I'm in so much pain, and so

[delajoonal]

[QUOTE=soheartbroken;2315564]Fears about the 180:

Really, it is geared to getting the spouse back. I know it's supposed to help even if you don't get them back. BUT, in the back of my mind I would do it to get her back...not soon, but down the road.

But then one day down the road she will move on, and the 180 will have been for nothing. I will regret not having told her how I truly felt.

Anyone else feel this way about the 180? Plus, the fact that we were never married makes it easier for her to walk away.

Sorry for all the posts. My mind is anxiously awaiting this meeting.

soheart....

 

YES...i fear this everyday...and YES, i have slipped a few times..but we are only human....but as long as you try your hardest and keep doing it...i am told IT just comes naturally after a while...

 

i did see some changes immediately, after i discovered what my H's real issues are, MLC, and then it was all so clear to me...

 

no where any easier, but now i know, right...so doing the 180 just zipped right along...and to my amazment..IT WORKED....i couldn't believe it...i think i wrote some posts??? check my back posts?

 

anyway, because we are married, we have had some legal issues from H***....so there went the 180 and his responding, etc...

 

BUT, it is never too late to start over and just pick up where i/anyone has left off...

 

just keep doing it!

 

if you have a backslide...do not beat your self up..OK..

just come to LS post and read..we are ALL here for you sweetie!

and yes, to be honest, there will be backslides...your break up is fresh and a very open wound...so be kind to yourself and take ONE STEP AT A TIME..OK...do not overwhelm yourself:)

 

have a Fabulous weekend...will check back tho from time to time..

 

p.s. keep chatting with lisaUK, Gunny, tojaz, and more...too many to name...but everyone is great and really cares...we can all get thru these break ups, separations, divorces...whatever...we are all in it together:)

[Gunny376]

There isn't any absolute 'sure-fire' absolute, guaranteed snake oil, book, nor program you can buy that will absolutely insure that she will ever come back.

 

You might want to read the book "How To Win Back The One You Love" by Eric Weber, (and a Psych co-author, that I can't remember right now)

 

Another you might want to read is "The Idiot's Guide To Handling A Breakup" Rosanne Rosen

 

The 180's are meant to build primarily "attractiveness" (as being weak, whinny, needy and clingy is never something that anyone finds attractive)

and to provide an alternative to,...................well other alternatives.

 

You should understand, that breaking up is part of the natural cycle of relationships. Regardless of they're nature, (friends, family, business, romantic, etc)

 

Each relationship, regardless of its foundation has a beginning, middle and end. Even if they end on a positive note, such as the passing of a love one? All relationships end, one way or the other and in given time.

[Gunny376]

You need to give her the gift of "missing you" and she can't do that if your in constant contact with her?

 

The mind is a funny thing ~ in that we can go through some of the most worse experiences of our lives, but given time, our minds will weed out the pain, misery, heartache and only remember the 'good' of any given experience.

 

If you just back off, leave her alone, work the 180's ~ she might, just might ~ given time start to miss you, begin to forget whatever issues she had with you, begin to think, "I really miss her, and,...............come to think of it? She wasn't so bad! I really blew things out of proportion greater than what they really were..................................

 

But, if you push the issue, become whinny, begging, weak,......................

 

The harder you chase? The faster she will run away. Its a natural instinct do so? For you and me, anyone.

 

And that's a lot of what the 180's are about, which is why they seem so wrong? Because your fighting your natural instinct.

 

Trouble is? Your natural instinct is based upon hundred's of thousands of years ~ if not millions of years of evolution.

 

Trouble is? This 2009 ~ and while we've evolved as a society/culture we've yet to evolve from fleeing that which we fear or don't understand.

 

You need to brace yourself that there may be someone else that's captured her attraction? In which case its not you, but her. (I'd bet good money on this one)

 

Or two? You've hurt her and made her mad ~ in which case you've got to give her time to cool down, calm down, get over it. And she can't do that if your always in contact with her.

 

The person that cares the least about the other person and the relationship ~ is the one that controls the relationship ~ which I hate to be the one to tell you?

 

Isn't you!

 

You come across as a good, loving and caring person ~ with a lot of love to give!

 

AS with most if not all relationships ~ it sounds to me as though this is about "command and control issues" and about who is the 'Alpha' in and of the relationship.

 

That's a BIG issue in any relationship. But even more so when it comes to a same sex relationship.

 

In applicable theory ~ when it comes to same sex relationships? Your equals ~ same sex, same gender, yada~yada.

 

Think again.

 

In every relationship, there's always going to be the more dominant/subservient one?

 

Regardless of the 'mix' of gender/sexual identity/gender identity?

 

 

Being a law student? Your no push over, nor weak-minded, supplicating weakling.

 

By definition!

 

You didn't make it to and through one year of law school being as such.

 

To me?

 

She's drawn the line in the sand!

 

This isn't about your not being supportive, argumentative, or just anger issues!

 

This is about who is going to be in control and the more dominant of the two in the relationship?

 

I hate to put this in these terms ~ but who's going to be the 'husband' and who's going to be the 'wife'?

 

I truly realize that's 'bi-polar' logic! And the simplest way to express it, (although not the best way)

 

But that's what this comes down to.

 

Who's the Top Dog?

[BentButNotBroken]

soheart,

 

It comes down to this...

Either the other "beat you to the punch" of breaking up or they have a character flaw that they refuse to involve you in managing anymore. I tend to believe that most if not all breakups are geared towards one of these two things or a little of both. My point is, either you way look at it...a break up cannot necessarily be looked at a JUST an end to a relationship but a view into the "true colors" of your loved one. If its because the other beat you to the punch, then it was inevitable and you have to accept that (due to the fact that the tables could have easily turned if you had pulled the trigger so to speak) to bring some peace and begin healing. Or, if a character issue, (shutting out true feelings, lack of respect, cheating, abuse)...then this is not a person that you should be associated with anyway. Yes, the relationship has vested many feelings and memories so take those away from it and use that VALUABLE information to create a self confidence and/or even more fulfilling relationship.

 

Everyone in this thread and yourself will deal with the pain of having to let go of something before they wanted to. Just because the other person does not want to make it a graceful finish also does not mean you still cannot make it one...by taking lessons from it. It's that cliche you know..."it's not how you start but how you finish". At some point, the other may want to restart and try for a better finish (either til death or to lay it all on the table before being sure). Since they could not do that before, it will be up to you to decide if "going back on the relationship train" with this person is worth the risk of going through this pain you have now over again. I tend to think that if my spouse could not "error towards me" (and be sure of us first and foremost) then choose the other side of the grass...they she wasn't who I want to grow old with. It still kicked my ass to lose her, but it was probably for the better. Yea, i might not get to flood her with the emotional consequences of her actions...but what would that change? If she can live with hurting me...then she will live without not having another person in her life loving her. Its a tragedy (for her) but lucky for someone else (either just myself and/or my next relationship). You get me?

 

 

Just my opinion.

[Gunny376]

soheart,

 

It comes down to this...

Either the other "beat you to the punch" of breaking up or they have a character flaw that they refuse to involve you in managing anymore. I tend to believe that most if not all breakups are geared towards one of these two things or a little of both. My point is, either you way look at it...a break up cannot necessarily be looked at a JUST an end to a relationship but a view into the "true colors" of your loved one. If its because the other beat you to the punch, then it was inevitable and you have to accept that (due to the fact that the tables could have easily turned if you had pulled the trigger so to speak) to bring some peace and begin healing. Or, if a character issue, (shutting out true feelings, lack of respect, cheating, abuse)...then this is not a person that you should be associated with anyway. Yes, the relationship has vested many feelings and memories so take those away from it and use that VALUABLE information to create a self confidence and/or even more fulfilling relationship.

 

Everyone in this thread and yourself will deal with the pain of having to let go of something before they wanted to. Just because the other person does not want to make it a graceful finish also does not mean you still cannot make it one...by taking lessons from it. It's that cliche you know..."it's not how you start but how you finish". At some point, the other may want to restart and try for a better finish (either til death or to lay it all on the table before being sure). Since they could not do that before, it will be up to you to decide if "going back on the relationship train" with this person is worth the risk of going through this pain you have now over again. I tend to think that if my spouse could not "error towards me" (and be sure of us first and foremost) then choose the other side of the grass...they she wasn't who I want to grow old with. It still kicked my ass to lose her, but it was probably for the better. Yea, i might not get to flood her with the emotional consequences of her actions...but what would that change? If she can live with hurting me...then she will live without not having another person in her life loving her. Its a tragedy (for her) but lucky for someone else (either just myself and/or my next relationship). You get me?

