I am pathetic

[Mr. Lucky]

....at least the WS knows why the BS is pissed: b/c they were betrayed..the BS meanwhile usually has no clue their WS is pissed/lonely/depressed/neglected etc to the point they have left the marriage since the WS forgot to mention they were banging the OP.

 

I do hope you are able to look within yourself to discover what is is that was/is missing in YOU that led YOU to make a terrible choice ...maybe you can ask your MC if he/she believes that might be helpful for you?

Couldn't agree more. The demise of a marraige and cheating are not necessarily linked events. Many go through the former without choosing the latter...

 

Mr. Lucky

[GreenEyedLady]

Tis true, not all MM tear down their wife.

 

This is true in my case as well. We never talked about her at all.

 

She wasn't part of our equation.

 

GEL

[GreenEyedLady]

The last 4 MM who tried to "test" me, did the opposite.

 

Men recognise that insecure and vulnerable women compete inordinately for men's attention. If a MM intersested in an A spots an opportunity and rightly or wrongly, perceives any vulnerability, he will dig the hole (using either approach) and get the OW to jump in.

 

Wow...

 

I guess you're giving off that vibe if you have THAT many MM pursuing you.

 

GEL

[MistyK]

I call B.S. Show me ONE post that has that tone. 1.

 

And I find it EXTREMELY amusing that NO ONE has ever accused me of such within a BS thread. Had I stepped over bounds (which you BS's would undoubtedly be all too happy to point out to me) I would have happily apologized and stepped out. Yet now, 200 miles away you claim to hear a tree falling in the woods....

[MistyK]

Lagazelle, a wonderful post...I wish more OW had that kind of insight and maturity.

 

 

Your sense of superiority never fails to both amuse and astound.

[Mr. Lucky]

I call B.S. Show me ONE post that has that tone. 1.

How about this one from the locked "Trading Down" thread?:

 

Apparently you do take sloppy seconds, because you took your cheating H back.

 

Mr. Lucky

[Reggie]

How about this one from the locked "Trading Down" thread?:

 

 

 

Mr. Lucky

Yikes. Good researching.

[MistyK]

How about this one from the locked "Trading Down" thread?:

 

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Try again - I was responding to a direct attack on me. I did not attack some poor unwitting BS. Try again.

[Reggie]

Well you finally showed up in this thread then want to make it personal with me?

 

No one or no thing can make someone cheat?? That is your premise huh? Well you cannot make anyone do anything in reality. Like making BS's act civil to people they do not agree with. Or getting a BS to own up to their own faults instead of justifying their behavior by comparing it to other people. So yes cheating is a choice, so what.

 

(Now lets go to the personal part of your post)

 

Problem solving skills?

I am not a two time loser in picking a spouse, so you want to compare problem solving skills?

 

Lack of character? Unless you have NO flaws, you can make no claim to that.

 

Integrity??? I can give you that one. But then again my moto is "what is mine is mine and what is yours can be mine if taken correctly." I don't live in the fairy tail world you seem to think exists.

 

What is funny about your analysis about my wife and me, is your wrong. Oh and how do I know your wrong a trained professional (our MC) agreed with me. So seems your analytical skills are not as sharp as you claim.

 

Tell me how did you get such and inflated view of you yourself? Is that maybe the your main flaw that got your two wifes to chose to cheat on you.

 

 

I just think until you stop running from taking responsibility for cheating on your family, you will remain messed up. It's cowardly and self defeating. The issues in your marriage made you unhappy. So what? Why cheat?

And, the attitude that you have the right to take what belongs to others is deplorable and without honor. Is there any question that this attitude is sociopahtic? If I drop my wallet, would you keep it?

[Mr. Lucky]

Try again - I was responding to a direct attack on me. I did not attack some poor unwitting BS. Try again.

 

Here's what was intially said:

 

Misty, honestly, this is very rich coming from you. Perhaps the statement above would make sense coming from you, if you substituted "someone" with "OW", because some of the posts from you to BWs in despair seem to serve no other purpose than to be callous. It seems as though, not content with just kicking BWs when they're down, you stomp all over them.

 

And you responded:

 

I call B.S. Show me ONE post that has that tone. 1.

