Crimson Tide Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Hi everyone! I have a question. Is it really impossible for a woman and a man to be JUST friends?? Give it to me, people! I need some insights on this matter! TIA. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 no it's not impossible. if both people know where they stand with the other and the boundary is respected - it's highly possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 The only male friends I have at one point or another one of us were interested in the other. Now it's more of a brother/sister type thing. In a good way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Crimson Tide Posted July 29, 2009 Author Share Posted July 29, 2009 Seems to me it is impossible. Guys want to have a relationship with me. I am always honest with them in that I tell them I am not interested to be more than JUST friends. I like hanging out with guys but I can't find one that will only want to be friends with me. Link to post Share on other sites
nobody's girl Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Totally possible. My two best friends are guys and I often refer to them as my brothers from other mothers. I've seen both of them through divorces and even though I was single both times, there was never any desire on either part to go beyond friends. One is now engaged and getting married to a great girl next year and I get to be best man at the wedding. Have I wondered about it? Absolutely. Have they? Probably. But the last thing any of us want is to lose a great friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Charles1978 Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 there was never any desire on either part to go beyond friends. That's the requirement. If there is interest on either side, it will be a strained friendship. I have no problem being friends with girls I am not interested in. But the ones I am interested in, I do eventually have problems with. I just went through this situation for over a year with a girl. But now we are dating and in love... go figure. I always had interest in her, on and off. And she was never interested on that level until she had a realization that we belonged together. It probably didn't hurt that I moved on and started dating a beautiful girl, but she claims she came to the realization well before I started dating this girl, but didn't know how to express it to me. She thought I had moved on. But long story short... it is possible, but there really can't be any desire for any length of time on either side. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 It depends on what you are talking about as far as time. Is this within the first few days/weeks of meeting the guys? Because I can tell you with complete honesty, I never introduce myself to a girl with the sole intention of being her friend. The friends thing just sort of happens over the years as feelings fade. Because most of my best female friends, I've had feelings for over the years or they've had feelings for me. Either way, it was mismatched. However, we ended up friends because over time we realize that while the romantic feelings aren't there, we generally care about the other person and we get along famously. But in over 95% of my cases, if that girl isn't interested in a relationship, I usually don't see her again. It's only the rare ones that make it into friends and it's taken a good amount of time for me or her to finally fade the initial feelings. For a guy and girl to first meet with the sole intention of being only friends, I feel is impossible. Friends in the long run? Absolutely. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Is it really impossible for a woman and a man to be JUST friends?? Absolutely not. Get married and find out Link to post Share on other sites
berry_oh Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 HAHAHA I love Carhill's response. Reminds me of When Harry Met Sally Well what I think is that it is possible for girls and guys to be just friends, it's usually when they get really close when things starts to get complicated. I have some good girl friends who do turn to me for help and I usually come through for them, and likewise I do turn to some girls when I need help, but we only talk and occasionally hang out. In short, we stay good friends, but not to the level of best friends. I personally believe that when a guy and girl start to become best friends and become too emotionally attached to each other, that's when problems occur. Of course there's exceptions, some people can be very close but also see that they're only good as friends and nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 I think there was only one time in my life when I had a female 'best friend' and that was a period when I was still a virgin and completely infatuated with someone else. I honestly never thought about her sexually, even though we were super close emotionally and did a lot of stuff together. Today, no way. Get that close emotionally and I want the whole enchilada. Straight up Link to post Share on other sites
Charles1978 Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 IToday, no way. Get that close emotionally and I want the whole enchilada. Straight up Yep, good point. That's what happened in my situation... we basically became best friends, which ultimately led to us becoming pretty emotionally involved. It just took her longer to want more. Ironically, she got there as I was fading out of my feelings for her in that way. I had honestly moved on and the feelings were gone. But when I saw her spill her heart out to me, crying, etc... I was right back and focused on her again. It's funny how these situations work out sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
berry_oh Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 i guess it all comes down to our stage in life too. Like with you Carhill, back in high school I wouldn't mind being very close to other girls, but I also wasn't really looking for a relationship, or not the kind of relationship you would look for when you're older. Now a days, if I got very close, emotionally and even physically with someone, it would be because I want to start something out of it. With my still close female friends, I am close, but there is certain distance I would keep from them, or there's a limit that I'd take our friendship. Mainly so I wouldn't start liking them and also so I don't accidentally lead the other person on. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 i guess it all comes down to our stage in life too LOL, yeah, it's nice being 50 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Crimson Tide Posted July 30, 2009 Author Share Posted July 30, 2009 Not when it's still early in the friendship. Even after almost a year, it's been difficult. I have had guyfriends that I can be friends with but in the end, they wanted more. Some want to be friends with benefits, some want a relationship. I want to be friends without our friendship being awkward. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I want to be friends without our friendship being awkward. Don't we all. Just like with a romantic relationship, it takes two to make a healthy cross-gender friendship work. Prior to my marriage deteriorating, I made and had numerous female friends, both casual and more 'serious' and had no problems with that because I had a healthy primary emotional/sexual relationship. I trust it would be the same again in the future. Save for that, unless a woman remains emotionally distant, for me, there's no way I won't be attracted and want the 'whole enchilada' if she's even the least bit attractive to me and available. Heck, I'm fighting that impetus with some who aren't available. What a journey. As long as your friendship with a man remains focused on shared interests, philosophies, and more superficial parts of life, and neither you nor he make attempts at serious flirtation, you should be able to develop a healthy friendship. However, if you're looking for a girlfriend with a penis (intimacy without sex), I can say with some authority that you'll be ultimately disappointed. The reverse corollary would be if you were a man's sexual 'friend' and he gave you no emotional intimacy. Is that the kind of friendship you think is healthy? Men express their emotions through sex. Word Link to post Share on other sites
photon Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Hi! If i were ten years younger i would have said no. But as i grow older (now 36.) i get attracted by womens for different reasons than when i was younger. But i suppose it differs from person to person. Not a matter of being more mature or wise. It‘s a personnality thing. Of course, it‘s just an opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Crimson Tide Posted July 31, 2009 Author Share Posted July 31, 2009 As long as your friendship with a man remains focused on shared interests, philosophies, and more superficial parts of life, and neither you nor he make attempts at serious flirtation, you should be able to develop a healthy friendship. However, if you're looking for a girlfriend with a penis (intimacy without sex), I can say with some authority that you'll be ultimately disappointed. The reverse corollary would be if you were a man's sexual 'friend' and he gave you no emotional intimacy. Is that the kind of friendship you think is healthy? Men express their emotions through sex. Word I can see that. That's what I would like to avoid. Some of them would make sexual comments, thinking I would find them funny. After a while, it gets too much for me. Why oh why can't girls and guys be friends without having any sexual interest? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Imagine one guy (I know you've known one in your life) whom you were hot for and there was no way he could not just be a friend but yet he had no interest in you. Say he was gay, a family member, plain not interested or just unavailable. Imagine having a healthy friendship with him with all that sexual stuff on your plate. For most men (and it varies), that's how it is will all women. It's how our brains are wired. It's what's kept the human species going throughout time. If we sat around being 'friends' with women, no babies would get made. In my 50 years here, I've yet to see one woman pursue me to make a baby. Ain't gonna happen. So, if you want a healthy intimate non-sexual friendship with a man, pick a homosexual man or a family member. With any other man, the odds favor him becoming or being sexually attracted to you at some point. That's just the way it is Link to post Share on other sites
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