I am pathetic

[NoIDidn't]

I'm not a BS, but as someone who once trashed a BS rather harshly here, I feel I have adequate moral authority to state that the OP strikes me as a wretched person and that her husband would be justified in duct-taping her, boxing her up, and mailing her to Azerbaijan.

 

That anyone would dream of defending her actions is puzzling.

 

Exactly!!!

[NoIDidn't]

Perhaps everyone should quit bashing, period! GEL, How is your bashing BS's any different than BS's bashing OW/OM's?

 

I agree. That's what I meant in a previous post about violating the golden rule to point out that others have done it.

 

Its a GEL specialty. One that some OPs love her for apparently. LOL.

 

I find it hilarious, myself.

[pkn06002]

Its funny how the golden rule goes right out the door when a poster is trying to make a point about others breaking it. :laugh: Reminds me of the part in the movie House Party where the dad tells the cursing kids to watch their f***ing language. LOL

 

This is a public forum.

 

I tire of all this whining about who does and doesn't belong in this forum.

 

Anyway, the OP made her own bed when she came here insulting the one person that has nothing to do with her little saga: his W. She didn't want honest discussion. She just wanted validation. And nothings wrong with that if a person can be honest with themselves and the people that they want this validation from.

 

She wanted validation really??? How do you know that, magic 8 ball?

 

There has already been a very good explanation why she posted what she did. Oh but the insult to BS' is just too much and they must react as a stand in for that spouse.

 

Nice to see you condone people being cowardly internet bullies.

[GreenEyedLady]

Perhaps everyone should quit bashing, period! GEL, How is your bashing BS's any different than BS's bashing OW/OM's?

 

How is it different?

 

Hmmm...I am protective of the posters here. They are my friends. When someone puts them down I take it upon myself to stick up for them. That's what friends do.

 

Perhaps you didn't read my posts at all. This forum has a purpose. It's purpose is support and engage in discussion for those involved with a committed partner. This is the only place where they can often talk and process what is going on in their lives.

 

If they come here and all they get is why did you spread your legs for a MM, you're a whore, etc. etc. do you think they're going to get what they need? Do you think that helps anyone? Does that give anyone a strategy to employ in their life to change things?

 

I don't like to see people kicked when they are down. And being the person I am I can handle all the comments and coming after me that happens. I don't care what people think about me. If I can help one person, I think that's worth it.

 

So Boldjack, you wanna call me out like that, you already know the answer. I NEVER have went to the infidelity forum and bashed a BS. That is their forum to work through their hurt and betrayal. Likewise this is the OW forum and I believe that it should be a mutual truce.

 

How ya like them apples?

 

GEL

[GorillaTheater]

Okay, fair enough Misty and pkn, I can't point out a poster who thought it was a grand idea that she did what she did, but I honestly don't get the defensiveness that pervades this particular board. On other boards around here, behavior reasonably perceived as "bad" gets slammed pretty regularly. Now, that could be bad or good, but judging by the number of times the OP acts like it's the first time it's occurred to them that the behavior could, in fact, be "bad", it would seem that some good comes of it. Perhaps a better perspective, perspective being something that's often initially lacking and presumably the reason they're here in the first place.

 

But maybe you all are much nicer than I am.

[spiraling downward]

I agree. That's what I meant in a previous post about violating the golden rule to point out that others have done it.

 

Its a GEL specialty. One that some OPs love her for apparently. LOL.

 

I find it hilarious, myself.

 

More hypocrisy!!! You agree that everyone should quit bashing and then you jump right in with your 2 cents on GEL... priceless.

[MistyK]

I agree. That's what I meant in a previous post about violating the golden rule to point out that others have done it.

 

Its a GEL specialty. One that some OPs love her for apparently. LOL.

 

I find it hilarious, myself.

 

Great, so we've taken the time to point out 1 OW poster that doesn't shine a crown for every BS that feels the need to come over to this forum and bash the hell out of OW. I can think of at least 5 BS's that come over here just to bash the living daylight out of OW, just for the sheer satisfaction. I find it hilarious that those certain BS's find more enjoyment in kicking the shins of hurting OW's than say - their wonderfully "recovered" M with dear formerly wayward husband. It's like you've won the olympics, find dirt on the medal around your neck (a reminder that your H is a liar and a cheat, but supposedly is otherwise a real prize), and then you go and kick some random homeless guy you see as you leave the arena. Why?