 

 

Just my opinion.

 

 

OooooooRaaaaahhhhaaaaa!

 

That's what I'm talking about!

 

Get busy living!

 

Or get busy dying!

[soheartbroken]

Thanks everyone. Those were some great, insightful posts. I'm anxious to respond to them and tell you about my attempted 180 last night.

 

Alas, I am packing up all my stuff today, and have family down for some moral support.

 

Please think of my as I put the last 5 years of my life into boxes. Will be back tonight or tomorrow.

[phineas]

Thanks everyone. Those were some great, insightful posts. I'm anxious to respond to them and tell you about my attempted 180 last night.

 

Alas, I am packing up all my stuff today, and have family down for some moral support.

 

Please think of my as I put the last 5 years of my life into boxes. Will be back tonight or tomorrow.

 

Ya know what?

I think I literally threw out almost EVERYTHING non essential I acquired during my relationship with STBXW.

 

I purged the house.

Got rid of the clutter.

Cleared the shelves & cabinets for the future so to speak.

 

It felt good.

It keeps me from being reminded of the family she helped create then destroyed for her own selfish reasons.

 

Now I only have things that remind me of me & my boys. My real family.

[LisaUk]

soheart,

 

It comes down to this...

Either the other "beat you to the punch" of breaking up or they have a character flaw that they refuse to involve you in managing anymore. My point is, either you way look at it...a break up cannot necessarily be looked at a JUST an end to a relationship but a view into the "true colors" of your loved one.

 

If its because the other beat you to the punch, then it was inevitable and you have to accept that (due to the fact that the tables could have easily turned if you had pulled the trigger so to speak) to bring some peace and begin healing. Or, if a character issue, (shutting out true feelings, lack of respect, cheating, abuse)...then this is not a person that you should be associated with anyway.

 

If she can live with hurting me...then she will live without not having another person in her life loving her. Its a tragedy (for her) but lucky for someone else (either just myself and/or my next relationship). You get me?

 

I get you! Fantastic post, thank you!

[LisaUk]

Thanks everyone. Those were some great, insightful posts. I'm anxious to respond to them and tell you about my attempted 180 last night.

 

Alas, I am packing up all my stuff today, and have family down for some moral support.

 

Please think of my as I put the last 5 years of my life into boxes. Will be back tonight or tomorrow.

 

It's hard sweetie, I know, I had to pack up 10 years into boxes myself and leave all my furnitute, a lot of my things had to go to charity, no where to store them. I still have my cat though, I know you have one too, try and focus on the good things, it will be hard, but you will get through this.

[soheartbroken]

BentNot: It was a mixture of what you said. I was thinking of breaking up with her, because I was frustrated by a lack of affection and the fighting. But I couldn't do it because I still loved her and I knew it would hurt too much. I still wanted things to work. She thought we had tried everything and didn't want to try anymore (she did not want to go to counseling). I think she did try hard up until the end. She was still buying stuff for the house and everything, made me a nice birthday card etc. It really hurts writing this stuff...

 

Not sure about the character flaw thing. She is a great person. She does suffer from depression sometimes, and that may have been a contributing factor (though she said that that was not the reason "this time" -- A year ago she broke things off when she became depressed, and that lasted only a few days. I remember holding her and she told me that no one had ever stuck with her like I had, and that she would not do this to me again. But she did.) I don't reallly consider depression to be a deal-breaker character flaw though. Lots of people have it and it's not a reason to leave someone in my mind, unless they don't seek help when they should.

 

Anyway, this time round she said it was just "us", that we just "feed off eachother" and conflict basically (she is on meds now for the depression). She said that she still loved me and that she wanted things to work, but that they just weren't. So that doesn't give me much of a reason. She never complained during the relationship about behaviour of mine that I think contributed to our downfall - my impatience, temper, stubbornness etc. I aslo wasn't very supportive sometimes. I wish I could change all these things. I wish she had told me to change all these things. But to this day she won't point out anything specific that I did wrong. Last time that we spoke (I will make a separate post) I asked her if we were both to blame for the relationship failing. I don't remember her exact words, but she said if anything that it was her own issues.

[soheartbroken]

Gunny. I'm pretty sure that there isn't someone else. I don't think she is in the right headspace to to be with someone else.

