MrMayI Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 hooray!!!! congratulations. thank heavens for little girls. Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Congrats Broken! Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Congrats Broken hope all is well! Pics when you get time, suspect you are bit busy right now! Hope you and baby are well. :bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Congrats BH on having a beautiful baby girl. She will bring so much joy into your life! You are so very blessed. Can't wait to see the pics. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted September 19, 2009 Author Share Posted September 19, 2009 I'm having such a hard time with all of this! I am so overwhelmed with everything I've been going through since January! My heart is so broken, I can't even explain to you how bad it hurts to have gone through this break up, an affair, my brother's suicide, being pregnant, the birth of our daughter...all of it is becoming more than I can handle! I look at my baby girl and it hurts so bad knowning the stress and heartache that my husband put us all through since her conception. I truly just want to be a family...start all over, forget about the past, and be a happy family! It's so hard to believe that everything my husband had was so disposable! He had what everyone wants but he threw it all away for the life of a 16 year old...leaving me to pick up the pieces of all of our hearts! I will never stop loving that man...NEVER! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 I'm having such a hard time with all of this! I am so overwhelmed with everything I've been going through since January! My heart is so broken, I can't even explain to you how bad it hurts to have gone through this break up, an affair, my brother's suicide, being pregnant, the birth of our daughter...all of it is becoming more than I can handle! I look at my baby girl and it hurts so bad knowning the stress and heartache that my husband put us all through since her conception. I truly just want to be a family...start all over, forget about the past, and be a happy family! It's so hard to believe that everything my husband had was so disposable! He had what everyone wants but he threw it all away for the life of a 16 year old...leaving me to pick up the pieces of all of our hearts! I will never stop loving that man...NEVER! Thats right, I don't think you will. Yet the love you give him will be less and less as you heal from this. He will always mean something and be special to you, but eventually you will move on and you and your new family will be better for it. Is it ok to ask Lil' Baby Brokens neme? TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted September 19, 2009 Author Share Posted September 19, 2009 it's Julia Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Lovely, always liked that name. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Hi Broken Julia is such a lovely name. I hope all is well, I know you were worried about all the stress on you and her while you were pregnant, it muct be a relief in a lot of ways to know she is ok? But in a lot of ways your heart must be tearing apart. We all keep saying the same thing to you, that he's not worth it, yet I know that brings you little comfort right now. Live for your children Broken, their love, their UNCONDITIONAL love will pull you through this. You're such an amazing strong women, you've had so much more than most of us on here have had to deal with, yet your getting through it and you have your beautiful little girl, you should be really proud of yourself! I'm proud of you. I tell my friends about the people on this board and even the 21 year olds on my course can't get over the way your H has treated you and what you have had to go through. They all think you are the bravest women they have ever heard of. I know your going to be OK Broken, I know it in my heart b/c I know you are a fighter and you will do what you have to do for your children. Link to post Share on other sites
Auroracoladybug Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 You have a heart of gold and that little baby girl is all the more reason for you to be a family with your two kids...I know that you can do it because you have proven it by what you have already been thru...you really inspire me I will always love J...maybe after the MLC crap he will come back around but I have to find happiness for me and my son...sometimes loving someone means you have to let them make mistakes on their own...if they ever wake up we have no control over that but we can just hope and pray that we all find hapiness Hugs and kisses to Julia! Link to post Share on other sites
BW007 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 bh- get some postpartum counseling while in the hospital. I know it is relationship stuff too, but they could probably help and they are usually set up for it. Tell em whats going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 I guess I was just hoping for a miracle...hoping and praying that the birth of our daughter would wake him up to everything he has and everything we stand to lose... I can't get around how drastically different my husband is today than he was just 2 years ago when our son was born. I just want the 4 of us to be a family...that's the part I can't get over! I want my family, the one we made together and wanted together since we were 16! Trying to pick myself of from the this slap in the face all over again...reality! Link to post Share on other sites
