read something in my bf's email that I shouldnt have

[aquaria127]

so my bf asked me to help him look over his resume in his email and gave me the password. so anyway I guess I wasn't paying attention and clicked on a message, accidentally the wrong message. it was from wednesday. from a woman. I could been more careful, or cleaned my mouseball, or clicked on the 'back' button straight away but with a short message like that my eyes just sucked it all in at once and it was like "I am very glad to hear that you would still want to take me to Aerosmith… I miss your touch too. there is something special that we have … and I like it"

 

and I felt disturbed and my skin got all hot and I felt sweaty and nervous. I felt I was invading his privacy. I think we are getting along famously, I wonder the words he could write that would get a response like that. He just took me to aerosmith when I went to see him about 3 weeks ago. I cannot tell him that I looked at it, he would think I did it on purpose or I might think that if it was me. I dont know what to do. "technology sucks"

[crazyglue03]

How long have the two of you been together? & do you plan on making it long-term? because if you do then you need to confront him about it. He gave you his password, so either he wanted you to see the message for a reason or he just wasn't thinking about it. But if you don't confront him about it, your insecurities about what you saw will eat you up until you either have a huge fight with him about the whole thing or you get your heart broken. It's better to know now than a year from now.

 

Good Luck

[Bill]

Digital deceit...

 

Computers open a whole new door to the unfaithful. They roam easily, and incur adulterous behavior. How can such people exist? Not shall I ever partake in such behavior, for I am moral. Those that lack morality do not deserve it in return. Dispense with this cheat. Feelings of old are no longer viable. Strike thy treacherous cheater down. Do not continue in this relationship, or you will be rewarding his faithless self.

[toots307]

I would confront him. I know 2 people that had very similar things happen. The guy gave you access to his email so you did nothing wrong. The words the woman used sound just a little too intimate to me. You don't need to be with a cheater.

[Moon8stars]

He did give you his e-mail...

Plus, if you want to be with him long term, you should confront him... because if you don't you will always wonder and want to go check his email for anything else that he might have there... And if he changes his password after the confrontation you know that somethign else might have been going on... because if he has nothing to hide he would not change his password..

My friend found her her bf password once and told him, he changed it the day after... which is suspicious to me.. if my bf knew my password and I had nothing to hide.. there would be no reason for changing it..

[toots307]

I agree with moon - I knew my bf's voicemail password and that's how I found out about him being with a girl during a brief breakup - the girl left a message on his phone. After that, he didn't change his password simply because he has nothing to hide.

 

If you do get an explanation from your bf and decide to stay with him, I recommend not looking at his email again. If it ends up being nothing and you keep looking at his email you will likely find something and end up blowing it out of proportion.

 

Relationships have to be at least somewhat based on trust. If you don't have that, the relationship is almost certain to fail.

[Confuzion]

As a male that has been in this situation I can give my experience. I too, am in a relationship. My girlfriend found out what my password was for my e-mail and began to go through my e-mails without my knowledge. I was exchanging e-mails for about a month with an old flame from two years ago. We would exchange dirty e-mails and talk about the old sexual experiences we shared and laugh about them. I knew what I was doing was wrong, and if she ever found out would probably be pissed, but I felt it better just to keep it from her, rather than deal with the confrontation that I was trading dirty e-mails. Besides, it gave me a kind of thrill like you get when flirting with someone. I had no intentions of getting physical with the old flame anyway. Besides she lived in another state

 

Well she found them. She blew up. All hell broke loose. She had every right to be upset at what I was doing, but at the same time, I was angry that she had been snooping through my e-mails and had been for sometime. Which was worse? That she was reading my e-mails, and invading my privacy or that I was exchanging the e-mails in the first place.

 

You can confront him about what you found, but I guarantee you just as you don't really trust him, he no longer will trust you either. He will think you are checking up on him, he will think twice about things he tells you becuase he doesn't know what your reaction will be. Even if it is innocent.

