Author nocontact2 Posted July 27, 2009 Author Share Posted July 27, 2009 He calls us his family, behaves as a family when we are together. Admit he lives two lives... so I believe that is what a family is when they live and love like a family. He wants to be here or he wouldnt be here. If his 2nd family was a nuce around his neck he would have walked away a long time ago... but he hasnt, has he?? His wife hasnt left either??? And, I havent left. So, for all those who believe their should be pity bestowed on anyone in this triangle, think again. We are all very aware of one another and the circumstances. If you are a willing participant in such a relationship there is no room for anyone to say one person is betraying the other...if anyone doesnt like our little hottub then they can get out whenever it gets too hot! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 It isn't up to you to decide for him to get snipped. If you don't want more children, get your tubes tied or go on birth control. HE is NOT married to you, and sorry to say this, but his wife comes first before you. If you like being his OW, and plan on continuing your life this way, then accept your role as his OW and learn to deal with the rollercoaster ride - Or end it and find a man who can give you more than this guy can. He will NEVER be your husband, he likes things as they are and obviously has no interest in divorcing his wife. Why would he when right now he has TWO wives, TWO sets of kids? I know, read my post again. I put down that he has a wife and that she, nocontact IS the OW. I will add, she thinks they're a family, but in his mind, they aren't. His family is the one he created with his wife. I did read it again. See your own post above. You said he has TWO wives. No. He doesn't. You're right on all the rest though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted July 27, 2009 Author Share Posted July 27, 2009 when he is not traveling for work he stays in our home at times...has his things here...etc. thats what i mean by our home together... Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 He calls us his family, behaves as a family when we are together. Admit he lives two lives... so I believe that is what a family is when they live and love like a family. He wants to be here or he wouldnt be here. If his 2nd family was a nuce around his neck he would have walked away a long time ago... but he hasnt, has he?? His wife hasnt left either??? And, I havent left. So, for all those who believe their should be pity bestowed on anyone in this triangle, think again. We are all very aware of one another and the circumstances. If you are a willing participant in such a relationship there is no room for anyone to say one person is betraying the other...if anyone doesnt like our little hottub then they can get out whenever it gets too hot! Gotcha. Great. Then if it's all so cozy and good for everyone why do you ask these questions in your opening post: Is this the beginning of a good thing?? Isn't it ALREADY a good thing, according to your post here? And here again: His actions keep me guessing all the time. Is this a good thing??? Again you ask if it's a good thing. By the way, if you're in a good relationship, you're not kept "guessing all the time." Just a little tip for you. And later you ask if it's normal and what should you do. Doesn't really sound like it's all so great from your opening post. But now you're changing your tune. So be it. I'm very glad that you're happy in your cozy hot tub for three. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Sorry, that should have said two WOMEN. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 when he is not traveling for work he stays in our home at times...has his things here...etc. thats what i mean by our home together... Gotcha. You know what? My son's friends stay here at times too but I wouldn't say we have a home together. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Sorry, that should have said two WOMEN. Oh Ok, I figured maybe that's what you meant but you threw me with the two wives comment. No biggie. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Also, I can't reconcile this: He calls us his family, behaves as a family when we are together. Admit he lives two lives... so I believe that is what a family is when they live and love like a family. With this: After several days of fighting back and forth about him treating his elder children different than our children and he is a good father to them but not our children... Your idea of "familly" and mine I guess are world's apart. How is this a family? A man who has two lives and treats the out of wedlock kids differently is your idea of a family man? This is your idea of a family? Guarantee you that he calls you his family to you and your kids only. Bet he doesn't call you his family to anyone else. How can you accept this? I'm really trying to understand. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 How can you accept this? I'm really trying to understand. Me too. I'm starting to wonder how much of this is actually true. Still don't get how less than a week ago she was wanting to sue him and screw him up royally, to now defending him and more or less they're a happy family. Link to post Share on other sites
MistyK Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 NC2, Just to clarify, when we all said that you might do well to believe him when he says he's happily married, that does not = normal. Noooooo way. Obviously something was missing, but whatever it was obviously isn't enough to make him leave and now that he has you meeting that need, he has even less reason to leave. Your presence in his life may well be exactly what makes his M bearable for him. When he is sitting there, finally having all that he wants and needs, albeit from two different women, I'll bet the farm he's happy. He has no incentive at all to change the dynamic. That's all. Follow me? Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Me too. I'm starting to wonder how much of this is actually true. Still don't get how less than a week ago she was wanting to sue him and screw him up royally, to now defending him and more or less they're a happy family. Who would make this up? She was going to sue him? I must have missed that. Yeah, sounds like a happy family to me. Wow. Also this whole thing about sharing a home together...look at the very title of this thread! "MM took our oldest child to HIS home today." She didn't even say his OTHER home. She just said he took the child to HIS home. I'm very sorry but this is NOT a family. Not even close. I'd be very surprised if the wife was home when he brought your child there. What makes you think the wife knows about you and your kids? I'm just not seeing the cozy little hot tub for three scene that you're seeing. Maybe if the wife knew about you she'd leave. I don't know. I don't know the whole background on this. I just know enough from what you posted here to know that it's messed up and anything but "normal." Your kids aren't even treated like they're his. Sounds like they'd be better off without him. Maybe then you could at least save face with them. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t196140/ There have been lots of fake posts, long and drawn out over the years here. Not only in this section but all over LS. Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Wasn't it you just a little while back who was all upset because MM told you that he "cares" about you and your kids but he doesn't love you? Weren't you on a warpath because MM was a man who didn't love his children with you? Didn't you start this thread with the fact that you had a fight with him over the difference in treatment of his kids with his wife and his kids with you? But now you are a family? AND his marriage is messing up your family? WOW Link to post Share on other sites
whimsical_memory Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 He calls us his family, behaves as a family when we are together. Admit he lives two lives... so I believe that is what a family is when they live and love like a family. He wants to be here or he wouldnt be here. If his 2nd family was a nuce around his neck he would have walked away a long time ago... but he hasnt, has he?? His wife hasnt left either??? And, I havent left. So, for all those who believe their should be pity bestowed on anyone in this triangle, think again. We are all very aware of one another and the circumstances. If you are a willing participant in such a relationship there is no room for anyone to say one person is betraying the other...if anyone doesnt like our little hottub then they can get out whenever it gets too hot! The only members of this little trio that I feel any form of pity for are the children. They didn't get a choice in the matter of how they are being raised. It's not living like a family when he sneaks around to bring his child to his own home. It's not living like a family that has love as the base when you had to threaten him in order to get him to become more actively involved!! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t196140/ There have been lots of fake posts, long and drawn out over the years here. Not only in this section but all over LS. I know about the fake posts, Which. I've been here awhile myself you know. And thanks for the link. I went back and read up on some of this. Wow! I really, really hope this is not real. It's even worse than I thought. Also, if it's real sorry, OP but you're so weak. You lasted like a day and a half of NC with him. You say he's like heroin. Ugh. What's so great about him? He sounds like a nightmare. This is truly a disturbing story. Phoenix, you took the words out of my mouth. Yep, I just read all that you mentioned. I'm sorry OP but you're deluded. I guess you're stuck. You're a weak woman with no life of her own. Did you do this for the money? Wow. This is a hard buck. You gave up your whole life for someone who doesn't even think you're that important. He just wants to keep you quiet and in the background where he thinks you belong. Your kids aren't really his kids. At least that's not how HE sees them. I would love to see you gain a shred of your self-respect back. But something tells me that you don't even know that you've lost it. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 He wants to be here or he wouldnt be here. If his 2nd family was a nuce around his neck he would have walked away a long time ago... but he hasnt, has he?? Big deal! That's merely because you and his W let him have his cake and eat it too. If you told him to bug off, he'd simply find another OW. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 So if he "LOVES" you so much, why isn't he divorced and married to you? Seriously? What man doesn't want a free 'good time' whenever he wants? And like the other person posted, a week or so ago, you wanted to screw him over. His WIFE is his family. Those kids he had with you are HIS family. His wife is legally married to him; his kids have his DNA. YOU, on the other hand, have no tie to him. Just because you had his kids doesn't make you anything more than someone who carried his kids. Having kids doesn't = loving someone. Stay with him. YOU are choosing to put yourself in that situation. But because you are ACCEPTING the situation, you don't get to complain about it Unfortunately, since your kids live with YOU, you will be the one explaining to them why mommy chose to sleep with a married man. They will want to know why you did that. And hopefully, they will do better for themselves when they start dating and not be following around someone who is legally unavailable to them. So he stays at your house (probably bought and paid for by him) overnight every now and then. That doesn't mean he lives there He lives with his wife. That is where his mail goes, that is where the majority of his clothes are, that is the address that he puts on his tax returns. That is where he lives. Deluding yourself otherwise is only going to cause you more emotional harm. This triangle that you seem to like to think is all accepting of this -- think again. When his wife decides she has had enough of you interfering in their marriage, she will tell him to dump you and I bet you, he will. So, what is his excuse for not divorcing his wife and being with you?? Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 So, for all those who believe their should be pity bestowed on anyone in this triangle, think again. We are all very aware of one another and the circumstances. If you are a willing participant in such a relationship there is no room for anyone to say one person is betraying the other...if anyone doesnt like our little hottub then they can get out whenever it gets too hot! The only members of this little trio that I feel any form of pity for are the children. They didn't get a choice in the matter of how they are being raised. Agree. You've got children in their developmental years who are not at all "aware" of their circumstances, in a situation that's confusing and unclear even to the adults involved. They are not "willing participants," nor do they have the emotional wherewithall to undertstand the situation, let alone the power to choose to "get out." They deserve sympathy and pity. You're burning them in your little hot tub, and you don't even notice it's happening. Link to post Share on other sites