tinke Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Congrats Broken, may you truly enjoy your new blessing! You WILL get through all this, don't know how we do it at times, but, we are somehow furnished with the skills, the strength. Honestly, Broken, I don't know why people do some of the hurtful things they do. Particularly with no remorse, no thought as to how their actions will impact others. It is difficult to understand when there is no clear reason, no explanation. He obviously (cowardly) does not want or feel the desire to put forth the energy to communicate his feelings. It seems he found a new interest and is following it. He certainly may regret that decision, but cannot see anything else now. Keep in mind, the way in which he left (as cruel as it was) will be a lifesaver to you as time passes. You may not believe it now, but in time as the feelings lessen, you have this unfeeling, insensitive, example of his true character to explore. Do you think you can go back to him after this experience? So then, the only way is out. Don't mean to sound matter of fact, I know it is much more complex than that. But, after my own experience, and the dwelling, etc. I finally realized...what a jerk! A self-serving A$$! Too caught up in his own mind to honor a relationship, let alone communicate! So, it will be glorious when you reach this stage. You may surprise yourself with how different you may feel. Once you have time, a different view of him may emerge. I don't know why folks do some things, but with reading these posts, it's not uncommon. I never would have predicted mine to have done this, to have acted so shameless. I can truly say now that I am ashamed of the way he mishandled things, and the person he had become. Hang tough Broken, rely on your family and friends for support and LS (Lots of ears here) or should I say eyes! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Congrats Broken, may you truly enjoy your new blessing! You WILL get through all this, don't know how we do it at times, but, we are somehow furnished with the skills, the strength. Honestly, Broken, I don't know why people do some of the hurtful things they do. Particularly with no remorse, no thought as to how their actions will impact others. It is difficult to understand when there is no clear reason, no explanation. He obviously (cowardly) does not want or feel the desire to put forth the energy to communicate his feelings. It seems he found a new interest and is following it. He certainly may regret that decision, but cannot see anything else now. Keep in mind, the way in which he left (as cruel as it was) will be a lifesaver to you as time passes. You may not believe it now, but in time as the feelings lessen, you have this unfeeling, insensitive, example of his true character to explore. Do you think you can go back to him after this experience? So then, the only way is out. Don't mean to sound matter of fact, I know it is much more complex than that. But, after my own experience, and the dwelling, etc. I finally realized...what a jerk! A self-serving A$$! Too caught up in his own mind to honor a relationship, let alone communicate! So, it will be glorious when you reach this stage. You may surprise yourself with how different you may feel. Once you have time, a different view of him may emerge. I don't know why folks do some things, but with reading these posts, it's not uncommon. I never would have predicted mine to have done this, to have acted so shameless. I can truly say now that I am ashamed of the way he mishandled things, and the person he had become. Hang tough Broken, rely on your family and friends for support and LS (Lots of ears here) or should I say eyes! :bunny: Great post Tinke!! Broken, read Tinkes post a few times through, theres a lot of truth there. I know your a fan of the country music, so remember, SOME OF GODS GREATEST GIFTS ARE UNANSWERED PRAYERS!! That song rings true for me, all though it was a long hard road to get there. It took seeing what else was out there, loving, caring women, LS style women that share the ability to love and my views on romance, relationships, and commitment. There are a lot of qualities in some of these women and a lot of the women here that have opened my eyes to things my wife would never have been able to provide, she didn't know how, she dosen't GET IT! Your going to get there, see what was in a whole new light and realize that there is better out there to be had, now that you know what your looking for and what to avoid. It hurts, and I won't kid you I still miss her and miss our life, but I've had a glimpse of what could be and unless she does some serious soul searching, she will never be able to provide that for me. I don't want her back, not as she is or even as she was for 13 years. My heart deserves better, and so does yours Broken. Don't settle for anything less then you deserve and for nobody less then someone who deserves you. He dosen't! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
tinke Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Broken, how are you doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 I'm doing alright, thanks for asking! I'm just having a really hard time dealing with how drastically different the birth of our new daughter has been than the birth of our 2 year old son. My husband must really really hate me now if the suicide of my brother and the birth of our daughter didn't wake him up to everything he will lose that we spent so much time building up. We built it up for 11 years just to watch it fall overnight! It's so hard for me to comprehend how something that was so right for so long has gone so wrong. I don't know why but I'm just not able to accept reality just yet... I love him so much and would give anything to put everything behind us and be a family... Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 It is what it is but my heart won't accept what is just yet... Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Hi Broken, I'm almost certain that your husband will feel the repercussions of what he did. And he may come crawling back one day...one day far off into the future. I understand how devastated you are, because I'm starting to go through the phase where I just don't know who my ex is anymore. They become such foreign beings. Your ex CANNOT EVER be proud of how he handled things. There is NO WAY IN HELL that he will look back a few years from now and think that he handled things well. He will be ashamed of himself one day. And he will have to live with that shame. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 BH The rollercoaster ride contiues, but in your case with a newborn in your life, you get the super duper twister ride, making it even more difficult times than in a normal break up. Your strength has gotten you this far and will not fail you in the weeks ahead. I agree with others on the board, Julia is a beautiful name. Is the two year old boy thrilled to have a new sister? Or is he like I was when my sister was born, "What's the bid deal?", "Where's my applesauce?" That was 60 years ago and I still remember it. Do you have somebody there to help you with the new born, mother, sister, aunt? I remember that too, as my grandma stayed with us, and she was a sucker for giving her grand son his applesauce on demand. I know child rearing, especially with a newborn is a full time job. Are you able to find the time to think and do other things, to get you mind off of your troubles? Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 I don't really have much time to myself to do anything other than take care of my two children! As you can imagine, the birth of our daughter has brought so many emotions back to it's peak, leaving many tears on my pillow at night! I'm really trying to hold it together for my children but it's so difficult bc our son is having an extremely hard time with this. Each time my husband has our son, when he brings him back and drives away, my son stands at the door crying and screaming for daddy to come home. Lots of times he's so inconsolable that he cries so hard he vomits. He still wakes up most nights and cries for Daddy to come home. He's holding his bowels to the point where he becomes constipated and the dr. has prescribed a stool softener for him....THIS POOR CHILD IS TWO...THIS IS SO HEARTBREAKING FOR ME! At this point, I would still put everything behind us and try and be a family...I want to be a family! I want to go apple picking together and go on summer vacations together, I want to wake up on Christmas morning as a family, I want to go outside and play in the snow as a family, I want to curl up in the living room and drink hot chocolate as a family on those cold winter days...I WANT WHAT I HAD...THOUGH I'M SLOWLY REALIZING IT'S NOT MY DECISION TO HAVE WHAT I WANT ANYMORE, MY HUSBAND TOOK IT ALL AWAY! Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Hello, I was deeply moved while reading your posts. I just cannot comprehend the pain your husband has inflicted upon you and your family. There is nothing good, right or fair about this. The only thing I take comfort in is that those who have been here and survived say that things do get better. Honestly right now I cant see how that is possible. And for you it is even more difficult. But they must be right as thousands of people do survive this and generally go on to live happier lives. I wish I had more to offer....I just take it one day at a time. Julia is a beautiful classic name. Link to post Share on other sites
Auroracoladybug Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 BH I know that this is devistating...I am so there with the two year old and the crying until he gets sick...I am there with wanting my family back...all of it...I wish I could hold you:love: because I know that you could use that from a sister You are doing fine! and hold that baby boy and baby girl rock them and cuddle with them and tell them you love them and wouldn't leave them for the world and they will always remember that. Maybe a routine for visitation has not set in yet but perhaps there is something that you can plan out for him changes will still be hard...my boy has gone back to screaming any time I leave to even go to the bathroom let alone to leave daycare. Lots of love! I know you are exhausted and emotional and waaaayyy too busy for much of LS but we all care about you. Link to post Share on other sites
MrMayI Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 broken, your posts have made me cry for the first time in weeks. i wish i could do something, anything to help take your pain away. to tell you the right words to make it better. you're a beautiful and strong person. please don't ever forget that. the fact that you are taking care of your children so well in this particular situation is a testament to your strength. i hope only the best for you. i'm sorry. i almost hate your husband, and i'm sorry for saying that. i can tell you, though, you don't want this nutless wonder back. i promise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 In some disgusting way, I do still want my husband back though...I still want the fairytale love that we used to have, I still want the family back that we used to have. At this point, my head knows none of this is possible bc that husband of mine no longer exists but my heart still holds onto what was and the thread of hope that what was can still become what is and what will be. I feel like such a naive little girl bc I'm just now realizing I never knew how much love hurt, how much a broken heart takes to mend... Link to post Share on other sites
MrMayI Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 In some disgusting way, I do still want my husband back though...I still want the fairytale love that we used to have, I still want the family back that we used to have. At this point, my head knows none of this is possible bc that husband of mine no longer exists but my heart still holds onto what was and the thread of hope that what was can still become what is and what will be. I feel like such a naive little girl bc I'm just now realizing I never knew how much love hurt, how much a broken heart takes to mend... you're learning, and sadly, that's the hardest part. we all want it back at one point or another. i backslide often. i truly believe you have it harder than anyone else posting on this board these days. everyone is going through it, together, but you have just brought a beautiful new life into the world. the joy that comes with that should be the focus for him. i'm sorry it's not. i'm likely not helping at all, broken. i just really, really feel for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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