Still heart broken and terrified I may never recover!

[broken hearted]

I was at my parent's house today waiting for my MIL to pick my son up. When my son left, my mother told me that she heard the OW was pregnant! I called my husband and he told me that she wasn't pregnant and that he would have been told if she was. I then asked him if he was still seeing her and he said no he hasn't seen her since I found out (I don't believe this). I asked him if he was still talking to her and he said it "doesn't matter". I told him that that answer proves to me that he is still talking to her. I asked him again and he said he talked to her 2 weeks ago...THIS DEVASTATED ME! Why? We are divorcing, why does it matter if he's still talking to her? It's the simple fact that it's her...

 

This info. broke my heart into many more pieces than it was already broken into. I'm really starting to get scared that my heart will never mend and I will never be able to love another man. I am scared that my heart will never let go of my love for my husband and the man he used to be.

 

The biggest bottle of Elmer's glue would not be big enough to put my heart back together...

 

I just wish there was some magic way to get over all of this devastation...that or a rewind button for life!!

[broken hearted]

I'm really really REALLY starting to get angry with myself. I just want to be able to start moving forward with my life and stop having all these backslides, accept what has become of my life, my marriage, and my family and MOVE ON!

 

It seems as though everyone else has been able to start this process but me! Hell, my husband started this process 7 months ago without even telling me...

[LisaUk]

Hi Broken

 

The rest of us are not about to give birth! Simple as, you have so much more to contend with, not to mention the hormones!

 

You will get through this, when you hold your beautiful new child in your arms, I think all this will become clearer to you.

 

Big Hug

And please do let us know when you've had your baby, when you have chance that is!

[soheartbroken]

I'm really really REALLY starting to get angry with myself. I just want to be able to start moving forward with my life and stop having all these backslides, accept what has become of my life, my marriage, and my family and MOVE ON!

 

It seems as though everyone else has been able to start this process but me! Hell, my husband started this process 7 months ago without even telling me...

 

Not everyone else has started the process of moving on. I can relate exactly to what you're saying. I have the same fears about never getting over the heartbreak. So, you're not alone!

[tojaz]

I'm really really REALLY starting to get angry with myself. I just want to be able to start moving forward with my life and stop having all these backslides, accept what has become of my life, my marriage, and my family and MOVE ON!

 

It seems as though everyone else has been able to start this process but me! Hell, my husband started this process 7 months ago without even telling me...

 

Broken, I think you would be surprised. we all backslide. I haven't moved on, the thought of being with another woman still seems like a betrayal in a lot of ways to me, and right now it would take someone very special to make me feel otherwise. The key around the board is "Fake it til you make it!!" little secret, I still have my moments, i filled out a BDay cad today for her and mailed it, because I'm still weak and it seemed wrong not to. I cried as I wrote, knowing full well it will probably go straight to the trash. This friday is her Bday, and will be the first in 13 years we didn't spend together, it would have also been our wedding anniversary! I'm feeling it today and I'm sick as well, but I go out, put on my brave face and fake it til I make it. Come here and play like i have all the answers and help those who choose to listen to my rambling. It gets me through.

 

If you don't mind me saying, your a strong, smart, and beautiful woman who has a lot to offer some lucky guy when your ready to put yourself out there again. Your going to find a new love and having gone through this it will be a stronger better truer love then what you had. Your developing a clear picture of what you deserve and need in your life and your going to find it and you won't have to look hard. There isn't a real man alive that wouldn't thank his lucky stars to trip over a good hearted woman like yourself!!

 

TOJAZ

[LisaUk]

Broken, I think you would be surprised. we all backslide. I haven't moved on, the thought of being with another woman still seems like a betrayal in a lot of ways to me, and right now it would take someone very special to make me feel otherwise. The key around the board is "Fake it til you make it!!" little secret, I still have my moments, i filled out a BDay cad today for her and mailed it, because I'm still weak and it seemed wrong not to. I cried as I wrote, knowing full well it will probably go straight to the trash. This friday is her Bday, and will be the first in 13 years we didn't spend together, it would have also been our wedding anniversary! I'm feeling it today and I'm sick as well, but I go out, put on my brave face and fake it til I make it. Come here and play like i have all the answers and help those who choose to listen to my rambling. It gets me through.