LaGazelle Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 So if he "LOVES" you so much, why isn't he divorced and married to you? Seriously? What man doesn't want a free 'good time' whenever he wants? And like the other person posted, a week or so ago, you wanted to screw him over. His WIFE is his family. Those kids he had with you are HIS family. His wife is legally married to him; his kids have his DNA. YOU, on the other hand, have no tie to him. Just because you had his kids doesn't make you anything more than someone who carried his kids. Having kids doesn't = loving someone. Stay with him. YOU are choosing to put yourself in that situation. But because you are ACCEPTING the situation, you don't get to complain about it Unfortunately, since your kids live with YOU, you will be the one explaining to them why mommy chose to sleep with a married man. They will want to know why you did that. And hopefully, they will do better for themselves when they start dating and not be following around someone who is legally unavailable to them. So he stays at your house (probably bought and paid for by him) overnight every now and then. That doesn't mean he lives there He lives with his wife. That is where his mail goes, that is where the majority of his clothes are, that is the address that he puts on his tax returns. That is where he lives. Deluding yourself otherwise is only going to cause you more emotional harm. This triangle that you seem to like to think is all accepting of this -- think again. When his wife decides she has had enough of you interfering in their marriage, she will tell him to dump you and I bet you, he will. So, what is his excuse for not divorcing his wife and being with you?? Well, Fooled Once, it sounds like he is a lot more than just legally unavailable to her, he is also 100% emotionally unavailable and mostly physically unavailable. A truly raw deal indeed! I am not sur ethis whole story is real. It can't be. It doesn't really make sense. It is the sort of thing one would expect to see to see on Jerry springer (if inclined to watch!). Either that, or the NC2 has suffered and punished herself so much that she has lost the plot. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 So, for all those who believe their should be pity bestowed on anyone in this triangle, think again. We are all very aware of one another and the circumstances. Apart from your children, as already stated by some other astute posters. Awesome, stable "family life" you are exposing them to. And as for "he keeps me pregnant"? WTF? It takes two to tango honey. I am not sure if this fake or not either, I am just waiting for the bit where she spills that he is a minor celeb or something, and thats why he can't leave- does anyone remember BellaBabyGirl? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 NC2 I'm not sure what the purpose of the visit to his house was - or why it's supposed to make you feel better. Does showing a child what his father and siblings - but not he himself - have not seem rather cruel to you? It's not like he's about to be adopted into that lifestyle - or, if he is, it will be at the cost of losing you as his mother. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Yeah I remember Bella, and that is why I'm questioning these threads of NC2. So, for all those who believe their should be pity bestowed on anyone in this triangle, think again. We are all very aware of one another and the circumstances. So how is it that last week you wanted to SUE him and make his life miserable, to allowing one of the kids go to his house? You still haven't answered why. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted July 29, 2009 Author Share Posted July 29, 2009 I was angry at him after fighting, being hormonal and pregnant doesnt help, but i really didnt want to sue him for lying and me hurting I stayed in relationship after I found out he was married. It was just a thought I had and wanted to know what others thought of the idea, since I believe there are a great deal of people that become OP unwillingly. Also, the 180 change is he is making big steps in my requests...like asking me "what do I want? what is going to make me happy?" Spending time with our children was a major part of it. I didnt ask him to spend time with my oldest son (not his) he did that of his own accord. But, if he is the man of the house, man in our life, then he needs to be here on a physical and emotional level for his children as well. Financial doesnt make an adequate father.... so, he is making an effort and he has changed a lot. So, all I can do is sit back and wait and see how the roller coaster ride ends up. But my children deserve to have their father if he if willing to be the father they need...married or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 so, he is making an effort and he has changed a lot. So, all I can do is sit back and wait and see how the roller coaster ride ends up. But my children deserve to have their father if he if willing to be the father they need...married or not. I don't think it's a good idea to just sit back and watch how it ends up. I'd safe myself and my kids, if I were you. Then again, I'm not you so I wouldn't let myself get into something like this. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 NC2 I'm not sure what the purpose of the visit to his house was - or why it's supposed to make you feel better. Does showing a child what his father and siblings - but not he himself - have not seem rather cruel to you? It's not like he's about to be adopted into that lifestyle - or, if he is, it will be at the cost of losing you as his mother. You make an excellent point. I see the children being used her as almost a pawn by both OP and MM. It is very cruel. Link to post Share on other sites
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