yamguy Posted November 10, 2003 Share Posted November 10, 2003 hi guys, this is my story, I am getting , married in less than 2 months wit ha girl whoom I have been with for 5 months. I know its a bit short time but we think we can make it. Actually we also live like 3 hrs away from each other, so we get to see each other only on weekends as we both work. But even then we always keep in touch by talking on the phone every day. So everything has been good so far except few small differences. But now that the time is getting closer, I am feeling different in my mind, I want to make sure she is THE one, and for that asking myself questions like Am I happy with her, does she make me special. From my side I have always made her feel special and loving. She is excited abt her marriage. There are few things I am worried, First her financial condition is not really good, debt and no good job and she is trying to come out of it, On the other hand, I am pretty stable financially and other ways. I dont want to involve into her issues and also she said she is going to take care of it. We have decided to split marriage related expense but She keeps on telling me abt her on stress due to marriage finances. So I feel guilty as if I should be taking care of it all , also that is making me feel now that she may be wanting to marry me because of my good finances. Its not like she is marrying me for money, infact she says sometimes that she wants to contribute but the reality is that she cant and I would be the one supporting our family in future. Second things is that due to our distance we are not able to spend enough time and I feel we should be as time to get married is coming closer, Its kinda wierd because we will be staying together forever after marriage. But she feels ok as she realizes that, infact as she is palnning to move in with me after marriage, she is ok with our current sitiation, she wants to spend as much time with her folks before she moves. That makes sense too. But I just sometimes feel ignored and feel like she doesnt like to spend time with me as much I want to do. Infact sometimes even if I wouldnot see her one weekend, she wouldnt mind. But I always liek to see her on weekend as we meet only on weekends. So I am not sure whats is going on, may be its my jitters/cold feet. Hope u guys can put your thoughts, anyone gone though similar sitiation, Thanks in advance Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 10, 2003 Share Posted November 10, 2003 The old adage "If in doubt - don't" came to my mind when I read your post. Honestly, it sounds like you two should slow down a bit and get to know each other better before taking that step. You don't have to break up, you can still be engaged, but get to know each other better. Go to some couples counseling - there are places all over that help young couples before marriage - you need to know more about what you are getting into. I was engaged for two years before we got married, and we still had problems that we needed help with. Look at all the other posts out here about relationships. Work on your communication with her - you might be talking all the time, but are you really communicating your wants, needs, priorities, expectations, things you are willing to compromise on, and things you are not willing to compromise on? If its distance that is bothering you - you could live together and keep your finances separate for a year. Last year where did you have Thanksgiving dinner? Who were you with on Christmas? Where will you celebrate these things this year? What about next year? Now answer those questions as if you were your fiancee. Do you open your Christmas gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? My husband and I had one of our biggest fights over this! I adore Christmas - he never celebrated it because of his dad, he actually hated the holiday. He didn't want to hate it thought and I brought the celebration back into his life. Because I brought it back I also took charge and told him what we would do and when. After he finally began to really enjoy the holiday and look forward to it he started to think back to the few good Christmas's he had as a small child before his parents split up. He wanted that innocence and to be a part of the holiday too. He asked me one Christmas Eve if we could open the presents then and I said No - I always open them on Christmas Day. We joked about it a little and he stewed on it, and on Christmas Day he was sullen and barely would speak to me. He opend his gifts, said thanks, and then went into another room. I couldn't figure out what was wrong, but it ruined the day. Finally, he told me that just because I wanted to open gifts on the day doens't mean it has to be that way and that I was not considering his feeling at all, blah blah blah.... We did finally work it out - but are you prepared for things like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author yamguy Posted November 10, 2003 Author Share Posted November 10, 2003 Well I forgot to mention I have to go out of this country if I dont get married to her due to some personal issues. Its not like I want to take things faster. but I understand your concern and its appreciable, we are trying to communicate and has even plan for counseling. I am ok with everything as such as long as she loves me. I just wanna feel confident and comfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
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