meet and greet thread...

[Art_Critic]

I'm here to give the Children of those cheating on their spouses a voice..

 

Growing up in a home where my father cheated on both of his wives during his lifetime and having to grow up with the deceit/dishonesty/hurt that brings to a child-parent relationship is always my slant..

 

The voices of the Children are rarely ever considered to have any weight..

 

I didn't come here to LS for this forum though.. I found it here after reading the other forums and post in all of them today..

[joybean72]

I am a BS, came here looking for answers...my story seems a lot like that of an OW in hindsight, because I really did feel like that in my own marriage as well. I have moved on...NOW! It took time...a lot of time! I'm now in the best relationship I've ever been in (2+years trying to finalize our divorce!). I'm happy, he is happy....either way it's been a learning experience. Some of the discussion here, yeah..were hard to take. But I know I'm better off where I am and so is he. That's about all.

[angie2443]

I came to LS to sort out some feelings I had about my husband's ex best female friend. I felt he had an EA. He felt he did nothing wrong. Long story. I have been the OW before, although I was so young then that it feels unreal now.

 

I don't know why I stay. This place sometimes brings up a lot of bad memories for me. Still, it must have helped me because my husband and I are doing much better and (usually) I don't get as upset at the post as I used to. For that, I thank everyone on this board and the other boards here at LS:).

[Tsuki no Michi]

I came here looking for advice and support several years ago when I found myself enmeshed in an A with my best friend who was married. I was separated from my wife at the time as part of the requirement for getting a no-fault divorce. She was also separating from her H at the time, but due to one of her children developing serious emotional and psychological issues surrounding the separation (to include thoughts of suicide) she ended up going back into the marriage to help him. We had both done lots of research on the effects of divorce on children and neither of us were willing to let hers come to harm just to meet our own needs. Telling her she had to go back to take care of him was probably the single hardest thing I have ever done and to this day not a moment goes by that I do not think of her and wish she could be here with me. I fell pretty hard and I am certain she did as well, but again, neither of us could let her children come to harm so we did what we had to do.

 

Also, I am somewhat of a student of psychology, human nature and the reasons why we do what we do. LS helps me understand a little better how and why these things occur and ultimately if my experiences can help even one other person avoid some of the hurt I've been through then I think it's worth it.

 

 

TNM

[InvisibleGirl]

Been a long time since I posted but I was the OW guess I came here to get advices from other in my shoes, etc....

 

I was his best friend, soul mate, etc- you know the drill.

 

He was charming and perfect - well guess what he dropped his mask and starting treating me badly, then he would be great again until he would treat me badly again. I did some reseach and was shocked to learn that I was just one of many OPs but he swore he would never lie - he loved me. So I was OW and then I was betrayed OW.

 

He was a pathological liar/sociopath and he bled me emotionally dry - it's taking a long time to recover from.

 

I would like to help other people so they don't let the same happen to them. I still can't believe one human being could be so cruel without an ounce of remorse.

[boogieboy]

I came here when I googled "she broke up with me, why is she still texting me"

 

Got a great education on that lil manipulative bitch.

[deux ex machina]

I found Loveshack itself whilst searching for something on Google long ago. Can't recall what I was looking for.

 

I read this section occasionally because some of the topics sort of jump out at you.

 

I'm "new", but not really. I had an account on here a while back, but couldn't recall my info so I reregistered.

 

I've been around for some time, though. Never was a a hugely active poster.

 

One thing I learned from my LS experience?

 

There's always at least three sides to every story.

[Spark1111]

I am a BS who googled something along the lines of the OW, and LS popped up. I read here for a long time before I had the courage to post.

 

Loveshack was invaluable in learning the perspectives of the OW/OM. I went from outrage to empathy and that went a long way towards healing.

 

I read posts, my own and others to my FWS. He too is amazed. What he thought was unique to him, is a dynamic shared by many others.

 

We have both grown because of LS.

[Awakening]

I came here as an OW looking for insight into why I allowed myself to get into this situation. I am primarily a lurker and have never told my full story but it goes a little like this: back and forth and back and forth, throw in his divorce, add in a little more back and forth. He last landed with XW a year ago. NC attempts by me which didn't really take since we have work contact. Five years after this all began and I am finally moving on with my life he has moved into his own place and is now professing his undying love to me. Ugh.

 

I am grateful for many of the people here, OW,OM, and BSs alike: 2sure, Bentnotbroken, Wildsoul, Stampdaddy, Dexter, JJ33, Kismet, Boldjack, Lizzy, Whiteflower, the list goes on...thank you all.

[dn121]

Hello all -

 

I found this site months ago through a link provided on another Affair Support site. I am a former BS and a current OW.

