Very Confused

[Marcelo]

First of all I'd like to say that I am not sure if I am being paranoid or what. I have been married for 6 years and we lived together before that for about 1 year. We have a 2 year old son. My question is that I have been feeling like she has been distancing herself from me for a few months

 

now. When we first met, we were very intimate, in fact, to be honest I could not keep up with her demands. And it was like to serveral years. Now it seems to me that she never wants to be intimate anymore, she never wants to cuddle, infact I would be lucky if I got a peck on the lips, ussually it is a peck on the cheak or she would run her hand through my hair once and then go about her business. I don't remember the day of our last intimate experience, but I can tell you that she has gone through 2 menstral cycles. So probably 1 1/2 months ago. And before that time I had asked her when we would make love again. A few days later she cameto my bed and I was just gonna lay there and let her make

 

the first move. We layed there for a few minutes and then she finally snapped at me and said "if your gonna do something then do it, your the one that has been bugging me about it (i remember it in a more mean way). After we were finished I was thinking about what she had said to me and I thought

 

that I should have just said "well thanks alot" or "if that's the way you feel about it" or something like that and got out of bed. So now back to the present. It just seems that any time she notices that I am acting different, she questions me about it. When I give her an answer she go's on the defensive all of a sudden and try's make it into something bigger that it isn't. And when I question her motives about something, she goes back into the defensive mode. It really makes me feel bad afterwards because I

 

really do not like confrontations like that. My biggest problem is that I am not a good communicator and I know that. Every time we get into a discussion, she has to bring

 

it up that I never tell her anything... I know that, I feel she doesnt have to keep bringing it up every time. My other problem is (well not really a problem) I started going to church again because I didnt like how I was treating myself in life and the things I was doing, thoughts I was thinking,

 

etc... but I have been doing real good in my choosen religion and she tells me that she is happy that I have found something like that in my life, but back to when we get into discussions, the other thing she tells me is that "your the one who has changed not me" The only thought that comes to my own mind is

 

that I know I have changed my life. I have changed to the betterment of me, my son and my family but she always makes it look and feel like I'm the bad guy and it's all my fault. She never wants to take any

 

responsibility for her actions and always try to push it off on someone else...know what I

 

mean... I am starting to get real frustrated at everything. A friend of mine (not from my church) has suggested that I seek religious couseling and I have. Thier position(and I

 

totally agree) is that your family is important. And that I should continue to do my best to keep the family together, and I am trying to do that... I am just getting so frustrated. Anyway, I just wanted to ask someones else's opinion...

 

Thanks,

 

Marcelo

[Kiey]

I am a female and I sort of know how your wife feels. You must understand that we are mentally connected to people. By your non-communication with her, it may appear that you in fact are the one distancing yourself from her. This may be why she has begun to snap at you and distance herself. I do agree that family is very important and do think that divorce is the ultimate decision. However, I don't agree with staying in a relationship where the both of you are miserable. And please, don't think your child isn't picking up on the bad vibes the two of you are sending one another. Next time when you see her, ask her how her day had been and tell her something about yourself that she may not know, or even simply give her a rose and pamper her now and then. Since you're not a bit talker, write a note to her and tell her exactly how you feel and let her know what you expect of her. The two of you should make a list of things that dissapoint/hurt you. This may be temporary, but it may open the doors of communication again. Good Luck!!!

First of all I'd like to say that I am not sure if I am being paranoid or what. I have been married for 6 years and we lived together before that for about 1 year. We have a 2 year old son. My question is that I have been feeling like she has been distancing herself from me for a few months now. When we first met, we were very intimate, in fact, to be honest I could not keep up with her demands. And it was like to serveral years. Now it seems to me that she never wants to be intimate anymore, she never wants to cuddle, infact I would be lucky if I got a peck on the lips, ussually it is a peck on the cheak or she would run her hand through my hair once and then go about her business. I don't remember the day of our last intimate experience, but I can tell you that she has gone through 2 menstral cycles. So probably 1 1/2 months ago. And before that time I had asked her when we would make love again. A few days later she cameto my bed and I was just gonna lay there and let her make

 

the first move. We layed there for a few minutes and then she finally snapped at me and said "if your gonna do something then do it, your the one that has been bugging me about it (i remember it in a more mean way). After we were finished I was thinking about what she had said to me and I thought

