I am pathetic

[pkn06002]

It is so hard to think about a future without my H. However, I know that I need to do this, for his sake as well as mine and our son.

 

The biggest problem in our M is his need to control me. This is why I strayed, it was one thing he could not control. This is nuts, I know, but I am human. I am trying, really trying, to break his control and I think that with MM, it would be easier. I would have a reason.

 

As for working on it, for the first time in our marriage I was truthful with him about my problems and he seems to be trying. I know that it's unfair to think I am going to work on my M as long as MM is still around. That's why I joined this site, to be able to tell someone how I feel since no one here can know.

 

I would be lying if I didn't reiterate that I love MM and would bail immediately if he asked. But I will break it off and implement a NC rule. I can do that.

 

Of course, I have ill feelings towards MM's wife. I'm jealous. He picked her and broke my heart.

 

As much as it sucks (and it DOES) implement NC.

 

Remember this is not a contest you did not lose and she did not win. Relationships are not that simple.

 

As far as your husband decided if you love him and want a future with him or not. But you cannot make that decision as long as MM is in the picture.

[MistyK]

It is so hard to think about a future without my H. However, I know that I need to do this, for his sake as well as mine and our son.

 

The biggest problem in our M is his need to control me. This is why I strayed, it was one thing he could not control. This is nuts, I know, but I am human. I am trying, really trying, to break his control and I think that with MM, it would be easier. I would have a reason.

 

I know, it's always easier to leave when you feel you have support behind you. Can you get support somewhere else...your friends, family?

 

As for working on it, for the first time in our marriage I was truthful with him about my problems and he seems to be trying. I know that it's unfair to think I am going to work on my M as long as MM is still around. That's why I joined this site, to be able to tell someone how I feel since no one here can know.

 

He's refusing to go to counseling. How is he trying?

 

Secondly, it is both pointless and unfair to try to work on your M as long as MM is still around. Why do you need to put on this show of "trying" to work it out? Who do you need to convince that you have sufficient reason to leave the M?

 

I would be lying if I didn't reiterate that I love MM and would bail immediately if he asked. But I will break it off and implement a NC rule. I can do that.

 

Of course, I have ill feelings towards MM's wife. I'm jealous. He picked her and broke my heart.

 

Again, since you'd be willing to drop H on a dime like that, I think that tells you all you need to know. Is there a reason you want to delay the inevitable?

 

Your feelings about the W are common, but again, please try to remember that his choice is not a reflection on you (as not worth it), and it may not be on her either (as worth saving) - only he knows what his motives are. He made his choice, now you just have to figure out what to do with your life without MM. I consider it a blessing that he's moving so far away so you don't have to be tortured by seeing them together all the time.

[girrlwonder]

I will break it off with MM at first opportunity. As a teacher, I need to do it before the school year begins so that I am not in a dark place when I am supposed to be educating teenagers. This is gonna suck. Thanks for your help.

[girrlwonder]

Again, since you'd be willing to drop H on a dime like that, I think that tells you all you need to know. Is there a reason you want to delay the inevitable?

 

The only reason to delay the inevitable is the hope that maybe I can make myself love him again. That and the fact that I am a wuss.

[MistyK]

The only reason to delay the inevitable is the hope that maybe I can make myself love him again. That and the fact that I am a wuss.

 

Personally, I think the 1st is unlikely, and more importantly, I think you do too.

 

The second isn't a good reason. You wouldn't want someone staying with you just out of fear would you? Being alone is scary, but it isn't the end of the world, and you might even like the freedom that comes with it.

[whichwayisup]

What I find ironic is, there's MM posting and he has gotten SLAMMED by various OW, yet when a MW posts, it's different treatment.

 

Anyway..

 

I should add that my H absolutely refuses to go to couple's couseling

 

Tell him the truth, that you've cheated on him and maybe that will wake up him, and get him to counselling with you. Right now he is clueless as to what's been going on behind his back. You are in the marriage now by default because MM chose his wife over you. How do you think THAT is going to make your husband feel? Instead of being hurt and jealous of your MM's wife, that he picked her, focus on your husband.

[bentnotbroken]

It is so hard to think about a future without my H. However, I know that I need to do this, for his sake as well as mine and our son.

 

The biggest problem in our M is his need to control me. This is why I strayed, it was one thing he could not control. This is nuts, I know, but I am human. I am trying, really trying, to break his control and I think that with MM, it would be easier. I would have a reason.

