Can the A be hidden forever!

[fooled once]

And since she is his legal wife, she can have you tossed out.

[jennie-jennie]

My MM considers me family as I consider him. That is for us to say, not for you.

 

I talked to my MM and he was very adamant about my right to be present at his funeral in the event he would die. His opinon is that since he has let me into his life I have the right to go to his funeral and grieve him. I have the right to closure. He thought it would be distasteful of his W if she would think otherwise. If she could not except that part of his life then she would be saying goodbye to a man who did not exist. So if his wife would throw me out from the funeral, she would be doing it against his will.

 

Now of course if the EMR was still a secret to his wife, there would be no reason to reveal it at the funeral. In this case the EMR would actually be hidden forever, as an answer to the OP's question. And if his wife already knew, it is not like it would be news to her that day.

 

I wonder how many other MM think like my MM.

[Lizzie60]

If they are extremely vigilant and careful.. it can be hidden forever..

[bentnotbroken]

My MM considers me family as I consider him. That is for us to say, not for you.

 

I talked to my MM and he was very adamant about my right to be present at his funeral in the event he would die. His opinon is that since he has let me into his life I have the right to go to his funeral and grieve him. I have the right to closure. He thought it would be distasteful of his W if she would think otherwise. If she could not except that part of his life then she would be saying goodbye to a man who did not exist. So if his wife would throw me out from the funeral, she would be doing it against his will.

 

Now of course if the EMR was still a secret to his wife, there would be no reason to reveal it at the funeral. In this case the EMR would actually be hidden forever, as an answer to the OP's question. And if his wife already knew, it is not like it would be news to her that day.

 

I wonder how many other MM think like my MM.

 

 

And I am pretty sure if you aren't there he will sit up and yell "hold everything, my mistress isn't here!" What control does a dead person have over who shows up? Only the living controls who shows up. And if she goes against his will, well I am sure he went against hers by having a mistress. Especially since she probably didn't tell him to go get one.

[norajane]

I talked to my MM and he was very adamant about my right to be present at his funeral in the event he would die. His opinon is that since he has let me into his life I have the right to go to his funeral and grieve him. I have the right to closure. He thought it would be distasteful of his W if she would think otherwise. If she could not except that part of his life then she would be saying goodbye to a man who did not exist. So if his wife would throw me out from the funeral, she would be doing it against his will.

Then why doesn't he tell her about you now? Then, if she doesn't accept this part of his life (him cheating on her), she can say goodbye to the man she now knows does exist, and she can say goodbye now instead of waiting until he dies.

 

It seems unfair of him to expect his wife to accept you when he hasn't ever told her about you. He's alive now - what's stopping him?

[jennie-jennie]

And I am pretty sure if you aren't there he will sit up and yell "hold everything, my mistress isn't here!" What control does a dead person have over who shows up? Only the living controls who shows up. And if she goes against his will, well I am sure he went against hers by having a mistress. Especially since she probably didn't tell him to go get one.

 

So the whole marriage would be just a scam then. Well, that is what happens when you believe another human being belongs to you by the right of a contract.

[Lizzie60]

I agree Jeenie...

 

This is exactly what marriage is:

 

Well, that is what happens when you believe another human being belongs to you by the right of a contract.

 

A piece of paper that tells you that you own a person..

[jennie-jennie]

Then why doesn't he tell her about you now? Then, if she doesn't accept this part of his life (him cheating on her), she can say goodbye to the man she now knows does exist, and she can say goodbye now instead of waiting until he dies.

 

It seems unfair of him to expect his wife to accept you when he hasn't ever told her about you. He's alive now - what's stopping him?

 

As the OW I do not like being hidden of course. I do know, from his point of view, he is keeping both options open while he decides how to go ahead. Like so many other MM he is being pulled in two directions and knows that he is going to lose something whatever choice he makes.

 

If he told his wife now, his choice would be taken away from him. He would probably do anything he could to salvage the choice of marriage to keep his alternatives open to him if his wife found out at the present time. Which is likely why so many MM at D-day promise their wives fidelity, only to go back to the OW as soon as things settle down.

 

I was also in a relationship when I met MM, but I played with open cards and eventually left my partner. So I am not saying the above is what I would have done, but what I gather from MM's and my talks.

 

It is what somebody does who is not sure that he wants to terminate the marriage. If he told his wife, the choice would be out of his hands. Selfish, sure, but aren't we all...

[LakesideDream]

Lizzy is correct. My ex was able to keep her "main" affair secret for 23+ years of our 25 year marriage. I never "found out". On D-day she disclosed that she was leaving to be with her High School Boyfriend.....

 

The depth and length of the affair came out right away. I was absolutely oblivious. I had suspected a couple of short affairs over the years (and was correct) but the big one? Never had a clue.

[ForumFool]

My MM considers me family as I consider him. That is for us to say, not for you.

 

I talked to my MM and he was very adamant about my right to be present at his funeral in the event he would die. His opinon is that since he has let me into his life I have the right to go to his funeral and grieve him. I have the right to closure. He thought it would be distasteful of his W if she would think otherwise. If she could not except that part of his life then she would be saying goodbye to a man who did not exist. So if his wife would throw me out from the funeral, she would be doing it against his will.

 

Now of course if the EMR was still a secret to his wife, there would be no reason to reveal it at the funeral. In this case the EMR would actually be hidden forever, as an answer to the OP's question. And if his wife already knew, it is not like it would be news to her that day.

 

I wonder how many other MM think like my MM.

 

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao: distasteful :lmao: lmfao this dudes a real gem

[jennie-jennie]

Yes, my MM is a real gem. That is why I love him.

