tojaz Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 Gunny, where are you?!? Tell me how to get over this OVERWHELMING feeling of resentment and betrayal! I have to have a civil relationship with this man bc of our children! I went to the drs. for my weekly appt. (9 months pregnant) and while I was there, I got a full range of STD testing done bc I don't know whether or not I was with my husband after he was with her and I want to be 100% positive I am healthy before I deliver this baby! I had asked him to get the testing done and show me the results bc if he was clean, I was clean since I haven't been with anyone other than him. He refused to get the testing done bc he said he wasn't with me after her! To me, it is simply respect that he would get the testing done to prove that to me for the safety of this child! Last night, my husband had our son for the night! I ask that he calls me before our son goes to bed so I can say goodnight to my little boy! I have been with my little boy every day since the day he was born, I want to say goodnight to him before he goes to sleep! My husband "forgot" to call me and his "phone was in his truck" the 5 times I tried to call him to say goodnight! I am so resentful and have so much anger towards him! How the hell do I move past this so we can have a friendly relationship for our children?? The anger is what you need right now. He deserves every bit of it, and you have a right to feel the way you do. You want to let go, anger will help you do that, it puts him where he belongs in your own mind. I get wanting to be cordial (Not friendly, I doubt thats going to happen after what hes done to you, if you can your a stronger person then I!) for the sake of the kids. All I can say is "Fake it until you make it" Don't bury your feelings of anger and resent ment, you have a right to feel what you do. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted August 15, 2009 Author Share Posted August 15, 2009 Here I go...back on the rollercoaster! It's gorgeous here today and all I can think is that we should be taking our son to the beach together as a family! We don't get very many nice warm sunny days here in VT! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 Here I go...back on the rollercoaster! It's gorgeous here today and all I can think is that we should be taking our son to the beach together as a family! We don't get very many nice warm sunny days here in VT! Get out and enjoy that day yourself!! At least you have that gorgeous VT scenery to look at! They say theres more then corn in Indiana...................... They lied!!! :p:D TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted August 16, 2009 Author Share Posted August 16, 2009 Well, isn't this day off to a good start! I was just in my car and I passed the OW that my husband had the affair with! I can't even express to you all the emotions that came rushing through my head! Rage was the first, followed by fear and intense sadness and pain! It left me in tears! This is the 3rd time I have seen her driving since I found out a little over a month ago! I wish we didn't live in such a small town!!! Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 How horrible for you, I can't imagine. Too bad she doesn't feel the shame of what she has done because if she did, she would drive around with a paper bag over her head, with two little holes cut out for her eyes, then you could just ignore her. But, having to see her because of the small town living, Yikes! Guess I'm not much help here, huh. Hopefully someone will come along and pass on some advice on how to deal with this particular situation. When is your baby due? Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted August 16, 2009 Author Share Posted August 16, 2009 H&D: Technically I'm not due for another 3 weeks but last week when I went to the Drs., he said I was already dilated and the baby was very low! I have a 2 yr old and I have experienced childbirth before and I am really feeling as though it's going to be sooner than the 3 weeks! I'm really hoping for that...it's been so so so hot and humid here in the last week or so! Also, when I was at the Drs., I got a full range of STD testing and aids testing done bc my husband refused to get tested and show me the results! Obviously he's only thinking about himself but I thought it was the least he could do for me and his baby that I have to deliver! After all, I haven't been sleeping around...if he's clean, so am I, if he's not clean, than I may not be either! HOW FRIGGIN DISRESPECTFUL IS THAT!!?? I can't imagine sleeping with someone and possibly subjecting my pregnant wife to a disease!!! Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Nothing worse than being heavily pregnant during summer months. It's my daughters birthday 2day, she's 18, but I remember it well. You will feel so much better after baby is born, and you will have so much to do, and so much more to love, your heart will be bursting. Your sorrow will take a back seat. All your focus will be on your little ones. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Well, isn't this day off to a good start! I was just in my car and I passed the OW that my husband had the affair with! I can't even express to you all the emotions that came rushing through my head! Rage was the first, followed by fear and intense sadness and pain! It left me in tears! This is the 3rd time I have seen her driving since I found out a little over a month ago! I wish we didn't live in such a small town!!! How awful for you Broken! I know the pain that goes along with that. I found OM and my wife together at a local bar. I felt all the same things you did and took him out side for a little chat! After we spoke, I punctuated my point by kicking a hole in the side of my car. (Pics of the car in my profile for a laugh, if youd like!) Wasn't my best moment and I bet you can guess what I wanted to do to him.:mad: The part that dawned on me later was that, while he was a parasite, and a homewrecker. He didn't do this. She was the one who betrayed me, he was just there to take advantage. All the anger I had for him was misplaced, had it not been him it just as easily been someone else. Dosen't help with the reminder of what happened cruising around town, but put your feelings where they belong. On Him! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted August 16, 2009 Author Share Posted August 16, 2009 I really can't take this rollercoaster and this pain! I'm in the middle of a breakdown! Why is it that everyone else on this forum is so much stronger than I am? I can't stop crying! I just can't understand why I am pregnant and alone! I can't understand why this has all happened! I can't understand how my a**hole of a husband is still so near and dear to my heart! I can't understand why his voice is still some sort of comfort to me! I JUST SIMPLY CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I AM ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH AND I AM ALONE! I can't understand why my husband can't see the error of his ways, the mistake he's made, and the consequences it has left so many people experiencing! I AM SUCH A WRECK RIGHT NOW! What the hell is wrong with me, why can't I move forward and accept this horrible person? Why can't I love the man I married and hate the man he has become? Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 I really can't take this rollercoaster and this pain! I'm in the middle of a breakdown! Why is it that everyone else on this forum is so much stronger than I am? I can't stop crying! I just can't understand why I am pregnant and alone! I can't understand why this has all happened! I can't understand how my a**hole of a husband is still so near and dear to my heart! I can't understand why his voice is still some sort of comfort to me! I JUST SIMPLY CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I AM ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH AND I AM ALONE! I can't understand why my husband can't see the error of his ways, the mistake he's made, and the consequences it has left so many people experiencing! I AM SUCH A WRECK RIGHT NOW! What the hell is wrong with me, why can't I move forward and accept this horrible person? Why can't I love the man I married and hate the man he has become? Broken, calm down! You are a lot stronger then you give yourself credit for, I know it dosen't seem like it, but think about it. Your dealing with a lot more stress then most of the folks on this board. Divorce, being a good mother, being pregnant, the loss of your brother. This all could bring anyone to their knees. Sad to say, you may never understand what happened in your marriage. Only one person does and he's not telling. I searched for understanding for a long time. I never found it, and it just made it harder to cope, analyzing every little thing she did. Don't think there is anything wrong with you. The conflict is impossible to seperate for you right now. You love the man he was and hope he will return, yet you hate the man he is, and know he is not good for you. Yet, they are one in the same right now. The last time I saw my wife, I saw love, I wanted to reach out hold her, kiss her tenderly. it's instinct, yet while that desire was there, she was hurling some of the most awful things anyone should ever have to hear, her eyes where daggers. I wish there was an easy cure for this, but all I can offer is what has worked for me. Write down all the awful things hes done and said and refer to it often, keep the bad parts fresh in your mind so your not blinded by all the good history. Sadly thats how he sees you right now. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted August 16, 2009 Author Share Posted August 16, 2009 I know Tojaz...I know! I need to settle down, get myself and my emotions in control, for me and for my children! I just can't understand this world that my husband is living in right now...it's certainly not reality! I am so angry! Marriage and a family is FOREVER, not until you decide you want to be 16 again! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 It's a rare breed that feels that way unfortunately. Divorce is just so easy and so common that marriages are as disposable as car leases any more. Very sad, I always planned on forever as well. Was there anything you remember that triggered all this, a specific fight, life change, etc. I saw you mention MLC on delas thread. While your H is too young for MLC (I'm assuming) there are similar issues that share traits. Look here>http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/ TOJAZ I know Tojaz...I know! I need to settle down, get myself and my emotions in control, for me and for my children! I just can't understand this world that my husband is living in right now...it's certainly not reality! I am so angry! Marriage and a family is FOREVER, not until you decide you want to be 16 again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted August 16, 2009 Author Share Posted August 16, 2009 I wish so badly sometimes that we could all help eachother through this with our physical presence. It does help to write and receive messages and other posts on this forum but for me, it would be a lot easier if we could all hang out and talk! Sometimes, I just need to sit and talk and listen to advice rather than typing and waiting for a response! Don't get me wrong, I love this forum and all the advice I receive! It sounds horrible but I am also very VERY jealous of those of you who can have a drink or two to relax when you need it! If I weren't pregnant, I would definitely need some drinks to cope! It sounds horrible but sometimes it's just needed! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 I wish so badly sometimes that we could all help eachother through this with our physical presence. It does help to write and receive messages and other posts on this forum but for me, it would be a lot easier if we could all hang out and talk! Sometimes, I just need to sit and talk and listen to advice rather than typing and waiting for a response! Don't get me wrong, I love this forum and all the advice I receive! It sounds horrible but I am also very VERY jealous of those of you who can have a drink or two to relax when you need it! If I weren't pregnant, I would definitely need some drinks to cope! It sounds horrible but sometimes it's just needed! I know what you mean broken. I've been here all day and my eyes are starting to kill me. Text etc, is nice, but sometimes you just need to hear a voice, and have some human contact. Let's you know your not alone. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 VERY ROUGH NIGHT! I kept falling asleep, having vivid dreams of my husband with OW, waking up in a panic, then falling back asleep and starting the process all over again! What is this all about? Maybe it's because I have seen the OW driving in her car the last 2 days in a row! It's a horrible horrible feeling to see the woman who was laying on top of your husband naked! I was doing much better a couple of weeks ago, dealing with the loss of my husband and brother, but the last couple of days bring me down more and more each day! Today, I am worse off and in more pain than yesterday, and yesterday I was in more pain than the day before! It's like I have fallen into this downward spiral that I can't seem to get out of, I just keep falling deeper and deeper each day. Maybe it's bc the birth of this baby will likely happen anyday now and the anxiety of taking care of a newborn without my husband is getting more and more intense. I so badly want to be able to hate my husband for what he's done and who he's become or love him bc he is an amazing man! I don't want this conflict within my heart day in and day out! Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 It would all do our spouses a world of good if they could just get on this forum and read about all the heartache, pain, and confusion they have caused all of us. I truly feel if they could see the other side of things and put themselves in our shoes even by reading about it, then they would smarten the hell up! ...then again, maybe my husband wouldn't bc he seems to be so self absorbed right now, he can't see anything but what his perceptions of the situation are! Link to post Share on other sites
lupa Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 It would all do our spouses a world of good if they could just get on this forum and read about all the heartache, pain, and confusion they have caused all of us. I truly feel if they could see the other side of things and put themselves in our shoes even by reading about it, then they would smarten the hell up! No! NO! I thought this, too, for awhile, but then I realized one thing -- that woman will never see me weak again. She devastated me, she felt power from it, and then afterward once I settled down she couldn't even look me in the eye. She will never see me weak again, she will never know I was here, she will never know what she did to my heart. She will see a new, better me living my life to the fullest, while she runs from her own problems. too bad for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 I just posted a few pictures of myself so some of you can put a face to the name! These are not great pictures of me at all but it's at least something to put a face with the name! It so heartbreaking to look at pictures when my life was what I wanted! Now, my life is turned upside down, and although I know I'll get through it, I wish I could hit rewind! Tojaz-I totally exaggerated! I don't resemble Alyssa Milano! I thought maybe some features were similar but now that I look at some pictures of me, our features are nothing alike except our hair color! HAHA! Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Oh Broken, so nice to be able to finally see you! You are goergous, your H is out of his b****y mind! On that note, your H looks exactly like I thought he would, spooky, seriously. Also, just a side note, what is it about American men and facial hair? So many of the men I have seen pics of here on LS have facial hair, is it some kind of fashion there? I find it odd, not many men have it here, personally I prefer clean shaven. Anyway, I'm going off the subject. LOL Your son is adorable! Broken, I tell you, you will find someone else in time who will love you and your children the way you deserve to be loved. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Tojaz-I totally exaggerated! I don't resemble Alyssa Milano! I thought maybe some features were similar but now that I look at some pictures of me, our features are nothing alike except our hair color! HAHA! You are far prettier than Alyssa Milano. Your son is adorable and takes after you. You're such a lovely person, inside and out, you don't deserve any of this pain. Link to post Share on other sites
MrMayI Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 you are and will get stronger broken. please believe it. i said it yesterday. it's like cooking a good pot of homemade soup. slow and low. that's the only way to take it. by the way, your husband has lost his everloving mind. i'll be happy to take you out if i weren't married, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 H&D: Technically I'm not due for another 3 weeks but last week when I went to the Drs., he said I was already dilated and the baby was very low! I have a 2 yr old and I have experienced childbirth before and I am really feeling as though it's going to be sooner than the 3 weeks! I'm really hoping for that...it's been so so so hot and humid here in the last week or so! Also, when I was at the Drs., I got a full range of STD testing and aids testing done bc my husband refused to get tested and show me the results! Obviously he's only thinking about himself but I thought it was the least he could do for me and his baby that I have to deliver! After all, I haven't been sleeping around...if he's clean, so am I, if he's not clean, than I may not be either! HOW FRIGGIN DISRESPECTFUL IS THAT!!?? I can't imagine sleeping with someone and possibly subjecting my pregnant wife to a disease!!! My 2nd son was born early. the 23rd of this month. My oldest was 2 at the time. If they come early it's a much easier birth. My wife exposed me to STDs also. I told her this & she said she didn't. I asked her if she let the OM finish inside of her & she said she did. Well then how does she not think she exposed me to an STD? She met this guy on a dating site. He doesn't wear rubber's. HELLO!!! is there anybody in there?!?!?! Ok i looked at the pics. I gotta tell ya broken. your husband is a moron. And honestly I just get a duche'-bag vibe from him. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Also, just a side note, what is it about American men and facial hair? So many of the men I have seen pics of here on LS have facial hair, is it some kind of fashion there? I find it odd, not many men have it here, personally I prefer clean shaven. Anyway, I'm going off the subject. LOL I prefer clean shaven also. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 Thanks for the sweet comments everyone! It's nice to hear them when I feel so low after what my husband has done to me! Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 I prefer clean shaven also. I hope that's a reference to your own face Phin, rather than your dates? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts