Staying in Contact With Ex

[CaliGuy]

Honestly the best thing to do is NC. Trust me. If they REALLY want to be with you they will beat down your door (literally).

 

If all the want is self-valdiation, they'll keep casual contact with you (maybe even dating a tad) but they will NOT be serious in any wa.

 

In that case --- RUN!

[Nuala83]

that is such a line " not ready right now" give me a break.

 

Aggghhh that line! I want to tear my hair out just thinking about him spinning me that line!! No wait, why should i lose my lovely hair....I'll just smash his face in instead

[trueblue72ny]

working on day three today of getting dumped. this will be the first day of nc. i have not spoken with her at all. and i dont plan on contacting her. or this weekend, or next weekend, or anytime after that. i feel really hurt. and i am sure she is pre-occupied with thinking about getting to know her new guy friend.

 

no contact is the only thing that is going to allow me to get thru this as quickly as possible. because contacting her now would be the just asking for more pain.

i learned awhile ago that begging, pleading, constantly contacting someone who isnt doing the same is not good for anyone. and even if i am hurting inside she wont' know it because im not contacting her.

 

i dont know if this gets any easier each time. i finally managed to eat something. this sucks.

[wow123]

Trueblue,

 

You will get through it. The longest I went NC was a month. Even ignored her attempts to contact me. Finally we began talking again which got me back in to this mess. Feel better man.

[LostInLimbo]

Trueblue,

 

You will get through it. The longest I went NC was a month. Even ignored her attempts to contact me. Finally we began talking again which got me back in to this mess. Feel better man.

 

 

Hey wow123,

you have given me advice in my posts, and you need to stick to your own gut feeling, because the advice or guidance you had given to me, like others was great advice.....

 

LiL

[trueblue72ny]

Trueblue,

 

You will get through it. The longest I went NC was a month. Even ignored her attempts to contact me. Finally we began talking again which got me back in to this mess. Feel better man.

 

 

thanks bro. its going easier than the first time i got dumped. im not begging this time or anything else. i am just going to hit the road. i am going no contact. that way i wont feel regretful saying something i wish i didnt. i notice people who keep away from the dumper seem to do better. and i want to do better.

 

now if i am contacted down the road we will see what happens. i am not sure if i should ignore it or be nice and not act like a soar loser. either way as long as i am not the one initiating contact than i dont feel pathetic.

[LostInLimbo]

CaliGuy is very big on NC and after many times, of especially self experience in breaking the NC (NOT FUN, its an ego boost) if I cannot do NC I always found it just as effective to go LC, but with LC, it too kinda keeps the feelings lingering but yet, shows I am not chasing and still healing with LC, just slower.

 

 

LiL

[hopesndreams]

CaliGuy is very big on NC and after many times, of especially self experience in breaking the NC (NOT FUN, its an ego boost) if I cannot do NC I always found it just as effective to go LC, but with LC, it too kinda keeps the feelings lingering but yet, shows I am not chasing and still healing with LC, just slower.

 

 

LiL

 

LC does prolong the pain, so why suffer when you don't have to? NC will heal you and you will move on faster with your life and feel better. It's inevitable that you will not and should not get back together, you know this, she's a user and has hurt you and will continue to do so, coz she enjoys it! Hard to think that someone you care about can do such horrible things to you...but they can, and do and will, as long as you let em!

[Leveller]

my ex hasnt been as far as i know but she has tried. she tried to rekindle it with her other ex when i first got dumped a year ago. we are open with each other about people we have met since we broke up. that didnt work out with him. so i started hearing from her again. at least that is my perspective. she would probably tell you something different like i was a jerk and that is why she ignored me. but to me it seems like a pattern. i seem to be good when the chips are down or when she is depressed or there are no other interests around. but as soon as that changes i am history while she sees if something is going to happen. than if it doesnt i am back in the picture again with emails and phone calls.

 

i didnt know what was going to happen until i went thru it with her. recently, all of july we have been hanging. and i just got kicked to the curb yesterday because some guy asked her to dinner last week. now it starts all over again.

 

i guess we will see what happens (again). at first i ask questions, because we are supposed to be friends. she just told me yesterday - EXACT WORDS " if you still want to be friends and hang out once in awhile, ok.." than she gets annoyed like i am some nagging x prying. so i say later because im not going to play that role. than after some time i usually get an email asking me how i am doing.

 

everytime i get kicke din the nuts i am shaken up about it, but each time it happens i get a little less upset. its hard to say no to that girl that you like being with and she knows it.

