seibert253 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Going on my first steady run of absolutely NO contact. It's liberating and a pain in the butt. She is like a backpack I carry around everywhere. The good thing is, there is hardly any weight in it now. BTW: She is legally my ex now which makes this a bit easier. Just remember Bent, now she's someone else's problem, not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Exactly what you suggested he was a long time ago, commitment phobe. 8 year engagement, bolts 2 weeks after we set the date to marry,(well 7 weeks if you count the 5 weeks of torturing me, while he tried to wrestle with his commitment conflicts), 18 years together total. Who the f**k is he trying to kid here? Never had a problem with committment ~ I was committed all the way through my marriage, the Marine Corps, Jump (Parachute) School? It was after I was committed that I had my doubts! As in? OMG! :eek: :eek: WTF have I've gotten myself into? Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Hmmm bnb how did you get so divorced so fast?! I'm glad your finally moving past it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Going on my first steady run of absolutely NO contact. It's liberating and a pain in the butt. She is like a backpack I carry around everywhere. The good thing is, there is hardly any weight in it now. BTW: She is legally my ex now which makes this a bit easier. I always equated it to dragging a dead horse and saddle around with you everywhere you went, with people pointing at you and telling you ~ "Hey, did you know your dragging a dead horse and saddle around with you everywhere you go!" I'm six months away from being where I want and need to be! Debt free! Banking some serious money! Living off my retirement from the Marine Corps! Banking the money from my civilian job! Civilian job? Sweet! Low stress ~ no stress! Low stress ~ no stress bosses! Pretty much "Hi and Bye!" I told the XHEX! Just work with me! We'll get there one day! Just hang with me! I'm working hard! We can play today and pay tomorrow, or pay today and play tomorrow! She wouldn't listen! We'll I'm six months out from playing for the rest of my life! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BentButNotBroken Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 Hmmm bnb how did you get so divorced so fast?! I'm glad your finally moving past it. One of the only steady things I did from the start (right after bomb drop) was force the issue. The legal side of divorce wasn't big enough closure for me...which is why I wrote here. Plus it's just mostly business, not the relationship. (after bomb drop) I found out she is talking to another guy but she says "its nothing and seperate from us". Yet, I move out. Then, I find out they are talking ALL the time, then I go to MC. Find out she is going to see him (although she says the purpose of the trip was a preplanned girls outing...BS)...then I inadvertently went LC Then I found out she slept with him...I pushed filing the papers. Then I came here. Guess I had some processing to do. Glad I did too. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 But now you get to be you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BentButNotBroken Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 But now you get to be you! That's right partner! Now I gotta get this darn backpack off me somehow. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 WTF if I'm reading it right, SHE left him first the minute she slept with the OM. WTF is the point og him talking it out with her if she's actively engaged in an affair. Talking doesnt do squat! actions Talk , BS walks! Frederi. No amount of pleading and begging stopped her from sleeping with the OM, that was her choice and she went through with it. She made that happen. He was given no choice but to divorce her. She should have fought harder to be faithful and keep her legs closed but she didnt! So it's his fault??? WTF? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BentButNotBroken Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 No problem can be solved without proper communication. You should not have run out of the place. When problem arises a women needs to talk to her partner and wishes his reciprocation in a positive way for solving the problem. It builds a good moral support and love and affection will increase. One should make use of such opportunity for bonding the relationship not for breaking the relationship. One song is there "Jab koi baath bigad jaaye jab koyi mushkil pad jaaye, tum dena saath mera, oh, humnawaz". Keeping good mood is very important for men. This can be done through doing exercise, meditation or listening or singing music etc. We should rate the problems as high, not too high, etc. There are many other things which build or break marriages. One should take into account all the things and try to see how one can be happy himself? If you are feeling happy without her, then continue. Don't try to discuss your problems with her as you have already left her. ___________________ www.makeyourwifehot.com Do not know if this is a joke post or what...but i'll give you the benefit of the doubt and think it isn't. I am not disturbed by how you look at it but I think you need to read the very 1st post again. The truth is, once i had uncovered deceit (by her lying to me about merely talking to another...then that she kissed him...then that she kissed two others over the past months before this happened...then she was obviously not exclusive and willing to protect that "option" of hers that we call OM). Make no bones about it, I still answered for my faults as a husband, even after I knew of the OM. The difference was, I made my stance clear that I wanted to repair mine...remain exclusive...and continue on. She gave up...made her one sided decision to build another relationship and commit adultery...have her cake and eat it because she hesitated but always errored away from remaining married...and finally, use past faults (that we BOTH had) to fuel her actions. Once trust was broken and I understood she was not wavering, staying was over. I moved out to show her I wasn't going to be treated that way but I said we could work on this...I filed for divorce once it was clear (from her sleeping with him while knowing full well this divorce was not my stance) that she did not respect me or us anymore. I disagree that more talking would of helped. Could I of been chivalrous and taken her phone away, called and told OM to stay away, and tried to manually stop her from communicating.....of course. But I wouldn't make her do that for me and I expected the same out of my partner. I'll do that for my kids...not my partner. Because if I did, someone isn't pulling their weight. Also, it would just probably make her be more sneaky about it and honest communication would suffer. Sorry...I disagree. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 No problem can be solved without proper communication. You should not have run out of the place. When problem arises a women needs to talk to her partner and wishes his reciprocation in a positive way for solving the problem. It builds a good moral support and love and affection will increase. One should make use of such opportunity for bonding the relationship not for breaking the relationship. One song is there "Jab koi baath bigad jaaye jab koyi mushkil pad jaaye, tum dena saath mera, oh, humnawaz". Keeping good mood is very important for men. This can be done through doing exercise, meditation or listening or singing music etc. We should rate the problems as high, not too high, etc. There are many other things which build or break marriages. One should take into account all the things and try to see how one can be happy himself? If you are feeling happy without her, then continue. Don't try to discuss your problems with her as you have already left her. ___________________ www.makeyourwifehot.com This guy is boasting on his website about how he has had multiple affairs, before he discovered how to make his wife lose weight and have hot sex. Enough said I think. Link to post Share on other sites
alturrnababe Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 You know, after my first marriage, I used to fantasize about what I would say when he came crawling back, etc....things like that, also every time I talked to him, I KNOW I came across sounding like I still cared, and I hated it. My Dad told me that indifference was the best way to be in that situation...so I did that, only talking to him when completely necessary...and one day I woke up realizing that I really WAS indifferent, to him, and to everything about him. So be indifferent...move on.....it WILL get easier. Is anyone that causes you that much pain in your life really worth it? Start thinking about YOU instead of HER. Good luck with it all! Link to post Share on other sites
Dack Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 Your pain is your gain, sweetie -- it is nice to know that you are not alone -- infidelity is the worst pain that anyone can impose on another human being -- been through it, getting through it and freeing from it -- I'm sorry you've endured so much pain but, from what I've read, things will get better hugs Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 This guy is boasting on his website about how he has had multiple affairs, before he discovered how to make his wife lose weight and have hot sex. Enough said I think. I bet a lot of people fall for it, too. You gotta give it to him for being shrewd enough to prey on the men out there who fantasize about stuff like this. What he is 'selling' is despicable, but you can't deny the marketing savvy - including infiltrating forums and taking his pick of targets. My guess is that he is fairly well off as a result. I'm surprised he doesn't also offer a 'watch my sexy wife' porncam that you can subscribe to. Or, perhaps he does. This type of stuff tends to have offshoots like that. P.T. Barnum, and his modern equivalent Anton LaVey would be proud. Bent, stay strong man. You are not on an easy path by a long shot, but with time things do tend to simmer down to a sort of normal. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 I told the XHEX! Just work with me! We'll get there one day! Just hang with me! I'm working hard! We can play today and pay tomorrow, or pay today and play tomorrow! She wouldn't listen! THIS! It was after our honeymoon. She was pregnant. She said we might as well throw out the travel brocures we picked up because we can't afford to go anywhere anymore. HUH? Well, she's making just a dollar or so above minimum wage / hr. WE now have a mortgage, a child on the way & a ton of debt from the wedding & honneymoon. Then we had our son. Having the baby even with health care still cost us quite a bit. The co-pays for DR's. visits was crazy. She knew how much debt we had. She knew how much money we made. She was supposed to be good with math & numbers but somehow could not understand why: we couldn't take trips. why we couldn't buy new furniture. why we couldn't put in a fence. why we couldn't re-landscape the yard. Why we couldn't put in a deck. Because we were living paycheck to paycheck. I told her, I promised her, things would get better. We just need to pay off some debt. all these things didn't matter to her before we were married. All of a sudden they did?!?!? I look back. She was the one that insisted we move in together. She was the one that insisted we got engaged. She was the one that insisted we got married the next yr (I wanted to wait to save up for the wedding) She was the one who wanted children ASAP after the marriage. and she got all that. I was resistant to all of it because I wanted more time, but I did it because I loved her & thought she was my future. But, it came with a price. A price she never considered. And what did she do about it? She went online looking for someone who could give her the party life she had before marriage. But, for some reason she didn't leave the living hell of a marriage she was in. Then like I promised, about 2 yrs later things got better. We had more money, we had another baby, we could go do things. And she didn't want to. Not with me at least & also because she didn't want to get caught cheating on OM. When it hit the fan & I learned everything she played the woulda, shoulda, coulda game. Maybe if we waited to get married. Maybe if we waited to have kids. she said. Hey I know, I said "maybe if she hadn't gone online looking for someone else to screw & then cheated on me for most of our marriage?" But hey, that couldn't possibly be it right everyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 phineas Exactlly! After I gave smoking, drinking, gambling and women? I realized I didn't need to work any longer! Link to post Share on other sites
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