Wife is angry and think I'm taking advantage of her.

[angry_wife]

And I'm clueless on what she is referring to. Sounds like she is very bitter inside. I'm working full time and she is a staying home mom. We have a 2 year old and another one coming in September. Yesterday we planned to have a BBQ with our neighbor at noon. Around 10am, all of sudden she complains our place is too messy. I told her it's hard to keep our place neat since we have a toddler. But that didn't sit well with her. So after she locked herself in the bedroom, I took out vacuum and cleaned the place. Then I decided to go out with the toddler. She called me but I ignored her a bit when I go out. She got very mad that she became "sick". So we had to cancel the BBQ even though we prepared all the food. But she didn't appear sick afterward at all. I haven't talked to her since then. And this morning I decided it's no good to fight like this, so I sent her a version by Paul John II. "Without forgiveness, you are prisoner of your past".

 

This is the email she just sent me in reply. All I can see is she cannot take care of her own actions and over-commit trying to taking care of me and the toddler. Then she became so angry at being tired all the time.

 

She's Japanese and so her English is a bit broken:

 

Why do you think I was angry.

I been [forgiving] you so many times.

I　am tired of giving up.

I thought I need to enjoy my life, instead of sacrificing.

I feel like you are taking advantage of me.

Your mother too, I been too nice to her and spoiled her.

Now she is taking for granted and even trying to get more.

By calling our home phone.

Way too selfish.

She and you are asking too much.

You are the one who need to think about it and apologize.

[whichwayisup]

Get her help around the house. She's tired and stressed out. With a toddler and another one on the way, no wonder she can't keep up.

 

Treat your wife like a queen, not a slave..

[Enema]

You haven't said anything about helping out around the house.

 

Do you think your full-time job is all you have to do?

[hopesndreams]

Get a Roomba.

[shunter]

hire some help to clean the house. if she still complains, then she is a complainer and my condolences

[angry_wife]

Yes. I do help out at home. Everyday when I get home, I always take over with the 2 year old. Feed him and then bring him to the swimming pool, and to the park.

 

I believe in Heaven. So life here on earth is rather delusional for me, and I also grew up in a very poor 3rd world, so the hardship I can handle is probably too much for my Japanese wife. I agree sometimes I didn't realize how stressed out my wife is. I need to pay attention to that from now on and help out as much as possible.

 

As to treating her as queen, I don't think it can last. Occasionally I may surprise her with some pleasant gifts etc. But life is hard on earth, you really have to realize that in order to enjoy life. It's a paradox but I cannot get it through to my wife. Our thinking is different.

 

Btw, we are along here in US without family support, I think that makes things harder. But I always thought we can overcome that. I really don't think divorce is an option. You would simply go from one misery to another. But sometimes a change, even it's bad, can bring out the best in human beings...

[2sure]

I think it is possible that you are driving her crazy.

 

Certainly, in any culture, in any life - the hardships make the good times better and more appreciated.

 

But look. She is pregnant and at home with a toddler. She is uncomfortable. Your Mom bugs her. She doesnt want to entertain with a messy house. Thats all.

 

Telling her she should appreciate and expect her hardship...maybe now is just not a good time for that.