 

And in 30 seconds of research, I found:

 

Apparently you do take sloppy seconds, because you took your cheating H back.

 

Perhaps I'm wrong but, regardless of your motivation, that does strike me as a "callous" stomping of a BW and consistent with how you portray BS's. Your implication is clear for any BS that attempts to reconcile with a WS...

 

Mr. Lucky

[jj33]

That is the example that came off the top of my head, since I am a bit to lazy today to go back through some old posts to dig up more:o forgive me, I don't want to spend my day digging through the archives. There have been tips. Not that I remember from the long term AP here, but certainly it has happened. :oAnd ideally I would like for it to never happen, but we don't live in an ideal world do we?

 

I hear you bent and Im sure there have been tips in the past.

 

I guess I see it differently in that this is an open forum, it is for whoever wants to post and it is about support for the OW/OM. And if they are seeking support on how to cope and continue that is their right.

 

That is the point of the forum to seek support for their role in the relationship. Its not about "rehabilitation". Or that didnt seem to be the point of it when it was created. But it seems to have become that now.

 

Too bad we dont live in an ideal world

[foreal]

Your sense of superiority never fails to both amuse and astound.

 

I want OW (and all women) to respect themselves. I want all women to be mature and insightful. These qualities and skills prevent them from being taken advantage of by people in general, and for OW, by MM in particular.

 

Would you prefer OW remain delegated to the sneaking around, the hotels, after work, bed where pictures of the Wife and kids are in the room, when- I'm- ready- honey- I'll- call- you- for- a- good- time- but right- now the-wife-and-I-are-going- on- vacation- so- i-- can't- talk- to- you- for- awhile status?

 

I would think you'd want better for women in general than that...

 

but then again,

 

my 'sense of superiority' (some would call it 'respect for myself and OW) may be clouding my view and perhaps it really IS better to be delegated to the sneaking around, the hotels, after work, bed where pictures of the Wife and kids are in the room, when- I'm- ready- honey- I'll- call- you- for- a- good- time- but right- now the-wife-and-I-are-going- on- vacation- so- i-- can't- talk- to- you- for- awhile status.

 

geesh.

[jj33]

foreal you may not like it but if someone wants to be in an affair that is their choice.

 

Again this is not the rehabilitation board for wayward women.

 

You may "want more" for people but if they are not posting for help, preaching to them isnt responsive to their requests for advice.

[NoIDidn't]

This is true in my case as well. We never talked about her at all.

 

She wasn't part of our equation.

 

GEL

 

In all fairness, she wasn't a part of your equation because he forgot to tell you he was married for what, a year.

 

I can honestly say, though, that even when you found out that he was married, you never said much negative about his W, other than the fact that you didn't think she made him feel appreciated.

 

But, of course you didn't talk about what you didn't know existed for a period.

[NoIDidn't]

Wow...

 

I guess you're giving off that vibe if you have THAT many MM pursuing you.

 

GEL

 

This was weak as an attempt at a dig. LOL. MM approach several women before they find one that bites. Heck, men in general approach several women before they find one that bites.

 

She might be giving off a vibe. Or, she might just be a very attractive woman.

 

Geeez

[MistyK]

H

And in 30 seconds of research, I found:

 

 

 

Perhaps I'm wrong but, regardless of your motivation, that does strike me as a "callous" stomping of a BW and consistent with how you portray BS's. Your implication is clear for any BS that attempts to reconcile with a WS...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

You are wrong. That's totally out of context. The BS was implying she's better than me because she "doesn't take seconds, etc" She also said some nasty things to me that you've convieniently ignored. STILL B.S. And obviously you can't find anything else to support your claim so you've proven my point.

[pkn06002]

I don't think that pkn really cares. His story changes from one minute to the next like he thinks that we are one of his OW. First, its his W is horrible to him. Then he admits that cheating is like any other hobby to him.

 

Apparently, pkn cheats because he wants to and he sees nothing wrong with it. He throws in gratuitous attacks on his W to try to make it seem like his life is to be pitied. But that only works on vulnerable people looking to rescue someone from a life that they think is worse than their own.

 

Why bother?

 

You guys think I care what your opinion of me is?? LOL!!!! (oh I snorted)

 

Sorry my story has been consistent, the hobby comment you just don't get.