 

Pandora's Box can still ring true after all this time. Beware of what you look for because you just might find it.

[Moon8stars]

The thing is.. in one way she is invading your privacy.. and in another way you are doing something wrong.. but then again, if you had nothing to hide you would not care that much.. why do something that you think is wrong in the first place... you might say, oh I was just flirting, then you mentioned.. that she was in the other state.. and if she wasnt.. I just think that if you think something is wrong, dont do it in the first place.. and if you get caught dont change the subject.... I caught my bf cheating, by going through his bills.. after he would not pick up my phone calls and not spend alot of time with me giving me excuses, when he heard that he started saying that it was invasion of his privacy, well the phone bills were on my name.. so that was stupid on his part.. plus if he didnt cheat he woudl not mind me looking, because he never minded before.. he even changed his password for the phone messages...

[aquaria127]

... I won't lie. there's a little temptation to look in his email. I'm not going to, that is an invasion of his privacy. he did tell me about her a while ago, she was ill or something, she has replied to his emails months after he sent them. we've only been together like 2 months and friends for about 6 months. It was kinda disturbing what I read but I know he wouldn't cheat.

[loverhersomuch]

I also found some very questionable emails on my g/f's pc. Without going into the whole story, when I accidentally saw a string of emails with some questionable subject lines from a guy she had dated, I had to look. She had given me permission to use her computer but not necessarily her email so I was in clear violation of her privacy.

 

It turned out that my g/f was doing something similar to Confuzion with the flirting, etc. I also found out in the string that she had lied to me about a dinner date where she had met this guy but told me she was meeting someone else.

 

On the bad side: we are both now dealing with some mistrust of each other.

 

On the good side: the situation forced us to define our mutual expectations of the relationship and move the relationship to a new level beyond the dating phase. In short, she needed to "close the door" on this old relationship (her reasons for leaving it open were varied) and I needed to face up to some leftover mistrust baggage from a previous relationship.

 

The tone of the email from this woman to your b/f appears to indicate she feels some intimacy for him. You didn't say whether or not he was responding in kind so perhaps it is entirely one-sided. Also, there's nothing to indicate what kind of dating relationship the two of you have, i.e. have you agreed to be exclusive?

 

Giving advice without some of these details is difficult however in my opinion deceit has no place in a relationship. It is like a spot of dry-rot in a house. Eventually it will get worse if it is not excised.

 

Not telling him that you read the emails is deceit. The infection of deceit could work in a variety of ways as others have suggested, e.g. causing you to question his behavior, etc.

 

According to your post, you didn't go into his email with the intention of snooping; it was an accident. However the bottom line is that you read the email. As for your b/f, if there is nothing to hide then he will be able to explain why this woman is using a clearly intimate tone.

 

In my opinion it would be best to admit that you read the email and confront him about the tone of the message from the other woman; his reaction will tell you if there is more to the story.

[Arabess]

OKAY....I'll play Devil's Advocate. Since you HAVE access to his email.....why don't you refrain from saying anything....till you see what his REPLY to her is??? That should answer the whole thing for you.

 

YES....I would do that. Then again.....being honorable isn't my high point. I'm FAR too nosey!

[cindy0039]

I agree with Arabess. He gave you the password. Use it. It's the only way you'll know for sure what's going on.

[aquaria127]

well since I first wrote about this, I didn't look in his email. but then tonight I looked and found out that he only had the one message from her. maybe I'm a snoopity snoop (I googled her, too) but I found out what I wanted to know. maybe he told her he has a girlfriend and not to write, or maybe she wrote him and he deleted it, or maybe she didn't write. I think I'm over this nonsense. besides he's coming in on thursday afternoon, for like a month. yay!! and, I was thinking about deleting the old email messages from my ex email boyfriend.

[crazyglue03]

Originally posted by aquaria127

I think I'm over this nonsense

 

Well good for you for being over it. Since you already know about her, and he knows you still have his password, are you going to suggest he change it? Or do you think you will still check his emails? I hope you really are over this and won't let this bother you so much that it would destroy your relationship.

 

Good luck.

[am i crazy]

I am so glad I found this page and need advise.

 

I have been with my botfriend for 1 1/2 years. things are great and we speak about getting married and spending our lives together, and then the issue comes in of the dreded ex.

 

my boyfreind had been with his ex for 6 years. 4 years ago they moved intogether for 1 month and then she left him and move to New York with another guy. this completely brook his heart and they did not speak for over a year, and then were able to develop a friendship, they email and hang out when she comes into town for a visit. she is still with the another man and even has a 2 year old with him.

 

anyway he had asked me to check somthing in his email and there are a string of emails from her from over the last 5 years! he has kept them all! some are really flirty and he even has a page about how she looks like a famous actress that he loves from 2 years ago.

 

the lastes emails are not so bad, from since i have come into the picture, just updates on her life, but i cannot help obsessing over this! I am so scarded that he is going to leave me for her, or that he has secret feelings for her, even though he tells me that i am the one for him and that they are just friends

 

he has also kept all of the email i have sent him, so he maybe just a pac rat, but it freaks me out.

 

how do i decide if this is a safe realtionship for me...i am so scard about getting my heart broken....do i have a right to be fearful or am i crazy?

[toots307]

jealousy and insecurity - man oh man if I knew how to get rid of those things for good - well it'd be great. Look, the guy knows he has those emails, he knows you are going into his email so I doubt it's a big deal. You have to trust that your honey is being honest with you. Don't screw things up by being insecure. If he is jerk enough to leave you for his ex then let him go. Enjoy what you have with him now - don't create problems. Everyone had little insecurities - it's ok but don't obsess about this. Make sure he knows you are concerned and just ask him to keep you informed about his contact with her.

[Arabess]

I would go in there and put her under the 'delete spam' list. The, non of her emails would get to him. Then again....I don't play fair. HAHA!

[toots307]

hahahahahahaaha - good idea arabess!!

[am i crazy]

I know that you are right....I am creating a drama in my head.

 

I guess it is hard for me to understand how someone can break your heart so badly and then you can be friends with them.

 

Especially since they live so far way, why do they need to keep in touch? He also has not been with anyone for 4 years, since they broke up, until me. He was so hurt he could not face another relationship.

 

Oh well, I guess everyone is different, but i know that if someone dumped be and broke my heart, friendship would be questionable!

[toots307]

was she his first love?? I was bitter toward my first love for a long time cause he treated me like dirt but now when I see him we have great chats!! I don't know his email addy but if I did I would probably communicate with him that way. I have no romantic feelings for him but I will always care about him - jerk or not - and I like that about myself. You are probably also attracted to your bf's caring nature. That's the problem with caring people - they care about EVERYONE - even the people that crap on them.

[am i crazy]

That is an issue with awesome great people, they do care about everyone.

 

Yep, she was his 1st love. I guess there is also an issue with, how can I compete with a 1st love? I feel like I can never measure up.

 

I know that if my 1st love would have wanted to be Friends with me after we broke up, i would have love it....but he wanted nothing to do with me. I guess it is just hard to be on the reverse side of things.

[toots307]

yep - it's hard. Lots of things are hard but anything worth having is worth working for. If it were easy, you wouldn't want it. And as far as competing with a first love - you don't have to. His first love will always be his first love - so what - everyone has em.' Maybe you should focus on being his last love? Don't worry about what you AREN'T - concentrate on what you ARE.

[Arabess]

I think to a guy....his 'first love' is much like his 'first vehicle'. He remembers her fondly, may even have pics of her and remembers how he felt with her.....HOWEVER, he isn't driving her anymore. He NOW has a new updated model parked in his garage....which has more options and gives a better ride.

 

hmmm....maybe YOU should send her an email yourself....and include the above. hahahahaha..........