[pkn06002]

Okay, fair enough Misty and pkn, I can't point out a poster who thought it was a grand idea that she did what she did, but I honestly don't get the defensiveness that pervades this particular board. On other boards around here, behavior reasonably perceived as "bad" gets slammed pretty regularly. Now, that could be bad or good, but judging by the number of times the OP acts like it's the first time it's occurred to them that the behavior could, in fact, be "bad", it would seem that some good comes of it. Perhaps a better perspective, perspective being something that's often initially lacking and presumably the reason they're here in the first place.

 

But maybe you all are much nicer than I am.

 

KUDOS for owning up to the fact you cannot support your claim. Not many people do that.

 

There are ways to get your message across without being a anonymous cowardly bully. Example Owl seems to be very good at getting people to listen and think. Where people like Reggie, Dexter etc... do nothing but stir the pot.

 

This forum's subject is WAY DIFFERENT then the others on this board. It is by it's nature a contentious topic way beyond that of the dating/flirting forum.

[NoIDidn't]

No one is defending her having an A, let alone with a MM. No one is saying it;s ok for her to spit fire about the BW. But let's look a reality here....

1)the BW isn't here and isn't going to see that remark.

2) often such remarks are made by OW's because they feel worthless having been jilted by some jerkface MM who didn't deserve them inthe 1st place;

3)there is plenty of time to help her see that her anger at the W is misdirected - in fact one could say exactly that instead of barraging her with nasty posts about how dare she say such dreadful thing and what a terrible person she must be. I mean, you guys are hitting a fly with a hammer here.

 

I disagree. Letting the comment about the BW go because "there's plenty of time" to show her its folly actually just makes a person think that it was okay and condoned.

 

Its not. If she wants to come and say how wonderful she is, but then tears down his W, she's not being honest with herself and thus not going to be honest with anyone else either.

 

Seriously, in the OP alone she said she was staying married but then complained that he was too?!! But she didn't stop there, she had to call his BW old, fat, and uneducated. Hello, she did say that the man was 11 years her senior, that would mean that his W is older than her by most assumptions, right? What kind of sense does that make to a thinking person?

 

The fat and uneducated parts were just there to differentiate between the OP and the BW in an unflattering way. Plain and simple. But it actually said a lot more about the OP that was just as unflattering.

[GorillaTheater]

KUDOS for owning up to the fact you cannot support your claim. Not many people do that.

 

I'm hostile and mean-spirited, but I do try to be honest.

[MistyK]

Okay, fair enough Misty and pkn, I can't point out a poster who thought it was a grand idea that she did what she did, but I honestly don't get the defensiveness that pervades this particular board. On other boards around here, behavior reasonably perceived as "bad" gets slammed pretty regularly. Now, that could be bad or good, but judging by the number of times the OP acts like it's the first time it's occurred to them that the behavior could, in fact, be "bad", it would seem that some good comes of it. Perhaps a better perspective, perspective being something that's often initially lacking and presumably the reason they're here in the first place.

 

But maybe you all are much nicer than I am.

 

Here's the thing that GEL keeps trying to say...this forum was created for people who are knowingly engaged in bad behavior. That's a given. We all know either as WS or OW/OM that we're engaging in bad behavior. It's like an AA meeting - they all know they've done bad things. Yet, you don't see people in AA meeting screaming obscenties and tearing down others, do you? No, the point is to find support to move beyond the bad behavior. Support does NOT = condoning or glorifying bad behavior, it means coming at it with understanding and empathy and trying to help the OP move beyond it.

 

Honestly, with some of the bashing I've recieved here, I've found the opposite effect - it ALMOST makes me wanna engage more just to prove the jerks wrong. Almost. Would it have been too hard for people to point out that there's no reason for the OP to be pissed at the W? To help her see that her anger is just biting her in the butt? Apparently, it was WAY too easy to leap to the defense of someone who isn't even here posting.

[NoIDidn't]

Nice to see you condone people being cowardly internet bullies.

 

I don't condone people being cowardly internet bullies. I can name one on this thread that I feel is one and its not the people that have actually said anything to you.

 

I am willing to bet money that you would never say the things you've said here about your W or about any of the other BWs to their faces. So are you claiming to not be any less cowardly than those you accuse?

