was a smart man and did not! You might try the same. Link to post Share on other sites
THE VISITOR Posted November 9, 2003 Share Posted November 9, 2003 Dear Mary, You are planning on making a commitment that means you and this man will spend (hopefully) the rest of your lives together. Starting that out with a lie is NOT the way to go. My advice is pick a time when you're alone, have some time to spend and he's in a decent mood, then calmly explain to him that you've had many others in your past - but he's the only one who's given you what you've needed all along. Reassure him in your love for him and be completely honest. I have a feeling he'll understand. And I HIGHLY doubt he's a Mother Theresa wanna-be in that department either :>) Besides, it's possible that hearing about your past sexual exploits will be a huge turn-on for him, I know it was for my ex. gtg. Link to post Share on other sites
Selene la nymphe. Posted November 9, 2003 Share Posted November 9, 2003 I would talk to him, honestly. And go from there depending upon his reaction. If he is still totally against it - then you have some decisions to make. Is this part of you small enough where it's relatively unimportant when compared to what you will have in your marriage? Or, is it an inherent part of your make-up that your husband just will not accept and you cannot ignore? Those are some of the questions you need to answer for yourself. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 9, 2003 Share Posted November 9, 2003 Besides, it's possible that hearing about your past sexual exploits will be a huge turn-on for him, I know it was for my ex. That's a great theory. Hang around this board for a while, and you'll see dozens of posts by people who are consumed with jealousy over their lovers' pasts. Some people are just too insecure to deal. Forcing the truth down their throats does nobody any favours. Let your mate choose whether he wants to know or not and leave it at that. To do otherwise is plain cruel. Link to post Share on other sites
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