Why do I do this? Opinions welcome

[tyme]

I have been seperated and divorced within about 5 months. I have been actually living alone for a little over a year and a half now I feel. While she was "there", she really wasn't. I posted before about her spending all her time in chat rooms and such, I've pretty much accepted the fact long ago that it was over. I saw her on the weekends maybe, a few minutes a night during the week maybe, but that's about it. I had to learn to be with and appreciate who I was long ago.

Now forward to the present....

 

I've since met someone who has been in a similar situation lasting about a year ago, who we've both just gotten our divorce final on paper a couple months ago.

We started talking from the beginning as friends who knew what each other had been through, and appreciated the feelings that went with them. Since, we have become close. We like alot of activities the same, we do alot together and became more than friends. We also respect the fact that each of us had a life before we met and leave room for that seperate life, things such as going out with friends seperate, spending our *alone* nights alone, and aware of the fact of the pitfall that can become of "rebound".

 

I really however do not feel this as rebound, something just clicks. She is someone I have never known the likes of as far as sincerity, fun loving, and overall a bubbly personality.

 

This brings me to I guess the topic. Almost all my life, I've done what I felt I *should* do. What others expected I should do, how would they react if I did this or that. Well, as my counciler (spelling?) said about my decision to divorce. Everybody was telling me these things take time to work out, and that I should give the seperation alot more time. Well, even she admits now, I had a much better grasp on the situation than anybody realized. Things could not under any circumstances have worked out between us, and I took charge and did what I knew had to be unfortunatly done.

Now of course, I have a girlfriend, and folks are saying I'm moving too fast, careful, this and that and the other. I really care alot about her. I've had alot of time to think about my feelings and what I want. I've also become alot more independent. While I do not *NEED* somebody for me to be happy, I do however want someone to share my time and life with. The divorce did alot for me, before I met the lady I'm with now, I finally had the pride in myself everybody always told me I deserved, yet never gave myself the benifit of. Maybe that's part of what she sees in me. I for once in my life, took charge of what I wanted, and what I felt in my heart was right. I feel that was a major step.

 

I've been under the illusion for the past several several years that I was not alone, in which time I truely was. It's kinda like if you have ever watched someone slowly die in a hospital (as I have), you do alot of your grievance over time. It isn't quite the shock to your life as it would have had it been sudden.

 

I guess I'm just rambling. I know everybody says the first relationship after a divorce or whatnot is a rebound, I guess I'm just questioning that. While I say I need noone to say I am right, I guess in some ways I'm just curious about other's opinions.

[HokeyReligions]

Who says a rebound relationship can't be a wonderful thing!

 

Just take it slow, make no long-term commitments. Give yourselves at least a year to adjust to your own lives and learn about yourselves. Have some fun and don't worry. Communicate with each other.

[aliciab68]

I think just because someone started something with someone else shortly after a breakup or divorce that does not mean that it is a rebound relationship. It seems like you have come to terms with what has happened in the past and I am so impressed that you took the time to figure out the reason for what happened and be proud that while the decision was hard, it was probably one of the best decisions you have ever made.

 

I don't think this new relationship with this person is a rebound at all. I believe you found someone you care for and that is what matters.

 

It is not a typical situation but I was in a long term relationship that lasted four years, and my ex had started dating someone not too shortly after our breakup, then got married a year later. We were still friends at the time and I could see in his eyes that his love was real for this woman. I too made a decision that was "against what everyone else thought was best". But it happened to turn out for the best, and while I thought at first his new relationship was simply a rebound, I now believe that there is no timing for love. It just happens.

 

[tyme]

Well, a bit of an update. We are still happy as can be. It's really nice to be able to just sit at home sometimes with no pressure to go out and do anything particular, just enjoy company of someone you care about. We go out on occasion as money permits, but we also appreciate sitting on the couch while just watching TV together and just order pizza. Sometimes we just do our own thing while the other does theirs. The other night, I was watching TV, she did her nails. We talked about how nice it was to just be comfortable enough to do those things and not feel it a major ordeal. She was wearing sweats while I was wearing jeans, meaning we didn't feel we had to be all primped up to see each other. Honestly, I found that soothing.

 

Sometimes I cook for her, sometimes she cooks for me, it's a nice change of things in my life. We both appreciate each other, which has been something I'm not used to. No arguments, I know one is coming! LOL

 

Oh well, just happy in my life and wanted to tell someone! There is hope out there, I know at one time I was looking for it. These forums are great, they have helped me out alot, and I wish I had found them a couple years ago! Thanks!

[moimeme]

It is always terrific to hear that things are working out for people It sounds like you two have a great relationship Congratulations on that! I wish you many years of happiness together.