[pkn06002]

I disagree. Letting the comment about the BW go because "there's plenty of time" to show her its folly actually just makes a person think that it was okay and condoned.

 

 

It does???

 

How about those comments about the wife are unimportant to the big picture. I will contend the OP is just letting off steam about her situation caused by the hurt of the affair coming to a close.

 

What only BS get to vent their frustrations? Only BS's get to say unfaltering things about the everyone involved?

 

Remember public forum anything and everything is fair game.

[NoIDidn't]

Great, so we've taken the time to point out 1 OW poster that doesn't shine a crown for every BS that feels the need to come over to this forum and bash the hell out of OW. I can think of at least 5 BS's that come over here just to bash the living daylight out of OW, just for the sheer satisfaction. I find it hilarious that those certain BS's find more enjoyment in kicking the shins of hurting OW's than say - their wonderfully "recovered" M with dear formerly wayward husband. It's like you've won the olympics, find dirt on the medal around your neck (a reminder that your H is a liar and a cheat, but supposedly is otherwise a real prize), and then you go and kick some random homeless guy you see as you leave the arena. Why?

 

I honestly don't understand what you are trying to say. Honestly. But I will add my two cents.

 

GEL regularly attacks the BS posters that come to this forum. Regularly. I'm just stating the facts, ma'am. Even when they weren't attacking anyone. But I like GEL. And feel comfortable pointing this out knowing that she will defend herself because that's just the way she is, right or wrong.

 

Regarding the BSs that you feel do that, report them. Plain and simple. You'd be surprised at the difference of reporting problematic posters. They start disappearing for stretches at a time, or ultimately permanently.

 

But to purport the OPs in this forum with a random homeless man doesn't exactly paint a positive picture of them. LOL. Are the OPs here destitute victims who were just in the wrong place at the wrong time? I think not. Most are exactly where they want to be, just not getting what they want out of the deal all of the time.

[pkn06002]

I don't condone people being cowardly internet bullies. I can name one on this thread that I feel is one and its not the people that have actually said anything to you.

 

I am willing to bet money that you would never say the things you've said here about your W or about any of the other BWs to their faces. So are you claiming to not be any less cowardly than those you accuse?

 

Oh you would be wrong on that second part.

 

Add that I don't engage in attacking people and making it personal, unlike some people seem incapable of doing. (well I did with Dexter one day, but that was long in coming) I try to give advice and support and will evenly call out people, but in a constructive manor.

[NoIDidn't]

Apparently, it was WAY too easy to leap to the defense of someone who isn't even here posting.

 

 

Actually, yes, that's true. Its human nature to defend the person that isn't around to mount their own defense.

 

Its an interesting phenomenon, to be honest. Seeing how MM are villified by all and very few come to their rescue. Probably because almost everyone agrees that the things posted about them show off their less than admirable traits.

 

Maybe one of the psychologist posters can explain this better that I can.

[MistyK]

.

 

But to purport the OPs in this forum with a random homeless man doesn't exactly paint a positive picture of them. LOL. Are the OPs here destitute victims who were just in the wrong place at the wrong time? I think not. Most are exactly where they want to be, just not getting what they want out of the deal all of the time.

 

It isn't about volition or guilt or responsibility - my point is someone is hurting, and we needn't kick them when they're down regardless of how they got there.

 

Being a OW isn't fun. It's incredibly painful, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Arguably the only thing that's close to being in the same arena is being a BS, (but let me not open the floodgates for everyone to say how much worse it is to be a BS and the OW chooses her position - blah blah.) Bottom line is it isn't glamourous, and it isn't fun, and I never said it was.

 

I haven't seen GEL in pit-bull mode, but I have seen her try to defend OW that are getting vicious attacks from BS's. And unfortunately, this forum seems to need that defense sometimes....

[boldjack]

Well Greenie, I like em just fine:) While I can applaud your self-appointed stance as defender of the Ow's. The question I have is, where does "support", end, and "enabling", begin? As a former OM, I have never deluded myself that there was any GOOD excuse for my infidelities. There have been many excuses, just no good ones. The Ow's/Om's who come here seeking honest answers, will usually receive them. They may have to sort through the trash-talk, but the answers are there. Those OW's/OM's who are looking for validation, or come to spout their venom against the MM or BS, will usually find short rations. I believe in giving straight, direct answers, but I'm usually courteous. All posters should do the same. You, me , everybody.

