confusedinkansas Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 If there were no children involved, Reggie, I'd blab in a second. Give us a long explanation please, Gamine as to why you think he should - (apart from saving the new guy from the evil xWS and the destroying the prospect of her of having a better life than she has now-indeed, why should she when she clearly does not deserve it?)! EXACTLY! Does she not deserve to have a life? Or should she be banned to a thrid world country? With no hope for a life or love because of an affair!!!??? Unless the guy wants his ex wife back....& to me it seems he does or else he would butt out of her business........then OP should LET IT GO! She deserves happiness - If SHE F's it up - then it's her business - NOT THE ORIGINAL POSTERS! Link to post Share on other sites
Gamine Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Give us a long explanation please, Gamine as to why you think he should - (apart from saving the new guy from the evil xWS and the destroying the prospect of her of having a better life than she has now-indeed, why should she when she clearly does not deserve it?)! Get over yourself TC. I've been involved with men in my present and in my past who held back vital facts under the guise of 'wanting a new life' and 'I wanted to start over because I wasn't like that anymore' leaving the details of their past out of it. Editing. I would have loved it if someone clued me in so I would have KNOWN what I was getting into. People have a tendency to edit or to rewrite history... or to reprioritize in categories of 'importance' or 'unimportance' of past actions. Editing. However, if I had the true facts in more than a few instances I would have run. Or, I would have been AWARE and if I continued would have had a 'head's up'. If his former wife has really, genuinely cleaned up her act then it wouldn't be any big deal for her to 'deal' with reality and respond to concerns, if any, fairly expressed by her new 'love'. Was that to your satisfaction TC? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 I might need to rethink my feelings for boldjack....too much drama. ME TOO!!!! :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 I've been involved with men in my present and in my past who held back vital facts under the guise of 'wanting a new life' and 'I wanted to start over because I wasn't like that anymore' leaving the details of their past out of it. Editing. I would have loved it if someone clued me in so I would have KNOWN what I was getting into. People have a tendency to edit or to rewrite history... or to reprioritize in categories of 'importance' or 'unimportance' of past actions. Editing. However, if I had the true facts in more than a few instances I would have run. Or, I would have been AWARE and if I continued would have had a 'head's up'. If his former wife has really, genuinely cleaned up her act then it wouldn't be any big deal for her to 'deal' with reality and respond to concerns, if any, fairly expressed by her new 'love'. I can agree with some of this, but I am still leaning to not telling him. You'd be surprised what kids do in these situations. I have warned many a woman as a teen to stay away from my serial cheating dad. Some listened, most didn't. But ALL came to realize that my warning was for their benefit and never for mine. I really liked some of them. Reg, you might not have to say a word. But if the kids do make such a move and you hear about it through the complaints of your ex, be prepared to show them that life lesson in this. It might be to tell them to stay out of adult business. Or it might be to tell them how to cope with their mother's *tendencies* as they will likely have to live with it their entire lives. My dad would call my mom and complain, and my mom told him he wasn't respecting ME to have those strange women around when I knew his W. And she was correct. He learned to hide it better. But even that made my respect for him sink to lows its never recovered from. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Reg, if you're paying alimony, let it happen. If not, it's up to the new guy to come to you, asking about her. If he doesn't, she'll end up to be his bane and responsibility, instead. Try, try, try to focus on what's positive in your life, which for certain, are your beautiful children. She's your negative past, a ball and chain weight, you need to shed. She's only emotionally connected to you because you're holding the shackle together, with the energy that could be put towards your own happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Reggie Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 I guess I've arrived just in time for a mutiny. Lets see, Donna, Bent and Reg, no longer have crushes on me. Well hit me with big sticks, why don't you. I've always love Bent from afar, Donna has our love child as her avatar, and REg and I have exchanged verbal embraces for many months.:laugh: So now I'm chopped liver!! Well sucks to be me, don't it.:D Just get to the gym more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Reggie Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 Get over yourself TC. I've been involved with men in my present and in my past who held back vital facts under the guise of 'wanting a new life' and 'I wanted to start over because I wasn't like that anymore' leaving the details of their past out of it. Editing. I would have loved it if someone clued me in so I would have KNOWN what I was getting into. People have a tendency to edit or to rewrite history... or to reprioritize in categories of 'importance' or 'unimportance' of past actions. Editing. However, if I had the true facts in more than a few instances I would have run. Or, I would have been AWARE and if I continued would have had a 