 

If you don't mind me saying, your a strong, smart, and beautiful woman who has a lot to offer some lucky guy when your ready to put yourself out there again. Your going to find a new love and having gone through this it will be a stronger better truer love then what you had. Your developing a clear picture of what you deserve and need in your life and your going to find it and you won't have to look hard. There isn't a real man alive that wouldn't thank his lucky stars to trip over a good hearted woman like yourself!!

 

TOJAZ

 

I used to feel like this, no more though! I think it changed the moment I realised HE betrayed me and my love for him. He cut me lose, I'm a free agent. You think he is sitting around thinking he can't be with someone for feeling like a betrayal to me? NO. For all I know he could be out there s*****ing everything in sight (or those that would have him, LOL).

 

I'm not going to waste my energy feeling bad about someone who doesn't want me or appreciate me, I've got better things to do with with my time. Easy said then done I know, but it will come for you too Tojaz.

[broken hearted]

Well, I heard from 2 more people this morning that they heard a rumor that the other woman is pregnant! WTF!?!? Nothing would surprise me anymore to be quite honest! I spoke with my husband again this morning and he assures me that she isn't and that he would have been notified by her if she was indeed pregnant!

 

Please people, please don't think I am a judgemental person or think I am above anyone else because I don't think that at all but...what the hell has become of my life? I have always been a classy girl who is well put together, smart, educated, the whole nine yards...you all must think I have stepped out of a trailor park where relatives sleep with relatives, no one having jobs yet having 12 kids in each single wide living off of the system! THIS IS THE FARTHEST THING FROM MY LIFE OR MY HUSBAND'S LIFE....WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???

[tojaz]

Well, I heard from 2 more people this morning that they heard a rumor that the other woman is pregnant! WTF!?!? Nothing would surprise me anymore to be quite honest! I spoke with my husband again this morning and he assures me that she isn't and that he would have been notified by her if she was indeed pregnant!

 

Please people, please don't think I am a judgemental person or think I am above anyone else because I don't think that at all but...what the hell has become of my life? I have always been a classy girl who is well put together, smart, educated, the whole nine yards...you all must think I have stepped out of a trailor park where relatives sleep with relatives, no one having jobs yet having 12 kids in each single wide living off of the system! THIS IS THE FARTHEST THING FROM MY LIFE OR MY HUSBAND'S LIFE....WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???

 

Thanks for the laugh Broken, even though I know it wasn't intended. Nobody thinks that about you.It is obvious in your posts how smart and well educated you are, I believe I have sung your praises before.

This kind of thing happens to all walks of life. Some just make a living at it a la Jerry Springer!

 

I wouldn't stress over wether she is pregnant or not, you have your own pregnancy to cope with and her situation will reveal itself soon enough.

TOJAZ

[broken hearted]

I swear like a trucker lately as well...that's not me, I only swear when I'm very intoxicated! HAHA! I guess I express my anger and pain with swears...better than some other alternatives I guess!

[tojaz]

I swear like a trucker lately as well...that's not me, I only swear when I'm very intoxicated! HAHA! I guess I express my anger and pain with swears...better than some other alternatives I guess!

 

I think thats to be expected. I have a pretty clean way of speaking, even if I do work in a bodyshop, LOL, but in going through this I have shared a lot of privat E-mails with other LS'ers that could make a sailor blush!! Your entitled, let the obscenities fly!! (Not around the boy!)

TOJAZ

[Auroracoladybug]

Well, I heard from 2 more people this morning that they heard a rumor that the other woman is pregnant! WTF!?!? Nothing would surprise me anymore to be quite honest! I spoke with my husband again this morning and he assures me that she isn't and that he would have been notified by her if she was indeed pregnant!

