Can the A be hidden forever!

[2sunny]

Yes, my MM is a real gem. That is why I love him.

 

I wasn't sure what his opinion on this question would be, so I was pleasantly surprised. He had an even stronger opinon on the subject than I.

 

he has that opinion because he wants to keep the affair ongoing. he lies to you each time he tells you that you are also his wife. that's laughable and ridiculous at the same time. he takes you as a fool and you are believing him?

 

he already has a wife. she has no knowledge of you... hence no SECOND wife... you are his OW. take it or leave it - those are facts.

 

he is feeding you so much crap and you are totally believing it... WHY?

[Calins]

They can last FOREVER! Years, and years, and years....

[bentnotbroken]

They can last FOREVER! Years, and years, and years....

 

 

Nothing lasts forever, especially lies.

[Pillow]

They can last FOREVER! Years, and years, and years....

 

Why would you want them to?

[Lizzie60]

Why would you want them to?

 

 

Why not? especially if both partners are married and have no intention to leave their partners for X reasons.. (kids, finances, family, friends, etc)

[whichwayisup]

Well, that is what happens when you believe another human being belongs to you by the right of a contract.

 

Yet it's OK for an OW to say, "My MM." Most people say , My husband, my wife, my kids, my dog, my parents, my mom, my dad..

 

I'm betting if your MM asked you to marry him, you'd say yes in a heartbeat. I bet than you wouldn't think it was a contract or you "owning" him.

[Pillow]

Why not? especially if both partners are married and have no intention to leave their partners for X reasons.. (kids, finances, family, friends, etc)

 

X reasons = excuses. Cop out and cowardly.

 

If you want another person, let the other person go... or at least let your spouse know you desire an open marriage. I'm sure they have needs to be met too.

 

But it don't work like that does it?

 

Nobody likes a cheater. Even cheaters don't like other cheaters. Cheaters can't stand it when someone cheats on them.

[jennie-jennie]

No one said anything about owning a human. But a dead body is just that, a dead body. There is no life or soul. And you are grasping and you know it. If you showed up and got tossed on your puttee, what recourse do you have, not a dang thing. Dead men tell no tales.

 

So much for respect for the dead.

[jennie-jennie]

You sure do, take your half of a man.

 

The thing is, half of this man is more than all of most men.

[jennie-jennie]

If a MM respected anyone - he would be HONEST with his wife. He would give her common courtesty to the fact that he is exposing her to STD's; unless of course he is telling you (and you are believing him) that he isn't screwing his wife.

 

...

 

And just so you don't think it is only BS's who disagree with your views - I am NOT a BS; I was an OW at one time.

 

Excuse me, in which way is he exposing her to STDs? I have no other partner and have thoroughly tested negative for just about every STD there is.

 

By the way, I was a BS at one time.

[jennie-jennie]

Yet it's OK for an OW to say, "My MM." Most people say , My husband, my wife, my kids, my dog, my parents, my mom, my dad..

 

I'm betting if your MM asked you to marry him, you'd say yes in a heartbeat. I bet than you wouldn't think it was a contract or you "owning" him.

 

The more I see what marriage means to most people the less I want to get married. Marriage is one of society's institutions to keep people in place. Religion is another one.

 

Like Marx said:

"Religion is the opium of the people."

[SidLyon]

The more I see what marriage means to most people the less I want to get married. Marriage is one of society's institutions to keep people in place. Religion is another one.

 

Like Marx said:

"Religion is the opium of the people."

 

I didn't marry for religious reasons in fact I'm an atheist so I somewhat agree about religion especially when it's not freely chose eg children who are just brought up believing in the religion of their parents - but that's a different argument.

 

Marriage is of course an institution of the society in which we live although I hasten to add that in my country, what we call de facto relationships are accorded similar status to marriage. But there's a difference to religion in that for most people it is freely chosen and certainly with my non-religious marriage we got to chose what promises and commitments we made to one another. Fidelity was one of them. Now you could argue that we chose to make these promises to each other as a way of keeping each other in place. Well it patently didn't work did it - my H had an OW for many years until I found out about it.

 

In an earlier post you said:

 

"Because the MM is her family too. You know what, I am going to ask my MM this question. Will be interesting to hear what he says.

 

As late as yesterday, my MM stated that he is a polygamist, he in fact has two wives, ie he gives me the status of being as important to him as his wife. "

 

I took your reference to "my MM" to be just a way of expressing the "MM with whom you are having an A" rather than your ownership of him - I think that's what most people mean when they talk about "my whoever" - they are just defining the relationship not ownership.

 

Also you mentioned the status and importance of the marital relationship as if it makes you special in some way that he thinks of you like this, and yet a few posts later you denigrate marriage in general. You spoke of a sham - well I'd say that if/when his wife finds out about you she may well conclude that her marriage has been a sham; I know I certainly did.

But what does that say about your relationship with him - that must be a sham too if it is the same as their marriage.

 

You are giving out conflicting messages anyway. Basically like most OW you are a shameful secret that he is only happy to be revealed after his death.

 

Uggh.

 

S

[bentnotbroken]

The thing is, half of this man is more than all of most men.

 

 

I guess this speaks volumes of the type of men you have dealt with. I am truly sorry.

[Meaplus3]

What is the longest time frame that A can be hide?

 

I'm sure there are many that can be hidden for a lfetime and others that are found out in one shape or form at a certain point. Really depends on the situation.

 

Mea:)

[bentnotbroken]

The more I see what marriage means to most people the less I want to get married. Marriage is one of society's institutions to keep people in place. Religion is another one.

 

Like Marx said:

"Religion is the opium of the people."

 

 

Only if you have no sense of self or your place I guess.

