NoIDidn't Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 I also certainly didn't see Lizzie getting all upset about the posts on HER thread.. as always she never gets upset about opposition to her likes and dislikes.. unlike some people I agree. I rather enjoy Lizzie's threads. She's always a good sport. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 I think the BS would like to THINK that the OW gets all obsessive about the wives. Maybe some of the people who post do, but I would think the vast majority could care less, for all the reasons Lizzie stated. Its just not that interesting and its not what the affair is about. You typically know hes married. Its just more of the myth that OWs are some pathetic species out to tear down a family - as if... I think the majority of the posters who sound that way only do because of the cr*p the MMs feed them. But IRL, I have never known anyone in an A who was interested in knowing about or meeting the W. Obviously it hurts the BS to think that they are that insignificant, but obviously its the case or the OP wouldnt be sleeping with their spouse. I disagree. I think that the OW gets very obsessed about the W, throughout the A. I was notified via ClassMates dot com that someone was viewing my profile. I checked to see who it was, and it was the co-worker my H had the EA with. She had visited my page during AND significantly after the EA was over with. I can understand that you don't feel that you were obsessive about the W, but that doesn't mean that other OWs aren't. We have quite a few posters who are even ending As that are still posting about the W. That's obsessing. Obsessing doesn't mean that the person is crazed. I think it just means that the object that they are obsessing over is on their mind more than it needs to be. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 GEL I agree there are threads on here where people do that but in real life Ive known plenty of people in affairs and never known anyone who did that. But I also think that by the time people start posting, usually something has gone wrong. If things were going smoothly, they would be unlikely to be posting (initially). They may keep posting once things get better, but the initial impetus to post is usually because something is wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 And you are right NID. I may be speaking from my own experience. Maybe more people are obsessive about it then I think (it seems so odd to me and so intrusive). Im sorry you had that with Classmates. That is really rude. Yes these things are public but really they are for your friends not for people to use to snoop. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 And you are right NID. I may be speaking from my own experience. Maybe more people are obsessive about it then I think (it seems so odd to me and so intrusive). Im sorry you had that with Classmates. That is really rude. Yes these things are public but really they are for your friends not for people to use to snoop. You know, I really didn't think it was rude. After what I had done to her, it was pretty benign to me. I used Classmates to find her boyfriend to tell him about the EA. I know, bad of me. Even checking out my page and the comments from me and my friends afterwards (after d-day) didn't bother me much. So long as she never showed up on my doorstep, I was okay with it. I did my own obsessing over her, so I understood 'why' she did it and 'when' it would stop. I think its pretty normal behavior when you are curious about someone you've had indirect contact with. My H must have told her quite a bit about me. She said none of it was bad, but some of it must have had a negative spin on it or she wouldn't have continued the EA, IMO. What I knew of her, I learned via his co-workers after she basically told them what was going on (long story, I'm willing to share, its pretty benign too, LOL). So, long of the short, we were both curious about each other. And we will probably never forget the other. It was a significant event in both of our lives (at least up to that point, anyway). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 I disagree. I think that the OW gets very obsessed about the W, throughout the A. I was notified via ClassMates dot com that someone was viewing my profile. I checked to see who it was, and it was the co-worker my H had the EA with. She had visited my page during AND significantly after the EA was over with. I can understand that you don't feel that you were obsessive about the W, but that doesn't mean that other OWs aren't. We have quite a few posters who are even ending As that are still posting about the W. That's obsessing. Obsessing doesn't mean that the person is crazed. I think it just means that the object that they are obsessing over is on their mind more than it needs to be. NID.. I'll have to disagree here.. I think that most OWs (I'm like that) knows that the MM is married.. so they don't really think about the W.. but let's say I was married or in a serious relationship and my H/bf would go with someone else.. gosh would I ever be curious as to what she has that I don't.. I would like to know everything about her.. I don't know .. but my impression is that MOST OWs.. don't honestly care about the W.. but when the W finds out.. she gets intrigued by this mysterious OW.. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 I see we're still rolling right along:). As you were. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 so they don't really think about the W.. They only think of the wife once D-Day happens and then all of a sudden the wife is a huge factor and a curiosity (curosity, I can't spell tonight.) too. Link to post Share on other sites
