All the horror stories make me never wish to get married, ever.

[Stall Tactics]

The almost is where I get tripped up. I feel smothered and stifled if I can't do everything I work for.

 

 

Yeah, you feel that way because you spent a lot of effort (and it sounds like twice the mental effort than the physical effort even!) getting to wherever you are. So it is justified! It's true that people do settle a lot of the times. It's hard to decipher where compromise turns to settling because the line between is so thin. That doesn't mean you can't find the person who is willing and able to compromise as opposed to settle. You have to learn how to appreciate the people around you again because it sounds like you have issues with that maybe. It no longer becomes a competition of how much you can do, but how meaningful each encounter is. When you were single, you could go out 7 nights a week and they were fun! When you're not, you can go out maybe 4 nights a week (guesstimation stuff, so your mileage may vary), but if you are spending that time with someone you love, respect, and cherish then the "good" feeling is amplified and, thus, makes up for the days where you have to just pal around the house with your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband.

 

These are learned traits, though. A lot of people stick with people they shouldn't because of familiarity. In past generations (when you're talking about 25 year long marriages 8 years ago like an above poster), sticking together in a marriage was an expectation. You signed your name, so you signed your life over. Today, people are impulsive and mistake infatuation for love. You then find yourself in a longterm situation and all these icky things come to a head and I bet you could've seen the warning signs a mile away had you really been a discerning eye.

 

Soooooooo, basically... Yes, of course there's tons of happy marriages! That's kind of why people keep on getting married lol. The standard has been set and humans are social animals so they continue to build societies and marriages, unions and friendships, etc. Of course, you can't have a good without a bad and what goes up must come down. There are going to be dysfunctional relationships because that is the nature of the beast. I'm sorry you had to see your parents in such disarray, but had they not stuck together, you and your sister would not have had a chance at life. There's gotta be something to that!

[JayJ]

In my opinion the most important thing in life is personal freedom. Marriage kills that. You need to have options and choices always available so you don't end up feeling trapped.

 

You can have all the good and bad of a marriage without getting married. The difference is when the bad gets really bad you can walk out the door easily. This would not be the case when you're married.

[Woggle]

In my opinion the most important thing in life is personal freedom. Marriage kills that. You need to have options and choices always available so you don't end up feeling trapped.

 

You can have all the good and bad of a marriage without getting married. The difference is when the bad gets really bad you can walk out the door easily. This would not be the case when you're married.

 

You can have personal freedom in a marriage but a man has to set the tone before they even get engaged. She has to know in no uncertain terms that she is not marrying a doormat and any attempt to change that will not turn out well. Also he needs to get a prenup just in case.

[giotto]

it's really down to the couple to keep the marrriage alive. With children, that can become quite difficult. Personally, having children has been a blessing and a disaster at the same time. I adore them, but they have ruined our marriage. They are the center of everything, well, for my wife. We disconnected and they took priority. Yes, I've been left behind and I never wanted children in the first place! Having said that, I cannot imagine my life without them... but marriage has sucked the life out of me...