'head's up'. If his former wife has really, genuinely cleaned up her act then it wouldn't be any big deal for her to 'deal' with reality and respond to concerns, if any, fairly expressed by her new 'love'. Was that to your satisfaction TC? This was my initial thought, too(well, there might have been a tinge of revenge desire, too). In my XWW's case, her dad came to me and apologized for not telling me what I was dealing with. There was a lot of lying that had gone on re her history. But, as a practical matter, I think I would look psycho and most guys would not listen after having seen her. She is quite physically beautiful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Reggie Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 Reg, if you're paying alimony, let it happen. If not, it's up to the new guy to come to you, asking about her. If he doesn't, she'll end up to be his bane and responsibility, instead. Try, try, try to focus on what's positive in your life, which for certain, are your beautiful children. She's your negative past, a ball and chain weight, you need to shed. She's only emotionally connected to you because you're holding the shackle together, with the energy that could be put towards your own happiness. This is quite true. Gradually, my attachment has waned. I still struggle with the memories the good times. Thye went by the wayside shortly after we married, though. On balance, the bad times far outweighed the good ones. My kids are really the best thing that has happened to me. No alimony, fortunately and I have no issue forking over support for the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 This is quite true. Gradually, my attachment has waned. I still struggle with the memories the good times. Thye went by the wayside shortly after we married, though. On balance, the bad times far outweighed the good ones. My kids are really the best thing that has happened to me. No alimony, fortunately and I have no issue forking over support for the kids.Reg, from what I've gathered from your posts on LS, you're a smart and funny man. Time to come back to who you really are and continue heading in a positive direction to an emotional land far, far away from the dysfunctional ex. She can't hurt you anymore, unless you allow her. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Get over yourself TC. You got that backwards:rolleyes:. 'Glad this post is shorter than your usual:laugh:. I've been involved with men in my present and in my past who held back vital facts under the guise of 'wanting a new life' and 'I wanted to start over because I wasn't like that anymore' leaving the details of their past out of it. Editing. I would have loved it if someone clued me in so I would have KNOWN what I was getting into. People have a tendency to edit or to rewrite history... or to reprioritize in categories of 'importance' or 'unimportance' of past actions. Sure, all of us would have loved it if we all had crystal balls and saw the future...duh...but that's not reality...part of the maturing process is to discover and know, to learn from past mistakes, to learn to be discerning, etc.etc. and sometimes we stumble but that's ok as long as we learn and we don not repeat the same mistake. Other times we skip the learning the hard way because we are blessed with people who love and care for us and they are looking out for us and they tell us who is bad news and who si not.....er....I do not think OP has any love or even care for the x-wife's new BF(nor does he care for the XW, do you OP?). Motive, my dear, motive. If you are a Christian God can see you heart ( or brain) and knows why you did what you did ! If his former wife has really, genuinely cleaned up her act then it wouldn't be any big deal for her to 'deal' with reality and respond to concerns, if any, fairly expressed by her new 'love'.{/quote] It is NOT his call whether she has cleaned up her act or not....that is why they are no longer married...they are divorced...kaput...no longer joined...nada..! Was that to your satisfaction TC? ahmm...no not really....it's stupid. Divorced people need to just be able to let go...stop being scorned and bitter(not saying Op is). What's the point of divorce if you are still going to butt in your former spouse's life? Puhleeze ..unless issues that would negatively affect the children. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Reggie... Don't tell...none of your business. I have no intention of telling my ex's next bf of her past. But if asked, I won't lie either. My .02 Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 ahmm...no not really....it's stupid. Divorced people need to just be able to let go...stop being scorned and bitter(not saying Op is). What's the point of divorce if you are still going to butt in your former spouse's life? Puhleeze ..unless issues that would negatively affect the children.No offense intended, but many of your posts are quite bitter and negative. Thought you might want to know that so you too, can start working towards a happier self. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Reggie Posted August 6, 2009 Author Share Posted August 6, 2009 Reggie... Don't tell...none of your business. I have no intention of telling my ex's next bf of her past. But if asked, I won't lie either. My .02[/QUO Yeah, I am on board with this. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 No offense intended, but many of your posts are quite bitter and negative. Thought you might want to know that so you too, can start working towards a happier self. Me bitter? prove it. LOL... How can I be bitter, when the chips are down, my H gave up his OW and begs to stay married to me and my xOM got divorced and wants to marry me...not only that...financially, I don't need either of them...I mean, really...if I am bitter..I don't know what to call people like you... Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Reggie... Don't tell...none of your business. I have no intention of telling my ex's next bf of her past. But if asked, I won't lie either. My .02 I agree!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Gamine Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Me bitter? prove it. LOL... How can I be bitter, when the chips are down, my H gave up his OW and begs to stay married to me and my xOM got divorced and wants to marry me...not only that...financially, I don't need either of them...I mean, really...if I am bitter..I don't know what to call people like you... I'd like some of whatever TC is smoking. Obviously it is mind altering. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I'd like some of whatever TC is smoking. Obviously it is mind altering. I don't smoke...~ What do you need more altering for? You need to tell more stories about the how good looking you are and the many men who hit on you? :lmao:!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Gamine Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I don't smoke...~ What do you need more altering for? You need to tell more stories about the how good looking you are and the many men who hit on you? :lmao:!!!! I'd love to. Where shall I begin? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 I'd love to. Where shall I begin? :lmao::laugh::lmao::laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 i'd love to. Where shall i begin? grin grin grin grin grin Link to post Share on other sites
Author Reggie Posted August 6, 2009 Author Share Posted August 6, 2009 Personally, I do not see any real issue with the length of Gamine's posts. Nor, do I see others having a problem with them. They are well written and thought out. I think it is unrealistic to expect a discourse on this subject to be terribly brief. The post I have seen have very good content and are well organized, easy to read. A person having difficulty with an issue like ADD might be challenged by reading them, however. I simply do not understand how a person with average comprehension abilities or an average ability to concentrate would have any problem with them. Perhaps they do not contain enough "duhs" or "ahems" or "whatever" type of language. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Since my XWW's affair went kaput about a year ago, she has not been dating, according to my kids(they may not know as she was a big one for ONSs). In any case, the kids tell me that recently, one of her girlfriends that knew about the affair, has recommended she target a guy that is wealthy for a possible relationship. My XWW is very good looking, and, apparently , this guy was sort of bookish in highschool and blossomed as an adult, making lots of $$. My question is should I warn him? F##K YES you should warn the poor bastard. Let him know she is only out for one thing and wants him for his money only. Then if the guy still thinks with his d!ck....then its his own fault what happens to him after the fact. Or, you could just let the poor sap fall prey to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Gamine Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Personally, I do not see any real issue with the length of Gamine's posts. Nor, do I see others having a problem with them. They are well written and thought out. I think it is unrealistic to expect a discourse on this subject to be terribly brief. The post I have seen have very good content and are well organized, easy to read. A person having difficulty with an issue like ADD might be challenged by reading them, however. I simply do not understand how a person with average comprehension abilities or an average ability to concentrate would have any problem with them. Perhaps they do not contain enough "duhs" or "ahems" or "whatever" type of language. Thanks, Reggie. TC enjoys bashing my verbose comments. Glad that they aren't all filled with hot air! Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 Since my XWW's affair went kaput about a year ago, she has not been dating, according to my kids(they may not know as she was a big one for ONSs). In any case, the kids tell me that recently, one of her girlfriends that knew about the affair, has recommended she target a guy that is wealthy for a possible relationship. My XWW is very good looking, and, apparently , this guy was sort of bookish in highschool and blossomed as an adult, making lots of $$. My question is should I warn him? My XWW has had multiple affairs with married men before I knew her. Her entire family and my kids know of the affair she had when we were married. Her dad has expressed his regrets about not having warned me about her and her history before we married. I know her folks and they will say nothing to this guy. I was married to this woman for 10 years and the entire time she lied to me about having her college degree. Perhaps it is not my place to warn this guy. I'd think you should just let this go.... Let him learn on his own who this woman really is. I'd offer him the truth if he'd ask, But I wouldnt interfere because you might make things worse. Let her ruin her life if she wants but if you butt in it might look like your being a stalker or idiot ex who cant let go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Reggie Posted August 6, 2009 Author Share Posted August 6, 2009 Yes, they are very good. I worry that TC might have some type of phlegm problem based on all the throat clearing(ahem etc.) Maybe a visit to the otolayngologist would help. As for the "duhs" , haven't heard that used much since 9th grade. A very effective tool for discussion, don't you agree? Link to post Share on other sites
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