When doubt sneaks in...

[Ajay]

Hi all:

 

If you've been here before, you probably know my story, if not -- brief synopsis:

 

married 10 years, divorced; met new man, wasn't ready, ran amuck, nearly wasted relationship, reconciled, now life is good...(gee, it all sounds so simple now)

 

Why does the demon of doubt raise up and make me worry? (I'm a chronic worrier anyway, but things are going great in my relationship right now). Whenever I'm alone, I start thinking about life, love, my honey, etc... I get a sick anxious feeling that things are not going to work out for us. I start thinking, "they never have before, we've messed it up too much to fix, are we stupid or what, I can't take the hurt again if it doesn't work out this time", etc.)

 

We've had problems; I know we'll have more. We've both grown up a lot in the past two years. We're totally committed to each other. We plan to marry. We even talked about this last night, and he said he gets this feeling sometimes too.

 

We decided when we feel this way we have to remember -- this is now and this is good. The past and the crap that happened are history. It's hard though, just one more thing to work through I guess (maybe not work through, just get through). I am hoping this will resolve in time. Any input from you would be appreciated.

 

Thanks, Ajay

[MA]

Do you think you are having doubts because you plan to get married and are wondering if it is the right thing or because things haven't worked out before and you are scared there are underlying issues that weren't completesly resolved or may come up again? I think everyone has doubts and it is awesome that you can talk about it with your mate. I have recently realized how important that is. Maybe if you figure out what the root of your doubts are it will be easier to work through. I'm glad that you are happy and hope that you stay that way. I haven't read any of your previous posts so I am being pretty vague here. You can fill me in if you want otherwise....best of luck to you. Stop worrying, life is to short to question everything but if you do, I hope you find answers.

Hi all: If you've been here before, you probably know my story, if not -- brief synopsis: married 10 years, divorced; met new man, wasn't ready, ran amuck, nearly wasted relationship, reconciled, now life is good...(gee, it all sounds so simple now) Why does the demon of doubt raise up and make me worry? (I'm a chronic worrier anyway, but things are going great in my relationship right now). Whenever I'm alone, I start thinking about life, love, my honey, etc... I get a sick anxious feeling that things are not going to work out for us. I start thinking, "they never have before, we've messed it up too much to fix, are we stupid or what, I can't take the hurt again if it doesn't work out this time", etc.)

 

We've had problems; I know we'll have more. We've both grown up a lot in the past two years. We're totally committed to each other. We plan to marry. We even talked about this last night, and he said he gets this feeling sometimes too.

 

We decided when we feel this way we have to remember -- this is now and this is good. The past and the crap that happened are history. It's hard though, just one more thing to work through I guess (maybe not work through, just get through). I am hoping this will resolve in time. Any input from you would be appreciated. Thanks, Ajay

[Miranda]

Hi Ajay-

 

I'm a chronic worrier, a closet pessimist...

 

All I can say is 'Let it go'...

 

Take all of those destructive feelings: when's the bad stuff going to happen, how can life be going so good for me, am I going to make mistakes, what does the future hold for us...let it ALL go. If you need to, write all your negative feelings, worried, doubts, on scraps of paper and burn them. Anything to let them go, even for a short while, if you can't let them go permanently!

 

Try not to dwell on the past. You can't change it. Don't worry too much about the future, or you'll waste the present you have with your honey.

 

You deserve to be happy. You deserve the best. We ALL do, despite what we might think!

 

Now, I will try to take my own advice! ;-)

[Ajay]

Dear MA: Thanks for your response. My doubts are for all the reasons you asked. I would love to fill you in on the details, but it would take a while (please review previous post from me "how could I have" for more details), my troubles have been brewing for many years. It is only recently things turned around for me and "got good".

 

By the time I thought about, composed, and posted my doubt questions, I felt better. As for figuring out the root of these doubts, they run deep and branch in many directions. I guess I not only wanted input but maybe some encouragement that this is normal following reconciliation of a relationship that suffered and had so many problems in the past. Things are "most excellent" for us now.