 

Just more pathetic bitter folks that have not just moved on in their lives, how sad.

[pkn06002]

I just think until you stop running from taking responsibility for cheating on your family, you will remain messed up. It's cowardly and self defeating. The issues in your marriage made you unhappy. So what? Why cheat?

And, the attitude that you have the right to take what belongs to others is deplorable and without honor. Is there any question that this attitude is sociopahtic? If I drop my wallet, would you keep it?

 

Messed up in who's opinion??? Why cheat because it was an easy escape, but you would not understand and you chose not to bother learning. So why discuss this with you, it is a waste of time.

 

Without honor what is this the 15th century? What want to have a sword duel to see who is the real man?

 

If you drop your wallet would I keep it, nope.

 

When I was single I used to make a habit of stealing away woman from guys like you, because it is easy. Because in general your lazy and unresponsive to their needs. They become vulnerable and just being nice takes them away from folks like you. Then they became my girlfriend and no one could steal them away from me, because I meet their needs. Seems you could learn from someone like me, but then again your too good for that arn't you, even though I can keep a woman happy and at home.

[pkn06002]

You admitted in a previous post just a little while ago that cheating is as choice made by a WS.

 

There is nothing anyone can do to stop them if a WS choses to cheat surely you know this. Yes, a BS may contribute to the marital problems. Yes there may be changes a BS needs to make to improve the marriage. BUT nothing forces someone to cheat as a coping mechanism.

 

There are many ways for a WS to deal with any harm they have felt, cheating is not a given nor is it the only option.

 

AND I have never said that one person in pain has license to harm another person in pain. Are you always in fighting mode? In my post regarding this OP I said she was clearly in pain and needed help and that I hope she gets help. Are all BS the same to you?

 

Am I always in fighting mode, oh no. Look at other posts I make to both WS and BS I generally try to give support, opinion and advice all in a constructive manor. But a thread like this where BS's (and supports) feel they have the right to do as they please and try to justify it, oh that puts me in a fighting mode.

 

Tell me all the ways a WS could chose other than cheating?? Oh what talking? Been there done that did no good, same from my AP. Oh divorce? Yes willingly through away my comfortable life that I have built, yeah whatever. What else suggestions do you have???

 

Are all BS's the same to me, humm that is a good question. Short answer no but that no has to be earned. There are a few BS's I respect that I have had it out with there the best example being Owl. But in general BS's like WS's follow a standard script so I in general respond to them the same.

[PhoenixRise]

Am I always in fighting mode, oh no. Look at other posts I make to both WS and BS I generally try to give support, opinion and advice all in a constructive manor. But a thread like this where BS's (and supports) feel they have the right to do as they please and try to justify it, oh that puts me in a fighting mode.

 

 

 

Tell me all the ways a WS could chose other than cheating?? Oh what talking? Been there done that did no good, same from my AP. Oh divorce? Yes willingly through away my comfortable life that I have built, yeah whatever. What else suggestions do you have???

 

It is clear to me that you are aware of the other paths that could have been taken, including talking, MC, Spiritual counseling (if you are into that), open marriage and yes divorce. So You chose not to divorce. OK. Fine. But it IS your choice. Nobody is forcing you to stay married. Nobody has forced you to cheat. It is your choice. You are OK with it? Fine. But you chose.

 

Are all BS's the same to me, humm that is a good question. Short answer no but that no has to be earned. There are a few BS's I respect that I have had it out with there the best example being Owl. But in general BS's like WS's follow a standard script so I in general respond to them the same.

 

OK because when you initially responded to one of my posts you seemed to be in fighting mode even though my posts have been pretty even tempered generally and in this thread, supportive. Now that I know that my status as a BS is what you respond to and NOT what I have actually posted (even though you quoted me) it makes things clear.

 

Just doing my bit to stick to the script here.

[Gamine]

Oh but that is always glossed over and ignored, the focus is always on the cheating. And the failures of the cheater and their AP.

 

But guess what those issues that lead to the demise are the focus for the WS and why they cheat. So I think the whole notion of making a new BS reflect on their failings would be beneficial don't you? Who cares about their current pain because until those issues are addressed the current pain means nothing since nothing will change.

