Need Answers

[Curious Boy]

Ok I am a young boy of 17 years. I'm in my last High School year. One of my friends, called Joe, got a relationship with a kind of strange girl. Her name is Cindy. She was new in the town, before dating him she flirted with almost anybody else at their workplace (they were both working at the same place). After 4 weeks of relationship, Cindy dumped him because she saw a guy (who is a total idiot and ordinairy looking) at the bowling while playing with Joe. The bowling guy wasn't interested in her, so she dated another guy (was a total idiot too) for maybe like 3 weeks. Cyndi was friend of one of my platonic friend. Someday we were walking to Cyndi's appartement and she told me "would you be interested in Cyndi?". My response : "NO!". She was nice and cute but my heart was somewhere else. Not so long after that she leaved the city to get back with her parents in another town. Since we never had any news of Cindy (not a big loss, hehe).

 

What's up with this girl? Why she's acting that way? For what is she looking for?? I don't love her or anything, I'm just curious. I'm the philosopher type and I want to study in psychology. I'm not sastified with the "she's a slut" kind of anwsers. I would simply like to understand how thoses girls think.

 

If anybody has a clue...

[Ajay]

Curious Boy:

 

Since I'm not one of these types of girls, I may be way off base here, but I can share with you the following: (I'm not an advocate of the "slut" theory...)

 

I've had several girlfriends in the past who acted this way. Flirtatious (and not particular about who the guys were), unable to maintain a relationship more than a few weeks (totally unable to commit), and always the dumper (never the dumped).

 

One of these girlfriends was my very best friend and I will share with you my experience with her (we were friends for many years -- I never really understood why she was this way, but I did have a few theories of my own). Later, when she confided in me and told me of her past and why she did the things she did, it was all I could do to comprehend, even after learning the details of her tragic life.

 

First of all, I never understood the guys who were interested in her and why they would try to get involved with her once they realized how she was (I think it was her "unavailability" emotionally that interested them most, as though she were a challenge, something to conquer...)

 

She dug the attention, pure and simple.

 

Later, I learned she had a LOT of emotional problems resulting from being molested as a child, brutally raped in her teens, abandoned by her husband, drugs, alcohol, etc. I tried to understand how her past was affecting her and contributiing to her behavior, and I knew she wanted to love and be loved, but she just couldn't.

 

The last time I saw her (at least ten years ago) was in the parking lot of a Mervyn's store -- it must have been 105 degrees out that day. She told me she was going up to the Mustang Ranch to work. I reached out, held her by the wrist, and pushed her long-sleeved shirt up her arm -- Surprise!!! She was covered in track marks from injecting heroin. (Sorry, I know this is a bummer story, but it's part of my overall comment...)

 

I've also had girlfriends who acted this way, but only for a while. It was like a phase they grew out of. When they found someone they cared for who treated them right, they stopped the "slutty" behavior (and lived happily ever after...)

 

Why do some girls act this way? Who knows? It could be as simple as "going through a phase", just plain being a horndog, or as complex as my friend because of traumatic events in her life.

 

You'll probably get a lot of responses from your posting; I'll be following the input.

 

Ok I am a young boy of 17 years. I'm in my last High School year. One of my friends, called Joe, got a relationship with a kind of strange girl. Her name is Cindy. She was new in the town, before dating him she flirted with almost anybody else at their workplace (they were both working at the same place). After 4 weeks of relationship, Cindy dumped him because she saw a guy (who is a total idiot and ordinairy looking) at the bowling while playing with Joe. The bowling guy wasn't interested in her, so she dated another guy (was a total idiot too) for maybe like 3 weeks. Cyndi was friend of one of my platonic friend. Someday we were walking to Cyndi's appartement and she told me "would you be interested in Cyndi?". My response : "NO!". She was nice and cute but my heart was somewhere else. Not so long after that she leaved the city to get back with her parents in another town. Since we never had any news of Cindy (not a big loss, hehe). What's up with this girl? Why she's acting that way? For what is she looking for?? I don't love her or anything, I'm just curious. I'm the philosopher type and I want to study in psychology. I'm not sastified with the "she's a slut" kind of anwsers. I would simply like to understand how thoses girls think. If anybody has a clue...

[Curious Boy]

That was a very interesting story. It's nice to see that i'm not the only one thinking about this

 

Let's hope that we'll get a lot of responses...

