BackUpOrGetStung Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Caution: Kinda long, but the background is important. There's this girl I met through a mutual friend a couple months ago, and the first 3 or 4 times we met, we didn't talk much, if at all. She lives only a couple minutes from me, so we randomly started to hang out a little a few weeks ago and are becoming pretty good friends. She has been coming over 3 or 4 times a week the last 2 or 3 weeks, and really we just hang out and talk, there's always been a few of my friends over too. She has shown a lot of interest in me, and at first I didn't pay her much attention, but I started to notice that there might be something there once I started getting to know her. I have a female friend that has seen us interacting together several times and she also agrees there is definitely an attraction on both ends. The girl I like(call her Stacey) acts remarkably like a good friend of mine that became, I guess, a fling(call her Tina) but a passionate, meaningful one for about 6 weeks prior to her moving away(we are still in contact). They are almost identical in demeanor, both very smart, shrewed, low key with a wild streak, quiet but very intense and that is just for starters. I am also noticing Stacey doing the same things that Tina did long before we actually got physical with each other, such as prolonged eye contact(constantly), hanging out all the time for no reason, and strangely worded text messages(sounds dumb, but trust me, I realized this one after the fact with Tina). Tina has had a boyfriend the entire time I've known her, and our "affair" caused a great deal of drama and upheaval in her life(mine too). She told her boyfriend everything including that she is "not stimulated intellectually or emotionally" by him and is by me, as well as, her parents that expect them to get married and to boot this is all during Christmas. Stacey never mentioned a boyfriend to me(or acted like she had one), but I bet my female friend that because of how similar her behavior is to Tina's that she is in a long relationship that she either feels controlled or unfulfilled in, and low and behold Stacey does have a boyfriend(whom she refers to as "the bf"). So here is my dilemma. Should I hit the throttle and make a move on Stacey or just stay friends with her and hope she leaves her bf? Link to post Share on other sites
TOWinNYC Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 I say make a move BUT (and this is important) give a set amount of time for her to process the situation and dump the boyfriend. If she doesn't pull the trigger within a couple of weeks (maximum a month), let it go and MOVE ON. Don't wait around being a "friend" when what you really want is for her to dump her boyfriend so you can be in that position. Really you're in a great place. If you let her know how you feel and she feels the same and wants to be with you - that's great. If you let her know how you feel and she doesn't feel the same (and/or doesn't want to break up with the boyfriend to be with you) - that's still great because you can get on with your life and find someone who does. The worst possible outcome is to get sucked into a great friendship/occasional lover situation where the feelings get super intense and tangled - while you're waiting for her to dump the boyfriend! Which may or may never happen. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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