MM took our oldest child to his home today!!!

[nocontact2]

After several days of fighting back and forth about him treating his elder children different than our children and he is a good father to them but not our children...and basically told him to call me when he could honestly tell himself he is a good father to our children...

 

he called me yesterday and said he would be picking up our oldest child to take him to his family's home and spend the day swimming, playing soccer, jungle gym, running through mansion, show him how to potty train, etc. He would not and will not ever have anyone say or accuse him of being a bad father. He is a good father.

 

He did not take my nanny with him because he said he wanted to spend time with him and if nanny was there he would only cling on to her. So, I said okay. He picked him up, and he cried when he switched to daddys vehicle (but he called me later and told me he stopped crying after a couple minutes). He also called all happy and smiley and said our child didnt want to come home to mommy or our nanny. When he asked him if he wanted to go home to mommy or nanny our child shook his head and said no.

 

He brought him home this evening. Said they had a wonderful time and our child gave me a rose he picked for me from his home. And our child gave him big love and said bye daddy and waved.

 

He only took our one child he said because he couldnt handle the two (other on is barely learning to crawl) together and spend time with them both. And I am pregnant with our 3rd, so....

 

It makes me feel really happy he is spending time with our child. And tomorrow he is even taking my oldest son (not his child) to a baseball game. My oldest son's father is not in his life and looks at my MM as a step-dad kindof since we have been together so long and I am only with him.

 

Is this the beginning of a good thing???? I am really really happy he is making the effort. I did ask if anyone was home when he took our child there? First time I asked he said the maids, etc. would be there, but that he wasnt sure about his wife or any of his other children. Then I asked him again and he just said it was confidential. I just told him I wanted to know what they thought of him? If they liked him thought he was cute??? He just responded you know he is cute...

 

So, Any thoughts on this would be appreciated? His actions keep me guessing all the time. Is this a good thing???

 

Why be so secretive about who is at the home when he brings the children. He said he will probably bring the younger child next.....didnt give a time, and eventually will bring them both then all 3 as they get older....

 

Is this normal???????????

 

I guess as long as his wife is good to them, loves them, than I dont mind if they look at her as a step-mom? The children he has with his wife are much older and I am sure would never be cruel to such young children, their half-siblings...

 

What do I do now????????:confused::confused:

[nocontact2]

Does anyone deal with sharing children from on ongoing affair with MM and his BS? Is this normal?

 

Isnt it better for the children to have their father in their lives????

 

I'm feeling very strange for feeling good that he took him to the "yearly family home" today....

 

Help anyone who has children with MM and how you deal with it???

[MistyK]

NC2,

 

This is such an incredibly bizarre situation. It's almost "Big Love". I'm glad he's starting to put forth some effort as a father. However, I don't believe he's going to introduce the kids you have together to his "real" family. The fact that he's being secretive about it would annoy me on two fronts (1- as a mother, I'd want to know who is around my kids and 2-he seems to want you to believe that he's brought your child into his "real" life, when in reality, he has done no such thing. ) Don't think for a minute that your child, let alone you, are any closer to being a part of his life that he's willing to publicly acknowledge, let alone live with. Don't mistake this as a move towards making you all part of his "real" life. It just isn't.

 

As far as the ongoing affair - it's better for the kids to have him in their lives as a father, but that has NO relation to whether or not you have a relationship with him. Honestly he sounds like a sociopathic user, and you at least would be better off without him.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Your children would benefit from a father, not a MM. Someone else's husband, who has an established, permanent life with someone else is not someone who can ever be the father that you need for him to be for your children. He will simply do what is convenient for himself, rather than what is best for your children.

 

Why be so secretive about who is at the home when he brings the children.

 

Why wouldn't he be? I doubt you would be able to handle the truth, so he hides it from you. I don't see anything that suggests that it is the 'beginning of a good thing'.

 

You will need to get your head out of the clouds about how his family feels about your children. While they would not blame innocent children, they will likely never truly accept them fully, or see them as anything except 'the mistresses children', and simply tolerate the inconvenience that your affair has presented to their family. Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings come to mind in terms of what you can expect from this 'father' and his family.

 

I cannot stress more that your children will suffer from these choices that you and he made. Hope you will be prepared to answer some tough questions when they get older.

[nocontact2]

His other children are all away from the nest just about. So really there is not anyone there much except BS if she is home.

 

I am in love with this man. As much as I have tried to walk away a million times we always come back to each other. NO MATTER how destructive i've tried to be to end the relationship where we couldnt go back he always forgives me and says everything will be okay he promises.

 

He loves our children. He loves me. I guess I and the children just have our role as it is until the day his BS either leaves him or she kicks over?

 

I cant leave him, and I cant be with anyother man. I dont want anyone else...I am completely happy when he and I are together...and we have 3 children together...and he is making an effort now to have them in his life in public and spend time with them. He even is with my oldest son (not his child) at a baseball game!!!!

 

He really is trying to make me happy...and do what is best for the children...what more can I ask for??? I have read other post from OW with children from MM and it never seems pretty...so is this the best I can hope for????

[Touche]

You ask:

 

Is this normal? What more can I ask for?

 

And I ask:

 

Are you serious? This is one of the saddest things I've ever read on here. What a sad life for you and for your poor innocent children. Your life almost made me cry.

 

Good luck to you. Just curious but what do you tell your kids?

[MistyK]

His other children are all away from the nest just about. So really there is not anyone there much except BS if she is home.

 

So what is his excuse for staying? Money? Or is that "none of your business" too? Taking your son to a huge baseball game where he's not likely to run into anyone he knows is not acknowledgement of you or your family. If he did run into someone, for all you know he'll tell people he volunteers for Big Brothers and your kid is just some random kid. If he really wants this all to be in the open, why not take your kids to meet his W and/or his half-siblings?

 

One more thing - your attempts to sabotage your relationship - burn bridges - and his subsequent "forgiveness" is NOT a testament to his love or commitment to you. It IS a testament to how much his W is willing to put up with. I don't know who to feel sorrier for. This guy is a real jerk. I hope you see that soon.

[Thornton]

I've been reading your previous posts, trying to figure out what sounds like a very confusing situation. From what I read it seems that you had an affair with a MM and didn't find out he was married until it was too late... fair enough, but I find it difficult to understand how you had two more kids with him. You knew he was married and had no intention of divorcing, but if you're happy with that it's fine - what confuses me is that his wife knew he had got some other woman pregnant and still stayed with him - not once, but through THREE pregnancies with the same woman! Has she not insisted he stop seeing you, or threatened to leave him because he's obviously still continuing his affair with you? I can only assume he's very rich (as you mentioned he has maids and a mansion) so his wife will never leave him because of his money - although, thinking about it, she could probably get a pretty good divorce settlement so I dunno what her reasons might be for staying with him... keeping up appearances maybe?

 

I can't understand why he wants to spend time with your oldest son, who isn't even his - from what you said he doesn't even spend so much time with his own kids, let alone taking out a kid who isn't even his. I'd be suspicious about what his motives are. It sounds doubtful that his wife or other kids were even at the house when he took your child there - you're all his dirty little secret and he can afford to keep you a secret because he's rich - rich enough to appease his wife with money and to keep you on the side. Lucrezia is right - your children would benefit from a proper father, not someone else's husband who has admitted he doesn't really love you or them, and who has kept you a secret for years. You actually said if his wife doesn't leave him you're waiting for her to "kick over", which I assume means you're waiting for her to die... how tragic, and also kind of gruesome that you want his wife to croak it so you can have him...

 

I cannot see his wife or kids ever accepting your kids, and I doubt they will be considered legitimate enough to get a share in his will eventually. I can't see his wife leaving him either, so I guess you're going to be relegated to living on the sidelines forever unless you have the strength to do something about it, for your own sake and for the sake of your kids.