[GreenEyedLady]

Well Greenie, I like em just fine:) While I can applaud your self-appointed stance as defender of the Ow's. The question I have is, where does "support", end, and "enabling", begin? As a former OM, I have never deluded myself that there was any GOOD excuse for my infidelities. There have been many excuses, just no good ones. The Ow's/Om's who come here seeking honest answers, will usually receive them. They may have to sort through the trash-talk, but the answers are there. Those OW's/OM's who are looking for validation, or come to spout their venom against the MM or BS, will usually find short rations. I believe in giving straight, direct answers, but I'm usually courteous. All posters should do the same. You, me , everybody.

 

BJ, have you not read my posts? I don't enable posters. I do however believe that they have to be ready to make a choice. I try to help people figure out what they want and really see what's happening. That usually doesn't happen in a couple of pages on one thread. It's a process.

 

But how many times have I seen people called a whore? Or why are you spreading your legs or you're just a booty call? People can be direct without being mean. And on most of the MW threads, people are just plain mean. And I'm not talking about everyone, but you know what I mean, you can read.

 

And there is so much venom by the BS toward the OW, but what about how the OW feels? If she can get it out, she can see who the anger is really directed at, she can make decisions that will be best for her. But if she can't even do that, how can she ever move forward?

 

This is the OW forum, I can't believe anyone would be surprised that an OW said something unflattering about a BS. Wasn't it just yesterday that someone said that OW were uglier and less successful than the BS? Gamine even came after me on that one but they locked it before I could respond. I don't think anyone here wants to give any OW any credit, in anything.

 

I am actually glad that in real life most people I have encountered are more forgiving than most on this forum. If it was up to some people here, we'd all be branded with a scarlet letter for the duration of our lives as if that is what defines us.

 

GEL

[boldjack]

You apparently have not read my posts either. I never "brand", anybody.

[pkn06002]

See here is the problem boldjack, all that "trash-talk" you have to sort through becomes the focus. I know when I first came to sites like this all that venom and trash-talk is what I focused on. Because I was already in pain and it felt like people piling on and so I lashed out. Until I left all sites for several months and worked through things on my own and just lurked at sites was I able to return.

 

Where if I could've honestly posted and gotten valid feedback without the venom and trash-talk my personal recover would've been shorter.

 

But some people don't seem to get that point.

 

For all the talk of empathy and understanding you don't get a lot of that from some posters. Funny part is they will be the ones that talk about empathy and understanding the most. But it only seems to apply to their side of the fence and how they view the world.

[GreenEyedLady]

You apparently have not read my posts either. I never "brand", anybody.

 

I didn't mean you, personally.

 

I meant it as a general statement.

[boldjack]

Sokay, Greenie, I didn't take it personally. BTW, I love your screen name.

[Dexter Morgan]

How is YOUR attitude any better?

 

well to my knowledge, I haven't screwed someone elses spouse then held a narcissistic view, and then slammed the betrayed spouse.

 

 

Children fire of half-cocked rants to stangers (posters), and adults think before they speak and keep thoughts away from those that those thoughts would hurt (in this case, the BW).

 

LMFAO....funny how you rail against words on an internet forum, but hurting people with ACTION in real life is much more tolerable.....go figure.

 

 

And I don't see you over there defending OW when BS call them wh*res

 

uh.....why would I?

 

 

even if they didn't know that the MM was M. Get off it.

 

now there is where you are wrong. ......"Get off it"...LOL

[Dexter Morgan]

Try actually helping to move people away from affairs in a constructive manor.

 

I did. I told her she can divorce her husband. That way when she is divorced, she will no longer be in an affair.

 

 

Maybe you will actually heal and move past the need for a site like this. Or you can stay addicted to the need to be a anonymous internet coward and bully people that need sound advice and guidance to move past their affair or cheating spouse.

 

sound advice to this OP?? your kidding right? we are talking about someone that will go on holding her husband hostage in the marriage....yet all the while knowing she'll leave at the drop of a hat if the OM says "lets go".

 

she is looking for advice, the way I see it, on how to carry on a facade to stay married for the wrong reasons. cuz she certainly doesn't want to be married to H because she loves him or because she wants him.

 

its all about the most comfortable situation.