 

I wasn't sure what his opinion on this question would be, so I was pleasantly surprised. He had an even stronger opinon on the subject than I.

[Impudent Oyster]

.

 

As late as yesterday, my MM stated that he is a polygamist, he in fact has two wives, ie he gives me the status of being as important to him as his wife.

 

LOL, he's no polygamist, not if he keeps his relationship with you hidden from his wife!

 

The wives of polygamists KNOW about each other and approve of their "sister wives".

 

If you were important to him you wouldn't be a secret.

[Impudent Oyster]

So the whole marriage would be just a scam then. Well, that is what happens when you believe another human being belongs to you by the right of a contract.

 

 

So your MM thinks he owns his wife? How odd.

 

No married person I know thinks that they own their spouse.

[Impudent Oyster]

Then why doesn't he tell her about you now? .

 

Because he's a coward.

 

Wow, what a guy, willing to completely disrespect his family by encouraging his OW to be at his funeral.

 

Doesn't get tackier than that.

[jennie-jennie]

So your MM thinks he owns his wife? How odd.

 

No married person I know thinks that they own their spouse.

 

You could have fooled me. That is the impression I get of just about every BS on this site and on others.

[jennie-jennie]

Because he's a coward.

 

Wow, what a guy, willing to completely disrespect his family by encouraging his OW to be at his funeral.

 

Doesn't get tackier than that.

 

Wow, what a guy, willing to completely respect his OW and their relationship by encouraging her to be at his funeral.

[Impudent Oyster]

You could have fooled me. That is the impression I get of just about every BS on this site and on others.

 

Really? Why is that?

 

I'm genuinely curious as to what would make you think that.

 

Is it because the BS would demand he dump you or she would divorce him? BTW, that doesn't mean that she thinks she owns him, just that she won't put up with the crap that you will.

[jennie-jennie]

LOL, he's no polygamist, not if he keeps his relationship with you hidden from his wife!

 

The wives of polygamists KNOW about each other and approve of their "sister wives".

 

If you were important to him you wouldn't be a secret.

 

Of course he is not a polygamist as in being married to two people, but he feels like a polygamist because both his women are equally important to him.

[Impudent Oyster]

Wow, what a guy, willing to completely respect his OW and their relationship by encouraging her to be at his funeral.

 

If he respected you you wouldn't be his "other" woman. Duh.

[Impudent Oyster]

Of course he is not a polygamist as in being married to two people, but he feels like a polygamist because both his women are equally important to him.

 

If you're so important to him why isn't he telling anyone else about you? Does he support you financially? Are you a benefactor of his life insurance policy...I'm sure if you're that important to him he wants to take care of you in the event of his death.

 

Does he have children? Parents? Surely he would want his closest family members to know someone so important to him.

[jennie-jennie]

Really? Why is that?

 

I'm genuinely curious as to what would make you think that.

 

Is it because the BS would demand he dump you or she would divorce him? BTW, that doesn't mean that she thinks she owns him, just that she won't put up with the crap that you will.

 

It is because it is all about the marriage being a legal contract and vows taken in front of God and others, about not realizing that love can not be promised, about feeling that there can only be true love to the W/H, not to the OW/OM, about it being morally wrong to fall in love with someone else once you have married, about needing to fulfill your obligations even when you have fallen in love with someone else, and so on, and so on. I am genuinely worried about what kind of people are behind all the bashing on this site. If that is what happens to one once one is married, I never want to get married.

[jennie-jennie]

If you're so important to him why isn't he telling anyone else about you? Does he support you financially? Are you a benefactor of his life insurance policy...I'm sure if you're that important to him he wants to take care of you in the event of his death.

 

Does he have children? Parents? Surely he would want his closest family members to know someone so important to him.

 

Well, you know what they say, the W and I each get half a man. If I had to choose between what I get and what she gets, I would pick my half any day.

[bentnotbroken]

So the whole marriage would be just a scam then. Well, that is what happens when you believe another human being belongs to you by the right of a contract.

 

 

No one said anything about owning a human. But a dead body is just that, a dead body. There is no life or soul. And you are grasping and you know it. If you showed up and got tossed on your puttee, what recourse do you have, not a dang thing. Dead men tell no tales.

[bentnotbroken]

Well, you know what they say, the W and I each get half a man. If I had to choose between what I get and what she gets, I would pick my half any day.

 

 

You sure do, take your half of a man.

[fooled once]

Wow, what a guy, willing to completely respect his OW and their relationship by encouraging her to be at his funeral.

 

If a MM respected anyone - he would be HONEST with his wife. He would give her common courtesty to the fact that he is exposing her to STD's; unless of course he is telling you (and you are believing him) that he isn't screwing his wife.

 

This MM you are having an affair with - because you are NOT his wife, so don't delude yourself into thinking you are just because you calls you that in private - if he respected anyone, he would come clean about sleeping with you to his wife. The woman who, in your mind, owns him because they share a piece of paper.

 

They must share more than a piece of paper since he isn't willing to give up his wife - his LEGAL wife - for you.

 

So in actuality, you don't really mean that much to him because he hasn't been honest and open with his wife.

 

And his WIFE gets to decide what to do with his dead body - whether it be a funeral, a memorial service or just a barrel burning. You have no say in any of it and yes she can bar you from any of it. Because you are nothing to her - nothing. Especially since HER HUSBAND has chosen to keep you a dirty little secret.

 

And just so you don't think it is only BS's who disagree with your views - I am NOT a BS; I was an OW at one time.