 

so yes, i feel like now i am the back up plan in case the new interest doesnt work out AND also to make herself fell better about herself when the chips are down for her. its crazy. i pray everyday i meet someone new so i can move on from this abusive love nightmare. it is heart wrenching and painful. i would rather amputate a finger than feel this.

 

This all sounds VERY familiar to me. She too basically knows I am there for her should her current bf not work out. However I am not in a position in my life where I can see a fresh chance working out between us anyway but still it is so hard to move on. Here today I have come to the conclusion that I must squash any idea of a fresh chance otherwise I will continue to break my heart over her. I have tried this before and the weather can change with her but I want and need to stop feeling this way otherwise I will make myself more and more unhappy. I really have to squash that idea of second chance which I have held/clung onto for six months. I wish things were different but I must face reality. This all hurts more than I would ever have imagined possible.

[Leveller]

if you ask me she is trying to keep you on the hook. just in case ding dong doesnt work out. that is such a line " not ready right now" give me a break. dont worry i am sure you will hear from her again if oyu want. leave her alone and i am sure you will hear from her again unless you did sometihng mean like burn her house down. when the chips are down, old reliable you is there to soothe her.

 

it is games as far as i am concerned. i dont know were you are at. but i am only on day two here. i still probably have at least a month or two before i hear from mine again. after all, we're 'friends' and we can hang out once in awhile if we want too so the door is open... right? iya ok, its only open for her on her one way street if you ask me. this is fresh again for me so i am on edge again. sorry.

 

i might as well just go out with some girl friends i know. what the heck. this is so stupid. one day we can talk the next we cant. it has happened so many times already. i get cut right off. uggggggg.

 

i wish you could of seen it 5 weeks ago she was sooooo depressed, her life was crumbling down around her. so i picked up her spirits. this is the thanks i get 5 weeks later. the very first guy that shows her a flicker of interest and i am kicked to the curb. i feel like i am pathetic to keep talking to her. but yet somehow i think someday i can win her over. it is maddening.

 

Similarly a month ago I got in contact and, as I've said, she did the Spanish inquistion on my (non-existent) love life and where I'd spent the night before. She flirted like hell in the couple of hours we got together (midnight-1.30) and I was back at her house (for the umpteenth time since we split). It had been 7 weeks since I spoke to her (and she always knows how much time has past) but it was like we had not spent a second apart with all the old dynamics.

 

The following week I get the cold shoulder. Spoke to her on Thursday and we are still on relatively good terms, saw her yesterday and she walked on by but didn't ignore me. Trueblue your situation sound very similar. I can't go on like this though, it just hurts too much. I need to squash any thoughts of a fresh chance.

[Leveller]

Well they are sneaky enough to give us that false hope...and we are being dumb enough to buy into it. Our fault. If we did this with them...what would they do? WALK AWAY

 

Yes I see this too. I fought this reality for six months. Yes she was confused about the situation and of this I have little doubt, but she knows exactly how to push my buttons and it is my fault too for buying into the crumbs of hope I was being fed. I wanted to believe they were more than crumbs but they weren't.

[Leveller]

Caliguy, Trueblue, and Leveller,

 

Are all of you ex's with someone new and still playing games with you? If so why? In case the new guy doesn't work out or just because it makes them feel good about themselves?

 

Truthfully I don't know. I've micro and macro analysed the situation and god knows what was going through her head. All I know is it hurt me, it really hurt me. She's stopped playing games for the time being at least and I can't buy a ticket anymore, it just hurts too much.

[Leveller]

Quick recap... 2 1/2yr relationship... spent every moment with her... shared every thought with her... she leaves.... 2 months after we start talking again... now Im at the 3rd month of broken up and we are still dating casually.... but!!!!

 

Im in the middle of these games right now and honestly I dont know if I have the patience for them much longer..... is that what these games are? A test of patience? We can talk today but not tomorrow... You can call me whenever... just not right now.... I still love you but cant be in a relationship right now... right now right now right now..... Its sad that some women cant just say, NO I DONT WANT TO BE WITH YOU ANYMORE! It causes so much strife, pain, anguish, depression, desperation.....yada yada yada..... I can sympathize with you guys! There is no answers to the questions we have... Everyone's situation is different. But a word of advice... DONT DO WHAT I DID AND CHASE HER!!!! DONT DO IT! WHEN THINGS DONT GO THE WAY YOU IMAGINED YOU NOT ONLY LOOSE YOUR WOMAN BUT YOUR SELF RESPECT AS WELL! Let her go! Im such a hypocrite because I'm having a hard time letting go.... BUT ITS WHAT WE NEED TO DO!!!! :-(

 

Letting go is one of the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I don't know whether you guys would agree?