[fooled once]

Does anyone deal with sharing children from on ongoing affair with MM and his BS? Is this normal?

Isnt it better for the children to have their father in their lives????

 

I'm feeling very strange for feeling good that he took him to the "yearly family home" today....

 

Help anyone who has children with MM and how you deal with it???

 

Normal? Heck no.

 

I sure wouldn't have let my child go. How do you explain HIS WIFE to your child? Your child doesn't think YOU are his wife, does he? Do you not understand how confusing this is and WILL BE for your child?

[fooled once]

His other children are all away from the nest just about. So really there is not anyone there much except BS if she is home.

 

I am in love with this man. As much as I have tried to walk away a million times we always come back to each other. NO MATTER how destructive i've tried to be to end the relationship where we couldnt go back he always forgives me and says everything will be okay he promises.

 

He loves our children. He loves me. I guess I and the children just have our role as it is until the day his BS either leaves him or she kicks over?

 

I cant leave him, and I cant be with anyother man. I dont want anyone else...I am completely happy when he and I are together...and we have 3 children together...and he is making an effort now to have them in his life in public and spend time with them. He even is with my oldest son (not his child) at a baseball game!!!!

 

He really is trying to make me happy...and do what is best for the children...what more can I ask for??? I have read other post from OW with children from MM and it never seems pretty...so is this the best I can hope for????

 

You CAN leave him but you choose not to. Maybe you are waiting his money? Maybe you figure if you keep having kids with him, you will hit the jackpot money wise. Why SHOULD HIS WIFE leave him? I mean, you want her to, but she truly has LESS of a reason to leave him than you do. She has history, she has his name, she has his love, she has a life with him.

 

You just keep getting pregnant by him and 'treaten' to leave him, which you never do.

 

He doesn't LOVE you.

 

If he did, he would be with you.

 

HE

 

DOESN'T

 

LOVE

 

YOU.

 

He enjoys sex with you.

 

And like the others said, this is NOT the kind of father your children should have in their life. A liar. A cheater. Someone who can't honor a commitment.

 

So he takes one of his kids to his house. Big freaking deal. He takes a kid who isn't even his (and HOW do you justify that??) to a ball game.

 

Big deal.

 

That doesn't make him father of the year. That makes his a man who takes pity on 2 kids.

 

But keep dreaming. In 5 years, when you are still in this same situation -- don't complain about it because YOU allow it to happen. How many more kids are you going to have - without active participating fathers IN their lives (and not just visiting for a few hours)?

 

And who cares if his WIFE thinks your kid is cute??? That is so bizarre.

[jj33]

 

I am in love with this man. As much as I have tried to walk away a million times we always come back to each other. NO MATTER how destructive i've tried to be to end the relationship where we couldnt go back he always forgives me and says everything will be okay he promises.

 

He loves our children. He loves me. I guess I and the children just have our role as it is until the day his BS either leaves him or she kicks over?

 

I cant leave him, and I cant be with anyother man. I dont want anyone else...I am completely happy when he and I are together...and we have 3 children together...and he is making an effort now to have them in his life in public and spend time with them. He even is with my oldest son (not his child) at a baseball game!!!!

 

He really is trying to make me happy...and do what is best for the children...what more can I ask for??? I have read other post from OW with children from MM and it never seems pretty...so is this the best I can hope for????

 

he forgives you? For what? for trying to leave and wanting more for yourself?

 

Yes this is the best you can hope for. But its got a sell by date - what happens when the children are grown? You are out, with nothing except the clothes on your back and any money you have put away over the years. No health care, no pension, no nothing.

 

I know of other women in similar situations. They have had children by VERY wealthy men (bilionaires).

 

One man has a number of "mothers of his children" whom he supports in different cities. They live like queens and have minor children. They dont see other men, or if they do they do it very discreetly and are ALWAYS available to him and to their children (subject of course ot the fact that they have a house full of nannies and other staff).

