xkissesx Posted November 10, 2003 Share Posted November 10, 2003 [font=century gothic][/font][color=blue][/color] I had been dating this guy for about 2 months when i found out that my boyfreind had been sleeping with other girls(MORE THEN ONE!!!) since we had been dating. LEt me tell you now, i am a senior in hs and he is a fresh in college. So while we are working out our breakup he claimed that he thoght it was ok fr him to do this, and i thoguth it would be fine. he based this on the statement i made where i said " im a pretty relaxed girlfreind, if you make out with a girl on accident while you are under the influence of somehting, or kiss another girl, i dont think its a big deal , i know things happen." i belive that still, but is this a bad thing to tell a boyfreind, because i am pretty trusting, but i would lie if i said i felt otherwise. Is this a bad thing to tell a guy, then he thinks he will just have free reign? Do you think that if a guy truly likes/loves you then he will not cheat at all? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted November 10, 2003 Share Posted November 10, 2003 Originally posted by xkissesx Do you think that if a guy truly likes/loves you then he will not cheat at all? I tend to believe this. It's possible that mistakes will be made, etc., even if your partner really does love you. But if they're mature and able to control themselves (which might be asking a lot of some college freshmen), it's hard to see how it could have happened without them wishing to cheat. I think your bf sounds like a very immature fellow who is seeking to place the blame for his actions on your head. Some twisted rationalizations there. I think you're well rid of him; it sounds like he's got a lot of growing up to do. As for what you told him, while in principle I applaud your tolerance and understanding, I think that maybe in the future you should not voice your views on the matter, unless it actually becomes an issue. You'd prefer that your next guy didn't cheat, right? So why give him even a suggestion of a green light (at least for kissing)? If he does go out to a party, and gets drunk and ends up making out with another girl for 10 minutes, you can tell him after the fact that you don't place much signficance on it, that you know these things happen sometimes. And I'm sure you'll have a very grateful fellow on your hands. But why give him reason to think that he can behave less than honorably without consequence? Link to post Share on other sites
lipglossboost Posted November 10, 2003 Share Posted November 10, 2003 Please do not let him blame his stupid mistakes on you being an understanding and compassionate person. Nowhere in your statements did I see you telling him it was okay to go out and have sex with anyone else, let alone half the campus. In short, NO, this is NOT your fault. He's playing with your head, and worse, his actions may put you at risk for disease. Do yourself a favor and move on to someone who will appreciate your kind and sweet nature. This guy is a grade-A jerk. Good luck, sweetie Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted November 10, 2003 Share Posted November 10, 2003 I work with alot of men....and talk with them all the time about their "adventures". I've also been on one myself. SO...I feel qualified to say that a man CAN cheat physically....but is still emotionally tied and committed to the one he is with. The prob in your case....is that he's a BOYFRIEND. If he has this tendency now...surely he'll have it later. It doesn't make him a monster....but it may not be they type of guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. It's hard to feel loved and nurtured from a guy who plays both ends. Obviously, they are more into THEIR feelings than yours. For a one time shot though (no pun intended)....I'd forgive him and move along with the relationship with my eyes open. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Honestly, you shouldn't have told him that. In the past, I've had a couple of women tell me the same exact thing that you told him and you know what? I went out and cheated, because I felt that it was ok to. Don't make that same mistake twice. Never tell that to a man!!! Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 a few thoughts: 1 - i think it's entirely possible for people to cheat physically and be mentally faithful to their loved-one 2 - telling him it's OK to make out with other girls is NOT a good idea! don't do it again! 3 - he's a college freshman. no matter how much he likes you, it's his time to screw around and explore, and there will be no stopping him. 4 - if you enjoy his company, just date him lightly, keeping in mind that there will be more men in your life after him good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts