Who blew this relationship? please tell me

[PRETTYGIRL]

My bf of 4 years and I have been together since college. We loved each other so much it's just unbelievable; I couldn't bear being away from him for more than couple of hours. When not together, we're on the phone pretty much all the time to know where we are, what we do and things.

 

When he went overseas for 10 days, my life darkened and I truely felt I was gonna die because he wasn't around. I called him at least once a day to check on him and himself emailed me at least 3 times a day to tell me how his day was.

 

To sum up, a crazy love story!!! Too much love.

 

We did lot's of stuff together and we both talked about marriage in our 2nd year. He promised me we will get married as soon as he finishes grad school. Now he was done with grad school about 9 months ago and he didn't mention anything about marriage. He always tells me how there is no other woman in his life and how much he wishes he could have a successful life just to make my life happier every day. I told him I loved him and it doesn't matter to me how rich he'd become as long as we are together.

 

Sometimes he used to smack me when we get into big arguments. He usually appologizes after a couple of hours and promises never put a hand on me. But he gets really pissed, he slaps once or twice me. If the argument is not big, he just sits there and never talks which irritates me even more and I blow off.

 

Lately, he hungs out with his boys. I confess that he always asked me to go with him but never wanted to because there is nothing for me to do there with bench of guys. Yet, he goes on his own and comes back home real late. I just started feeling he doesn't care anymore, no love, no affection nothing. I cried nights and days about this relationship becuase it was like a fairytale.

 

about 3 months ago, a nice pretty successful guy hit on me... talked nice to me and showed lot's of care. I pushed him away for a while but when I noticed that my bf just keeps ignoring me, I gave this guy a chance. He told me he loved me and everything... and I felt charmed. So I broke up with my bf.

 

My bf went nuts, cried like no other and asked me to just wait until he starts up a good carreer and that everything would be fine. And he'd forgive me with my affair with this guy. He said he'd understand because things happened so fast (me and new guy only 1 month) But it's not about that, it's about the missing love... I moved out. He still asked me to at least stay friends. I accepted because I didn't wanna hurt him cuz I cared about him.

 

2 weeks later, I went to his place to pick up some stuff I left there and I found a girl. My emotions just bleewww...

how could he do that? Was what he was saying to me all lies? I know he never knew her before because I know all his friends but that quick? then he calls me on the phone and says he doesn' want friendship from dishonest people like me... that hurt me sooo bad!!!

 

what happened? was I in a 4 years long beautiful dream that shattered? Who blew it?

[UCFKevin]

What was the girl doing there?

 

Do you have any guy friends? Maybe she's just a friend. YOu shouldn't have jumped to any conclusions.

[ArdeaCandidissima]

It wasn't a dream relationship - getting slapped around and ignored and insulted. Sure, there were good moments. But you couldn't really count on him, could you? Nor could he on you, when it comes to that.

 

"Too much love"? Naahh. Too much violence, dependency, infatuation, foggy thinking.

 

Question: Why does the other girl bother you more than the abuse and insults? If you leave him, technically, he's free to be with other girls. She could easily be someone he "hooked up with" just in the past few weeks, or perhaps he DID have her on the side previously. I'm not really sure why you care.

 

Do you want to be with him or not? And if you say yes.....WHY?

[PRETTYGIRL]

Well, actually I counted on him on almost everything and he was up to it. Sometimes when I get overloaded with school work, he's always there to take the burden off me.

 

Honestly, Slapping happens only once in two months when we get into a big fight. (one slap no beating)

 

I don't think he knew the girl during our relationship because we were together almost 18/24. But when I saw her, I cried a lot... I m all confused

[NEONINK]

"Honestly, Slapping happens only once in two months when we get into a big fight. (one slap no beating)"

 

Who gives a crap, one slap or one beating? It's all the same. Violence or aggression toward the ones you love.

I would suggest some self-esteem books, and don't settle for anything less.

[Leikela]

Like the old saying goes, "What goes around, comes around."

 

You did the same exact thing to him, so the only difference here is now you know how HE felt when you told him you were leaving him for another guy.

[Zankon]

Why didn't you talk about it before you take such decision? Moreover, if he was bad why did you wait till you found another guy. You should've took off earlier. I think that way it was gonna be easier for both of ya.

[PRETTYGIRL]

Sometimes I feel a sort of curiosity and want to know how he's doing. Sometimes shadenfreud. Is this normal? Why am I feeling this?

[charlie]

this guy hit you. once or twice, it doesn't matter. once a partner in a relationship exercises any form of physical abuse that should be the tip to get the **** outta there like yesterday. gender roles aside, males can be very manipulative and decietful. your relationship is a case in point. if this new guy treats you like a queen, give him the chance. long relationship or not, the ex is no good. abuse is abuse. there are plenty of good men out there that would sooner die than lay a hand on a female in anger. it's not like we're the minority either.