 

Please people, please don't think I am a judgemental person or think I am above anyone else because I don't think that at all but...what the hell has become of my life? I have always been a classy girl who is well put together, smart, educated, the whole nine yards...you all must think I have stepped out of a trailor park where relatives sleep with relatives, no one having jobs yet having 12 kids in each single wide living off of the system! THIS IS THE FARTHEST THING FROM MY LIFE OR MY HUSBAND'S LIFE....WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???

 

Well hun make the best of your life because I am positive that yours will be better than his...Tojaz is right some man is going to see the blessing of a person you truly are (and beautiful to boot)...I think though you are emotional because of the pregnancy you are admirable for how you are handling things...quit asking him about the OW, does it really matter? He broke a wonderful thing for his own reasons that we will never know and he probably wont either...I don't see you backsliding as much as you do and yes I feel the same about my self image but as much as you think your heart is shattered the pieces are there and your babies will help piece the puzzle together because they are all that really matters in the end (the only good thing we get from these idiots are our kids)

 

by the way tojaz...you work in a body shop? did you get the car fixed LOL:D:laugh:

 

And BH...wish I could be there when the baby comes...I was thinking about being a L&D nurse after my son was born...I love the excitement of a new little one...they make everything a brighter world no matter what they come into they adapt and make it better!

[tojaz]

Well hun make the best of your life because I am positive that yours will be better than his...Tojaz is right some man is going to see the blessing of a person you truly are (and beautiful to boot).

OK, bad joke but, you don't mean to tell me that J has but you off men all together?? :confused: (sorry, I warned you)

 

..I think though you are emotional because of the pregnancy you are admirable for how you are handling things...quit asking him about the OW, does it really matter? He broke a wonderful thing for his own reasons that we will never know and he probably wont either...I don't see you backsliding as much as you do and yes I feel the same about my self image but as much as you think your heart is shattered the pieces are there and your babies will help piece the puzzle together because they are all that really matters in the end (the only good thing we get from these idiots are our kids)

 

by the way tojaz...you work in a body shop? did you get the car fixed LOL:D:laugh:

 

No, I think I'm going to preserve the hole for posterity! Hole in my heart hole in my car! LOL!!!

TOJAZ

[2.50 a gallon]

broken hearted

 

What kind of a woman would get pregnant with a MM, right after he abandoned his wife while she is carrying his child. If the OW is pg, justice would see her abandoned also

 

You are right there is not a large enough container of Elmer's glue to mend your shattered heart. That can be done by a real man

 

Please take care of yourself for the babies sake, and let us know the outcome

[Auroracoladybug]

Okay Tojaz get your mind out of the gutter! I can appreciate her beatuy without being attracted to her! Fix the hole goof ball!

[tojaz]

Okay Tojaz get your mind out of the gutter! I can appreciate her beatuy without being attracted to her! Fix the hole goof ball!

Sorry! :o just having a little fun, i warned you it was bad.:p

The holes staying, the car isn't worth fixing LOL just a work junk!

TOJAZ

[Auroracoladybug]

Oh Tojaz, It is hard online and written out to tell that I was really laughing and I have a sense of humor too Thank you for the laugh...and seems you are not going to fix the hole...call it your holy car ...let me quess Chevy Cavilier? LOL

[tojaz]

Oh Tojaz, It is hard online and written out to tell that I was really laughing and I have a sense of humor too Thank you for the laugh...and seems you are not going to fix the hole...call it your holy car ...let me quess Chevy Cavilier? LOL

 

Laughter on LS=:laugh: or :lmao: although I use that for crying too.

I would think the big hole in the plastic would be a dead giveaway.........Saturn SC2

TOJAZ

[broken hearted]

Having a breakdown...

 

I just can't believe the life my husband has chosen for my children! My heart is literally in pieces knowing that my children could have had a complete family with a Mommy and Daddy who lived together and raised them together, going to their hockey games as a family, their school concerts as a family, family reunions as a complete family...