 

As for working on it, for the first time in our marriage I was truthful with him about my problems and he seems to be trying. I know that it's unfair to think I am going to work on my M as long as MM is still around. That's why I joined this site, to be able to tell someone how I feel since no one here can know.

 

I would be lying if I didn't reiterate that I love MM and would bail immediately if he asked. But I will break it off and implement a NC rule. I can do that.

 

Of course, I have ill feelings towards MM's wife. I'm jealous. He picked her and broke my heart.

 

 

You strayed because you wanted to. No one, no matter what they do to you can make you chose to cheat with someone else. Just divorce and let him live in honesty.

[greengoddess]

It is so hard to think about a future without my H. However, I know that I need to do this, for his sake as well as mine and our son.

 

The biggest problem in our M is his need to control me. This is why I strayed, it was one thing he could not control. This is nuts, I know, but I am human. I am trying, really trying, to break his control and I think that with MM, it would be easier. I would have a reason.

 

As for working on it, for the first time in our marriage I was truthful with him about my problems and he seems to be trying. I know that it's unfair to think I am going to work on my M as long as MM is still around. That's why I joined this site, to be able to tell someone how I feel since no one here can know.

 

I would be lying if I didn't reiterate that I love MM and would bail immediately if he asked. But I will break it off and implement a NC rule. I can do that.

 

Of course, I have ill feelings towards MM's wife. I'm jealous. He picked her and broke my heart.

 

 

Such an odd contradiction of yourself. You feel you are this awesome, educated, career woman and yet you allow yourself to be controlled by your husband and have apparently for a long time. Very odd. Are you sure you are looking at yourself realistically?

[Reggie]

I should add that my H absolutely refuses to go to couple's couseling. Not a snowballs chance in Houston. I can go fix my problems, but he says that he is fine.

 

Counseling would do no good. He is dealing with an active affair participant and an untruthful perrson with little integrity or empathy, don't you agree? What good would a counselor do when you are cheating and lying?

I think your best course of action is to get help for your personality disorder(DBT is said to be the most effective therapy), divorce your spouse asap, and tell him about your affair, so he has some peace of mind about getting away from you.

[girrlwonder]

I joined Love Shack for only one reason, I have absolutely no one to talk to about my problems. I realize that I am in a mess of my own making, that I have not been faithful, and that I am not an example for future generations. I was hoping to find someone to discuss my issues with in a non-threatening manner, however I have been inundated with negativity, of which I have plenty in my life.

 

None of you have walked in my shoes and none of you are perfect yet you feel completely fine with tossing me to the dogs at the first opportunity. None of you know my husband and the unremitting control under which I have lived for 16 years. None of you know the hell it is to be tossed aside without a second thought, yet most of you wish me nothing but ill will.

 

Write what you please, I will not be checking. I can handle this on my own, like I handle everything else.

 

To those of you that tried to help, I appreciate your efforts.

[bentnotbroken]

It never ceases to amaze me that people post on a public forum and when they don't like what is said, they storm off in a huff. It is an opinion board, not a professional counseling session or a hand holding sing-a-long. The advice you like, take it make it work for you. What you don't like, leave it and move on. Anonymous people on a public forum...shesh.

[Trimmer]

The biggest problem in our M is his need to control me. This is why I strayed, it was one thing he could not control.

I'm not questioning that your husband may be a controlling person under whom you've chafed for a long time, but that isn't "why you strayed." You chose that, and I'm not saying that to beat on you, but you won't be able to deal with the situation honestly until you OWN the choices you've made.

 

This is nuts, I know, but I am human. I am trying, really trying, to break his control and I think that with MM, it would be easier. I would have a reason.

You have a reason already. You're just looking for an outside excuse because you don't have the courage. And again, I'm not beating on you, you said it yourself...

 

I know that it's unfair to think I am going to work on my M as long as MM is still around.

"Unfair" is an understatement. You are proposing (really, it sounds like little more than pretending) to rebuild a marriage, a partnership based on trust, knowingly under false pretenses, actively practicing deception? Sorry, that's not "unfair" - it's absurd.

 

Of course, I have ill feelings towards MM's wife. I'm jealous. He picked her and broke my heart.

Then your ill feelings should be directed towards him.

 

None of you have walked in my shoes and none of you are perfect yet you feel completely fine with tossing me to the dogs at the first opportunity. None of you know my husband and the unremitting control under which I have lived for 16 years. None of you know the hell it is to be tossed aside without a second thought...

