Does alcohol really affect the decision to cheat?

[Lovelymisa]

Hi all, I have always been curious about whether or not being intoxicated really affect one's decision to cheat on their S.O

I've been with my bf for a year and a half and he has never cheated on me or done any hurtful things to me in any way. He goes out with his buddies often and is a social drinker. In his past he was a bartender and a DJ for clubs and he used to drink alot back then...he was never an alcoholic though. That being said, my bf told me that no matter how much he drinks or how drunk he gets, it would never be like he would lose control and not know what goes on. That if he is to cheat, doesn't matter how drunk he was, it would not be the fault of the alcohol. It would be in fact the his concious decision to cheat. He also stated that most people merely used alcohol and being intoxicated as an excuse for cheating.

 

I've seen many posts on here about guys and girls saying their partners cheated while they were hammered and had they been sober they would not have cheated. These people seem to really believe that cheating and alcohol can possibly relate. So I'm left wondering if my bf is really right about what he said? Or can you really be so drunk that you had no idea you had sex with someone else other than your S.O?

[MSUE]

ur still panicking about LDR? that's what this comes down to? Alcohol and inhibitions ....of course alcohol puts one in a more vulnerable spot but ultimately its a conscious choice...take it easy you are going to give urself a heart attack...and you'll be the one that ruins the relationship if you can't take a step back and trust him

[Adunaphel]

I tend to agree with your boyfriend.

 

I might believe the "I was just too drunk to understand what went on" line only if it came from soemone who is not used to drinking alcohol and got seriously drunk for the first time in his/her life.

(what the hell he/she was doing with members of the opposite sex in a place where alcohol was being served is another issue...expecially if I did not know about it)

In other words, I think the "I was drunk" explanation (not as an excuse, just as an explanation) might be acceptable once in a lifetime, at the best.

[fakobako]

you heard that song "blame it on the a-a-a-alcohol" ?

yes, people will blame it on the alcohol all the time, and usually get away with it. ive used that excuse many of times, and thats all it is, an excuse. i knew very well that the person that i hooked up with i would normally hook up with even if i was sober as a judge. now, usually the alcohol with make them more alluring and better looking, but ive never hooked up with someone without knowing, while i was drunk, that i would get with them while sober.

all it is is an excuse. it could be looked at as a "reason", and sometimes yes considering the situation, but yeah it is def possible to hook up with someone while drunk.

if your bf loves you, he prob wont do it. but, it really depends on the person. no matter how much i love the person, i usually end up cheating on them. so, with that, just trust him and see what happens. but dont press the issue or make him promise that he wont drink around hot girls or whatever, that will just push him away, make him go into defense mode and youll lose eventually.

[Lovelymisa]

MSUE - yes sadly i'm still a bit anxious about LDR...it would be 2 months of LDR in about 10 days...another 6months to go. But you are absolutely right, I don't want to drive myself sick physically with worries. I will trust him finally and stop doubting him.

 

Adunaphel - thanks so much for your input...

 

fakobako - I am so glad to hear that ultimately it is a conscious decision and not just because of plain alcohol that drove a person to cheat. I decided I am just going to trust my boyfriend and hope for the best while expecting the worse

[Adunaphel]

Er... why not to hope for the best while expecting the best?

The outcome is not going to change... but you are going to live better and more relaxed!

[fakobako]

 

fakobako - I am so glad to hear that ultimately it is a conscious decision and not just because of plain alcohol that drove a person to cheat. I decided I am just going to trust my boyfriend and hope for the best while expecting the worse

 

dont really expect the worst. just prepare yourself mentally if it does happen. if you are expecting it, youll be overly worried and pester him, which may lead him to cheat. you will know that he made the decision to do it, it was his decision and now you get to move on.

and yeah, try not to take advice from people who have been cheated on before. i know that sounds weird and dumb, but they normally have no idea what theyre talking about. their opinions are from theyre point of view, which has been tainted by their ex cheating on them. take it from someone who has cheated many many of times: its easy to do, you dont need alcohol to do it and youre only sorry when you get caught. harsh but true. so, with that, if your bf does cheat on you, youll know those things. youll know hes only sorry cause he got caught, not for the act. he would have done it while sober and cause he knew it was easy. every person is capable of cheating, even you. so just ride it out, and if doesnt work out, dont let it bother you too much and move on.

[Hkizzle]

Unless someone totally blacks out which means drinking a lot people know what they're doing even when drunk.

 

However, getting drunk will make it easier for someone to do what they wanted to do anyway.

[Fay]

Alcohol lowers your inhibitions, so yes, it can affect the "decision" to cheat. But it won't "make" you want to cheat if the thought wasn't already there in the back of your head. The difference is, had you stayed sober you would have bottled up the desire better.

 

In other words, if you're unhappy and have a secret desire to cheat, alcohol can bring that out.

 

If you're happy and have no desire to cheat, alcohol won't make a difference.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

I would have to say YES, alcohol does contribute to cheating when it causes one to lose all their inhibitions and they have cheated in the past. I am evidence of this. I have been in situations that I would have avoided if I was sober. In my case I KNEW this person would be there, so I did NOT avoid it, and I DID drink and ended up in the sack. Did I just contradict my first statement?

[SoulSearch_CO]

I fully agree with your BF. If the relationship were strong and the partner committed, cheating would not magically happen just because they started drinking. If one can cheat and blame it on the alcohol, I would wonder what was wrong in the relationship before they allowed themselves to lose control.

[utterer of lies]

Does alcohol really affect the decision to cheat?

 

Yes.

 

can you really be so drunk that you had no idea you had sex with someone else other than your S.O?

 

No.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

You CAN be drunk enough not to remember sex. This happened to me just over a year ago. I was with my bf though. I had about 1 1/2 bottles of wine with friends (that's how much I drank) and his friends left. 20 minutes later, I was in his bedroom and he was showing me scratch marks on his back that I gave him!

 

I said "we had sex already?" and he said yes, in the living room! As hard as I tried I did not remember a thing. I completely blacked out. It was very scary. It got me wondering if I had ever done anything like that before in my 25 years of being "of legal age". Thank God it was with someone I knew.

 

Needless to say he laughed and asked if I wanted more wine, and I bee-lined for the toilet! I didn't... er couldn't get out of bed until 3pm the next day.

[Trialbyfire]

You have two kinds of people, ones who will cheat and ones who won't.

 

I've been blacked out drunk, drunk or just feeling no pain and have never cheated before. For that matter, I've never cheated while sober, which is 99% of the time, except in my younger hay days!

[Hkizzle]

You have two kinds of people, ones who will cheat and ones who won't.

 

I've been blacked out drunk, drunk or just feeling no pain and have never cheated before. For that matter, I've never cheated while sober, which is 99% of the time, except in my younger hay days!

 

You've cheated when younger?

[Trialbyfire]

You've cheated when younger?

No, I've never cheated before but wasn't sober 99% of the time in my younger years, since it was fun to party as a teenager and young adult.