Wicked Child Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I've been having quite an issue lately with my expectations of (some of) my friends. I'm a firm believer in reciprocity and support, and give all my friends unconditional support and whatever I can, whenever they may need it. I'm probably loyal and giving to a fault (that's a Leo female for ya!) and it's really starting to mess with me. I recently had a falling out with a good friend of mine over some stupid stuff that she just refused to see. Basically, our conversation went like this: (really, I had just wanted to vent to my good friend and was hoping for some uplifting words and advice) Me: I've been feeling so crappy lately, and sometimes it just feels like everyone takes advantage of me. Whenever I need someone to talk to, nobody is ever around for me..I take ppl out, and never get anything in return..and ppl don't even invite me places! Her: I don't have money, and you don't invite me out all the time. Me: it's not about that, it's just about being a good friend, and I'm starting to feel like i keep giving and giving and getting nothing. Her: So you're saying I'm not a good friend? Have a nice life then. Me: Look..You sobbed on my kitchen floor last week and told me all your problems like you usually do once a week. when was the last time you even listened to me without talking over me about yourself? I'm just looking for some support, dammit. She then proceeded to point out all the (few) times I didn't invite her out, or said something ignorant to her, and all this petty crap that didn't even pertain to my point.....In short, she was more concerned with herself than anyone else, and after telling her repeatedly that I was just hurt and disappointed that she couldn't even listen to me vent for 10 minutes, she says "Have a nice life, i did nothing wrong." Couple days later, she calls all my friends (which are only her friends because of me...most ppl I know don't like her because she is so self involved and socially inept) spouting some pity party about how "goodbye forever since everyone hates me" Like, I wasnt even mad or yelling at her...I conveyed a simple feeling and I got totally **** on for it...And she's still harassing people a week and a half later!!! I asked her politely to just let it go and move on (like i said, i wasnt mad, just disappointed) and she fires back that "I can talk to whoever I want, they are my friends too..) Mind you this "girl" is effin 30! So after much deliberation, I tell her to go F**K herself if she going to be mad at me for simply expressing how I felt.... So, was I wrong to do that? SHouldn't your friends support you as you support them? And is kicking them to the curb when they don't reciprocate out of the question? I used to think I expected too much of people, but when I actually started thinking about it several months ago, I realized I just kept really sh***y company... I would take a bullet for my friends, and I can't honestly say that some of them would do the same for me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 She's just another drama queen. You can't swing a dead cat (not that I would condone the hurtling of felines) without hitting one. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I would take a bullet for my friends, and I can't honestly say that some of them would do the same for me.... That's the nature of relationships, unfortunately -- some people are just naturally more giving (understanding, comforting, compassionate, forgiving) than others. With this particular friend, it seems that most people realize that she is self-involved and incapable of NOT making everything about her (that is, she's a narcissist), so expecting anything different from her wasn't the wisest thing to do. Such people cannot do 'support' if their lives depended on it. It's not even that you'd be "kicking her to the curb" -- all you're doing is making new assessments, decisions and choices about the type of people you want to have in your inner circle. You're setting boundaries that promote and encourage YOUR well-being. And that is a GOOD thing!!! (So no need at all to feel guilty, as if you're letting HER down, or anything along those lines.) Link to post Share on other sites
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