 

The big question is what will happen when the children are grown and these women are in their 40s and 50s... I can tell you now the men dont plan on "keeping" them in that style forever. Once the children are grown they are not going to continue to support the women.

 

And the men are not legally required to do so. The women have CHOSEN as you are choosing, to stay on in this position. They will have NO recourse.

 

And they will have sacrificed their youth to men who have the means to keep many families going at once (no affairs here as none of them are married and yes the children are of similar ages so the men were seeing the women at the same time).

 

This is a very dangerous game you are playing - dangerous to you. He has everything, your children will have what they need at least financially (we hope he wont try to bow out at some stage)

 

but what about you? You lose emotionally, you lose financially you lose all around. All for the hope that one day he makes good on his promises?

 

he has made you NO promises. He has told you he is happy with things the way they are. Im not minimizing your feelings. Of course you want to believe that if he werent with his W he would be with you.

 

But you have no reason to be so sure. Im sorry about that.

 

But you need to look after yourself better - and not by thinking you can "trap" MM with a lawsuit or some other thing.

 

If you have an education, start using it. Get a nanny and go out and work, volunteer do something to make the most of your skills. You cant afford to think that he is your knight in shining armor. Hes not.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I have to agree that the idea that this situation is 'happy' and 'fulfilling' is indeed one of the sadder and more bleak stories I have read on here. Those poor kids are going to have a long hard road ahead of them, all because of "love".

[me003]

YOu choose to stay in this situation but your children don't. They will definetly have mental and social issues. As a mother your first priority is your children. To defend them. YOu become non existance. This may not be the way most feel, but if there is not a fulltime dad, then it is yoru responsibility to put yourself last and them first. Their emotional well being depends on it.

 

You have to realize that one day your children will realize that ad dad's house there is SOOOO much more than at mom's house and they will choose to live there. Or they will one day open their eyes and see you as a weak woman and loose respect for you. YOu need to see a child psycologist and see how this could effect them in their future. YOu have to put them first.

 

 

Good luck and may GOD have a bigger plan for you and your children.

[greengoddess]

Hmmm I'd be concernd. Very very concerned. Taking your son that is not his is a huge red flag. He is staying with wifey. They are empty nesters. Maybe they want that nest full again. Maybe your cute kids will be perfect for that and your oldest son can help build a case why you should not have custody.

 

You should be scared not happy. This could be the start of custody proceedings especailly since you keep bugging his precious wife.

[bentnotbroken]

I have only one question...if you are good how everything is. You are content to wait until the wife leaves or dies:sick:, why are you here posting anything? Shouldn't you be out and about living the life you so enjoy enough to live in secret with your children. I don't doubt you love your children, but you placing them in this situation(an opening for long term confusion about healthy, honest relationships as well as ridicule from others) makes me question, who is more important, you, MM or them? Sad situation that is going to end blowing up and the kids getting caught in the blast.

[Teslacoil]

You ask:

 

Is this normal? What more can I ask for?

 

And I ask:

 

Are you serious? This is one of the saddest things I've ever read on here. What a sad life for you and for your poor innocent children. Your life almost made me cry.

 

Good luck to you. Just curious but what do you tell your kids?

 

I agree... man what the heck have you guys been doing?

 

I don't understand how you could be having an affair and been dumb enough to have not ONE, not TWO, but THREE kids? Accidental pregnancies happen, but it just sounds like you two are completely careless.

 

I don't think this guy needs to worry about being a good dad. He needs to worry about being a good human being. I'm not sure if your MM is a total scumbag, or is also somehow as deluded as you are that this is a "normal" life you've built for yourselves.

 

If you really cared to get yourself on your feet, you'd initiate no contact, take the kids, move far away, get child support, and get over this guy and get on with your life. But it really sounds like you'd rather stay in this awful affair until the day you die.

[nocontact2]

I will probably always be his mistress unless he ever makes me a wife. But according to so many posters it is totally normal to be "happily married" and have an OP...

