Why can't I ignore the desire for a relationship?

[blue21]

I don't want a relationship? I don't want to date? I don't want romance? I don't want to be attracted to women in any? Of course, the problem is that I actually want not to want all that stuff.

 

Why do I still feel the loneliness and lack of value that seem to be characteristic of a single person looking for a significant other. Is it because I get pressure heaped on me by friends who want me to hook-up with every girl I see or by family who seem to feel that relationships and marriage are the key to happiness? Is it because I feel guilty because of the anger I feel for my friends and family for pressuring me even though I know they mean well.

 

A little about me, I'm a 22-year-old male, 6'3'', 175lbs, and I'm told that I'm attractive. In high school I was the chunky, awkward, shy guy. I accepted that girls didn't want me and I successfully achieved what I am trying to get now. I ignored women, I forced myself to look away when I realized I found a woman attractive, I talked to girls as little as possible, and I accepted being alone. But, I lost that wonderful conditioning. In my first year of college I lost weight and got in shape. I foolishly accepted that girls might want me now and allowed myself to feel attractive and play "the game." I once thought myself a hopeless romantic, but I found absolutely none of the happiness promised by tales of romance. I'm tired of being a slave to women's shallow whims, by being tool women use to make themselves feel attractive. But, I can't regain my former glorious ignorance of women.

 

What do I do? The feelings are unbearable. I suffer from depression, for which I take anti-depressants. But, recently, for no reason I can think of, I keep thinking about relationships and women and feeling depressed. And, I mean really depressed, like how I used to feel before the anti-depressants. I know anti-depressants reduce sex drive, should I just ask to have my dosage increased? Are there any tips that anyone can offer?

 

Most importantly, is there anyone who wants the same thing I do? Is there anyone who can identify with me?

 

I'm sorry if none of this makes sense, I just need some help and I can seem to organize my thoughts on this issue.

[Ross PK]

If you talk to your doc about the anti D's he'll either up your doseage or let you try something else.

 

I can relate to you feeling bad because of not being able to get someone, I used to be like that too.

 

But the anti depressant I'm on now has totally lowered my sex drive to basically 0 for most of the time, and for some reason it seems to have made me lose any desire for having a relationship or even experiencing physical touch with a woman.

 

So yeah all of this is such a relief.

[blue21]

But the anti depressant I'm on now has totally lowered my sex drive to basically 0 for most of the time, and for some reason it seems to have made me lose any desire for having a relationship or even experiencing physical touch with a woman.

 

If I may ask, what anti-depressant are you on?

[Ross PK]

Mirtazapine. But different anti depressants work differently for eveyone. So you may not experience the same if you took them.