Curious Boy: Since I'm not one of these types of girls, I may be way off base here, but I can share with you the following: (I'm not an advocate of the "slut" theory...) I've had several girlfriends in the past who acted this way. Flirtatious (and not particular about who the guys were), unable to maintain a relationship more than a few weeks (totally unable to commit), and always the dumper (never the dumped).

 

One of these girlfriends was my very best friend and I will share with you my experience with her (we were friends for many years -- I never really understood why she was this way, but I did have a few theories of my own). Later, when she confided in me and told me of her past and why she did the things she did, it was all I could do to comprehend, even after learning the details of her tragic life. First of all, I never understood the guys who were interested in her and why they would try to get involved with her once they realized how she was (I think it was her "unavailability" emotionally that interested them most, as though she were a challenge, something to conquer...)

 

She dug the attention, pure and simple. Later, I learned she had a LOT of emotional problems resulting from being molested as a child, brutally raped in her teens, abandoned by her husband, drugs, alcohol, etc. I tried to understand how her past was affecting her and contributiing to her behavior, and I knew she wanted to love and be loved, but she just couldn't. The last time I saw her (at least ten years ago) was in the parking lot of a Mervyn's store -- it must have been 105 degrees out that day. She told me she was going up to the Mustang Ranch to work. I reached out, held her by the wrist, and pushed her long-sleeved shirt up her arm -- Surprise!!! She was covered in track marks from injecting heroin. (Sorry, I know this is a bummer story, but it's part of my overall comment...)

 

I've also had girlfriends who acted this way, but only for a while. It was like a phase they grew out of. When they found someone they cared for who treated them right, they stopped the "slutty" behavior (and lived happily ever after...) Why do some girls act this way? Who knows? It could be as simple as "going through a phase", just plain being a horndog, or as complex as my friend because of traumatic events in her life. You'll probably get a lot of responses from your posting; I'll be following the input.

[Tony T]

I don't really have any answers for you. My guess is that she is just immature, unstable emotionally, and still very much in her formative years.

 

But I'm really happy you've put your philosophical hat on with regards to young ladies. Please give the subject a great deal of thought.

 

And when you've got them completely figured out, please post your findings here. I promise you a greater place in history than Aristotle or Plato.

[Princess]

Dear Curious Boy,

 

It's so funny that when a guy sleeps around and goes from girl to girl, he's the "MAN" while when a girl has a lot of guy friends, has slept with some, and has probably lead some of them on, she's a slut. Think about it when a guy is doing what Cyndi is doing. You probably wouldn't think much of it. Maybe the guy is insecure or maybe he just likes the attention. Maybe this guy is just really good looking and just gets girls all the time. It's not really a big deal, it's just a guy thing. Well, maybe that's what's going on with Cyndi. I don't think she's trying to hurt anyone, I just think she's just having fun. Maybe she just wants to think of herself as popular with the guys, or maybe she's just insecure. Whatever it is, you will meet other girls like her in your life time, and when you do, don't automatically assume she's just a slut. You wouldn't think that about a guy, would you?

 

Buh-Bye!

 

Princess

[Ajay]

Although I agree with your response (when we ladies behave in this manner -- we are considered sluts; but when the men do it -- they are just boys being boys). I just wanted to point out that this Curious Boy didn't consider this girl to be a slut, he was just curious about her behavior. In fact he specifically stated he didn't want "she's just a slut" responses. He was looking for input from others as to why a girl would behave this way. I think your response is valid input for him to ponder (being the philosopher type and all...)

Dear Curious Boy, It's so funny that when a guy sleeps around and goes from girl to girl, he's the "MAN" while when a girl has a lot of guy friends, has slept with some, and has probably lead some of them on, she's a slut. Think about it when a guy is doing what Cyndi is doing. You probably wouldn't think much of it. Maybe the guy is insecure or maybe he just likes the attention. Maybe this guy is just really good looking and just gets girls all the time. It's not really a big deal, it's just a guy thing. Well, maybe that's what's going on with Cyndi. I don't think she's trying to hurt anyone, I just think she's just having fun. Maybe she just wants to think of herself as popular with the guys, or maybe she's just insecure. Whatever it is, you will meet other girls like her in your life time, and when you do, don't automatically assume she's just a slut. You wouldn't think that about a guy, would you?

