Two guys in love with one girl.

[Evolution]

So, here's my problem.

 

I have been in love with a girl for over 4 years now, we've been friends for those years. I loved her since the day I met her, I just feel like she is my soulmate. We have both had relationships with different people in this 4 years and although I have always been happy for her and hoping for the best in her relationships, A part of me has just loved her and wanted to be with her. 2 years ago, I introduced her to my best friend and they hit it off. They instantly started dating, and I was happy for them but I still loved her.

 

6 months later, I was at a party with her and we both got completely drunk, and I ended up telling her something I have never said to her and it was that I was in love with her. Too much alcohol was involved and we ended up sleeping together. After it happened, she instantly told her boyfriend (my best friend) of what happened. He was pissed and felt betrayed and I understood that. I do regret that it happened because I hate the fact that it was behind his back, I do love her but I wouldn't just try and break them up. Well, They ended up getting married, I was his best man. When she walked down that aisle, she looked so beautiful and I wish I was standing in his place, I really did.

 

I stopped talking to her for a year, I cut off all connection, so I could move on with my life. I even moved out of the state-I had relationships with women that I cared about but each and every day of my life, I would think about her. I started just writing and jotting my feelings down on a piece of paper, I thought about sending them to her but decided against it. I just didn't want to be the reason that broke her marriage or even made her feel uncomfortable. She ended up getting pregnant and the baby was still born, I instantly flew down for the funeral. I put all my feelings aside (which I have done for years) to be there for her and comfort her as a friend.

 

Her husband finally approached me one day and asked if I was in love with her, I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if I should lie or cover up for it. But I told him the truth, I told him how much I loved her. But I wouldn't ever try and come between them-I thought not seeing her would help, but it made the love stronger.

 

We did date for a while before her now husband came in the picture but I had some serious drug problems that I had to deal with-So, she decided that it was best that I focused on getting help and that she'd always be there. I checked into rehab and I haven't touched drugs since then and I never will again. Being in that relationship with her was the best thing in my life, there wasn't a day that went by that I wasn't happy. That year that we had together was meaningful to me and I know it was to her-I just got caught up into life and was addicted to pain meds. She has both of us in her hands, and she doesn't even know it. She is heaven sent, I know that. I would still be a drug addict if she hadn't helped me so much, so I decided that the best gift to her in the world was to let her live her life with her husband.

 

We both decided to have a sit down with her one day, and she admitted to loving both of us. I know she's going to stay married to him, and he knows the same.

 

But it just sucks to be two guys in love with one girl, Will there ever be a solution?

[ArdeaCandidissima]

...it would be great NOT to have had the "sitdown" and "torn between two lovers" admission.

 

It's great you've decided not to break up their marriage. Now really live up to that. Stop thinking about her. Find another woman - one who's available.

 

If you have a free evening, rent Gone With The Wind and check out the love triangle. You're Scarlett, your "soulmate" girl is Ashley, and the husband is Melanie. (The sexes are backward - hope this is not too confusing.)

 

Frankly, my dear, I need to understand why the word "soulmate" always indicates a situation where people are acting ill-advisedly.

[Arabess]

I'm with Ardea....it's great you've decided to bow out like a gentleman. Sometimes "true love" knows when to walk away. You aren't do ANYONE invloved any favors by holding on.

 

It may take awhile to find someone else who you admire and appreciate as much as you do this lady....but eventually the one for you will come along. Till then, you'll have some bitter sweet memories...you may even cry a little....but time will continue to heal. It's a long road....but you've made the best decision.

 

Hang in there my friend....

[ThisGirlNameKD]

She may love the both of you, but she was in love with him. She could have backed out of the marriage if her feelings were as strong for you as they are for her, but she didn't. She went on with it. You were very mature in staying away for awhile, and for being honest with your bestfriend about your feelings, but that you didn't want to come between them. You will definitely find someone who will strongly love you back.

[lipglossboost]

The things that you've said and the fact that, even though the two of you did make a mistake behind your best friend's back years ago, he is still a friend to you tells me that you must be a respectful and upstanding individual. You have taken the high road here, and should be commended for your carefulness and compassion, for thinking of people other than yourself. Only someone who truly loves another can put their happiness first.

 

Even so, I'm sure these thoughts offer no comfort. I know you must miss her terribly. You need to go through a grieving process. You've lost (in some ways,) something that was very dear to you, and in that respect it is very much like a death. It will take time to get over her. But, you cannot truly start the process until you accept that it is truly over. I am struggling with this myself right now, and the waiting is very painful. Once you are willing to accept that it is over, that even though she loves you, for her own reasons which you may never understand she has made her choice.

 

 

My heart goes out to you. You sound like a strong, kind, and intelligent individual, and I know there are women out there who are available to appreciate everything you have to share.

[amerikajin]

WOW!

 

By far the most dramatic post I've seen yet. It's like something out of the movies or a good book. It's strange, you obviously made some past mistakes, yet I can't help but like you and I like your style. You goofed once, but you owned up to it, and all of you were mature and gracious enough to put it aside. Kudos! You're a real man.

 

I think the thing you have to realize is that there's a price to pay for waiting too long. You have to know that sometimes, there's such a thing as waiting too long, missed opportunities and so forth. THere's this girl who I used to have class with when I was going to University in Louisiana...it's been about 7 years ago now. Man, I don't know how, but one day I realized I was madly in love with this woman. I always had this inexplicable attraction for her (like a moth to a flame as the saying goes). My problem was that when I was 22, I didn't have the kind of self-confidence I have now. I asked her out once, and she was busy on the weekend that I asked her out. I didn't have the courage to ask her out a second time. At the time, I wasn't sure if she was just blowing me off, but when I look back at it now, I don't think she was blowing me off at all. I think I just didn't want to hear the word "no", so I assumed failure. She remains one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life, and one of the most mysterious. Funny thing...I still thought about her for years after I graduate - even when I was dating my ex-fiance I thought about this woman. I always wondered "what if"

 

About two years after I graduated, I ran into one of her former roommates. She told me about what she'd been doing since she left. She moved to Texas and I was still in Louisiana. A part of me wished I could run into her somehow. You wanna know something really weird??? I got my wish! I was walking in New Orleans with my fiance and out of the blue, I saw her walking hand in hand with another guy. I was stunned, and she was too. As we passed each other, we both smirked a little, but said nothing. Unbelievable! Life is strange, the world is small.

 

I went on to have a good relationship with my ex, which unfortunately didn't end in marriage. I'm sure she went on to get married, or I'm sure she's dating someone now (I'm almost 30, so we're both approaching that age). I don't think about her as much now...I'm "over it". I accept the fact that I had my chance but wasn't opportunistic enough to take it.

 

Life is like that. You have a limited time to take advantage of opportunities...gotta make the most of it. Sometimes they work out, sometimes they don't. If they don't, gotta hit the road and truck on, brother. I know it's got to be the sickest feeling to know that your best friend is sitting there at the altar with the one you've always truly loved, but what's done is done. Can't turn back time, and there's no sense in disturbing someone else's life now. I know it sucks, but that's the best choice. If you get any more involved than you are now, you probably won't get her, and you'll end up losing two good friends. Follow your head on this one.

 

In closing, you should know that in all likelihood there's another woman out there right now waiting to make memories with you. Go find her.

 

Rock on, brother.

 

Peace.