delajoonal Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 soheart... i got IT in the first post... and IT doesn't matter...you still have your heart broken you are in pain, you are human, and in love... I AM am def HERE for you... eveyone here on LS is amazing, you will see...it doesn't matter what closet you are coming out of...(so to speak) my H sat in MY closet, literally, and cried for 2 hours when he decided to leave me..LOL.. ok, so maybe that wasnt funny, i am just trying to bring a smile to your face:) i sure hope you are doing well today... i just want to add LisaUK is prolly the most sensitve and inuitve members here on LS..you will find much comfort in her words:) Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 i just want to add LisaUK is prolly the most sensitve and inuitve members here on LS..you will find much comfort in her words:) Thanks Dela (Why doesn't my ex think this though? Yes, I know, he's a commitment-phobe). Link to post Share on other sites
Author soheartbroken Posted August 6, 2009 Author Share Posted August 6, 2009 Thanks everyone. Your understanding brings tears to my eyes. Delajoonal - I gave notice on the apartment today. There is no going back. I feel so sick when I'm there, and I DO cry the moment I step in the door. Maybe in the long run I could've gotten through it. I think it will be a relief to be gone though (I hope?). Although I still don't have a plan on where to live yet. LisaUK re: law school: I didn't really fit into the culture. First of all, I am older than most people in my year. I'm also a mature person (usually, I swear!), and most of them act like undergrads still...partying etc. Not my scene. OR, they come across as intellectually snobby. I'm a sporty type - smart but down to earth, and studious. Not many people like me there. Not to say that I didn't make any connections, I did. But no close friends. Some people say law school is like highschool all over again...Also there was tonnes of pressure to do well, mostly self-imposed I guess. I also alienated the one close friend that I was making. It was for the better though. BUT, most people I think really like law school, and I'm sure you would be one of them. Don't let my rare situation influence you. What are your hesitations about going? Didn't you say it was for a masters in law though? Doesn't that mean you have your bachelor of law (or whatever they call it in the UK) already? Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 O/T apoligies to other LSers! Hi, yes it is a postgrad diploma. I have a batch degree in Psychology (we do one subject here, no majors). The Graduate Diploma in Law is a postgrad conversion course, it converts my Psych degree to a law degree. There will be no one under 21 on the course, but I am a mature student, 33 years old. After the one year dip, I then have to do the LPC (Law Practice Course), everyone whether they do undergrad law or the GDL has to do the LPC, after that you have to secure a training contract with a law frim for 2 years to qualify as a solicitor. The reason I am undecided is that in order to do it I have to live with my parents for 2 years, plus the training contracts are very competitive (sp), I would be competing with much younger grads with better A' level grades than me. My grades were terrible, I was not very focused at 18. My degree class is way above average though I have a 2:1 degree. I am also worried about the culture, I'm hoping there will be other mature students changing career. I worry about whether I will enjoy law itself as well. What is the actual content like? Is it engaging, or just a lot of facts, history and politics. I was hoping it will be quite analytical. I read Glanville Williams Learning the law and it seems to be. Link to post Share on other sites
BentButNotBroken Posted August 6, 2009 Share Posted August 6, 2009 You are going to make it. Like everyone else says...does not matter how you classify the relationship (straight, same-sex)...pain is pain. Also like everyone else said, do not worry about what the other is doing or feeling. They will deal with it at some point...believe me there. You are getting a head start because you are the one who was FORCED to adjust, you did not CHOOSE this and get yourself more mentally prepared like the other. The tables will turn (you will either see it or you may never see the other deal with it hitting them) It will just depend on where you are at then. It you do see it hit them and too much time has passed...i can almost promise you that YOU will see it for what it is and be able to keep walking without looking back. Let's get you there friend because we cannot count on the other right now. Write, eat, sleep, and talk out these side issues involving where to live. You are going to be okay. Just sucks that this had to happen to you. Oh well, lets get busy living... Link to post Share on other sites