 

Buh-Bye! Princess

[Curious Boy]

I NEVER considered her a slut or a rat that needs to be studied. That's why I came here, I wanted answers beside the "she's a whore" that I keep hearing BECAUSE I DON'T THINK SHE IS. I would have liked to HELP HER. I always thought that wanting to understand somebody instead of simply judging was a sign of respect. Like I said, i'm interested in psychology.

 

Sorry if I was unclear... But I am sure that someone in the world understand this. And BTW you are damn right about the guy vs girl discrimination, it's unfair. Also, I don't think it was "I wanna be popular with man" because they were all stupid and ugly (you know the guy that everyone hates in school).

 

Anyway, maybe I shouldn't have posted this. It seems that you're not the only one misinterpreting my post.

Dear Curious Boy, It's so funny that when a guy sleeps around and goes from girl to girl, he's the "MAN" while when a girl has a lot of guy friends, has slept with some, and has probably lead some of them on, she's a slut. Think about it when a guy is doing what Cyndi is doing. You probably wouldn't think much of it. Maybe the guy is insecure or maybe he just likes the attention. Maybe this guy is just really good looking and just gets girls all the time. It's not really a big deal, it's just a guy thing. Well, maybe that's what's going on with Cyndi. I don't think she's trying to hurt anyone, I just think she's just having fun. Maybe she just wants to think of herself as popular with the guys, or maybe she's just insecure. Whatever it is, you will meet other girls like her in your life time, and when you do, don't automatically assume she's just a slut. You wouldn't think that about a guy, would you?

 

Buh-Bye! Princess

[Ajay]

Curious:

 

I think it's great you posted; you had questions, you're getting back input. Maybe not exactly what you were expecting, maybe some confusion, that's okay though. The whole idea behind this forum stuff is to get different opinions, thought, ideas, suggestions, etc. Some people may respond negatively or misinterpret what it was you were asking; however, in most cases we (like you) are only trying to help. Besides just "putting out" a question like that and having it kicked around by the multitudes is sure to relay some good info back to you. Just know with the good you may also get some crap and/or attitude.

 

I think the young lady in question liked the attention, whatever the reasons, and I think it's good you questioned the behavior because you will encounter this again (I'm sure)from others in the future. I've often wondered why men behave in this manner as well and just don't accept the "just trying to score" theory. Maybe I'll get some input on that one... Ajay

I NEVER considered her a slut or a rat that needs to be studied. That's why I came here, I wanted answers beside the "she's a whore" that I keep hearing BECAUSE I DON'T THINK SHE IS. I would have liked to HELP HER. I always thought that wanting to understand somebody instead of simply judging was a sign of respect. Like I said, i'm interested in psychology. Sorry if I was unclear... But I am sure that someone in the world understand this. And BTW you are damn right about the guy vs girl discrimination, it's unfair. Also, I don't think it was "I wanna be popular with man" because they were all stupid and ugly (you know the guy that everyone hates in school). Anyway, maybe I shouldn't have posted this. It seems that you're not the only one misinterpreting my post.

[MA]

hey guys,

 

I think ajay is right, the girl probably was insecure and just wanted attention, but because of some issues in her past maybe she was scared of being hurt. If she was going after the "ugly guys" or whatever then that is probably b/c she knew they wouldn't reject her, they would appreciate the attention and before she could actually start to like them she would go to someone else. I think some people are just scared to fall in love because they know it can end up causing pain and they'd rather not deal with it. Instead getting in and out of situations while they are still in the euphoric stages she never has to deal with the down time or ruts relationships can go through or give the guy time to fall out of love/lust with her. I am definitely an amateur here but that is what I have thought of people who acted this way. It is baffling behaviour and does make you feel like you want to help them, because you want them to realize they don't need to be all over different men to boost their self esteem. This girl probably did have alot of issues in her past and could have probably used a good friend like you, who is concerned about her well being instead of trying to judge her. But, being that she is gone I hope we have atleast help put your mind somewhat at ease about her baffling behavior. Hopefully she will grow out of it or find happiness in one relationship or on her own before she gets hurt or in a bad situation.