 

She did make a close friend near the end, who is also a (single) lesbian. I was jealous, but she has repeatedly reassured me that there is nothing going on, that she is not attracted to this person in any way, shape, or form. That it would never, ever, in a million years happen. So I have to believe her. She is now living on the third floor of this friend's house, and I try not to let it bother me. I have to trust her otherwise I will go crazy.

 

I DO think that making this friend gave her some of the courage to end the relationship, because she knew she would have support...and possibly a place to live.

 

F**K. There are so many questions I want to ask her. How long had she been thinking of dumping me before she did? Had she been planning on living with this friend for awhile? Now I'm going to have a panic attack.

 

I'm telling you all this just to get if off my chest, and to be honest about the relationship, but I CANNOT go down this route. I don't want to talk anymore of her being with someone else. Otherwise I will start stalking her.

 

Now I'm really hurting.

[soheartbroken]

So, I've woken up this morning and the pain is out in full force (maybe you can tell from all my posts). My heart is beating fast and I can't stop thinking about things. And now I'm scared about an OW.

 

THE 180 ON FRIDAY: So we met Friday night to discuss post relationship things. I went prepared with a list of practical things to sort out. I was resolved to stay strong and positive, and didn't go prepared with relationship things to say - thought I would see where the conversation headed. She knew from previous conversations that I was hoping to discuss non-practical things as well though.

 

When we met she seemed exhausted. Tired physically and mentally. She had just gotten back that day from a work road-trip. I don't know what to make of this. Can read it either way.

 

I tried not to get mad that she had delayed this meeting (which she would have known was important to me) by going out for food when she got back from the road trip. That really upset me because I had made it clear that I wanted to meet as early as possible so that the conversation wasn't rushed. I managed not to say ONE thing when we met about the delay. Don't know who she went for food with...probably "the friend".

 

So I went through my list of practical things. I was positive and strong. Then when I was done we both kinda sat there. She asked if there were non-practical things to talk about. So I took this as an opportunity to stray into the relationship area.

 

I don't remember everything about the conversation. But the Gist:

 

She still has an open mind. "She wouldn't say it if she didn't mean it". It's not "impossible" that we try again. But the chances are slim. I asked her if she had really thought about it, for example, being with eachother's families again. She said that was "complicated" (the family thing), but that she hadn't tried to picture us together again. She said she hasn't had anytime to think lately, because she has been moving and away with work (though that should give her time to think, being alone in a hotel room).

 

We also talked a bit about why we were still talking. We agreed that there were still a lot of practical things to sort out, and that we weren't sure where things would go when we were done with that stuff. I said I didn't want it to be one-sided (me always calling her), but she feels wrong calling because she broke up with me and doesn't want to create any expectations. She said if we spoke that there shoudln't be arguing, and that it shouldn't be hurtful to me. I agreed. I think we said more here, but basically we still have to speak, and when all the practical reasons for speaking have run out, we may have another conversation about where to go from there.

 

At one point I asked her if we were both to blame for the relationship failing, and she seemed to say that if anything it was her own issues. She did not tell me that I did anything wrong.

 

At one point I said that I had realized some things about my previous relationship, how I never changed my behaviour after it ended, and that now I would like to take the time to make those changes for the sake of my next relationship, be it with her or someone else. She said that was very "insightful". I said I hoped she would do the same - reflect on why this ended, so that appropriate changes could be made.

 

At the end of the night I drove her home. We said some things that I don't remember. I squeezed her shoulder. She stared at me for a long time, which was strange. I was positive and smiling (not overdoing it though). I don't know if she was staring at me because I was staring at her or what.

 

Gotta go. Will continue soon.

[soheartbroken]

Just re-reading my post. It's so long!! Sorry about that.

 

I think those are the nuts and bolts of the conversation. I felt good about the "180" Friday but not so sure about it today. It feels a bit fake, like I just want to tell her how I truly feel. Because in the end we probably won't be together again...I suppose I am saving some dignity? I don't know.

 

I went out Saturday night after packing just to try and "get out", even though I felt like a*s. I went to a music festival with a friend. Saw the ex there, spoke to her briefly. I was positive, and she was smiling. Just made me feel worse to see her talking to me happily, just like nothing was wrong. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG!!!! So that was a very bad experience...part of why I felt really crappy this morning.

 

Bought a couple books today.