Author soheartbroken Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 O/T apoligies to other LSers! Hi, yes it is a postgrad diploma. I have a batch degree in Psychology (we do one subject here, no majors). The Graduate Diploma in Law is a postgrad conversion course, it converts my Psych degree to a law degree. There will be no one under 21 on the course, but I am a mature student, 33 years old. After the one year dip, I then have to do the LPC (Law Practice Course), everyone whether they do undergrad law or the GDL has to do the LPC, after that you have to secure a training contract with a law frim for 2 years to qualify as a solicitor. The reason I am undecided is that in order to do it I have to live with my parents for 2 years, plus the training contracts are very competitive (sp), I would be competing with much younger grads with better A' level grades than me. My grades were terrible, I was not very focused at 18. My degree class is way above average though I have a 2:1 degree. I am also worried about the culture, I'm hoping there will be other mature students changing career. I worry about whether I will enjoy law itself as well. What is the actual content like? Is it engaging, or just a lot of facts, history and politics. I was hoping it will be quite analytical. I read Glanville Williams Learning the law and it seems to be. I also have an undergrad in psychology Law itself is engaging. We talk about Glanville sometimes in criminal law...not at length, but he gets mentioned. Some classes can get quite analytical, but it all depends on the professor. Some people also say that your upper years are better than first year. I wouldn't know cause I only have the one year done. In my experience there aren't too many mature students...but you'll find some. And I think my law school had socials for mature students. Keep in mind that even if people aren't technically "mature students", there will be lots of different backgrounds. You'll find quite a few with a masters or whatever. But you don't sound like the type that will want to hit up keg parties and clubs. It probably will be a bit of a culture shock. As for the competitive training contracts, you might find that employers aren't too interested in your grades from when you were 18. Things are clearly done differently in the UK, but I can tell you here that employers only care about your law grades...experience at other things will count for A LOT as well, and you probably have a lot of that. Just from how you write on this forum I think you will come across really well. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 So, I should probably come out of the closet here. Everyone is being so supportive, and I don't want to betray anyone's trust...especially the men who have been trying to support a "brother" in need. This was a same-sex relationship. You've all probably started to wonder what kind of grown man wants to move back with his mom! Or who is thinking of staying with a female friend. I,I,I,................don't know what to say! I feel so used and abused! I feel so violated! So, so, so lied to! There ya happy now? :laugh: A broken mending heart doesn't know of things such as gender, sexual orientation, yada~yada and "Frankly Miss Scarlet! We don't give a damn! Back in tha' day I was stumbling and fumbling through the goal post of Life and the 'Storms of Life" just kept rolling and rolling over me? I was a basket case. ( :lmao: Some still say I am! :lmao: ) What matters to us here at LS is getting you back up on your feet, getting you back to walking and talking, (and eating) advising you from our collective experience and wisdom. Just like any other individual here at LS. LoveShack is about learning, growing and helping others, (The 'Love" part of Loveshack. Not about beating each other up. Besides if some did? Tony would be all over you like a pack of dogs on a three legged cat! Opps! Sorry forgot your one of those 'cat' people! You got work with me here, I'm trying my best to get a smile on that pretty face of yours and at least a chuckle. If I'm really lucky? Maybe I can get you to spout some coffee or milk through your nose onto your lap top :lmao: My advice would be to hold off on law school for awhile until you can achieve at least an emotional balance, and that's going to take a little while, with your actively working at it. If you hate law school, why would you want to be a lawyer? I know of plenty of people that went to and graduated from law school and are now working in other fields. They hated it! Why not do what you love? The following is for the OP, and may end up being long ~ you've been warned! Not that others couldn't benefit from such. Harvard Business School followed 500 of its graduates over the course of twenty years. Of the original 500, many dropped out, but of the ones that stayed with the study? Twenty of them became multi-millionaires. One, who had an MBA, got out of Harvard, moved to Chicago, thumbed her nose at her parents, and went to beauty school, With her degree in business, she opened her own salon which became very successful. The owner of the building asked her if she wanted to buy it, as he was in declining health, the building needed maintenance etc. She bought it for a song, fixed the place up along with the second floor which she turned into a beauty school. Flash forward a couple of years later. Her salon is the rave of Chicago, her beauty school has students waiting to get in. Fella walks in off the street on day and asks her? "What would you take for the place?" To which responded? "I love this place, I love my job, I love my career, I love what I'm doing! I love my life! I would never sell for even a million dollars!" The next day the guy walked in and offered her over five million dollars for the place ~ she refused! He came back the next day and offered ten million. Where her salon once sat? Now sits the Sears Tower. DO WHAT YOU LOVE, NOT WHAT YOU HATE! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 LOL...OK, so i used the wrong word..i meant gruff and ruff...BUT a heart of GOLD!..LOL... i hope thou did not offend? i luv what you have to say Gunny...even when u make me see what i SO DO NOT want to see...ThAT is a good thing that you do.. you get us mad and also know when to use a soft hand... that is what i appreciate:) thank you..really;) Someone would have to pack and 'all-day' lunch and get up pretty early in the morning to offend me and hurt my feelings! I did twenty plus years in the Marines ~ and besides that? What really toughened me up? :eek: :eek: I WAS MARRIED FOR TWELVE DAMN YEARS! :mad: :p :confused: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Your still in the Vince Gill, "When I Call Your Name!" phase. When the Japanesse movers came and took everything away, and as I sat in an empty apartment in Okinawa with a couple packs of Marlboros cigarettes, a Fred Flintstone jelly glass, an Elvis decanter of Jim Beam? I sat there and got drunk as could be! I also sat there listening to that song, and George Jones on a cheap, hand held portable CD player. From time to time, I would stare at travel orders to Kuwiat in three days. (The first Gulf War) "UFB! It just doesn't get any better than this!" I thought! :lmao: George, Jim, Fred, and Vince and I had us one Hell of a time that night. I had just put the DW and kids on the plane stateside, and here I was getting drunk shipping out to war in three days! Not only did I have to get my act together, I had two hundred men +, mostly boys, to get ready for some serious reality. Elvis told me he liked them fast! Jim told me he like them mellow! Fred told me he liked them old fashion! And Vince? He just told me he wished he had her back! George? He told me you couldn't tell a good one from a bad one! Until you've got them! A good one will love you till death! A bad one will make damn sure you go first! Hope your doing better Kitten! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 You do realize though! That you will be treated no differently than any other broken hearted! My advice will be same for any and all the same! Suck it up and deal with it! Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 see what i mean...LOL...always making me laugh when i need it... and a strong word or two to wake me up and face the day...") p.s. i LOOOOVED that story(Sears Tower....)thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author soheartbroken Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 Thanks Gunny. Inspirational story. I do figure I could get my degree but NOT be a lawyer. Just use it as a stepping stone to something else. Situation at this point: apartment given up. Must move out stuff. Stick out the next three weeks and see how I feel about school. Find new place if necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Thanks Gunny. Inspirational story. I do figure I could get my degree but NOT be a lawyer. Just use it as a stepping stone to something else. Situation at this point: apartment given up. Must move out stuff. Stick out the next three weeks and see how I feel about school. Find new place if necessary. There you go! Wake up to the alarm clock, do a 'sitrep' (Situational Report) which normally comes back SNAFU (Situation Normal ~ All F***** Up!) and get on with the day! Make some coffee and/or drink some OJ. (Just food for the brain) put one foot down, put one in front of the other, shuffle and stumble down the hallway while holding on to the wall to your favorite spot. Scracth your @zz, bitch, moan groan and complain ~ Check to make sure that the world is still turning, the sun is still shinning. Get up and get to moving, even though you don't want to. Places to go ~ things to do! Use 'false motivation' ~ fake it until you make it! Gotta get up and get the get-down feelin' ~ Gotta get up and get it on! Kind of like when your friends are chidding you to go and do something you don't want to go and do? But you do, and you have a good time to despite yourself! A little something I like to call life! Now wipe that milk off your nose! Link to post Share on other sites
Author soheartbroken Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 Pain is coming on really strong right now. Can't imagine my life without her. So many good memories. My life as I knew it was over. I just want her back so badly. She treated me so well. How can I just stop speaking to a person who I loved (and still love) for 5 years? Can't get rid of this pain in my chest. How will this ever go away? I don't want to move on from her...I want hope for a future together. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Sweetie, I now it hurts. I often think the same, how can I not talk to my ex we were together 18 years? I found it helped to not think of the long term, try to just take one hour at a time. Just get through the next hour, then the next and so on. Thinking about the long term future just causes you pain. It gets easier, really, I am 5 months post split and 8 weeks complete NC. Read my thread if you like, you will see how a few weeks ago I had a terrible moment where I came on here and asked everyone to help me, the exact same thought you are having right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soheartbroken Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 Lisa: I'm trying to catch up on your posts, it's quite a long thread though! Tonight she is back from out of town (work related). She is supposed to call me when she gets in, and we are going to meet to discuss what is left to discuss about the apartment. I haven't told her that I'm moving out yet, she thinks I'm staying there as of right now. I'm getting anxious that she won't call though. If she doesn't call then that's the end. No more hope I guess. So I'm pretty scared. And of course part of me is holding on to that hope. Gonna try not to be needy when we meet. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Hi, I went back to my thread for you to find the post I mentioned, so you can see for yourself you are not alone on this feeling and hopefully have some faith that it will get better. It's on pg 3, 25th June. I hope it helps. When you see your GF tonight try and remain indifferent if you can. Search Gunny's threads and get the 180 list, it will tell you what to and what not to do. You need to ACT like you are ok with this, if you tell her you love her and want another chance etc etc you will only push her further away, crazy I know, but it's the way it is, goes against everything you naturally want to do! O/T-Thanks for the reply re law school, I'm still deciding, but I am vering on the accepting side at the moment. Just reading through a book written to try and help prospective students understand what it's like to study law. You are correct, I am SOOOOOOOO not into partying and kegs! But after what I've been through with the ex, maybe it's time for some fun! LOL, perhaps I'll get me a nice 21 year old! Ohhh Yeah! Just kidding! Thanks for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soheartbroken Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 Could you direct me to Gunny's thread with the 180 list? I will search in the meantime. It will be tough to pretend that I'm fine. Not gonna lie, I will probably do something not recommended. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soheartbroken Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 K. I found a thread "what are the rules to doing a 180"...so I'll read that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soheartbroken Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 Fears about the 180: Really, it is geared to getting the spouse back. I know it's supposed to help even if you don't get them back. BUT, in the back of my mind I would do it to get her back...not soon, but down the road. But then one day down the road she will move on, and the 180 will have been for nothing. I will regret not having told her how I truly felt. Anyone else feel this way about the 180? Plus, the fact that we were never married makes it easier for her to walk away. Sorry for all the posts. My mind is anxiously awaiting this meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 What if the 180 worked? That's the question you need to ask, because as hard as this is to hear, she has made the decision to leave, she isn't going to be receptive to hearing how much you love her right now. The problem with pulling a 180 is that it goes against everything you instinctively want to do, yet from the evidence on all of these boards, it is the only hope. Not only if it works, but if it doesn't work you will have created distance to help you move forward for you. This is the hardest thing you will hear at the point you are at right now, the hardest to accept, I feel bad being the one to say it to you. Ask yourself, have you already told your ex how you feel? have you alraedy asked, begged, pleaded etc, if so, why would telling her how you really feel make any difference? Link to post Share on other sites
Author soheartbroken Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 You're probably right. I'll try my best. OT: let me know if you accept the law school program. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 So you did already tell her how you feel then? You need to do what you feel is right, but often when we are so hurt like you are right now, that isn't always the best thing to do. I hope it goes well for you! I will let you know, I have to decide by Monday! Arrrgghh! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Author soheartbroken Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 When we first broke up, I said I wish she wasn't doing this, and that this is not what I wanted. This was just within hours, maybe max within the first two days. Not in a begging sort of way, just matter of fact (and maybe with crying). But after the second day or so I knew it was going to happen, that we were breaking up, and in a sense I think it was the right thing to do. BUT, I have hope for the future, as in, let's check in once in a while, and see months down the road if we can try again. But she seems to be pulling away, so I'm hesitant to even bring that up tonight. I don't see the point really in still talking unless it may lead somewhere. And it can't be one-sided, as in, I want to talk to her but she only talks to me out of guilt, and never initiates it. Sorry if I'm not making sense. Still haven't heard from her yet. Link to post Share on other sites
JLoves Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I'm not really in a position to reply as I've only just started to follow the 180 rules, but you asked if the 180 was for getting a SO back? I can only say what I'm slowly learning. It's for your sanity. If the SO comes back, then good and it's on your terms not hers, if not, then you have been preparing to get on with your life without her. It feels much better to be able to do something positive about the situation than wringing hands, crying, angry, playing doormat, etc. (believe me, I've done my fair share of that over the past 4 months) I wasn't going to post as LisaUK said it much better, but I read this from Gunny in another thread and thought I'd repeat it. Do them for yourself ~ not her! The 180's are about your state of mind! Not hers! Hang on in there.. It does get better.. Link to post Share on other sites
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