 

I just can't understand why these negative thoughts pop up the way they do. At first I didn't want to mention it to my honey (I was afraid he would think I was having second thoughts -- I'm not), and then I was glad we talked because he had these same feelings sometimes (then of course I think he's having second thoughts -- he's not). Ultimately, I was glad we talked because I was having difficulty falling asleep, but after our conversation and the reassurance we gave each other, I slept straight through 'til this morning.

 

Your comment STOP WORRYING is right on the mark. I worry about everything all the time; it's something I'm working on, because life is to short to waste time doing the worry thing. Thanks again. Ajay

Do you think you are having doubts because you plan to get married and are wondering if it is the right thing or because things haven't worked out before and you are scared there are underlying issues that weren't completesly resolved or may come up again? I think everyone has doubts and it is awesome that you can talk about it with your mate. I have recently realized how important that is. Maybe if you figure out what the root of your doubts are it will be easier to work through. I'm glad that you are happy and hope that you stay that way. I haven't read any of your previous posts so I am being pretty vague here. You can fill me in if you want otherwise....best of luck to you. Stop worrying, life is to short to question everything but if you do, I hope you find answers.

 

[Ajay]

Miranda, Hi from Ajay:

 

Since I know you know what I mean, I'm going for the burn... I'm going to share this idea with honey later since we both have negative feelings to let go of. He'll get a kick out of the idea, it will be fun, we can do it together, and we'll be slaying the demon together. (We always joke about killing monsters, so this will be a good one.) Tonight I'll recommend a small fire outside before we blaze off to the bedroom. Thank you so much, what a great suggestion!!! Listen to yourself, you make sense.

Hi Ajay- I'm a chronic worrier, a closet pessimist...

 

All I can say is 'Let it go'... Take all of those destructive feelings: when's the bad stuff going to happen, how can life be going so good for me, am I going to make mistakes, what does the future hold for us...let it ALL go. If you need to, write all your negative feelings, worried, doubts, on scraps of paper and burn them. Anything to let them go, even for a short while, if you can't let them go permanently! Try not to dwell on the past. You can't change it. Don't worry too much about the future, or you'll waste the present you have with your honey.

 

You deserve to be happy. You deserve the best. We ALL do, despite what we might think!

 

Now, I will try to take my own advice! ;-)

 

[magicklady]

Hey Ajay.... Everything will be fine.. I think it is natural to feel this way... of course you know that I am going through the same thing right now... I will let you know what I think about this subject when I get back from my trip (ps I am an awful worrier too!! )

Dear MA: Thanks for your response. My doubts are for all the reasons you asked. I would love to fill you in on the details, but it would take a while (please review previous post from me "how could I have" for more details), my troubles have been brewing for many years. It is only recently things turned around for me and "got good".

 

By the time I thought about, composed, and posted my doubt questions, I felt better. As for figuring out the root of these doubts, they run deep and branch in many directions. I guess I not only wanted input but maybe some encouragement that this is normal following reconciliation of a relationship that suffered and had so many problems in the past. Things are "most excellent" for us now. I just can't understand why these negative thoughts pop up the way they do. At first I didn't want to mention it to my honey (I was afraid he would think I was having second thoughts -- I'm not), and then I was glad we talked because he had these same feelings sometimes (then of course I think he's having second thoughts -- he's not). Ultimately, I was glad we talked because I was having difficulty falling asleep, but after our conversation and the reassurance we gave each other, I slept straight through 'til this morning.

 

Your comment STOP WORRYING is right on the mark. I worry about everything all the time; it's something I'm working on, because life is to short to waste time doing the worry thing. Thanks again. Ajay

[Ajay]

Hey to you ms. magick: Thanks some more...but, what are you doing on the Internet lady, shouldn't you be packing for a trip to Florida or something? Have fun, worry NOT!

Hey Ajay.... Everything will be fine.. I think it is natural to feel this way... of course you know that I am going through the same thing right now... I will let you know what I think about this subject when I get back from my trip (ps I am an awful worrier too!! )