[LisaUk]

You're doing great, you have managed to maintain your dignity and even when you ran into her, she thinks you were out having a good time without her, if she sees you moving on, it may change her mind, it might not, but it really is the only chance.

[soheartbroken]

Help.

 

When we spoke yesterday she told me she would leave me her car, either at the old apartment or where I'm staying now. She said she was leaving town for work this afternoon and so obviously doesn't need it this week (driving down with work people). She knows I need it to finish packing my stuff.

 

It's 7:30 now, I've checked both places and it's not there, no message or anything. I'm dying inside. Why would she do this to me? I've left her a message but if she's not leaving me the car then I wouldn't expect to hear back from her. I can't cope with this. It hurts so bad. Why is she doing this? Why is she intentionally hurting me?

[soheartbroken]

After the whole conversation we had, about still speaking to sort out practical things, about being respectful and everything...why would she do this? The pain is unbearable. I just don't know what to do with myself now. I don't know how to get through this.

[JLoves]

Calm down... Collect your thoughts

 

Remember why you doing the 180... For you..

 

Pick yourself up, tell yourself that it all doesn't matter.

 

If you can't move you stuff for a week is it going to make a difference? I'm sure someone else will help you.

 

32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than

50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in

absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared

 

Try not to assume the worst. Maybe she is just running late.. Sit down, have a cuppa and just try relax. Deep breaths and all that jazz.

 

I know it's hard to do, but things do and will turn out ok, no matter how much you think it's all going so wrong.

 

She's most likely not doing it to hurt you. She just doesn't realise or care how much you are hurting.

 

(Wheres Gunny when you need him)

[lupa]

Alright, tough love time, because sometimes we all need.

 

 

F*CK HER. F*CKING QUIT IT!!!!

 

 

try this, because it worked for me (I actually started laughing because I felt like a nutcase doing it). Say to yourself either out loud, or in your head:

 

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!" and do this for a full minute. I made it about 12 seconds before I realized that if I have to go to that extreme, i most certainly don't need this sh*t anymore.

 

You will backslide, there is no question, but when it gets this bad, when they screw with you or hurt you, realize that YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON AND QUIT LETTING THEM HURT YOU.

 

I'm right here with ya, I'm aching every day...hell, I cried for about 10 seconds today. Then I yelled at myself that I'm a good person and I'm done with it.

 

STOP IT!!!

 

There are going to be no answers for what she is doing. This will not make sense.

 

This is about power now, and it is time for you to get some power. You do not need her. You want her, but you do not need her.

 

Try to understand that first...and if you're all messed up in the head:

 

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP....until you do.

 

Keep posting here, brother, we care about you and we will help.

[soheartbroken]

This has reopened every wound, and negated any progress. I am back to square one. I am back at shock, and I have to restart the grieving process. Don't think I will manage school at this rate.

 

Even with all the pain and stress I was dealing with, I have still been able to sleep every night for the past 3 weeks. And I have managed to stay alive food-wise.

 

I KNOW that I will not sleep tonight, probably not tomorrow night, and who knows if ever. And I certainly can't eat. I'm going to end up in hospital.

 

Thanks for the responses everyone, I just can't see anything getting me through this.

[BentButNotBroken]

This has reopened every wound, and negated any progress. I am back to square one. I am back at shock, and I have to restart the grieving process. Don't think I will manage school at this rate.

 

Even with all the pain and stress I was dealing with, I have still been able to sleep every night for the past 3 weeks. And I have managed to stay alive food-wise.

 

I KNOW that I will not sleep tonight, probably not tomorrow night, and who knows if ever. And I certainly can't eat. I'm going to end up in hospital.

 

Thanks for the responses everyone, I just can't see anything getting me through this.

 

Take it in soheart. This is your emotions coming out. Get it out, write about it, cry it out....whatever. I am not going to get on here and tell you that you should not have pain right now. You are on "the shuttle". Hang on tight and we'll be waiting for you when the sucker lands again.

Let it all out to make room for the rebuilding. No shame in it...I have been right where you are too.

[soheartbroken]

But how could we have spoken just two nights ago, and then even last night, where she said she would leave the car? To now? Not leaving the car means it's all over. No hope for the future, no friendship, no answers, no nothing. She's just gone. I left her two messages (one phone, one email), asking about the car. Still trying to sound positive, but confused. And of course she will not answer. How could we just have spoken yesterday, and now this?

