Emotional Refridgerators?

[Candygirl925]

In a way, I prefer the kind that say they love you less often than the ones who say it five times a day. It seems like if you can say it that much, you don't really mean it. But maybe that's just me...

[peaches1234]

Originally posted by Amberlyn

 

"Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have."

 

Whoa. That's very eye opening. I'm going to adopt that one!

We should all remember this when we're urked about something our significant other does that's not up to our expectations.

[Liv'nLearning]

I think there should be if you are lucky..a happy balance between expression and action.

 

If your loved one is there for you, is your best friend, is supportive etc. that is a wonderful expression of love.

 

If your partner can express to you verbally that they love you, couldn't imagine life without you, that might also be love. No, it may not be everyday, but it should be from time to time.

 

When you are with someone who is somewhat ambivalent, cuts you off when you are expressing yourself, it's hard. Imagine saying to someone you love "I love you" and hearing back "thank you" well, then, I think the freezer is full of ice.

 

Everyone is different I guess.

 

That's just my take for what it's worth!

 

The replies are interesting though and show a multitude of perceptions..Thanks!

[BlockHead]

Liv'nLearning

Those who use the expression "I think", "I see" "I hear you" are more analytical as opposed to "I feel".

 

From what I have gathered so far, those who don't want to feel (literally) were emotionally shut down at a young age either by family, friends, a teacher etc. They were taught to repress emotions. Don't cry.....that's for sissies etc. They were literally shut down for fear of rejection by someone they respected or loved.

This bothers me because you seem to suggest that being more analytical than feeling is unnatural. I have a brother who prefers to feel, and he actually criticizes me for thinking too much. Let’s see, similar childhood, same schools, similar genetics, and same friends.

 

Liv'nLearning

Private feelings of rejection, sadness, joy are repressed in the brain that can leak out in what appears to be sharp bursts of anger only to return to total calm within minutes. The "feeling" escaped and was put back immediately. Wow!

Gifts Differing p84

Well-developed or not, everyone has a shadow side. Just as the conscious personality is the product of the best-developed processes, the shadow is the product of the least-developed part, which a person rejects and disowns. The shadow uses relatively childish and primitive kinds of judgment and perception, not intentionally in the service of conscious aims, but all on its own in an escape from the conscious personality and in defiance of conscious standards.

Liv'nLearning

Sometimes they can't handle any form of deep expression from others ie. don't like to be touched, loathe public displays of affection, stony silence or can be extremely defensive when more expression is requested and the other person is accused of being critical.

I know you think this is strange, but there are people who find it awkward. Would you be happy if somebody put you in an uncomfortable position?

 

Liv'nLearning, I think you are selling snake oil.

[Liv'nLearning]

Have I hit a nerve Blockhead?

Methinks thou dost protest too much!

 

Snake oil? My comments come from books......not from personal perspectives but obviously you "feel" uncomfortable.

 

I see.

 

You should try the other side too...you may even like it!

[moimeme]

This bothers me because you seem to suggest that being more analytical than feeling is unnatural. I have a brother who prefers to feel, and he actually criticizes me for thinking too much. Let’s see, similar childhood, same schools, similar genetics, and same friends.

 

 

Sounds like the old argument between Meyers-Briggs 'Sensing' and 'Thinking' types. Too bad each always feels his way is superior.

[Liv'nLearning]

On second thought Blockhead, I sense that you took my words as a personal attack on your character.

 

Since I don't know you and could never assume to know how you react to affairs de coeur, I am not standing in judgement of your analytical mind. In fact, where would the world be without it?

 

I think I overanalyze at times but also enjoy expression as well.

 

Yes, I can understand and appreciate that it must feel very different for those people who have trouble emoting because it was not the way they were brought up. You used the word "awkward" and I can appreciate how unnatural is must be for someone to be with another who is more emotional.

 

My point of this post was to investigate whether people have ever encountered in one-on-one relationships, an individual who is literally emotionally shut-down? Not shy. Not fearful. Not trepid. Someone who cannot love because they have never been in love before and have no clue what they are supposed to feel and how to express it?

 

It is something new to me.