Why is it you are staying again? 16 years of "unremitting control" and "hell", and you're thinking there's a chance you may regain your love for him? So you're going to "work on it" but under layers of deception and false pretense? And then you'd leave "immediately" if your MM just nodded his head?

 

I don't think you're being honest with yourself or your husband.

 

Write what you please, I will not be checking.

Of course you will.

[pkn06002]

I really have to wonder what some of the BS's really are like in person. Because what I see here no wonder your spouse cheated on you. Talk about a collection of self righteous bullying types, yet you folks want to throw around talk about personality disorders.

 

Interestingly most of you seem to of been here for years. What the misery and pain became so much a part of you that you just cannot move on? The misery and pain is so much a part of you that lashing out is the only way for you to cope?

[GreenEyedLady]

I really have to wonder what some of the BS's really are like in person. Because what I see here no wonder your spouse cheated on you. Talk about a collection of self righteous bullying types, yet you folks want to throw around talk about personality disorders.

 

Interestingly most of you seem to of been here for years. What the misery and pain became so much a part of you that you just cannot move on? The misery and pain is so much a part of you that lashing out is the only way for you to cope?

 

Took the words right out of my mouth...

 

And people wonder why I go off sometimes...

 

Can you imagine the OW lurking, reading here to see if this is a place they can talk openly and get support to find their way? I lurked for 3 months before I joined...

 

I don't think I would have joined with the way the forum is now...

 

I post the way I do so that the people who need help can get it, if they want...

 

All the lectures and rude comments DO NOT BELONG HERE...

 

If you are a BS and you cannot be helpful, STAY IN INFIDELITY!!! YOUR OP is not here! (There are perfectly reasonable and helpful BS's and those are not the ones I am talking about.)

 

GEL

[whichwayisup]

It goes both ways, that's the thing. Certain posters feed off of eachother, both OW and BS. Another thing, lots of people who aren't a BS, OW, MM, MW, OM do reply as well, and sometimes their POV aren't to the tune either.

 

LS is a public forum, that's the thing. Other sites are available which no BS's are allowed to reply to OW/OM.

 

If you are a BS and you cannot be helpful, STAY IN INFIDELITY!!! YOUR OP is not here! (There are perfectly reasonable and helpful BS's and those are not the ones I am talking about.)

 

Same goes in the infidelity section..Yet it happens there. (certain people, not all ofcourse..)

[2sure]

I'd like to say first that I am not a stupid woman. I am realistic, strong, and generally wise.

 

 

.... he is choosing his old, fat, uneducated housewife over me, this hurts my pride to the core. To me there should be no choice, it is obvious.

 

....The biggest problem in our M is his need to control me. This is why I strayed, it was one thing he could not control.

 

OK, look - you are here to talk, and have good reason. You are anonymous, you can be open and honest here. If you really want to get somewhere with any of this ...

 

You have to start with YOU. This has nothing to do with the way MM wife looks. This has nothing to do with your education. This has nothing to do with your H's need to control you except that he has good reason to feel insecure.

 

You are not the victim. You have a problem that is damaging your life, your family, your happiness. it needs to be fixed. But it has to start with you recognizing that this problem is about you.

 

And thats ok.

[fooled once]

I will say I am not a "bitter BS" and I agree with the posters who say this woman's actions ARE pathetic, her mean name calling to the MM's wife ARE uncalled for, this whole "I am better than her" attitude and words are silly and the OP's husband deserves to know the kind of woman he is married to.

 

As for the OP's victim status, yet after telling us all how wonderful she is, doesn't ring true. She tried to turn it around and blame her H for being 'controlling' which is why she cheated. If she was this honorable virtue of wonderful, why not exit the marriage before carrying on with a MM? Why not COME CLEAN during her "3 day talk" with her husband how she was only settling with him because if the MM she was hooking up with decided he wanted her, he would only see her dust because she took off so fast.

 

The OP didn't like her responses and took her toys and went home.

 

One thing you have to learn about forums is don't put it out there if you can't handle VARIOUS views. Some you will like, some you won't.

 

And I get so sick of the "all the mean BS's need to stay out of here" stuff *sigh* It gets VERY old. Not all the meanie's are BS's.

 

As long as posters adhere to TOS, other members don't get to decide who gets to post, HOW they post and where they post.

 

I don't get why the need to coddle people is what should be done. I also don't get how 'we' posters are suppose to respond to a post like this? Tell her how great she is and how stupid that MM is for choosing his WIFE AND FAMILY over her????? How does THAT help her???

