Advice for someone moving in w/boyfriend

[Al]

Okay, we all know that people have different opinions on whether or not you should live together before you are engaged or married. Well I am a firm believer that you should. I lived with my ex for a 1 1/2 years and I learned more about him in that time than I did in the 4 years we dated before that. Needless to say, though, things didn't work out between us, which was for the best. Now I'm with a great guy and I'm taking the leap once again. We are moving in together. Any advice? I'd love to hear stories of what did or didn't work for you. I believe this is a good move for my boyfriend and I and I'm trying not to carry any negative things over from my past living experience. I'm just curious as to the outcome of other's living arrangements. Did living together work out for you? If so, how? And if not, why do you think things didn't work?

[meanon]

I lived with my husband for 10 years before we got married. Marriage was not that important to us and we would probably never have got around to it if we had not had children. For myself and my friends the biggest problems were not allowing each other sufficient space and freedom and putting the relationship under too much pressure because we felt insecure (a particular problem that seems to strike after the honeymoon phase is over but before you are sure the relationship will last).

[Thinkalot]

My partner and I have lived together for about 2 years now...we moved in quickly- after only a few months. The main thing- COMMUNICATE CLEARLY about what your needs are, how much space you want etc..and point out things that bother you in a calm, pleasant way! This helps keep everyone happy and avoid fights (we are learning the hard way! :-) ). Sometimes upsets can occur and it turns out the other simply didn't know something was a problem. So be open and honest.

 

Try and be a good listener too, rather than just putting your own side across. Empathy, understanding, respect and trust go along way. You don't always need to be right ( a toughie for me!). I have also learnt that sometimes stepping back and giving my bf space is the best thing I can do, for both of us. I still have trouble with this one sometimes though, when I want to talk and he wants to be quiet (mars/venus thing).

 

All in all, it has worked out for us and brought us closer together. But we've worked at it.

 

I'm also a firm believer that living together before marriage is a good thing. Less unexpected nasty surprises down the track and therefore when/if you decide to marry it is with your eyes wide open. It's not the same as marriage though. I think marriage is still the most special thing and carries great committment.

[Natalie]

I believe that if you love someone, you are able to forgive any mistake. (Just like how God loves everyone and will always forgive and love no matter how big the crime is). I always tell my boyfriend that if we are ever in a "cold war," we should always try to make up the sooner the better. No matter who's wrong or right. It's all about communication and compromise. It is easy for me because I'm a very forgiving person. I tell him that I want to be happy every day as much as I can. I only live once in this life and I want to enjoy every minute of it. There's just no space in my life to be angry at someone for long. On the other hand, for him it's hard, because he stays angry for a while and he stays quiet during that time. I talk to him a lot then and show him how much I love him, no matter who's wrong or right. I think that is the time when he needs my love the most.

[UCFKevin]

(Just like how God loves everyone and will always forgive and love no matter how big the crime is).

 

Unless, of course, you don't believe in him or accept Jesus Christ as your savior, then you'll go to Hell, but that's besides the point...

 

Personally, I think that if you're moving in with him out of want, not need, it should be alright. My best friend moved in with his girlfriend to keep her from moving back home, which I thought was a HORRIBLE reason to move in with her, you should WANT to do it, you know?

 

As it's been said, as long as there's a good, open line of communication, and you each have your own space, not with each other every waking minute of the day, it should be fine.