 

See, I originally thought different. I thought marriage meant happiness meant fidelity, etc. But, apparently from the wisdom of all those posting its totally normal for a man to be "happily married" and have a girlfriend too.

 

We have 3 young children together...we have been together for a very long time...with me being "faithful" of course he keeps me pregnant all the time....he looks at me sideways and I am pregnant. I told him I am tired of being pregnant he needs a vasectomy.

 

Anyway, as long as we have our home together, he spends time with our family, our children know only him as daddy...and I guess IF he choses to bring them around his wife then she can be "step-mom" they are too young to understand right now anyway.

 

When they do get of age he knows it is totally his responsibility to answer those hard questions since he lied and said he was single and its HIS MARRIAGE complicates our family because of his lies...so he gets to explain. He said he doesnt know what he is going to say when that time comes...but he also doesnt know what is going to happen in our future either...when i tell him marriage is what I deserve and our family a full time father.

[whichwayisup]

It isn't up to you to decide for him to get snipped. If you don't want more children, get your tubes tied or go on birth control. HE is NOT married to you, and sorry to say this, but his wife comes first before you.

 

If you like being his OW, and plan on continuing your life this way, then accept your role as his OW and learn to deal with the rollercoaster ride - Or end it and find a man who can give you more than this guy can. He will NEVER be your husband, he likes things as they are and obviously has no interest in divorcing his wife. Why would he when right now he has TWO wives, TWO sets of kids?

[Touche]

I will probably always be his mistress unless he ever makes me a wife. But according to so many posters it is totally normal to be "happily married" and have an OP...

 

See, I originally thought different. I thought marriage meant happiness meant fidelity, etc. But, apparently from the wisdom of all those posting its totally normal for a man to be "happily married" and have a girlfriend too.

 

We have 3 young children together...we have been together for a very long time...with me being "faithful" of course he keeps me pregnant all the time....he looks at me sideways and I am pregnant. I told him I am tired of being pregnant he needs a vasectomy.

 

Anyway, as long as we have our home together, he spends time with our family, our children know only him as daddy...and I guess IF he choses to bring them around his wife then she can be "step-mom" they are too young to understand right now anyway.

 

When they do get of age he knows it is totally his responsibility to answer those hard questions since he lied and said he was single and its HIS MARRIAGE complicates our family because of his lies...so he gets to explain. He said he doesnt know what he is going to say when that time comes...but he also doesnt know what is going to happen in our future either...when i tell him marriage is what I deserve and our family a full time father.

 

It is? Not in my world. Not sure where in the world you live but it's FAR from normal in my culture.

 

What do you mean you have a home "together?" Does he live with you? If not, how is it a home together? I thought he has a home where he lives with his wife.

 

And why do you put all the responsibility for birth control on him? He's already proven to not be a responsible man. Why don't you take that into your own hands before you find yourself pregnant yet again?

 

I can't imagine living my life like this. Don't you feel powerless? You're completely dependent on him in every way. Don't you want to take control of your life? You even say HE doesn't know what will happen in "our future." Why does HE get to define YOUR future? Have you no pride and self-respect?

 

Your children will lose all respect for you once they're old enough to figure this all out you know.

 

This is really pitiful and sad.

[Touche]

It isn't up to you to decide for him to get snipped. If you don't want more children, get your tubes tied or go on birth control. HE is NOT married to you, and sorry to say this, but his wife comes first before you.

 

If you like being his OW, and plan on continuing your life this way, then accept your role as his OW and learn to deal with the rollercoaster ride - Or end it and find a man who can give you more than this guy can. He will NEVER be your husband, he likes things as they are and obviously has no interest in divorcing his wife. Why would he when right now he has TWO wives, TWO sets of kids?

 

But he doesn't have TWO wives. He has ONE wife and ONE girlfriend and a set of illegitimate children. (Watch me get bashed for the latter..but sorry, they are illegitimate. Let's call a spade a spade here.)