Ok I am a young boy of 17 years. I'm in my last High School year. One of my friends, called Joe, got a relationship with a kind of strange girl. Her name is Cindy. She was new in the town, before dating him she flirted with almost anybody else at their workplace (they were both working at the same place). After 4 weeks of relationship, Cindy dumped him because she saw a guy (who is a total idiot and ordinairy looking) at the bowling while playing with Joe. The bowling guy wasn't interested in her, so she dated another guy (was a total idiot too) for maybe like 3 weeks. Cyndi was friend of one of my platonic friend. Someday we were walking to Cyndi's appartement and she told me "would you be interested in Cyndi?". My response : "NO!". She was nice and cute but my heart was somewhere else. Not so long after that she leaved the city to get back with her parents in another town. Since we never had any news of Cindy (not a big loss, hehe). What's up with this girl? Why she's acting that way? For what is she looking for?? I don't love her or anything, I'm just curious. I'm the philosopher type and I want to study in psychology. I'm not sastified with the "she's a slut" kind of anwsers. I would simply like to understand how thoses girls think. If anybody has a clue...

[Ajay]

Way to go Miranda. For an "amateur", your insight and ability to express your thoughts are all pro...

hey guys, I think ajay is right, the girl probably was insecure and just wanted attention, but because of some issues in her past maybe she was scared of being hurt. If she was going after the "ugly guys" or whatever then that is probably b/c she knew they wouldn't reject her, they would appreciate the attention and before she could actually start to like them she would go to someone else. I think some people are just scared to fall in love because they know it can end up causing pain and they'd rather not deal with it. Instead getting in and out of situations while they are still in the euphoric stages she never has to deal with the down time or ruts relationships can go through or give the guy time to fall out of love/lust with her. I am definitely an amateur here but that is what I have thought of people who acted this way. It is baffling behaviour and does make you feel like you want to help them, because you want them to realize they don't need to be all over different men to boost their self esteem. This girl probably did have alot of issues in her past and could have probably used a good friend like you, who is concerned about her well being instead of trying to judge her. But, being that she is gone I hope we have atleast help put your mind somewhat at ease about her baffling behavior. Hopefully she will grow out of it or find happiness in one relationship or on her own before she gets hurt or in a bad situation.

[Curious Boy]

Very good point MA, I really appreciate it, thank you

 

I have a VERY amateur (What do you know about life at 17?) theory, I'll post it later. I also want to thank Ajay for being so supportive! We need more people like you in this individualist world

hey guys, I think ajay is right, the girl probably was insecure and just wanted attention, but because of some issues in her past maybe she was scared of being hurt. If she was going after the "ugly guys" or whatever then that is probably b/c she knew they wouldn't reject her, they would appreciate the attention and before she could actually start to like them she would go to someone else. I think some people are just scared to fall in love because they know it can end up causing pain and they'd rather not deal with it. Instead getting in and out of situations while they are still in the euphoric stages she never has to deal with the down time or ruts relationships can go through or give the guy time to fall out of love/lust with her. I am definitely an amateur here but that is what I have thought of people who acted this way. It is baffling behaviour and does make you feel like you want to help them, because you want them to realize they don't need to be all over different men to boost their self esteem. This girl probably did have alot of issues in her past and could have probably used a good friend like you, who is concerned about her well being instead of trying to judge her. But, being that she is gone I hope we have atleast help put your mind somewhat at ease about her baffling behavior. Hopefully she will grow out of it or find happiness in one relationship or on her own before she gets hurt or in a bad situation.

[Princess]

HEY,

 

Don't be hostile with me. I was just saying what I thought. I didn't say that you thought she was a slut. I said that don't automatically think that girls like her are sluts. I mean, I guessed you were probably pondering something about her being a slut, or you wouldn't address the issue that someone might think she was one. When I said that she wanted to be popular with the guys, I was only thinking about when people define popularity as quantity, not quality (as in the people she dated). I'm not some psychologist, I don't know what really is going on, I'm just suggesting some ideas to why she is acting like that. Just chill man. Don't freak out when some girl sleeps around and especially when some girl tries to help you by posting a message on the forum. I WASN'T ACCUSING YOU. I WAS JUST SUGGESTING SOME IDEAS.

 

Don't freak out again,

 

Princess

[Ajay]

Thank you for the compliment! (I learned to be supportive because when I needed help, there were so many others there to support me -- just paying my debt to society I guess.)

 

MA does make good points doesn't she...

 

Just wanted to say thanks and let you know I'm looking forward to your new post (Very amateur theory) -- betcha' get responses galore. Just remember -- don't take these responses personally or too seriously. We're all here to learn from each other (and to have fun)... Ajay

Very good point MA, I really appreciate it, thank you I have a VERY amateur (What do you know about life at 17?) theory, I'll post it later. I also want to thank Ajay for being so supportive! We need more people like you in this individualist world