Should I visit to check he is ok?

[ttree]

I have been in a 5 month long distance relationship with a man who lives 280 miles away, we are both in our mid to late 20's so its not an overnight youthful crush and he had asked if I would like him to come work locally so he could relocate up here to be with me.

 

When we're apart we usually talk daily, we visit most weekends and we send text messages throughout the day. Things have been going great and he tells me he misses me all the time.

 

Last time we spoke on the phone he did mention that he was finding it difficult. We texted each other the next day alot and he seemed fine again.

Since then I've not heard in 5 days, I've called him and left a few voice mails and text messages to the effect I am worried sick and I don't know if something has happened to him or if he does not want to see me anymore could he let me know. I've still yet to have a reply.

 

He's never just vanished before and I would hope if its over he'd reply to say he's ok but its finished. This is so out of character for him.

 

Should I make the journey south to see if he is alright or will I look like needy lunatic? I would like to think that if he does want to break up that although its not what I want I could respect his wishes and not harass him. I don't want to be the crazy ex so this is important to me.

 

I would really appreciate your honest opinions.

Thanks for your replies

[Katherineos123]

Thats really strange. I would be worried too.

 

What exactly did he say he was finding difficult? That he was missing you? Or that he was finding the relationship difficult?

 

I wouldnt necessarily head down there... But, you said you go visit each other on weekends, have you gotten close enough to any of his friends or family to ask if he's ok??

[2sure]

You have been dating each other for 5 months. All of it long distance. How many times have you been to his place before this?

 

The last time you spoke to him on the phone he told you was having difficulty with the relationship. Then he disappeared.

 

I would say, NO. Dont go to his place unannounced and / or uninvited.

[Bearandsue]

I would not go down there.That could end up being really weird if he really did not want to be with you. Do you know any of his friends or relatives you could call to find out if he is OK?

[ttree]

Hi thanks for the replies.

 

We were dating for just over three months before work forced me to relocate as I am in consultancy. So we have been long distance for 2.5 months.

 

He had always said from the beginning of the long distance that he would move- I hasten to add I never asked him to do this or ever suggested it as I felt it was unfair on him to move to follow my work.

I have been introduced to his friends quie a bit but I don't knw them well enough to have their phone numbers so I am at a loss.

 

When we spoke he said he was having difficulty with the long distance, not with our relationship, and we came up with a few ideas to help tackle this including me going part time until Xmas to spend more time together and also he volunteered looking for a new job up here with me, so I helped him do that.

 

I can't think that he would suddenly go cold turkey :S

[Rollercoasterr]

I wouldn't go to him. Something has happened, and you know what that something is. He thinks it's too hard, and thinks that the easiest way out is to just stop contact. It happens a lot, actually, and the men that do it are scum. Sometimes they'll come back and make some stupid excuse for why they didn't contact you, but you know what? It's all lies. Every bit of it. If he is only 280 miles away there is absolutely NO reason why he should have not contacted you in 5 days.

 

Whatever excuses you decide to make for him are out of love, I know, but they are only excuses. And I hate to say it, but 98% of girls(or guys) in this type of thing make excuses for why their SO would just drop off the face of the earth and DO end up going back to that person. But you deserve better than that.

 

Don't go to him. Don't call him. Don't answer his phonecalls if he decides to resurface, and try to think as little about him as possible. Everything is about YOU.

[ttree]

Hey guys,

 

I've sent him an e-mail to try and find out whats going on, as I'd like some closure on this worry.

Basically said really worried dont know if your are hurt or injurerd or if you want to say goodbye and move on.

I am considering ringing your office to see, but I'd rather not have to bother your work. Call me and let me know as its tough being in the dark and not knowing either way.

So now its a waiting game.

[Island Girl]

If you want to alleviate your worry that something happened to him then call the jail and the local hospitals to see if he was admitted. (Chances are he wasn't.)

 

Then do a search on his local newspaper website to see if there was anything published about an unfortunate accident, etc. (Chances are it wasn't.)

 

If these activities yield nothing then you must assume he feel off the face of the planet and is being an inconsiderate jerk.

And you should not contact him anymore.

 

If he contacts you then you tell him you have now learned he is a callous loser who has it in him to treat you that badly and you don't need to be involved with someone like him and then block every way of contacting you again.

 

You deserve better.

[norajane]

Why not call his office if you're really worried he might be hurt or dead? What is your hesitation?

[OceansApart]

I agree with everyone that has written here. I would not go and just wait to see what happens. I know its easier said then done. But, there is no excuse to leave you wondering like this. Maybe, he is just taking some time to think about certain things regarding your LDR. But, then again he should have told you in the first place. I know its hard but, I would try to distract yourself as much as possible. If it eases your mind to know if he is hurt or not call his job. Why not? As his girl-friend you should be able to call his job to speak to him. But, after that phone-call to check if he's OK, I would not call him anymore until he calls you! I don't think there is nothing psycho about worrying about someone,especially if you haven't heard from him in days. Anyone who cares for someone would get worried.

 

I go through something similar with my BF, I don't think he's being very considerate to your feelings. Take care of you before anything else. You come first, then him!

 

Let us know how your doing.

 

All my best......

 

-Em

[ttree]

Thanks everyone,

 

Its ok, my SO has reappeared he's fine and I've not been dumped.

Thanks for all the advice, I'm glad I didn't just pitch up unannounced.

[norajane]

Its ok, my SO has reappeared he's fine and I've not been dumped.

He disappeared for a week, caused you all kinds of anxiety, and it's all fine now?

 

Maybe you should dump him if he can treat you with such disregard and unconcern for your feelings.

[Katherineos123]

Huh??

 

5 or 6 days of not hearing from him and SNAP! "He's back, everythings fine...??"

 

Did he at least have a good excuse?

 

Cause, I know if my boy did this to me, he'd have to have one HELL of an reason!

[Els]

So what was his reason for the week-long absence?

[MSUE]

Glad to hear nothing back hapened to him...but... why was he MIA the whole week? not even a 2 min call? or a simple txt that takes seconds?

[Just Call Me Reba]

Hun...if you feel its ok, then go with your gut on this however....preceed with caution.

 

I think you should work something out right now for emergency purposes. Give your name to family member or close friend and tell them that if anything were to ever happen to him, you would like to know.

 

I only say this cause if he disappears again then you won't worry and you can just decide whether his dropping out of sight is worth it to you.

 

I dated a man briefly LD...6 months...he disappeared on me while I was visiting in town the first time we ever met after one date together.... for three days. But his daughter ran away and he got so frantic with the search for her he did not call me. Of course I was understanding and had extended my stay a bit longer for me to find this out. A month after that he disappeared for a week...this time he told me he had some minor heart problems and had to be admitted for testing. When I asked what hospital...he asked why I was asking and I simply said cause I called them worried about you but was relieved to hear you weren't there. So he told me he was in Lexington....I just said ok sorry to hear that. Blocked him and never talked to him again because I called every hospital within 60 miles of him and he was never admitted....including Lexington.

 

So be careful and again proceed with caution.

[Rollercoasterr]

I just love when this happens(NOT). Guy dissapears, girl goes nuts, douchebag reappears and everything is fine and hunky-dory.

 

Maybe we country girls don't take crap like that as well as some of the rest of the world does, but if a guy did that to any of my friends, or to me, he'd be missing a vital piece of his anatomy. I just don't get how anyone thinks that it's okay.

 

But okay. If you want to be a doormat, that's YOUR business.