 

that I should have just said "well thanks alot" or "if that's the way you feel about it" or something like that and got out of bed. So now back to the present. It just seems that any time she notices that I am acting different, she questions me about it. When I give her an answer she go's on the defensive all of a sudden and try's make it into something bigger that it isn't. And when I question her motives about something, she goes back into the defensive mode. It really makes me feel bad afterwards because I really do not like confrontations like that. My biggest problem is that I am not a good communicator and I know that. Every time we get into a discussion, she has to bring it up that I never tell her anything... I know that, I feel she doesnt have to keep bringing it up every time. My other problem is (well not really a problem) I started going to church again because I didnt like how I was treating myself in life and the things I was doing, thoughts I was thinking, etc... but I have been doing real good in my choosen religion and she tells me that she is happy that I have found something like that in my life, but back to when we get into discussions, the other thing she tells me is that "your the one who has changed not me" The only thought that comes to my own mind is that I know I have changed my life. I have changed to the betterment of me, my son and my family but she always makes it look and feel like I'm the bad guy and it's all my fault. She never wants to take any responsibility for her actions and always try to push it off on someone else...know what I mean... I am starting to get real frustrated at everything. A friend of mine (not from my church) has suggested that I seek religious couseling and I have. Thier position(and I totally agree) is that your family is important. And that I should continue to do my best to keep the family together, and I am trying to do that... I am just getting so frustrated. Anyway, I just wanted to ask someones else's opinion... Thanks, Marcelo

[Marcelo]

pamper her now and then.

 

Kiey,

 

You say I should pamper... right. Let me say this then, since we have been married I have done nothing but pamper her. Every big decision that was needing to be made, it was done because that's what she wanted. Everytime we moved, it wasn't to someplace we could afford but where she would be happy. When we met I was in the military and she moved to memphis, tn, she wanted to be closer to her home in florida, so I took an early transfer and we went to alanta, ga. In atlanta, she wanted to but a new car. I told her that if she wanted one that would be fine, but she would have to get a job and pay for it. 6-12 months later she got fired and up to now hasn't fulfilled her end of the bargain. I coming close to transfer time and she wanted to either stay there in atlanta or go home to florida, I told that those choices were slim to none and that we would probably have to go to the west coast (california) (I had over 10 years in at this, time) she told me that it was those two places or I would go by myself (to me that meant divorce and I told her that afterwards), so I made a huge sacrifice and through away my military carear. Out of the military now, 1 1/2 years later we have a bill consolidation (which includes the car) we are two months behind, no cable and barely paying the bills. I asked her to get a job so we could get a little caught up. She told me that she tried getting a job and it just wouldnt workout with childcare costs( she wanted a part-time job) $60/wk, I told her that it would work if she got a full-time job. She told me that she was not getting a full-time job, but two days earlier she asked me if I could put in another day at work each week. That would make my hours from the already 50 (straight, no overtime) to 60 hours per week. Do you see any pattern here? Our relationship is her, her, her. I've sacrificed most of my life for her, and she just takes, takes, takes.... How long am I supposed to go like this. I cannot live like this.

[Kiey]

I am deeply sorry for your misfortune. I take back everything I said, it was a bit misleading because you failed to mention some of those things. I have to say this, a man will never be respected if a woman can get over on him. Assert yourself. Either she'll respect you for it, or leave. Either way, you'll be alot happier. I know you have a child, and try to work things out with her first, and if I doesn't, retrieve your life. Get back on the track you were on, get back into the army and find you someone that will RESPECT YOU AS A MAN, HUSBAND AND FATHER!!!!

Kiey, You say I should pamper... right. Let me say this then, since we have been married I have done nothing but pamper her. Every big decision that was needing to be made, it was done because that's what she wanted. Everytime we moved, it wasn't to someplace we could afford but where she would be happy. When we met I was in the military and she moved to memphis, tn, she wanted to be closer to her home in florida, so I took an early transfer and we went to alanta, ga. In atlanta, she wanted to but a new car. I told her that if she wanted one that would be fine, but she would have to get a job and pay for it. 6-12 months later she got fired and up to now hasn't fulfilled her end of the bargain. I coming close to transfer time and she wanted to either stay there in atlanta or go home to florida, I told that those choices were slim to none and that we would probably have to go to the west coast (california) (I had over 10 years in at this, time) she told me that it was those two places or I would go by myself (to me that meant divorce and I told her that afterwards), so I made a huge sacrifice and through away my military carear. Out of the military now, 1 1/2 years later we have a bill consolidation (which includes the car) we are two months behind, no cable and barely paying the bills. I asked her to get a job so we could get a little caught up. She told me that she tried getting a job and it just wouldnt workout with childcare costs( she wanted a part-time job) $60/wk, I told her that it would work if she got a full-time job. She told me that she was not getting a full-time job, but two days earlier she asked me if I could put in another day at work each week. That would make my hours from the already 50 (straight, no overtime) to 60 hours per week. Do you see any pattern here? Our relationship is her, her, her. I've sacrificed most of my life for her, and she just takes, takes, takes.... How long am I supposed to go like this. I cannot live like this.