Calins Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Thank you for putting things into perspective. I love what you wrote. Great job... C I"ve seen a few threads on BSs that wrote messages or letters to the OWs.. Here's mine.. I might have to use it one day. Any other OWs who actually wrote a letter to the MM's wife? ----------------------- Dear Wives, Don’t take offense. Calling you ‘wife’ doesn’t imply anything derogatory. It’s just that you are one of many.. many wives. I don’t know your name, I have to address you in the manner in which you presented yourself to me: His Wife. So ... you say everything in you is crying out to hate me, but you chose love and you chose to forgive. Good on you because either way, I don’t care. This isn’t intended to be disparaging. I’m just telling it like it is. You see, to me you don’t exist. I know he has a wife somewhere, but when they met, how she cooks her food, how old she is, whether she has a job and if she’s beautiful or not.. don’t matter to me. I’m not a mistress because of you. I’m a mistress in spite of you. Did I know your husband was married before I started dating him? Yes. Did it matter? No. It didn’t matter because in this world of haves and have-nots, I am determined to get my own. My own fawning man, my warm bed to return to, my roll in the hay. The man, my man, is not the same as your husband. He is who is he is: my lover. For some reason you think I intentionally worm my way into your marriage and steal your man. It’s as if your husband is helpless, weak and confused, falling for anyone who bats their eyes at him. Nothing could be further from the truth. The men I chose are strong men. They know they are married, but they chose to take me on as a mistress and I in turn chose to accept them. It’s not a decision made in the heat of passion or a result of poor judgment after an alcohol fueled night. We don't drink... I determine when to walk in and I always determine when to walk out. Contrary to popular belief, I am not his sex toy either. Unlike you, my relationship with him is not bound by the 'rules' of marriage. If I deny him sex, he can always get it from you because it’s your duty to the marital bed. When I’m sick of him, I can cut off communication or walk out of the affair because there is no legal whatnot involved. For me marriage isn’t the beginning of a new life; it’s the end. I've never been married.. never will.. I just can't understand why people choose to marry... only to find out a few years later that being with one partner for the rest of our lives is like doing time.. I’m an intelligent woman and I know what I want. I chose my independence – my full independence. You ask why I chose married men when the country is full of single men. The answer is pretty simple: it’s easier with married men. I don’t have to do any work. It's sooo much easier. The burden of care doesn’t lie solely with me because you are there to handle his daily activities and he comes to me to add some richness to his life. It isn’t that you are not ‘enough’ for him; it’s just that I add a little spice to his life. Consider it similar to eating boiled meat. It will fill you and nourish you, but every once in a while you want a little spice to add a zest to your meal. That zest is me. You shouldn’t be so angry about the way things turned out because when you think of it, I made your marriage better for you sometimes. When you confronted me, you attempted to shame me into remorse. Sorry, but it didn’t work. There is no room for shame for a toughened, long time mistress like me. Just in case you are angry, don’t be angry at me .. be angry at him. It was he who lied to you... he who broke his promises... he who betrayed you. If you can get past me and focus on him, maybe he will change.. maybe the two of you can rebuild your marriage... but I very much doubt it. You may be his wife and I am sure in his own way he loves you. He has said you are a good wife, a good mother.. He appreciates that.. but it is not enough for him. You see, I'm the one he needs. I'm what he craves and can't live without. I am the thing he is most passionate about. He longs to put his hands on my body and press his lips against me. He burns his tongue on my skin. My taste is intoxicating and I make him feel like a man. Being with me turns him into someone he normally isn't... a sex 'beast'. Being with me makes him lose control. With me he has no inhibitions and he'll say exactly what is on his mind. I'm always there for him..... no expectations .. no complaints.... I'm am there for his pleasure only. I got under his skin...like an I.V. of 'passion fluid'.. When he lies down beside you in your bed each night he's still under my control. He's still with me in his mind.. He dreams about me cause he falls asleep thinking about me. He's obsessed with me.. How could you not know about us? Every time he has been with me he comes home a different person. Can't you smell me on him? After he has been with me he's tired and disoriented. I've numbed his senses to the point he doesn't even know you exist. He has to take a nap after we've been together because I've drained him of his energy and when he awakes he's ready for me all over again. I hear that you have been blaming me for all of your problems with him....well don't .. he's the one to blame; not me. He comes to me, I don't go to him. He chose me. You're his wife but he wants me more.. He'd rather be with me than spend time with you. Don't you think it is a little strange that he takes hours to run