 

I know my children will adjust and be fine and that there are millions of children out there that grow up with divorced parents but I am so angry that my husband didn't even give them a chance to have their family together...just took it upon himself to take that chance away from everyone!

 

It's been a really rough weekend for me and it is only getting harder. I really can't believe my baby is going to come into this world with a family that's already broken before it's arrival!

 

Man, I wish there was some cure or some medication to mend a broken heart!

[broken hearted]

I'm really not sure if I'm going to be able to get through this...

 

I am so depressed with everything that I have gone through the last 8 months and I am terrified I am going to fall further and further into this hole of depression once the baby is born! I know I need to let the love I have for my husband go but I just can't seem to do it! I still wake up every morning feeling extremely depressed and wondering what could have been!

 

Even after all of this time and all of the hurt and abuse my husband has placed on me, I still want my marriage, I still want my family, I still want my life...well, what it was a year ago!

 

I'm so scared that I will never get over this man! I'm so scared that I will never love anybody else or let anybody else in! A broken heart is the worst kind of pain...nothing seems to make it fade or go away!

[hopesndreams]

{{{hugs}}}

 

You will get over your H, trust me. We all do, eventually. It's a long, bumpy road but you will get to an intersection soon and you will have a choice which way to turn. Follow the sign that says Moving On and ignore the sign for Keep Raking up the Past. Even if he were to come back into your life now, he is the one broken and damaged and could never be repaired. You would truly then be wasting away your life trying to get him back on how you once were with him.

 

Now go have that baby already. Seems like you've been pregnant forever!

[broken hearted]

Haha, you're telling me...it seems like I've been pregnant for YEARS with this baby! I still have 3 days until my official due date and I am praying that I don't go over. I can't wait to meet my little baby and see for myself that it is healthy after all the stress and heartache my husband and brother have put me through the entire pregnancy!

 

If this baby knew how bad it's Mommy needed a drink, it would have made it's arrival already!

[2.50 a gallon]

BH

 

One of the reasons you wake up depressed, is that we tend to have our most vivid dreams just before we wake, and though we might not remember the exact details of the dream, the after affects (emotions) seem to linger for awhile, until we shake off the cobwebs. The chances are that you are dreaming of your ex, then awake to an empty bed. I know this used to happen to me. As you say it is devastiting to awaken to an empty bed

Such a beautiful woman, with such a beautiful heart. You don't realize that you are the one holding all of the aces.

Someday it will be the ex who after he sees you with your new man, will be the one waking up with nightmares of what could have been. He will be the one walking down the street and banging his head on every post he sees, mumbling Idiot

[delajoonal]

I'm really not sure if I'm going to be able to get through this...

I am so depressed with everything that I have gone through the last 8 months and I am terrified I am going to fall further and further into this hole of depression once the baby is born! I know I need to let the love I have for my husband go but I just can't seem to do it! I still wake up every morning feeling extremely depressed and wondering what could have been!

Even after all of this time and all of the hurt and abuse my husband has placed on me, I still want my marriage, I still want my family, I still want my life...well, what it was a year ago!

I'm so scared that I will never get over this man! I'm so scared that I will never love anybody else or let anybody else in! A broken heart is the worst kind of pain...nothing seems to make it fade or go away!

broken...you took the words right out of my mouth...other than ur being pregnant...we share so many emotions and thoughts..

 

i too just want to be a mom and wife.and i too am sooo angry my H took MY future away from me..the future of looking forward to seeing my grand child on my H's knee at christmas time sitting around the tree singing and laughing and just being a family..as we have been for as many years as i can remember...

i am angry for my H taking away that stroll down the country lane behind the house we buy when we retire...still holding hands...

 

do you know we were still slow dancing in the kitchen just ONE month before he left me??? how sad is that....and to our wedding song....

 

how can he kiss me on the forehead and say good bye sweetie, I love you have a nice day..as he goes off to work in the morning...and look at me before he leaves and says, again, i love you, you are my angel!