[nocontact2]

read all the previous posts from others...they are the ones who told me yes, he is "happily married"

 

I didnt think that was correct myself...how could a man be happily married and be in love with another woman have another family live a double life???

 

But, I would say more than 90% people posted said I was wrong...so take it up with them. It was my belief that a happily married man wouldnt go outside the marriage because it was happy, but to 90% of posters apparently I am in neverneverland on that one.

 

Yes, we have a home we share together...

[nocontact2]

illigetimate children have no father....he is on their birth certificates, they do go by his last name... so they are not illigitmate in my book..

[bentnotbroken]

I will probably always be his mistress unless he ever makes me a wife. But according to so many posters it is totally normal to be "happily married" and have an OP...

 

See, I originally thought different. I thought marriage meant happiness meant fidelity, etc. But, apparently from the wisdom of all those posting its totally normal for a man to be "happily married" and have a girlfriend too.

 

We have 3 young children together...we have been together for a very long time...with me being "faithful" of course he keeps me pregnant all the time....he looks at me sideways and I am pregnant. I told him I am tired of being pregnant he needs a vasectomy.

 

Anyway, as long as we have our home together, he spends time with our family, our children know only him as daddy...and I guess IF he choses to bring them around his wife then she can be "step-mom" they are too young to understand right now anyway.

 

When they do get of age he knows it is totally his responsibility to answer those hard questions since he lied and said he was single and its HIS MARRIAGE complicates our family because of his lies...so he gets to explain. He said he doesnt know what he is going to say when that time comes...but he also doesnt know what is going to happen in our future either...when i tell him marriage is what I deserve and our family a full time father.

 

 

You and that sand again. If you believe that he will be the only one answering questions because you had no culpability in having the children, you are more deeply buried than I imagined.

[whichwayisup]

But he doesn't have TWO wives. He has ONE wife and ONE girlfriend and a set of illegitimate children. (Watch me get bashed for the latter..but sorry, they are illegitimate. Let's call a spade a spade here.)

 

I know, read my post again. I put down that he has a wife and that she, nocontact IS the OW.

 

I will add, she thinks they're a family, but in his mind, they aren't. His family is the one he created with his wife.

[Touche]

read all the previous posts from others...they are the ones who told me yes, he is "happily married"

 

I didnt think that was correct myself...how could a man be happily married and be in love with another woman have another family live a double life???

 

But, I would say more than 90% people posted said I was wrong...so take it up with them. It was my belief that a happily married man wouldnt go outside the marriage because it was happy, but to 90% of posters apparently I am in neverneverland on that one.

 

Yes, we have a home we share together...

 

I agree with you. More than likely he's not all that happily married. Or maybe he is and he just has a HUGE ego that needs to be fed constantly. Does it really matter? The bottom line is he's MARRIED. And not to you.

 

How do you share a home? Does he live with you? I'm confused.

 

illigetimate children have no father....he is on their birth certificates, they do go by his last name... so they are not illigitmate in my book..

 

Ok, if you say so. And I don't mean to be offensive but an illegitimate child(ren) is born to an unmarried parent(s). By definition they ARE illegitimate. I understand that in "your" book they're not. But in your book you two have a home "together." I'm not getting that one either. You never said how it's shared. I guess you mean he bought it and you live in it. Is that what you mean by having a home together? Wow.

 

Look, I don't mean to be harsh. I sincerely wish you and your kids the best but I'd love to see you take back your life. You're powerless and completely at this man's mercy. He has NO motivation to leave his wife and marry you. He has everything set up just the way he wants it. And if his marriage was oh so terrible, he'd leave. Wouldn't he? You said his kids are gone, right? What's he staying for if not for his wife? He knows you're not going anywhere.

 

Trust me, there's absolutely nothing normal about this sad situation. The worst part is that there are kids in the middle of all of this. What kind of values and morals are they going to grow up with?