 

I was a BS married to a sex addict/serial cheater for 17 years. It left me with a lot of 'issues' regarding trust and men. My experience with single men after my divorce only managed to confirm those issues. I met my AP when I started working after my post-divorce move across the country with my kids. He was the only male friend I can say I trusted, and we were friends for 7 years before the affair began - it's been going on (and off) for 5 years. I know what some will say...how can I trust someone who would cheat on their spouse, and I struggle with that one all the time.

 

I guess I come the LS so I don't feel so alone in my nightmare. I do love the man, and I am sure he loves me. But his home life is different than most, and divorcing would be catastrophic at best. I hesitate to give too much information as this is a public site.

 

In some instances, staying with your family is the only honorable thing to do, even though you are not in love with your spouse anymore and wish to spend your life with someone else. For some finger-pointers it is easy to say "if he loves you, and not his wife, he should do her a favor and divorce her so she can go on and be happy". In the majority of cases I would agree...but in this case, it would not be better for his wife. Again, I hesitate to give too much info.

 

I guess I look at things a little differently. Yes, he is 'cheating' with me, and I made the choice to be a part of it with him. BS does not know, but he is staying - and taking care of her and the family as he promised. The only vow he has broken is his infidelity with me. All others are kept. There are many vows made as part of marriage, not just fidelity.

 

Anyway, that's my story. Life is short, but it's rarely black and white.

[Montclair0011]

Another Google ("My boyfriend went back to his wife") lead me to LS poster. I had a relationship with a separated man who was slowly pursuing divorce (he finally filed but was dragging). His wife cheated on him and made Attilla the Hun look like Bambi, so I thought he'd never go back to that. But he did (supposedly for the sake of the child) and then came back to me and for awhile I ended up being the OW while waiting for him to break it off. We went back and forth a bit (even I get confused with the exact chronology) and then I had to go to NC when he decided to stay with them.

 

I was horrified to find I'd become the OW since my marriage broke up when my husband cheated on me and I thought his girlfriend (a former friend) and all other OWs deserved the death penalty. My recent experience and reading LS has helped me develop a softer, more nuanced view.

 

Reading LS has been a terrific education and made me feel like I'm not alone and that there are people who make even worse choices than I have. I've also posted long emotionally charged desriptive cathartic posts that I doubt anyone reads and few comment on. I know better but I just can't stop myself sometimes. Writing helps me and I'm so glad this is anonomous board.

 

Now I'm in a new relationship with single man (which is a huge accomplishment since I'm over 50 and I thought I'd never get another date) but I still have strong feelings for the MM. I had been NC for almost 6 month when he showed up and we had a few days of intense reunion. I've never felt such a stong connection with another person. But, bottom line is he is still not leaving and so I'm back to NC and it's very hard. I miss him so much and my new relaltionship just does not seem as satisfying, athough I'm trying to give it a chance.

[tami-chan]

I found LS when I googled something about relationships. I read one poster's story and was hooked. It was like a soap opera and the responses were incredibly emotional. I then decided to post a response. Boy, I was barraged with questions of what it is that I wanted from LS, why was I here, etc.etc...I was totally unprepared for the introspection I needed to respond to the questions...at first all I could say was.."I don't know if I need help"...which was apparentrly not acceptable to some...Still, I have exchanged some very emotional emails with very good people, to them I say thank you!!!!

[Reggie]

I am a BS, twice over. In dealing with my first wife's serial affairs, I had no access to the internet, as it was a long time ago.

When it happened again, in my second marriage, I started looking for information. Initially, I was looking to see if the signs I was seeing were my imagination. I posted a long narrative detailing the evidence I had compiled on another site. The responses were amazing. People were incredulous that I had any doubts.

Then, I looked for support to help me deal with the trauma. I was amazed at the prevalence of infidelity and I got good insights into the minds of cheaters asn BSs.

My "research" and my therapist and attorney led me to start looking at information on personality disorders, as I was dealing with some really crazy stuff from both my XWs. I'd never heard of these disorders, but the patterns of abuse were every bit as similar as the patterns one sees with infidelity. I had no idea other guys were dealing with things like emasculating remarks, gaslighting, overspending, fabricated histories and serial infidelity.

My research helped me understand that with cheaters and the disordered, especially, there is nothing I did or did not do that caused this. The disorders and the propensity for cheating were all there well before I was on the scene and had manifested themselves in the past.

Then , I started looking at the OM/OW side of the equation to try to get some insight into how a person feels justified in having an affair with a married person. I recognized the misinformation many were given, the blind acceptance of the portrayal of the BS, despite all evidence to the contrary. And, I also saw how many of the affairs soured after they were allowed to run their course and the partners had to deal with each other on a daily basis , without the excitement of cheating.

[Green]

I came looking for porn but was entertained when I found this instead

[Devil Inside]

This is my first day here. I just got out of an affair. I was the MM...she was married but then divorced while we were together. I am looking for insight, support, perspective, connection to other lost souls. I am also a therapist and find human behavior fascinating, so this will help feed that interest as well.

