Changing me?

[ppink1567]

Now, this might sound silly, but I am a 24 year old woman and I have no friends. Well, I have friends, maybe 2, but our schedules and lives prevent us from being those friends that can really be there for each other, so in the sense that I am looking at a friend (to hang out, talk abut whatever more often, listen and complain to... just have fun) I have none.

 

Here's my deal, I am an only child, very clingy and very jealous. Growing up, I always had one best friend, not a lot of friends, but just one. I needed someone to always be with just me. That could be a boyfriend or a friend. Selfish, I know. I have realized that for many a times, whenever I ruin the situation when there are a lot of people. It really gives me such anxiety and makes me want to go away and hide.

 

Well, I am trying to change a lot within me, but it is hard. I hate being alone and it seems like that is all that is happening. My boyfriend and I have spent every waking second together and recently I have done something that has made him see how disfunctional our relationship is. And I agree. We are both not in a healthy place because we spend so much time together.

 

He is very extroverted, friendly, can meet people like that. He deserves his space and now is going to reach out for it, like going to friends' and hanging out. I on the other hand, will give him his space, but will do it alone since I do not have any friends.

 

I guess to sum it up, I need help finding me and being able to change my ways I interact with others. I need help being less jealous and selfish. Does this sound like something anyone has been able to transpire into? Any advice would be great.

 

Thank you.

[JaneS]

Hey ppink1567

 

Just read your post and felt the need to reply as you and I are very similar

 

I too am an only child (wish I had brothers and sisters - you too?) and have always struggled with being rather co-dependent in relationships. I often feel so alone in this world and would love to have more friends close by.

 

I think your final paragraph reflects a similar path that I too am on right now - finding yourself and being able to change the way in which you interact.

 

Well, see if you can google 'The Hoffmann Process'. I have recently got to the point in my life where I am fed up of being fed up with relationships I am in that follow similar patterns and generally want to focus on myself in terms of personal growth. I have just signed up for the Hoffmann course but there are books available on the process that have glowing reviews too. It is too difficult to explain (without writing a tome!) so have a look for yourself and see what you think. It may or may not be your 'cup of tea'.

 

I felt exactly the same as you in my last relationship - aside from looking up the Hoffmann thing, maybe you could try to join a couple of clubs that are of interest you in order to widen your circle of friends - I'm going to do just that in the next couple of weeks....taking little steps myself.

 

Another thing I found really helpful to meet new people is the 'meetup.com' site where you can socialise with like minded people in a variety of settings.

 

This post may seem rather disjointed - apologies It's a little late here and my brain is slooowing down.

 

All the best...x

[ppink1567]

Hey ppink1567

 

Just read your post and felt the need to reply as you and I are very similar

 

I too am an only child (wish I had brothers and sisters - you too?) and have always struggled with being rather co-dependent in relationships. I often feel so alone in this world and would love to have more friends close by.

 

I think your final paragraph reflects a similar path that I too am on right now - finding yourself and being able to change the way in which you interact.

 

Well, see if you can google 'The Hoffmann Process'. I have recently got to the point in my life where I am fed up of being fed up with relationships I am in that follow similar patterns and generally want to focus on myself in terms of personal growth. I have just signed up for the Hoffmann course but there are books available on the process that have glowing reviews too. It is too difficult to explain (without writing a tome!) so have a look for yourself and see what you think. It may or may not be your 'cup of tea'.

 

I felt exactly the same as you in my last relationship - aside from looking up the Hoffmann thing, maybe you could try to join a couple of clubs that are of interest you in order to widen your circle of friends - I'm going to do just that in the next couple of weeks....taking little steps myself.

 

Another thing I found really helpful to meet new people is the 'meetup.com' site where you can socialise with like minded people in a variety of settings.

 

This post may seem rather disjointed - apologies It's a little late here and my brain is slooowing down.

 

All the best...x

 

Yes, I will look into the Hoffman Process. Anything from professionals that know something about learning to live with yourself and change or just accept it will help. Thank you.

 

Yes, I do wish I had siblings. I have always been alone or demanded so much attention from one friend, that when I did not get it, I was upset.

 

I just feel so very alone, when I dont have some one with me. I do like my alone time, but not when I have not control over it. Just that controlling nature, I guess. I do love one person to really be my rock and maybe I just need me to be that rock. Thanks again and good luck with your self discovery!