 

The conversation last night about the car: I told her where I had parked it, asked her if she needed it today (Sunday). At first she said probably not, but then she said, "oh, I might use it to go to my mom's". Then said she would either leave it here where I'm staying, or back at our old apartment.

 

What the f**k happened between last night and today?

 

I'm so distraught. I'm just waiting for my friend to call so I don't have to be alone. I'm not going to recover from this. I can't even cry I'm in such a state of shock. I can't even process what is happening right now.

[BentButNotBroken]

But how could we have spoken just two nights ago, and then even last night, where she said she would leave the car? To now? Not leaving the car means it's all over. No hope for the future, no friendship, no answers, no nothing. She's just gone. I left her two messages (one phone, one email), asking about the car. Still trying to sound positive, but confused. And of course she will not answer. How could we just have spoken yesterday, and now this?

 

The conversation last night about the car: I told her where I had parked it, asked her if she needed it today (Sunday). At first she said probably not, but then she said, "oh, I might use it to go to my mom's". Then said she would either leave it here where I'm staying, or back at our old apartment.

 

What the f**k happened between last night and today?

 

I'm so distraught. I'm just waiting for my friend to call so I don't have to be alone. I'm not going to recover from this. I can't even cry I'm in such a state of shock. I can't even process what is happening right now.

 

I flipped out emotionally when mine was 15min late to calling me. The only way i could remotely function was to do SOMETHING that would partially, if not fully, take my mind off the situation temporarily. I folded a crap load of laundry, cleaned my bathroom, called someone...anything. I suggest you dig deep and get a grip mentally right now. Process this when you know more into what happened. Can you confirm this is intentional right now? If not, then continue to write out the pain/rage/fear and get your mind processing other issues for now. Just until you can sit up again.

[soheartbroken]

It must be intentional. When you tell someone that you will leave them a car, and then don't, and you know they need it, and it will hurt them, then it's intentional.

 

We just spoke Friday about maintaining contact. She said if we continued to speak, then it must be civil. I agreed. I said that it must be respectful, in that you should not ignore the other person. I explained to her that when she ignored one of my previous emails and instant message, that it hurt me. I made that clear.

 

So she knows it hurts me not to hear from her. And we just spoke last night, and she said she would leave me the car. NO hesitation about it. I TOTALLY TRUSTED HER. And my friend was just telling me today, when I was getting anxious about the car not being there yet, that my ex was not the kind of person who would do this. She told me that after 5 years, it was unlikely that my ex would just leave me high and dry like this. WELL WHO WAS RIGHT??? Me. I was right to be paranoid. Everyone telling me that I should relax, that I was jumping to conclusions, was wrong. My gut was right.

 

I don't think I will ever hear from her again. I want to leave her another message, asking how she can hurt me so much like this. But I think that would be a bad idea. I think it's over, and I just can't process this. I want to curl up in a ball and die.

 

The move back with family is likely to happen now. Funny, I had just worked out a plan with a friend to stay with her for the first month of school, to see if I could handle it. I think that plan is out the window.

 

I don't even know how I'm alive right now. My body just forces me to breathe.

 

To GUNNY and others, especially some of the husbands I have seen on here: I wish I could be strong like you, wish I could pick myself up and dust myself off. Wish I could say, "see ya" and "F YOU!", and start seeing someone new.

 

I feel so weak, like I've let everyone at LS down. Please don't be too frustrated with me.

[Chrome Barracuda]

You must have inner strength...

 

that must come from within you.

 

Detachment isnt easy. it's very hard. and maybe since your a female it's gonna be even harder! lol. but you must use your anger, and focus on detaching. Then transfer that anger into peace. That's what I did and I feel great now! I'm able to be friends with women and have intimate relationships without looking back in the past. because ive moved on from the stupidity.

 

It takes time but if you continue to talk to her and think about her. you wont move on.

[badeth09]

can relate to you well, but had a different story then..anyway, you're young & free, why not turn your attention to something else? MOVE ON!

 

life is cruel at times, 5 years is long enough to have your relationship drops. time will the wounds. look, bro..a lot of married couples have gone through divorce but they remain friends. so, what's with yours. probably, she's not the one meant for you. i believe that you'll meet someone who'll stay with you no matter what.

 

Live, love, laugh..life is beautiful! There are things you never see, because you are trapped by your emotions. it's the time uplift your lost self and discover the things that can make you even much happier.