What social skills are necessary in order to be approached by desirable strangers?

[Lights]

I'd like to have that happen on a regular basis. What social skills would I best learn to accomplish it?

[boogieboy]

Do be approached generally? well you dont need social skills to be approached, you only need to look very attractive and make eye contact to be approached.

[carhill]

Emotional openness helps. Eye contact, open body language, a pleasant smile. Good looks are a plus but not required. Looking your best doesn't hurt. I find women respond well to measured but confident physical contact. Warmth. A sparkle in your eye that says you're enjoying life and enjoy sharing it with others.

 

Good luck

[tanbark813]

Get a puppy.

[GorillaTheater]

Get a puppy.

 

Even better, a baby. Rent one if necessary.

[carhill]

LOL, I'm going with that (the puppy).....

[frustrated&sad]

Get a puppy.

 

I totally agree with this. Whenever I see a puppy, I can't help but feel a little soft spot for the guy with the puppy. It's almost this weird biological response that shows someone's sensitive side.

[Lights]

Emotional openness helps. Eye contact, open body language, a pleasant smile. Good looks are a plus but not required. Looking your best doesn't hurt. I find women respond well to measured but confident physical contact. Warmth. A sparkle in your eye that says you're enjoying life and enjoy sharing it with others.

 

Good luck

 

I've heard of the eye contact and body language theories before. I don't place much value in them, as they've not gotten me even one approach in my lifetime, but these days I haven't even been able to utilize them. Recently, I've been in some situations wherein none of that sort of thing really applied; in particular, I had been taking some classes and I spent most of the class facing the front and focusing on the class, and that doesn't lend itself to focusing visual attention to other locations. In such a situation, what would I do to regularly start having up-and-coming A-students walk directly up as class ends and say something like "Hi. I'm Hakeem. I'm looking to get an A in the course and I'm looking for teammates for the _____ project. You interested in joining up?"?

 

Outside that specialized case, what would do comparable things regarding comparably desirable people in other arenas? Basically, I'm looking to learn how to have serious effort and skill coming my way.

 

Regarding your mention of physical contact, I'd suspect that it's only really possible *after* an approach has been attempted, really, so I don't know how any of that would be even applicable.

[Lights]

Get a puppy.

 

Even better, a baby. Rent one if necessary.

 

LOL, I'm going with that (the puppy).....

 

I totally agree with this. Whenever I see a puppy, I can't help but feel a little soft spot for the guy with the puppy. It's almost this weird biological response that shows someone's sensitive side.

 

I'm not sure if this these are serious responses or an exchange of inside-jokes. If it is serious, though, is it not at least a bit disturbing that a baby or even an animal would be somehow more worthy of approaches than an adult?

[carhill]

No, the puppy approach is a time-honored one, even dramatized in movies for its cuteness. It works. So does the baby approach.

 

You can't believe how many LS women want to pinch the cheeks of tricycle boy. Too bad he's all grown up and a mean old man now

[tanbark813]

I'm not sure if this these are serious responses or an exchange of inside-jokes.

 

Half-serious. You obviously shouldn't commit to adopting a pet simply to kick up your dating but the puppy (or baby) idea would work.

 

If it is serious, though, is it not at least a bit disturbing that a baby or even an animal would be somehow more worthy of approaches than an adult?

 

Adults may or may not respond well to approaches but puppies always love to be petted and babies don't know what the f**k is going on. Plus, unlike an adult, it's not illegal to pet a strange puppy without invitation.

[carhill]

And, if adopted from a no-kill/kill shelter, bonus. Win-win

[Lights]

Half-serious. You obviously shouldn't commit to adopting a pet simply to kick up your dating but the puppy (or baby) idea would work.

I'd agree with that (not committing to adopting a pet for something like that). This isn't even just about dating, though. I meant more generally (such as the example I listed regarding possible teammates in classes, or other people of either gender in any situation for whatever social purpose).

 

Adults may or may not respond well to approaches but puppies always love to be petted and babies don't know what the f**k is going on. Plus, unlike an adult, it's not illegal to pet a strange puppy without invitation.

Yeah, you're definitely right. I suppose the more cowardly individuals would probably have use for a lower-risk interaction target as you point out. I don't plan on countenancing cowardice, though. I'm looking learn how to have them take some actual social risk to come straight up and introduce themselves in a normal fashion, with the intention of some sort of interaction in good faith.

 

No, the puppy approach is a time-honored one, even dramatized in movies for its cuteness. It works. So does the baby approach.

 

You can't believe how many LS women want to pinch the cheeks of tricycle boy. Too bad he's all grown up and a mean old man now

 

I see. I'm afraid that neither tactic really is practical for me, though.

[tinklebell]

The body language and smile sometimes gets me only a smile back in return. So maybe something more is needed for someone to ask you out.

 

I've seen many people talk to a friend with a dog but haven't seen anyone ask her out because of the pet. I've heard a lot about getting a dog to encourage an encounter with strangers though.

[stepka]

LOL, I've recently gotten a dog, but most of my conversations b/c of it, are with other women. Anyway, the reason why a dog works is because it's a focal point--an obvious thing to start a conversation about. Otherwise, while you're approaching someone and trying to think of something to say, if you don't think of something right away, the moment may pass and it will be too late. How many times has that happened to all of us? A jillion I would imagine.

[Lights]

I'm sorry to hear that from you all (though I'll admit I had a suspicion that this sort of thing was a problem for more people than just me; I wish I had good advice I could offer to help with this matter too). But at least now we can permanently dispense with all such "half-serious" responses (such as "renting a baby" or buying a puppy).

 

Otherwise, while you're approaching someone and trying to think of something to say, if you don't think of something right away, the moment may pass and it will be too late. How many times has that happened to all of us? A jillion I would imagine.

Yeah, it definitely can happen. I don't plan on rewarding ineptitude or slow reflexes, though.

 

I wonder what sort of resources would be good to look into in order to start having the more quick-minded, socially adept ones who do know how to come up with conversation topics or direct approaches (in social situations) or specific reasons to join forces in good faith (in more purpose-driven situations) to actually come up and do the relevant approaches though.

[GorillaTheater]

I'm sorry to hear that from you all (though I'll admit I had a suspicion that this sort of thing was a problem for more people than just me; I wish I had good advice I could offer to help with this matter too). But at least now we can permanently dispense with all such "half-serious" responses (such as "renting a baby" or buying a puppy).

 

 

Yeah, it definitely can happen. I don't plan on rewarding ineptitude or slow reflexes, though.

 

I wonder what sort of resources would be good to look into in order to start having the more quick-minded, socially adept ones who do know how to come up with conversation topics or direct approaches (in social situations) or specific reasons to join forces in good faith (in more purpose-driven situations) to actually come up and do the relevant approaches though.

 

You have problems with the social skills necessary to fruitfully relate to others in a social setting? I find that difficult to believe.

[Lights]

You have problems with the social skills necessary to fruitfully relate to others in a social setting? I find that difficult to believe.

 

Not even. Things are getting sabotaged before any relating is even happening. (You can probably guess how frustrating that is.) But that's pretty much apparent by the nature of the question I asked, though, so I'm not exactly saying anything new here.

[Lights]

I've recently been looking around into "people skills" type books for further information on this issue. It's very strange; it doesn't seem to be a skill that's covered by anyone.

 

Is anyone here actively working on this particular skill? I'd be curious what methods you are using.

[Lights]

Still having no success so far in finding resources that identify and teach the skills.

 

Considering that so much of the thread consisted of "half-serious" responses and some rather despicable sarcasm, I have a feeling that I'm wasting my time here.

 

Stepka and Tinklebell: Sorry I couldn't find anything that could help you people either. I can only wish you luck.

[EddieN]

Hell, I have a puppy at school that looks like this: http://www.greatdogsite.com/admin/uploaded_files/1190778992cavalier_king_charles_spaniel.jpg

 

Take him for a walk around campus frequently. Never been approached.

 

Anyway, I don't think getting approached is about social skills. But, guys never get approached, even attractive ones, so I'm not too sure what you're asking.

[Lights]

Anyway, I don't think getting approached is about social skills. But, guys never get approached, even attractive ones, so I'm not too sure what you're asking.

 

What would it be about, then?

 

As far as guys not getting approached, I have to say that I've witnessed too many counterexamples to believe your claim, whether on the subject of women approaching men for dates, or on mundane matters of men dealing with men in non-romantic matters.

 

What I'm asking is how to be approached by desirable strangers, in general, and in most circumstances, whether the environment is social or based on some other purpose.

 

Perhaps I'm in a classroom or in a work-related training group or the like, and may find teammates advantageous; it would be of interest to know how to get up-and-coming A-students or comparably desirable potential allies to walk directly up and introduce themselves with the intention of teaming up.

 

Perhaps it's been some time since I've hung out with some friends and their associated friends-of-friends. I'd be interested in actually seeing an email/message/etc. from a few of them.

 

And so on, with myriad other possibilities.

 

I know that with regards to dating-specific and related stuff, being approached by women can often become a volatile or all-too-often-evaded subject, but I don't plan on tolerating backward behavior (whatever its theoretical justifiability under some set of pre-modern social regulations), social cowardice or ineptitude, or any such behavior from anyone under any circumstances, regardless of their gender. So yes, I would also like to know what would get at least basic direct approaches coming my way from women (even if they don't ask me out on the spot). But I put this in the General forum because I was more interested in things more related to the other examples I've written about here.

[tanbark813]

I've recently been looking around into "people skills" type books for further information on this issue. It's very strange; it doesn't seem to be a skill that's covered by anyone.

 

Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends And Influence People.

 

It's a classic. I'm kind of surprised you didn't come across it in your search.

[Lights]

Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends And Influence People.

 

It's a classic. I'm kind of surprised you didn't come across it in your search.

 

It was one of the ones that I have I looked through so far. Didn't find it to be much of any use.

 

The few books that even mention being approached at all seem to rely on things like body language, which is in reality quite irrelevant most of the time (e.g. in the case of being directly approached by up-and-coming A-students in a classroom; there's little place for "approachable body language" when one is spending the entire class facing the front and taking notes, not piddling around with smiles, eye contact, "open postures", "mirroring", and other oft-spouted b.s.). I really haven't found that sort of thing to be useful.

[carhill]

Practice in lab