 

That seems to be the BS's way of wanting to deal with WS/OW/OM, focus on the problems not the pain. Helping them through the pain is "coddling". So maybe it is time to do the same to new BS's.

 

Wonder how those threads would go.

 

 

Now this really cracks me up. What problems? Self induced conflict that one voluntarily invites into their own life KNOWING the probability of an outcome could hardly be construed as a problem. Someone driving on crystal meth careening out of control and smashing into someone's home shouldn't cry over the damage to their car... or for that matter blame the homeowner for building their house where the did.

 

It doesn't take exceptional intelligence, good looks, a great personality, success, sex appeal, a good sense of style, or character to lie, cheat or steal. It is what it is.

 

Some cheaters obviously decide to engage in cheating as a lifestyle for personal reasons. Perhaps it is their need for variety or perhaps they enjoy just being 'bad' and find excitement in the deceit. Whatever the case may be, these desires can hardly be pinned on their spouse as a 'failure' or shortcoming. Unless, of course, it is believed that the spouse is the parent and the WS the poor misguided child poorly in need of a guidance counselor.

 

Cheating doesn't require any particularly fantastic qualities. A BS could be a WS in a nanosecond if they too decided to take up on the many offers they receive to cheat. Not everyone needs or wants multiple sex partners and frankly not everyone chooses to destroy their lives, by choice. What pity do I deserve as a BS? None. What pity do I deserve for honoring my marriage vow? Precisely none.

 

Anyone can do what you do if it is within their character to do so. And as for your stabs at Reggie, my money is on him.

[jj33]

This was weak as an attempt at a dig. LOL. MM approach several women before they find one that bites. Heck, men in general approach several women before they find one that bites.

 

She might be giving off a vibe. Or, she might just be a very attractive woman.

 

Geeez

 

Yes but they have a radar for those that they think will bite. And based on "that posters" posts, she's all talk and desparate for attention (in the most ladylike way of course unlike us trailer trash OWs) so its not surprising.

[SidLyon]

I call B.S. Show me ONE post that has that tone. 1.

 

Hmm I said in another post last week that you were being insulting and you responded by calling me "bitter and venomous". But no I can't show you the post because it got deleted for being offensive.

 

Somebody else said in another thread that your comments about your MMs wife showed callous cruelty (or some such words).

 

Personally I find many of your comments to be particularly offensive. Even more so than the "spread your legs" type of comments that some of the presumably male posters like to direct at the OW - I don't really like these sorts of comment either.

 

Perhaps I see a level of spite and viciousness that I don't see in the posts of many of the male and BW posters.

 

S

[MistyK]

Hmm I said in another post last week that you were being insulting and you responded by calling me "bitter and venomous". But no I can't show you the post because it got deleted for being offensive.

 

Somebody else said in another thread that your comments about your MMs wife showed callous cruelty (or some such words).

 

Personally I find many of your comments to be particularly offensive. Even more so than the "spread your legs" type of comments that some of the presumably male posters like to direct at the OW - I don't really like these sorts of comment either.

 

Perhaps I see a level of spite and viciousness that I don't see in the posts of many of the male and BW posters.

 

S

 

Sid, When you were posting awhile ago, I think even you can acknowledge I was nice and supportive. For whatever reason, you decided to attack me in a more recent thread and yes, I responded with the kind of anger one does when one gets attack. Your posts got deleted because YOU were out of line.

 

Why is NO ONE complaining if the grand majority of my posts are so offensive? You attack me, you open the door to an angry response, otherwise, I know I have been doing my best to be kind and helpful. The ONLY time I get a teeny bit nasty is when particularly nasty BS's try to dogpile me.

 

But now that I've become a whipping boy for a few particular BS's (maybe my situation hits wee bit close to home?) I can see that there's whole lot of lies going to spread around about what I posted or didn't post. The proof is in the pudding - check my history and the context therein.

[jj33]

Wow this is really constructive. Why is it so hard for some people to see others being given empathy.

 

Living with the thought that your spouse cheated even if it was in the distant past seems to sting even years later so much so that the thought that anyone could empathise with "junk food" is just too galling to stand by and watch...

 

Junk food. So much more subtle than some of the other more blatant insults.