MM's & Karma

[saniya]

Hi All,

This is my first post, iam done with my EA with MM. I have realised that I suffered lots of pain and drama in my EA but i managed to stop it before it turned to PA (it was very hard but iam lucky)

 

1) i would like to know weather MM's get karma effect or not and How?

2) i feel they really miss nothing as compared to OW.

 

3) how to come out of the temptation to talk to him again

4) on final closer day he told me - marriage is different and love is different what does this mean?

5) he told me real love dosent need commitment

6) why MM look out for EA/PA?

7) how is the life for them after OW says good bye for ever !!

[MistyK]

1) Sure they do, eventually. But you likely won't have the satisfaction of knowing about it.

 

2) They'll miss the excitement of the A, and he'll probably miss you. At least until he finds another OW.

 

3) Remember what a creep this guy is. Keep that at the forefront of your mind. That cake is moldy, you don't want to eat it.

 

4) It means that he believes M can and should exist without love. It means he's using his W (and you) and this person doesn't share the same values about M that you want in a man. Take his word for it, he means it.

 

5) Again, he's got some funny ideas about love that are convienient for HIM. Maybe that was his way of telling you he has an open marriage. Either way, you can be sure that his "love" for you would not keep him from cheating since he thinks commitment isn't important.

 

6) So many reasons - usually they are missing something, real or imagined. Some just want action on the side, a supplement rather than a replacement W. Some are acting out mommy-issues that never got resolved. In the end it doesn't matter. He's cheating and doesn't seem to have any moral problem with it.

 

7) I can't say, but I like to think the recieve back the pain they dished out. My xMM claimed that when were in our on-again-off-again NC mode he would cry every night, etc. I believe he did. I think he missed me and was feeling sorry for himself, but it never ever changed his behavior, even slightly. What is important right now is to focus on you and how you can feel better and move on with your life. Whether he's suffering or not is irrelevent. But if it makes it easier for you to move on to feel like he's suffering, then tell yourself whatever you have to in order to move on. The important thing is moving on.

[Impudent Oyster]

Hi All,

.

1) i would like to know weather MM's get karma effect or not and How?

2) i feel they really miss nothing as compared to OW.

 

3) how to come out of the temptation to talk to him again

4) on final closer day he told me - marriage is different and love is different what does this mean?

5) he told me real love dosent need commitment

6) why MM look out for EA/PA?

7) how is the life for them after OW says good bye for ever !!

 

1) huh? My guess is some do, some don't

2) I agree

3) Remind yourself that he's a liar with a wife.

4) I have no idea - he had an arranged marriage?

5) LOL! What a line!

6) Because they're bored/selfish/horny/needy and they can.

7) If there is no D-day, then it's exactly the same as it was before the OW says good-bye. Plenty of women willing to fill your spot, OW are a dime a dozen.

[bentnotbroken]

You have to be very careful about wanting karma(I call reaping what you sow)to strike MM. He wasn't in that EA alone. What would you want to happen to you as far as Karma goes? Be very careful.

[Devil Inside]

7) As an xWS/MM I can tell you that now that my A is over I feel like I'm mourning a death. It hurts like a b#$%h! I'm an emotional wreck. This was my first and last affair.

[spiraling downward]

This was my first and last affair.

 

never say never... and making a bold statement like this, probably guarantees you will have an affair again.

 

I think that my MW and I both understand that either one of us could stray in the future since we effectively broke up each others marriages in the first place... in a strange and perverse way, this helps us have a deeper understanding with each other because we know that future infidelity could happen. We aren't in denial about infidelity like many couples are. It helps us to be open and honest with each other.

[TaraMaiden]

If I see one more thread about Karma and how people completely misunderstand what it is, how it works and what it does, i'm gonna go doolally - even more than usual!!!

 

1) i would like to know weather MM's get karma effect or not and How?

Everybody gets effect whether it's now or later. Everyone without exception, for everything thought, said and done. Even you. Even me. For this.

 

2) i feel they really miss nothing as compared to OW.

