6 days before he leaves and we start LDR...

[4givrnt4gtr]

...and Im having a fit.

 

I knew he was leaving, I wrote about it here, I thought about it, we discussed it, we planned it, we planned how we were gonna reunite in 10 months....

 

Then why am I having such a horrible day, as it dawned on me it really is happening. He is leaving.

 

Yesterday I helped him packed his apartment. This morning he dismantled the bed and the rest of furniture as all but what he may need this week is leaving today. Yesterday as we packed the kitchen he asked me if i was sad I just looked at him and said yes, he said he thought so, because I had a very sad expression in my face. He hugged me.

 

I try to keep a somewhat happy face, at least I dont let the darkeness and sadness I feel show too much when he is around. However today as I got home from his place I just couldnt help but crawl into bed and not even bother get to work (thank god for flexibility at work)

 

This is much harder than I anticipated. I feel as if we are breaking up, only we are not. Its so strange. Im so sad but I dont want to be negative, i want to have hope and faith that this is gonna work, that he wont forget me once he is in his new city, making friends, getting a career and reuniting with his old friends from home.

 

The worst part is that I realized ive been trying to find any excuse to pick a fight, to say it wont work. Has anyone done this right before their SO left? I feel like I need to be strong and have faith yet i cant help but nitpick and wonder if those little things that were not that big of a deal here, or at least that could be solved are gonna break us apart.

 

And then the looming 10 months without him, if all goes well. Sure we might be able to see each other once in a while, but the rest of the time seems so bland, so boring. I didnt realize what a big part of my life he's been til now.

 

 

And this is how i feel now...i cannot imagine how its gonna be Friday night....this is probably one of the toughest weeks ever

 

 

How did you guys deal with the impending departure of your SO when they first left? Did you guys struggle with the thoughts I am struggling with?

 

Im nervous about how bad this is gonna get.......any advice? support? help? anything??

[cutiebutt]

Im doin a LDr right now and i dont know for how long... probably my whole life or til we break up...

but as I read your story, I saw myself in some parts... I love talkin to my baby, but I'm always kind of sad... it was worse right after I came home after I visited him, its a bit better now, but still, I miss him so much and seeing him on cam just makes me feel good but still missing him soooo much that it hurts.. and I dont want him to feel that, I try to make a happy face.. but secretly im just very sad that hes so fkn far away...

 

The other thing is the pickin fight-thing... omg I so know what u mean. I act like a bitch sometimes, just tryin to pick a fight, to make it easier not bein there...hes always calming me down, I think he just knows me too well, but I know what u mean.. its so hard to accept it ...

 

Why is he moving?

I hope you both will make it and I know if the love is strong enough, you will. I can see how much u love him! It will be ok. You have him back in 10 months. Not even a year..it will go by so fast!!!

 

Good luck!

[Els]

Just a little tip...

 

Notice how there's a huge thread on 'countdown til your SO is here' but NOT 'countdown til your SO leaves'?

 

I've noticed that you've posted here a couple of times at various milestones before he leaves. While it's great that you're sharing your frustrations and not bottling them up, this is not a healthy way to approach LDRs! Honey, when our SOs come over for visits, we try our darndest to count down to the day they leave as little as possible... and to live in the moment and just drink in every second with them as much as possible. When we've done it enough times it becomes second nature.

 

You will cause yourself a lot of stress, pain, and frustration (and him too) if every moment of the time that you have left together, you spend counting down the seconds in dread instead of making the most of it and helping each other to be strong.

 

Just my two cents.

[4givrnt4gtr]

Thanks for your responses,

 

Cutie,

 

He is leaving for school,. we're both doing masters programs. Im halfway done with mine and he is just starting his. The idea is that as soon as I finish mine Ill move to his city. I really do hope these 10 months will go as fast as the last 8...in that case next thing i know ill be packing my own things instead of his

 

Elswyth,

 

Im not really counting down til he leaves, my point was that there's still 6 days of us together and im a mess so I dont really know how im gonna be when he is gone.

Actually it doesnt help that he is so busy with the move, his phone is dead and he lives an hour away as it is. I wont be able to see him til either thursday or Friday before he leaves. Sad days.

 

I also realized that maybe for me is a bit harder than from what ive been able to read here. I think most couples that try this long distance thing both people are 100% sure they will do whatever it takes to make it work.

In my case I think my SO isnt so sure he can handle it. He says he wants to, but he is nervous that life will get in the way, especially with him building a new life out there. I know that I will do whatever it takes to make it work but im afraid that if we hit a rough patch he will quit.

 

I told him this a few days ago and he says he doesnt want that, he wants it to work but is so nervous about the unknown. What if he gets too busy? what if i decide i dont want to move anymore? I try to tell him that if we both want it we'll make it but he isnt too sure and thinks its gonna be really hard. it makes me nervous.

 

I have also given him the opportunity to end it here, just cut our loses but he doesnt want that either so all we have left is take it day by day and see what happens

 

So you see, I wish i could be more about "oh when am I gonna see you again!?" rather than "Will we be able to handle it?" but unfortunately at this point i dont think i can.

[Els]

Ah yes, it's certainly harder if one party is very doubtful. But have you ever thought that maybe he's just more vocal about his doubts? Everyone has doubts about LDRs (more so than normal relationships), even if they're different doubts. Yet some people manage to push them aside and try to encourage their partner. Just because he isn't one of them, doesn't mean that your relationship has a lesser chance of succeeding.

 

Frankly I think that if he says he doesn't want to end it and he wants to try, you should try your darndest to take that as his decision and believe it. There's just too many what ifs, if you go down that road. I could write a whole book full of 'what if's about mine.

 

I'm so sorry that you won't be able to see him much til he goes. I just really hope that you'll be able to make your last few days together, a period of time that both of you will cherish when you're separated, instead of a herald of darkness.

 

Btw, I'm pretty sure NOBODY is like, 'oh when am I gonna see you again' before their SO leaves. What I try to be, though, is 'let's have the best time of our lives while you're still here'. It's really hard, but I find that it really helps me even when he's gone. Because I just know that if he leaves on a bitter note, I'll regret not making better use of the precious time that we DID have together, and I'll regret wasting it on fretting about the inevitable.

[Spirit of the Ocean]

Aww I know exactly how you feel! When my boyfriend went away for 6 months it was awful! The longest we've ever been apart before that was 2 weeks so this was quite a shock to the system.

 

It's natural to have doubts and fears because you dont know what it'll be like right and you're only assuming the worst right now. My SO and I went through the possibilities as well as a "what-if?" scenario. You could break up now if you wanted to but the fact that you both WANT to make it work says something so you should try to be positive!

 

It won't be easy especially at first. Don't get too upset if he seems really busy the first few days - it is a new place for him and he's probably just trying to adjust to new things. Yes you both will be busy but you can find time to talk and just communicate as much as you can. Phone, Skype, MSN, everything, use it! And trust in each other and the relationship! I wasnt able to see my SO for 6 and a half month straight and it was awful! At least you will be able to see each at least once a month? and then it'll be only 4 weeks till the next meeting. Also, try not to sit around and think about him too much - go out and meet friends. It really really helps.

 

10 months may seem like a long time now, but in the grand scheme of things it's not really.

 

Good Luck! I hope things work out for you.