 

How about everyone answer the OP's posts instead of telling others how to post, who can post, etc?

[Dexter Morgan]

It is so hard to think about a future without my H. However, I know that I need to do this, for his sake as well as mine and our son.

 

 

No, staying with a man that you don't want to be with is not staying for his sake. For you husband's sake, you would set him free.

[Dexter Morgan]

I really have to wonder what some of the BS's really are like in person. Because what I see here no wonder your spouse cheated on you.

 

nice try cupcake. I think you are seeing the the aftermath of the cheating. but hey, you are one yourself, so I don't expect you to believe that.

[spiraling downward]

Divorce you H and let him be with someone that won't spread their legs for a man who chose his " fat uneducated old wife" over you.

 

why so bitter?

[pkn06002]

nice try cupcake. I think you are seeing the the aftermath of the cheating. but hey, you are one yourself, so I don't expect you to believe that.

 

Oh you mean the bitterness and the inability to actually move on with your life?

 

 

For the record I agree with this from you "No, staying with a man that you don't want to be with is not staying for his sake. For you husband's sake, you would set him free."

[Dexter Morgan]

why so bitter?

 

hes not bitter...he is telling it like it is. She SHOULD divorce her husband and is just using her own words here.

 

she was the one lambasting the MM's wife...I could ask the same...why so bitter towards a woman that is simply married to a man that she is laying down with?

[Dexter Morgan]

Oh you mean the bitterness and the inability to actually move on with your life?

 

 

moved on just fine:) still doesn't mean that one can't despise despicable behavior, and her attitude and behavior are HIGHLY despicable.

[pkn06002]

I will say I am not a "bitter BS" and I agree with the posters who say this woman's actions ARE pathetic, her mean name calling to the MM's wife ARE uncalled for, this whole "I am better than her" attitude and words are silly and the OP's husband deserves to know the kind of woman he is married to.

 

As for the OP's victim status, yet after telling us all how wonderful she is, doesn't ring true. She tried to turn it around and blame her H for being 'controlling' which is why she cheated. If she was this honorable virtue of wonderful, why not exit the marriage before carrying on with a MM? Why not COME CLEAN during her "3 day talk" with her husband how she was only settling with him because if the MM she was hooking up with decided he wanted her, he would only see her dust because she took off so fast.

 

The OP didn't like her responses and took her toys and went home.

 

One thing you have to learn about forums is don't put it out there if you can't handle VARIOUS views. Some you will like, some you won't.

 

And I get so sick of the "all the mean BS's need to stay out of here" stuff *sigh* It gets VERY old. Not all the meanie's are BS's.

 

As long as posters adhere to TOS, other members don't get to decide who gets to post, HOW they post and where they post.

 

I don't get why the need to coddle people is what should be done. I also don't get how 'we' posters are suppose to respond to a post like this? Tell her how great she is and how stupid that MM is for choosing his WIFE AND FAMILY over her????? How does THAT help her???

 

How about everyone answer the OP's posts instead of telling others how to post, who can post, etc?

 

What you call "coddling" is far from it. There are ways to deliver a message that are not of the personal nature that BS's seem to like to do. Tell you what since you seem to disagree with "coddling" so much, I think I will start asking any new BS's why they were such a failure at meeting their spouses needs to the point where their spouse wanted to cheat. That would help a new BS turn their reflection in and help them become a better person don't you think?

 

Answering questions???? Almost every BS that has posted on this thread did nothing but belittle this WS. Sorry a answer never comes in the form of belittling.

 

But I guess a lot of people never listened to their mother when they were told "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything".

[spiraling downward]

And I get so sick of the "all the mean BS's need to stay out of here" stuff *sigh* It gets VERY old. Not all the meanie's are BS's.

 

As long as posters adhere to TOS, other members don't get to decide who gets to post, HOW they post and where they post.

 

I don't get why the need to coddle people is what should be done. I also don't get how 'we' posters are suppose to respond to a post like this? Tell her how great she is and how stupid that MM is for choosing his WIFE AND FAMILY over her????? How does THAT help her???

 

How about everyone answer the OP's posts instead of telling others how to post, who can post, etc?

 

Don't you see a bit of hypocrisy in what you just posted? you are doing the very same thing that you are criticizing others for... telling people how to post. What gives you the moral authority to arbitrate over anything on this forum?