Pardon?

3) how to come out of the temptation to talk to him again

It's very simple. Every time you feel like opening your mouth - don't.

4) on final closer day he told me - marriage is different and love is different what does this mean?

Who knows? Who cares? Whatever you do - don't ask him.

5) he told me real love dosent need commitment

he lied.

6) why MM look out for EA/PA?

For the same reasons MW do. For comfort and gratification, to appease a need not being met elsewhere.

7) how is the life for them after OW says good bye for ever !!

Why would that be a concern or problem for you?

Who cares?

The person you need to attend to, is you.

[TaraMaiden]

Oh, and to understand what I mean about people not understanding what Karma is, please read THIS thread.....

 

Please....?

 

Thanks ever so.....

[spiraling downward]

If I see one more thread about Karma and how people completely misunderstand what it is, how it works and what it does, i'm gonna go doolally - even more than usual!!!

 

can you explain the "instant karma" thing for me then?!

 

Instant karmas gonna get you

Gonna knock you right on the head

You better get yourself together

Pretty soon youre gonna be dead

What in the world you thinking of

Laughing in the face of love

What on earth you tryin to do

Its up to you, yeah you ~ John Lennon

[TaraMaiden]

Karma can be instant, or it can be delayed. there's no way of knowing, in some cases.

Instant karma would be you slapping someone, and them slapping you back. if that's not instant, I dunno what is.

But karma isn't a retributional or judgemental force. It's merely a process.

And it all depends on your immediate decision to follow a particular thought process through.

 

Please - as I suggested - read the linked thread, and my comments in it.

[TaraMaiden]

Instant karmas gonna get you

Gonna knock you right on the head

 

It will do this sometimes. Though not always. but by definition, if karma is instant, the blow is immediate....isn't it?

 

You better get yourself together

Pretty soon youre gonna be dead

he should know.... and he's right of course. nobody gets out alive.... What doesn't kill you is merely delaying the inevitable.

What in the world you thinking of

Laughing in the face of love

 

The Buddha addressed: "Hatred never ceases through hatred, but hatred ceases by love alone. This is the essence of the ancient and eternal law.".

 

What on earth you tryin to do

Its up to you, yeah you ~ John Lennon

 

Everything is a choice.

negative or positive?

It's up to you.

 

yeah.

[Impudent Oyster]

7) As an xWS/MM I can tell you that now that my A is over I feel like I'm mourning a death. It hurts like a b#$%h! I'm an emotional wreck. This was my first and last affair.

 

If your wife ever gets an inkling that you are this upset over the loss of your OW, your marriage is doomed.

 

Wow. If I ever thought for a second that my H considered the OW as anything more than a stupid mistake he made with a desperate woman, I would have never considered reconciliation. Frankly the only feeling I got from him about the "loss" of her (he ended it, not her), was relief. I don't think I could have tolerated the thought that he actually cared for her.

 

Listening to you mourn the loss of your OW "like a death" makes me sick to my stomach...and I'm not even your wife!

[In_Repair]

Oyster, it depends on your perspective. Some BSs prefer to imagine that their spouse only strayed because they were swept away in the passion, thinking they had found true love. For those people, it lets them justify things and hide behind the excuse that the marriage had gotten "stale" and their wayward spouse was simply fooled by some cunning she-devil who filled his unmet needs.

 

If you want to look at it the other way... ultimately his love, or lack of, for the other woman is a secondary point as he would have never strayed in the first place if the marriage was in order. Some BSs would be unable to accept that their spouse would betray them over a piece of tail that they did not even care about.

 

In the end, it's all about what is fed to you and what you are willing to eat.

[donnamaybe]

he would have never strayed in the first place if the marriage was in order.

 

If you REALLY think that is true in every case, you're living in a fantasy world.

[ladydesigner]

Originally Posted by Devil Inside

7) As an xWS/MM I can tell you that now that my A is over I feel like I'm mourning a death. It hurts like a b#$%h! I'm an emotional wreck. This was my first and last affair.