simple errands that should take minutes---he is with me.. When he comes home late after work...when he plays golf.. yep.. golf... or fishing.. or.. wherever.. he's with me. I have taken your place in his heart. Your feelings aren't important to him anymore.....don't try to discuss them with him because it only stresses him out and he runs to me.. Unless you want him to spend more time with me stop nagging him about the kids, the house, the bills, family matters, etc. and, most of all, stop talking to him about how unhappy you are.. Deep inside, he doesn't really care.. Work on yourself instead, you know you need to.. He is not going to change... ever again... now that he has tasted that level of excitement. I hope this puts a better perspective on things and you finally know where you stand. You see, you may be his wife and that used to be sacred but I am in the picture now....I am his mistress... I am his life. Save yourself many miserable years... if you can't accept that he will never be faithful.. move on... Touroulou The Mistress Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 but when the W finds out.. she gets intrigued by this mysterious OW.. I'm pretty sure EVERY betrayed spouse is interested, intrigued by the OW/OM and want to find out more. But, not for the reasons you probably think. Link to post Share on other sites
Calins Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 The only person here breaking any wedding vows is 'THE MARRIED MAN'. The OW isn't doing anything wrong. C NID.. I'll have to disagree here.. I think that most OWs (I'm like that) knows that the MM is married.. so they don't really think about the W.. but let's say I was married or in a serious relationship and my H/bf would go with someone else.. gosh would I ever be curious as to what she has that I don't.. I would like to know everything about her.. I don't know .. but my impression is that MOST OWs.. don't honestly care about the W.. but when the W finds out.. she gets intrigued by this mysterious OW.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 The only person here breaking any wedding vows is 'THE MARRIED MAN'. The OW isn't doing anything wrong. C No, she's just helping him cheat and betray his wife and kids. She is a willing participant, and like him, have consquences to face when D-day occurs. She knows he's married yet doesn't care. She has no respect (like him) for the fact he's married.. An OW has a choice to say yes or no. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 I'm pretty sure EVERY betrayed spouse is interested, intrigued by the OW/OM and want to find out more. But, not for the reasons you probably think. Why do you think she wants to know more about the OW? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 No, she's just helping him cheat and betray his wife and kids. She is a willing participant, and like him, have consquences to face when D-day occurs. She knows he's married yet doesn't care. She has no respect (like him) for the fact he's married.. An OW has a choice to say yes or no. This is true ONLY if someone believe in marriage.. I don't.. never did, never will.. I can wrap my head around the fact that people think that 2 persons can be together for a whole life.. to me.. now days.. it's 'inconcevable'.. to me.. it's a ridiculous concept.. and I'm not kidding.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 This is true ONLY if someone believe in marriage.. I don't.. never did, never will.. I can wrap my head around the fact that people think that 2 persons can be together for a whole life.. to me.. now days.. it's 'inconcevable'.. to me.. it's a ridiculous concept.. and I'm not kidding.. So you would fool around or have sex with any of your friend's husbands? Co-workers, extended family, cousins spouses? What if you were really attracted to a guy and he was bloody hot as hell, then you found out he was actually a friends husband you didn't know very well or hadn't really met? Would the same rules apply since you don't believe in marriage and don't think helping him cheat on his wife is a big deal? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Why do you think she wants to know more about the OW? My case...to use against him for my own gain. I was able to show a pattern and that he was nothing more than the latest penis on the net. Link to post Share on other sites
Pillow Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 The only person here breaking any wedding vows is 'THE MARRIED MAN'. The OW isn't doing anything wrong. C Translation: He's the one who robbed the bank. I just drove the get-a-way car. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 So you would fool around or have sex with any of your friend's husbands? Co-workers, extended family, cousins spouses? What if you were really attracted to a guy and he was bloody hot as hell, then you found out he was actually a friends husband you didn't know very well or hadn't really met? Would the same rules apply since you don't believe in marriage and don't think helping him cheat on his wife is a big deal? This is different.. although I don't believe in marriage.. my best friend's bf/H are a no-no.. because my best friends are more important than a piece of azz. In my case, this is not possible.. I know all my friends' H.. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 This is true ONLY if someone believe in marriage.. I don't.. never did, never will.. I can wrap my head around the fact that people think that 2 persons can be together for a whole life.. to me.. now days.. it's 'inconcevable'.. to me.. it's a ridiculous concept.. and I'm not kidding.. Lizzie, I believe you. I know this seems ridiculous to you. So if that is how you feel, can you see how someone like me would see it as ridiculous that people don't take the covenant seriously? I mean if you only want a temporary partnership that you expect to end at some point, why marry? Just live together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 Lizzie, I believe you. I know this seems ridiculous to you. So if that is how you feel, can you see how someone like me would see it as ridiculous that people don't take the covenant seriously? I mean if you only want a temporary partnership that you expect to end at some point, why marry? Just live together.[/QUOTE] I agree.. why marry? waste of money as far as I'm concerned.. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Lizzie, I believe you. I know this seems ridiculous to you. So if that is how you feel, can you see how someone like me would see it as ridiculous that people don't take the covenant seriously? I mean if you only want a temporary partnership that you expect to end at some point, why marry? Just live together.[/QUOTE] I agree.. why marry? waste of money as far as I'm concerned.. Touche' I mean for those who say they will be faithful and honor vows but then use the excuse of children or finances to stay married when they want to just screw around? I mean your opinion, since you have been involved with MM. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 Touche' I mean for those who say they will be faithful and honor vows but then use the excuse of children or finances to stay married when they want to just screw around? I mean your opinion, since you have been involved with MM. I see marriage as solely a religous contract.. but to be honest.. married or just living common-law is the same thing in my mind.. What I DON'T believe is, married or not, 2 people cannot stay 'faithful' to each other for a lifetime.. I just can't believe it's doable.. unless someone has no libido (and stay as 'friends' or brother/sister).. is ugly (no one wants them)... stupid (again.. no one wants them)... or is willing to sacrifice him/herself for x reasons (mainly for their kids).. In other words.. I don't think that it's humanly possible.. but again.. I sincerely think that it's more probable that the woman will sacrifice herself for her family.. I don't know if I make sense.. I know what I mean.. but it's hard to explain.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 But Lizzie, it's a choice. If someone wants to stay faithful and not cheat, they won't. Some have very strong morals and don't ever put themselves in situations where something could happen. They cut it off before "it" even gets going.. Feelings both sexual and emotional. I think there are alot more EA's than PA's and many of those in EA's aren't really aware that it does the same amount of damage as a PA so in their minds it isn't really cheating. Some take their vows and committments very seriously and some don't. In a marriage or just in a regular relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 I see marriage as solely a religous contract.. but to be honest.. married or just living common-law is the same thing in my mind.. What I DON'T believe is, married or not, 2 people cannot stay 'faithful' to each other for a lifetime.. I just can't believe it's doable.. unless someone has no libido (and stay as 'friends' or brother/sister).. is ugly (no one wants them)... stupid (again.. no one wants them)... or is willing to sacrifice him/herself for x reasons (mainly for their kids).. In other words.. I don't think that it's humanly possible.. but again.. I sincerely think that it's more probable that the woman will sacrifice herself for her family.. I don't know if I make sense.. I know what I mean.. but it's hard to explain.. Lizzie, just like WWIU said, it is a personal choice. It is a decision that I (and many others) actually made. It was something that I thought about and weighed my options, as I am sure you did. You looked at the things in your life, or the people you knew and your experiences and decided monogamy wasn't something you wanted. I did those same things and decided that it was something I wanted. I didn't feel like I was depriving myself of anything or missing out on that decision. There were things in my marriage that I wish were different, but I believe that happens in any marriage, monogamous or non monogamous. I did see examples of fidelity, love, respect and the honor of the marriage covenant. I decided that was the example that I wanted for myself. Today isn't any different than it was years ago. It is just not as taboo anymore. Even King David had a thing for another man's wife and had him killed so he could have her. Nothing new. I appreciate your honesty in my question? Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Liz You imsunderstand me. I have no beef with you living a free, happy and unmarried life. I can even relate to some of your opinions, regarding marital fidelity. I do not believe that I would be interested in being like you and not having any romance in my life. You are all about lust and never about love. I have to have both. In my younger days I probably slept with as many( or more) women as you have men. All ages, colors, sizes, marital status and economic conditions, and as a young man, all I wanted from them was sex. I have found as I grew older that ****ing is easy, making love is more difficult, and requires romance, honesty and committment. You seem to have little of any of those things. IMO Link to post Share on other sites
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