Irish Eyes Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 Hi Guys, Please bear with me... Five years ago (2004), I met this guy while we both waited at the gate of our flight. When we got back from our trips, we kept in touch, visited each other (he was in D.C. working at the Embassy, I was in NJ) and we eventually dated casually. He invited me down to the Dominican Republic during a holiday break to meet his family. While I was down there, everyone seemed very warm and open (it helps that I speak Spanish, they speak English). However, he got very distant, quiet and weird. After I got back to NJ, he broke up with me, saying he thought the relationship was "too demanding". We didn't talk after that for a couple of years. In 2006, he emailed me out of the blue, asking how I was and telling me a bit about his life and expressing an interest in being friends again. I tentatively emailed him that year. In 2007, he emailed me that he would be up in Boston for a week, visiting his exchange family (that he lived with in high school) and wanted to spend time with me up in Boston. I was interested, but said "forget it" after he couldn't seem to finalize plans. In 2009, he emailed me. (It's starting to sound like some weird joke). He was back in the Dominican Republic after completing 2 years of a masters degree in Spain. He invited me down. I went to a resort with a friend and he took me out on dates over the 10 days I was vacationing. It wasn't too intense, but he seemed calm and peaceful and romantic. He did, however, seem to be asking me a lot of questions (kind of like he was looking to see if we would be compatible in a marriage?). Anyway, the family invited me back a couple months later for his brother's wedding. His family was once again great, and he did the same crap as years ago when I stayed with them...quiet, cranky, distant. To make matters worse, everyone was joking that they wanted us to get married too, a "2 for 1". It was funny the first couple times, but became a running theme. I got back from that trip about a month ago. He has since barely talked to me, except to call for a few minutes here or there to say "hi". I called him about a week ago and he told me that he was going to try to move back to Europe, as DR is an economic disaster and he can't create a life down there. I asked where that left us. He said "well, you could come with me to Europe". I expressed that I didn't want to follow him around while he figured out what he wanted to do with his life. He told me he understood and would "meditate" on it. After a few days of nothing, I wrote him an email. I told him that it was over. I told him what I liked about our dating, and what I didn't like so much. I told him that, although I respect and care about him, I didn't want to be contacted once a year as he decides if he wants me. I wished him the best and that was it. I come to find out during the last trip that, as a child, he was very sick and almost died. As a result, his mom was neurotically protective and wouldn't let him play with other kids. He's never had a "normal" relationship with a woman and seems to hate his mother, who is still abusive to him and humiliates him in front of anyone he brings around. The family blames the mom for his circumstance. I felt sad ending this thing with him (his mom now has cancer, something my dad died of and that I tried to support him on). However, I feel exhausted. Do you guys think he projects his anger at his mom onto the women he dates? Has anyone else had a guy who dragged it out for years like this? Link to post Share on other sites
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