[OWoman]

I was an OW. I'm now married to my fMM. I came looking for input on a particular issue - the thread has long since been deleted as it provoked a flame war - and stuck around. Married life keeps me busy so I'm not around so much anymore.

[Meaplus3]

I did a google search on Emotional Affair and landed here. The ea has been long over and my life has changed in so many ways since then. I stuck around ls because, I came to find that this is an awesome forum with some very wonderful people. Oh yeah.. and now I'm highly addicted. That's my story.

 

Mea:)

[Owl]

This is my first day here. I just got out of an affair. I was the MM...she was married but then divorced while we were together. I am looking for insight, support, perspective, connection to other lost souls. I am also a therapist and find human behavior fascinating, so this will help feed that interest as well.

 

I thought that you'd posted on another thread that you'd been a poster here before about a year ago, but couldn't remember your login?

[2sure]

Regardless of what I original came here for...

 

I have taken away a lot more than advice on relationships.

I now have a great potato salad recipe.

I regret that the Jerry Curl went out of fashion

I painted my bedroom a soft romantic color based on LS advice

I found out that sometimes its ok to hit people.

[Molley]

I came here after I found out my “Perfect” husband cheated on me after 18 years. During my utter despair and depression, I gained insight from many new LS friends who helped piece me back together and prop me back up again. Now, almost 5 months since the original DDay, I’m much better, can stand on my own and realize that I don’t need my husband to feel complete.

 

I also started lurking on the OM/OW site because I wanted to figure out how and why people decide to get into a relationship with a married person. My husband’s OW was cheated on a few years ago, but her marriage ended in a divorce. I was an unknowing OW… but once I realized my wonderful boyfriend was married, I ran for the hills and went total NC until I forgot all about him and met my husband. So… it’s just interesting how and why we make the choices we do.

 

If nothing else, I’ve realized who my friends are… and some are from LS :-)

[Phateless]

I think I originally posted to try to get my ex gf back. I'm so glad I didn't succeed, lol!

 

Now I hang out for occasional support and advice, but mostly to help others through their own difficult times.

 

My own breakup was the darkest period of my life and it feels good to provide a little direction and hope to others in the same situation.

 

Living through was probably my biggest personal growth in my life thus far, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

[freestyle]

Hi Everyone!

 

I was also deposited here by the Google Train............

 

I began reading posts that pertained to my issues (I never even heard the term EA until two years ago) and I have already gained a lot of perspective on the topic.

 

I have yet to tell my story, mainly because it`s so convoluted and painful,

and it will probably take a huge block of time trying to make it concise.

 

So mainly I`ve been lurking, but I do occasionally post when I feel I can offer something helpful-some of these stories hit very close to home for me.

In a nutshell, I`m here as BGF who originally began reading the OW/OM

forum wanting to understand how the "enemy" thinks.(a "recon" mission)

 

After extensive reading here, however, I`m not as quick to villainize or make blanket generalizations...........we are all fallible humans, and we all

see things through our own individual "baggage-colored glasses". And I do

believe in trying to see things from every possible angle before reaching a conclusion.

[TogetherForever]

Google was my friend in helping me find info on The OW.

 

And so here I still post.

 

Met quite a few great people here on LS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

TF

[Savannahruby]

My MM is an ex-boyfriend of mine (I knew him first ). When we were together we were relatively young and not very aware of what we wanted out of life and with each other. Circumstances separated us for a number of years.

 

I contacted him just six weeks after he married his 2nd wife, who he was with for 8 years before he "finally gave in" (his words, not mine) and married her. He was "so happy to hear from me" (his words, again). Because he just married I didn't initiate more contact, but he keeps contacting me.

 

Now we are sharing our feelings with one another and have begun meeting about once a month, due to miles between us, and emailing, and all the rest. I am here for support and a place to ask questions, etc.

 

Savannahruby

[Holding-On]

I came here looking for LOVE.....

 

:bunny: Well then. Here is some luv for ya.

 

 

I'm an MOW (xMOW?) to a married co-worker. I think I am the only one in this thread so far with an open marriage so I did not cheat on my husband.

 

I was in the chemical "fog" (as it is called on LS) of a new relationship and needed the straight talk on how likely it was that my MM would ask his wife for permission (apparently he eventually did but I only have his word for that) and whether she would give it (no).

 

I did see a lot of the same dynamics that MM have, hedging the truth, making himself out (mostly to himself) as pining and noble and all that, probably because WS usually find themselves in similar situations but I haven't really seen a lot of situations relevant to mine from the OW pov. I'm...

Not single

Not cheating

Not looking for a monogamous relationship with MM (or anyone tyvm!)

Not looking for short term/super casual

Not looking just for sex

Not looking just for romance

Not thinking the BS is evil/bad/pathetic

Not thinking the MM is a poor whipped man that needs rescuing

Not lying to anyone