[bentnotbroken]

So much for respect for the dead.

:lmao::lmao::lmao:I have no respect for lies or deceit. I have very little respect for liars or deceivers while they are alive, why would I respect a lying, deceiving corpse? That's all the that we see at a funeral, a dead body. That isn't the soul or heart of the person we knew. That has moved on.

[Impudent Oyster]

The more I see what marriage means to most people the less I want to get married. Marriage is one of society's institutions to keep people in place.

 

I have never thought of marriage like that.

 

IMO, it's more about people wanting to create a family and a life together. It's beneficial for children to be born to parents who are married to each other.

[Impudent Oyster]

.I am genuinely worried about what kind of people are behind all the bashing on this site. If that is what happens to one once one is married, I never want to get married.

 

You can't get married, polygamy is illegal so, no worries!

 

Oh and, you are genuinely worried? In that case, you might want to logoff.

[Impudent Oyster]

Well, you know what they say, the W and I each get half a man. If I had to choose between what I get and what she gets, I would pick my half any day.

 

Who is "they"? Personally I don't settle for half of a man. It's sad that you are happy sharing a man and being satisfied with a fraction.

[Impudent Oyster]

Excuse me, in which way is he exposing her to STDs? I have no other partner and have thoroughly tested negative for just about every STD there is.

 

By the way, I was a BS at one time.

 

How is that relevant? Do you think that makes you any less culpable? IMO, it's worse.

[jennie-jennie]

:lmao::lmao::lmao:I have no respect for lies or deceit. I have very little respect for liars or deceivers while they are alive, why would I respect a lying, deceiving corpse? That's all the that we see at a funeral, a dead body. That isn't the soul or heart of the person we knew. That has moved on.

 

Could you explain to me please what a wife with the opinion above is doing at the funeral? The OW who loved him for who he was seems better suited to be there.

[jennie-jennie]

You can't get married, polygamy is illegal so, no worries!

 

Oh and, you are genuinely worried? In that case, you might want to logoff.

 

This is an OW/OM site, remember? That is the reason why I am here. I figure the OW/OM who seek help here need to hear the voices of other OW/OM and not only the voices of BS.

[Adri Ana]

Depends on many things .

From all sides .

[Impudent Oyster]

Could you explain to me please what a wife with the opinion above is doing at the funeral? The OW who loved him for who he was seems better suited to be there.

 

The wife wouldn't know her husband was a deceptive liar until you showed up at the funeral.

 

Will you be chipping in for your half of the funeral costs? They're quite expensive.

[Gamine]

It is because it is all about the marriage being a legal contract and vows taken in front of God and others, about not realizing that love can not be promised, about feeling that there can only be true love to the W/H, not to the OW/OM, about it being morally wrong to fall in love with someone else once you have married, about needing to fulfill your obligations even when you have fallen in love with someone else, and so on, and so on. I am genuinely worried about what kind of people are behind all the bashing on this site. If that is what happens to one once one is married, I never want to get married.

 

 

The only obligation that needs to be fulfilled is either the 'fulfillment' or the renunciation of the contract. One or the other, really.

 

And, I believe, the bashing is more about a disagreement between people regarding what is owed in a contract called marriage. Pull the emotions, concepts, constructs, and expectations out of it. Look at it for what it is in its most simplest of forms.

 

There are two single people who agree, voluntarily, and without duress (unless it is a shotgun wedding!) to marry one another and by doing so agree to be with one another exclusively. And this is entered into willingly.

 

Finances, property, food, clothing, time, physical bodies... shared and meshed. Now one of the parties determines that they like some of the benefits of the contract, doesn't want to give up those benefits, and decides to break the contract... but to lead the other party to the conclusion that the contract is in tact.

 

The other party continues to abide by the contract. Learns that the other party had broken the contract and said reasons for doing so.

 

If this was a real estate transaction, there'd be a lawsuit and some pretty pissed off people. If it were involving a bank account with cash missing, the person ripped off would be angry and perhaps seek criminal prosecution. A trusted employee embezzling money wouldn't be patted on the back. A car purchased under contract and driven with 100,000 miles on it with no payments made to the finance company. Contracts are one of the foundations of our entire society. They exist to more formally reduce to writing what has been previously agreed upon, without duress, by the parties.

 

Of course, marriage is a contract. But there are legal ways of breaking contracts that are equitable. Equity.

 

An LLC is a partnership/membership agreement with an operating agreement/contract evidencing ownership and the responsibilities of the parties. There are sets of laws on the books and statutes to ensure that everyone plays fair. And when they don't... there are laws in place to ensure there is an equitable resolve. But, there are always business partners who play both sides or play for only themselves. The disgruntled partner? Well, they are most definitely pissed.

 

For the men and women of legal age to voluntarily enter into the contract of marriage, they do have legal responsibilities... translated to obligations. This is an undeniable fact. And there are laws on our books that assist in the orderly dissolution of the contract.

 

Contracts, for those so inclined, exist solely for those free individuals to enter into voluntarily.

 

If the contract of marriage doesn't suit the husband or the wife, then there exist ways of dissolving it.

 

Self dealing is never an amicable way of going about it and it will inevitably result in discord and litigation.

 

So while the contract isn't the quintessential free love, do as one pleases environment... it was one freely entered into nonetheless. Contracts exist to more explicitly outline the obligations of the parties when and if they elude the 'memory' of those bound thereunder.

 

Contracts, in general, aren't for everyone. Some like buying cars and not paying for them. We can, legally, 'own' someone in certain prescribed ways via a contract ... while we may not always be able to control people the law steps in and resolves it.

 

So even if the OW/OM isn't a contract sort of person, that's A Okay. However their MP is. So, they have their obligations. This is simply a fact of life.