Ex's..... this is good.

[Anne]

Ok... I am a late 20's female, involved with a man that I have know since I was 14. Will and I meet in High school, and dated unexclusively on and off for 6 years. When he was away in college he meet a girl, but never stopped seeing me as well. We both knew about the other, and as time went on I made the decision to leave the relationship. I meet and married the first guy that came along, and buried my feelings for Will. He married the other girl from college, Rene, and they had 2 kids. After the birth of my daughter, I got divorced and never stopped thinking of Will. I missed him and thought about him always. I heard through mutual friends that he moved to the Chicago area with Rene.

 

Last summer, while on business in Chicago I decided to get in touch with Will, to say Hello. I hadn't see or spoken to him in 6 years. To my surprise Rene had left him months before for another man, and left him with the kids. We rekindled our friendship on the phone long distance and after a few months of that he made a trip to St. Louis to see me. That's where the trouble begins. Rene found out about his trip to see me, and lit up like a christmas tree !! Will and I are very much in love and after reuniting have decided that we never should left each other all those years ago. The problem now lays with Rene. The man that she left Will for, left her to go back to his wife. She is a very bitter and hateful person and is using her kids agianst the realtionship with me Will and me. She is suing Will for full custody of the kids that he has taken care of for almost a year, because she doesn't want them around me. This causes all sorts of arguments with Will and I. She continues to verbally harrass me when she calls his house and I am visiting. She is grossly in debt due to her quiting her job to attend school full time, and wants Will to pay her 25% of his salary in child support, mind you that the kids live with him since she lives at her parents. My question is.... It's well known that she didn't want Will anymore, but the fact that he moved on, and with ME of all people has driven her with spite and hate. At what point do I say enough is enough and ask Will just to give in so we can go on with our lives? We are constantly arguing over Rene, and I am at my limit. They are in the middle of court proceedings, but Rene is relentless in her vendita against me. She has even found a law on the books that states " 2 un-married persons can not live together in the presence of minor children" All of this is costing us a lot of $ in attorney fees, and is holding up our plans for me to move to Chicago and pursue a teeching job. With School almost out for the summer, I don't know what to do...

[D.]

Rene, This is a really tough one and there is no easy way out.

 

It would have been nice had Rene married the man she left Will for, thus denying her any finacial reponsiblity from him except to the children until the age of 18. Well, one can dream.

 

Rene sounds as though she is unrelenting in her efforts to make everything as difficult as possible for you and Will, as well as Will having joint custody with his children.

 

All you can do is follow the letter of the law as this woman does NOT appear to be one to be reasoned with. This may mean a long, tough, expensive court battle for financial settlement to her, support due to the children and the custody battle (which I feel she will ultimately lose to a joint custody battle as long as you and Will play by the rules).

 

Ask yourself, do you love this man enough to go through all this with him. If so, be prepared for a long, tough road ahead and DO NOT sleep over for even one night if his kids are there. Follow the law to the letter, I repeat.

 

You know what they say about a woman scorned, and THAT is most definately what Rene is ... as well as vendictive and nasty about it. To put it lightly, she does not want to see her ex, Will, in a loving relationship with you ... and probably anyone else.

 

Your decision must be based upon what you are willing to go through regarding this matter. D.

[LT]

I learned the hard way never to date a guy who's going through a separation/divorce. As Tony mentions in an earlier post: Love is often state specific. You rekindled your feelings for each other during a time of what one assumes was a desolate period for Will. You will never know if your feelings for each other are true until his situation stabilizes.

 

Failing that (and I don't expect you to take the implied advice above...but be very very careful), the best thing you can do is as the other responder said...follow the letter of the law. The CHILDREN are the most important people involved in this situation right now. Help Will ensure their best interests by not endangering his custody.

 

It doesn't sound like you're thrilled with him having custody in the first place. If you love this man, truly, you would feel different. If he's a good father (and he sounds like he is) he will choose his children over you, if forced. That's not to say he doesn't love you, that's to say that this is the correct thing to do...I don't care how much I'm in love, my kids' well being comes first.

 

Last but not least. Advice to both of you regarding Rene's spitefulness. Make sure you have a VERY GOOD lawyer (they are worth the money) and then ignore her. Pay attention to your lawyers advice, not her shenanigans. Being angry with her will only keep her tied to you (him) emotionally and the whole point of divorce is to permanently stay separate.

 

Think about things carefully.

 

LT

 

Ok... I am a late 20's female, involved with a man that I have know since I was 14. Will and I meet in High school, and dated unexclusively on and off for 6 years. When he was away in college he meet a girl, but never stopped seeing me as well. We both knew about the other, and as time went on I made the decision to leave the relationship. I meet and married the first guy that came along, and buried my feelings for Will. He married the other girl from college, Rene, and they had 2 kids. After the birth of my daughter, I got divorced and never stopped thinking of Will. I missed him and thought about him always. I heard through mutual friends that he moved to the Chicago area with Rene. Last summer, while on business in Chicago I decided to get in touch with Will, to say Hello. I hadn't see or spoken to him in 6 years. To my surprise Rene had left him months before for another man, and left him with the kids. We rekindled our friendship on the phone long distance and after a few months of that he made a trip to St. Louis to see me. That's where the trouble begins. Rene found out about his trip to see me, and lit up like a christmas tree !! Will and I are very much in love and after reuniting have decided that we never should left each other all those years ago. The problem now lays with Rene. The man that she left Will for, left her to go back to his wife. She is a very bitter and hateful person and is using her kids agianst the realtionship with me Will and me. She is suing Will for full custody of the kids that he has taken care of for almost a year, because she doesn't want them around me. This causes all sorts of arguments with Will and I. She continues to verbally harrass me when she calls his house and I am visiting. She is grossly in debt due to her quiting her job to attend school full time, and wants Will to pay her 25% of his salary in child support, mind you that the kids live with him since she lives at her parents. My question is.... It's well known that she didn't want Will anymore, but the fact that he moved on, and with ME of all people has driven her with spite and hate. At what point do I say enough is enough and ask Will just to give in so we can go on with our lives? We are constantly arguing over Rene, and I am at my limit. They are in the middle of court proceedings, but Rene is relentless in her vendita against me. She has even found a law on the books that states " 2 un-married persons can not live together in the presence of minor children" All of this is costing us a lot of $ in attorney fees, and is holding up our plans for me to move to Chicago and pursue a teeching job. With School almost out for the summer, I don't know what to do...

[ED]

Ok... I am a late 20's female, involved with a man that I have know since I was 14. Will and I meet in High school, and dated unexclusively on and off for 6 years. When he was away in college he meet a girl, but never stopped seeing me as well. We both knew about the other, and as time went on I made the decision to leave the relationship. I meet and married the first guy that came along, and buried my feelings for Will. He married the other girl from college, Rene, and they had 2 kids. After the birth of my daughter, I got divorced and never stopped thinking of Will. I missed him and thought about him always. I heard through mutual friends that he moved to the Chicago area with Rene. Last summer, while on business in Chicago I decided to get in touch with Will, to say Hello. I hadn't see or spoken to him in 6 years. To my surprise Rene had left him months before for another man, and left him with the kids. We rekindled our friendship on the phone long distance and after a few months of that he made a trip to St. Louis to see me. That's where the trouble begins. Rene found out about his trip to see me, and lit up like a christmas tree !! Will and I are very much in love and after reuniting have decided that we never should left each other all those years ago. The problem now lays with Rene. The man that she left Will for, left her to go back to his wife. She is a very bitter and hateful person and is using her kids agianst the realtionship with me Will and me. She is suing Will for full custody of the kids that he has taken care of for almost a year, because she doesn't want them around me. This causes all sorts of arguments with Will and I. She continues to verbally harrass me when she calls his house and I am visiting. She is grossly in debt due to her quiting her job to attend school full time, and wants Will to pay her 25% of his salary in child support, mind you that the kids live with him since she lives at her parents. My question is.... It's well known that she didn't want Will anymore, but the fact that he moved on, and with ME of all people has driven her with spite and hate. At what point do I say enough is enough and ask Will just to give in so we can go on with our lives? We are constantly arguing over Rene, and I am at my limit. They are in the middle of court proceedings, but Rene is relentless in her vendita against me. She has even found a law on the books that states " 2 un-married persons can not live together in the presence of minor children" All of this is costing us a lot of $ in attorney fees, and is holding up our plans for me to move to Chicago and pursue a teeching job. With School almost out for the summer, I don't know what to do...

HANG IN HON,TRY TO IGNORE HER DON'T LET HER RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. CHANCES ARE SHE WILL BURN OUT IF YOU TREAT HER W/INDIFERENCE BEEN THERE,DID THAT.GOOD LUCK .STAY CLOSE TO YOUR MAN,IT TAKES 2 TO HANDLE THIS BUT YOU CAN DO IT ED