 

I feel exactly the way you do Devil Inside. I understand. Anyone who invests emotions in an affair feels this way whether it is the MM/MW/OM/OW. Anyone who believes otherwise is lying to themselves including the BS.

[Gamine]

There's karma for both of you. Each proportionate with the action.

 

Inasmuch as you are hurting, so is his spouse. He is also hurting in his own way.

 

All lives have been affected through this changing course of events and it will require all concerned much introspection and commitment to healing to dig themselves out of it.

 

Yes, he has someone to go home to and perhaps as the OW you do not. However, his home will never be the same. Marriage is different than simply loving. Love can be simply a feeling of infatuation with oneself and the excitement over this new found person they have located within themselves. But leaving one's home and life is different. It is the same for the BS only the BS didn't have the 'excitement' of the diversion. Some of the WS wind up in therapy to find out what went wrong inside of them. Why they had a void to begin with that needed filling.

[spiraling downward]

There's karma for both of you. Each proportionate with the action.

 

I think all of this karma talk is B.S. We would like to think that there will be justice and repercussions for people's behavior which affects us negatively... but in the real world, things don't work that way. Oh sure, we can try to string together non-connected events and paint an argument that one was the cause of the other, but that is probably the most deluded thinking I've seen around here.

 

Our actions do directly impact those around us though... even innocent bystanders. We have much control over events and eventual outcomes.

 

Many narcissistic people live their whole lives without experiencing "consequence". The only thing that eventually slows them down is old age and death.

 

Life is really what we ourselves make of it. Fate is for the naive.

 

Our real enemy is entropy, a natural and physical phenomena.

[bentnotbroken]

I think all of this karma talk is B.S. We would like to think that there will be justice and repercussions for people's behavior which affects us negatively... but in the real world, things don't work that way. Oh sure, we can try to string together non-connected events and paint an argument that one was the cause of the other, but that is probably the most deluded thinking I've seen around here.

 

Our actions do directly impact those around us though... even innocent bystanders. We have much control over events and eventual outcomes.

 

Many narcissistic people live their whole lives without experiencing "consequence". The only thing that eventually slows them down is old age and death.

 

Life is really what we ourselves make of it. Fate is for the naive.

 

Our real enemy is entropy, a natural and physical phenomena.

 

 

Now I know why you cheated.

[spiraling downward]

Now I know why you cheated.

because I don't believe in Karma???

[bentnotbroken]

because I don't believe in Karma???

No. I don't' believe in karma. It appears you don't believe in consequences. In justice or in my mind reaping what you sow, good or bad.

[spiraling downward]

No. I don't' believe in karma. It appears you don't believe in consequences. In justice or in my mind reaping what you sow, good or bad.

 

Well then, it all come down to personal ethics and one's perception of right and wrong... I can give you many valid reasons where the good far outweighs the bad in my affair.... if you are of a different moralistic mindset than I am... you will probably never see things my way. I assume that you and I are in very different places on what we consider right and wrong.

[spiraling downward]

There's karma for both of you. Each proportionate with the action.

 

That's just plain silly.

[bentnotbroken]

Well then, it all come down to personal ethics and one's perception of right and wrong... I can give you many valid reasons where the good far outweighs the bad in my affair.... if you are of a different moralistic mindset than I am... you will probably never see things my way. I assume that you and I are in very different places on what we consider right and wrong.

 

 

Yes, I do believe we are.

[spiraling downward]

No. I don't' believe in karma. It appears you don't believe in consequences. In justice or in my mind reaping what you sow, good or bad.

Oh... one more thing... I do believe in consequences. If you read what I wrote, I said as much. I spend a lot of time evaluating potential consequences for the actions I take. Just because you think that all affairs are trainwrecks waiting to happen, doesn't mean it has to be that way.

[spiraling downward]

Yes, I do believe we are.

and I assume you consider your way superior? If so, why are you even wasting your time on me? Do you need some kind of validation from other moralists that "have it all figured out?"