[Leveller]

Aggghhh that line! I want to tear my hair out just thinking about him spinning me that line!! No wait, why should i lose my lovely hair....I'll just smash his face in instead

 

I had this too. I had the choice to walk away but chose to stay and fight. It got me so far but not nearly enough for a freh chance. If she was a man I would have done something similar but I will never hit a woman (and for that matter have never hit another man).

[Leveller]

working on day three today of getting dumped. this will be the first day of nc. i have not spoken with her at all. and i dont plan on contacting her. or this weekend, or next weekend, or anytime after that. i feel really hurt. and i am sure she is pre-occupied with thinking about getting to know her new guy friend.

 

no contact is the only thing that is going to allow me to get thru this as quickly as possible. because contacting her now would be the just asking for more pain.

i learned awhile ago that begging, pleading, constantly contacting someone who isnt doing the same is not good for anyone. and even if i am hurting inside she wont' know it because im not contacting her.

 

i dont know if this gets any easier each time. i finally managed to eat something. this sucks.

 

I lost about two stone in weight from when we split in February until the end of March. I never really begged but I did try and reason with her why we should get back together. Does it get easier? Mmm IME it does and it doesn't. An ex ex of mine recently got back in touch (who wants another go). Ten years ago I would have killed for that but we have tried again twice (and gone out about 5 times in a 13 year period) and it didn't work and I can't ever see it working again. Yet she still feels although we have unfinished business even though I've explained I am still in love with my ex. Don't know whether this helps...

[northstar1]

Thinking of getting over an ex who dumped you like rehab from a drug/booze addiction. It's gotta be all or nothing.

 

Doing LC while trying to heal is like a coke addict just doing a little bit here and there. They can justify it all they want, but the reality is is that as long as you are using you are still an addict.

 

LC leaves you still wanting some sort of fix from your ex, and all it does is prolong the pain and healing.

 

NC is the only way to truly break the habit and rehab yourself.

[love_confusion]

I know what you guys are going through..... These games are cruel and painful!

 

The more I try to make plans with my ex, the more he blows me off. But as soon as I start walking away, he starts contacting me and wanting to know what I am up to. I need to learn to give up hope on him.

 

It's like he doesn't want me... but yet he doesn't want to let me go. I need to start NC before I lose it!

 

I'm in the same situation!!!!!!! Except I'm the one who broke up with him. I keep saying I'm going to let go because he won't tell me whether he wants to get back with me and I can't spend my life wondering. He knows what to do to keep me around (send me sexy texts and make promises he has no intentions of keeping) and what to do to push me away (ignore me, blow me off). Yes, I know that I broke up with him, but he thinks he gets a free pass to treat me like crap, ignore me when he wants, etc. I made a mistake and apologized virtually every day since it happened. The sad part is, I let him treat me this way because I feel I deserve it. If we were dating and he did this, I wouldn't tolerate it. Even if we got back, I don't know if the relationship would be healthy because nobody deserves to feel like crap in a relationship. Ugh...I liked it better when I didn't date!

[trueblue72ny]

day 4 here and no contact. holding out strong so far.

 

this past weekend i kept myself busy working and hanging out with friends. i have felt an up and down rollercoaster of feelings in me. one minute im ok and the next i feel very depressed.

 

i spoke with a friend who also said, dont contact her since i got cut right off just like that. i can say that not initiating contact, makes me feel better in the sense that i dont feel regretful for making myself look pathetic. it is going to be a long week

 

ugggggg!!!!!!

[wow123]

I'm on a rollercoaster as well. I go from telling myself "Why am I putting up with this time to move on" to "I love her and I messed it up I have to win her back". I think the toughest part for me is knowing that she is with someone else. Not sure why she wants to keep in contact with me after being broken u for months if she thinks this new guy is "IT" for her...

[boogieboy]

I'm on a rollercoaster as well. I go from telling myself "Why am I putting up with this time to move on" to "I love her and I messed it up I have to win her back". I think the toughest part for me is knowing that she is with someone else. Not sure why she wants to keep in contact with me after being broken u for months if she thinks this new guy is "IT" for her...

 

Because you let her use you to assure herself that someone wants her that she doesnt want.

[wow123]

Ouch! But thanks. I need a wake up call.

[boogieboy]

Ouch! But thanks. I need a wake up call.

 

Good man! That means acceptance. Now think about it, if you heard about someone you didnt know well but was aquainted with - that they were the type of person to use people for their own self esteem, regardless how they felt, would you want to hang around that person?