bean1 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I wrote a post on here a while back, trying to understand why I was so hungup on getting married, when I couldn't even answer the question "why?". My partner and I have been together for a few years, have a little one, and are very happy. So WHY did I care? (*it hasn't been in the cards because we are moving x the country next summer and I have $20k in student debt, so it isn't realistic right now to spend money on a wedding). Anyways, I found out today that my parents are getting a divorce after 32 years marriage. Now, I am quite happy that my mom has left my dad because she really deserved better (he has become an alcoholic/drug addict). So, even marriage can not save a relationship when one person checks out (and even though my mother has filed, she tried for 15-20 years "better or worse", there is only so much someone can take). So, I think the answer is clear to me. The ring, the cake, the wedding, the stress - who cares???? Maybe my opinion will change in the future, but for now it is clear to me that it is a ceremony that I do not need or want. I am more than happy to be in a loving partnership. His parents never married.. but broke up after 20 years together.. I don't see how their situation was any different from my parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 You've come to a conclusion based on your own personal experience that tends to be getting more and more popular. The tired old phrase, "Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free?" is slowly, but surely, being replaced by, "What will a ceremony or fancy document add to our relationship?"Maybe my opinion will change in the future, but for now it is clear to me that it is a ceremony that I do not need or want. I am more than happy to be in a loving partnership.Congratulations. In my own small way, I consider you enlightened. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Marriage isn't for everyone. The most important aspect of any kind of relationship, is when both individuals are at peace with their decision, accepting responsibility for their part in making it work or not. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 you sound like me, when I was contemplating marriage and wedding ... ended up eloping because I just couldn't deal with the idea of a big production, I just wanted to be legally bound to this man and started on the marriage itself, not having to plan a blowout (even a small wedding still takes on big planning, IMO). my guess is that when the time is right, you and your honey will get there. Meanwhile, just focus on the love! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bean1 Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 All great points, thank everyone. Perhaps one day I'll do a Vegas drive-thru (and then a McD's drive-thru after for the reception). I'm more than happy with that. On the Simpsons, Homer has no money and gives Marge an onion ring instead of an engagement ring because he has no money. I think it's a novel idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 On the Simpsons, Homer has no money and gives Marge an onion ring instead of an engagement ring because he has no money. I think it's a novel idea.I don't watch the show, but I like the idea. At least an onion ring is useful - you can eat it! *urp* Link to post Share on other sites
Author bean1 Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 I don't watch the show, but I like the idea. At least an onion ring is useful - you can eat it! *urp* He ate it right away - the oil was burning her finger. "Marge... pour vous?" (for you?). Romantic, actually. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 His parents never married.. but broke up after 20 years together.. I don't see how their situation was any different from my parents. Legally, your mother is entitled to an equitable distribution of financial assets, assets they both contributed to develop over the years together, one way or another. His mother, probably not entitled to most financial assets. It may not matter, but there is a financial difference. Link to post Share on other sites
chrissylee Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I'm exactly the same way as you are. I really see no point in getting married. It is not going to change anything or guarentee anything in our relationship. I think if we are right for each other and continue to love and support each other we will stay together with or without a piece of paper. Besides I hate weddings so the thought of having to spend a year or more planning one seems like a really horrible thing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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