 

wtf? what mind effing games is that...

 

the VERY NEXT DAY he was gone...omG!

 

what is wrong with these men???????????????

 

how do they walk away from what seems like a loving happy family...now i know we ALL have our marital issues, right..who doesn't...BUT enough to go online

onto Face book and purposely set out to find someone ELSE!

 

and then they call THAT person, the OW/OM, 'a friend'...omg!

how stupid do they think we are???????

 

broken...you have your children and a wonderful gift of one on the way...

believe me...you have sooooooo much to live for...your babies need you and you may NOT see it now, cause your heart is crushed..but YOU NEED those babies too...

 

because me, i am now alone in a small apt. with my chihuahua...don't get me wrong, that little doggie has saved my life more than once...with out her..who knows....

 

my son is going on 23 years old now, he has his own life and now my H is gone and well, apparently enjoying the fact that HE has broken not just OUR family, but OW as well, OW has 2 kids, 2 and 6 years old...she filed for divorce in JUNE 2009, now my H has flied as well..BUT, he has NOT served me yet..weird...he filed weeks ago...hmm???

 

anyway...so now i have no kids ( at home) no husband...he has broken up someone elses family and insinuated himself right in there...i get the feeling he has NOT met OW kids yet, but i know he lives at OW most of the time...when the kids are with their dad..oh that poor man...i actually got to speak with OW husband months ago...it was bad, we were both crying..

 

anyway..i am rambling again...sorryy...this is why i was supposed to stay off of LS today.i keep hi jacking everyone elses' threads..LOL...

 

i started out on the right subject..

 

anyway. broken...PM if you wanna chat..i PMed you...so get back to me and let me know your thoughts on that?

also added you as a contact so you can PM me and see my albums too:)

[tojaz]

Having a breakdown...

 

I just can't believe the life my husband has chosen for my children! My heart is literally in pieces knowing that my children could have had a complete family with a Mommy and Daddy who lived together and raised them together, going to their hockey games as a family, their school concerts as a family, family reunions as a complete family...

 

I know my children will adjust and be fine and that there are millions of children out there that grow up with divorced parents but I am so angry that my husband didn't even give them a chance to have their family together...just took it upon himself to take that chance away from everyone!

 

It's been a really rough weekend for me and it is only getting harder. I really can't believe my baby is going to come into this world with a family that's already broken before it's arrival!

 

Man, I wish there was some cure or some medication to mend a broken heart!

 

Broken, I want to apologize ahead of time, I'm a little emotionally tapped out, it's been a long day, so this probably wont be my best, but wanted to say something.

 

Like a good mother you put the needs of your children first and want them to have a happy family. Family is rarely the Norman Rockwell painting it used to be. Your family will be no less complete without him. The family that you and your kids will make together will never be broken in my eyes. Your kids will be loved and cared for better then most families with both parents, I'm sure of it. Hes the one that chose not to be part of something beautiful. Don't punish yourself for that!

TOJAZ

[broken hearted]

The family that you and your kids will make together will never be broken in my eyes. Your kids will be loved and cared for better then most families with both parents, I'm sure of it. Hes the one that chose not to be part of something beautiful. Don't punish yourself for that!

TOJAZ

 

Thanks for this Broken! I do know that I did not choose this for my children or my family an that my husband made that decision by himself but it's the furthest thing away from the life I had planned and expected for myself, my marriage, and my children! I've got to find some way to get over it and accept the reality of the situation, it's just taking me a LOT longer than most people I guess!

 

My son spent the night with my husband on Saturday night and he had him until about 8 pm last night and that's probably a huge reason I had such a backslide of a day! It seems as though everytime my husband has our son, I backslide...I just miss my son like crazy when I'm not with him. I didn't become a mother to be a part-time mother yet my full-time status was yanked away from me overnight...'

 

Praying this morning that I can find love again, let love in again, let love consume me again, and live happily ever after! Love is the most amazing and consumingly painful feeling in the world!