BW007 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Wow, this is such a mixed emotion. I would have married this girl, had kids, etc..etc ... if she had not messed it up so badly and here it is 5 months later and she is already pregnant with some other guy. HUGE ambivalence... bullet dodged I guess, in that she seems to have wanted a kid, not necessarilly (sp?) mine. God I am feeling sad, but also, what a chaos queen. Man this is not what I wanted. I am really f ing sad.... Link to post Share on other sites
WiseOne1 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Gosh, I know how you feel, or how you could be feeling. Just think of it this way, its over forever now, theres no reason to look back, you and her have no future, the deal has been sealed, you can move on knowing that you gave her and you a chance and therefore you won't regret it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BW007 Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 Spilt milk category I guess, Now it is real. It is done, and I guess it did not matter how much I cared, but this is just the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
WiseOne1 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Spilt milk category I guess, Now it is real. It is done, and I guess it did not matter how much I cared, but this is just the worst. You should think of it as a good thing, maybe you won't get it now, but give yourself a few days... You know deep down inside there is no way you and her can ever get back together, even if someone you managed to look over her and her new baby, things could never be the same anyway. Think about it, if one day she managed to start wanting you back, you would look at that baby everysingle day of your life, and think of how it came to be, your going to have that badd blood of always thinking how she fuc*** over you every day. Things cant be the same anyway, do you really want to come home, with her talking with her baby daddy?? Do you really want her baby daddy in your life, knocking at your door?? Calling your house?? Coming over unannounced?? Worrying if why your at work if hes trying to make a move on her?? << See this is something that was not there to begin with. My point is, you and her are gone forever, its like closure, it can never be the same, therefore the girl that you once loved no longer exist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BW007 Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 No, I get that. The stake is in the heart of the past, but I gotta say there is still a lot of regret. I loved her a lot and i feel I didn't express that well enough. This is brand new info so give me some time and I will be smart enough to get it, but right now it is killing me. Link to post Share on other sites
WiseOne1 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 No, I get that. The stake is in the heart of the past, but I gotta say there is still a lot of regret. I loved her a lot and i feel I didn't express that well enough. This is brand new info so give me some time and I will be smart enough to get it, but right now it is killing me. So you feel that maybe you could have tried harder to get her back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BW007 Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 No I tried like hell. I think I made some mistakes in the relationship so that she may not have really known how much I really cared about her at times. But then again I did my best to let her know. It all ended so badly with her dishonesty and cheating which was the end there months ago. The whole reason this is getting to me is that if we had both managed the relationship right I wanted this for us too but now it is all destroyed forever as you say. It really stings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BW007 Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 I am so sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Homies Over Hoes Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Sorry man. That really sucks... Can't imagine what that's like to go through. Go treat yourself to a double whopper with cheese to help numb the pain... Link to post Share on other sites
WiseOne1 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Question....How did you find out she was pregnant from the new guy? Link to post Share on other sites
joseffrost Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Same(ish) thing happened to me a few years back in that we went to the Reading Festival together and she left me for a guy she met there. Six months later she was pregnant and 'finally had everything she ever wanted'. Just a few weeks back (and only a couple weeks after I split from my most recent ex - how do they know??) she called me out of the blue, first time in 2 and a bit years, to say that the guy left her and she was a single, unemployed mum of one living on a council estate. I'm not gloating, because I know the girl has problems and I feel sorry for any child that has to grow up in a situation like that, but I do feel that, had she stuck around for a while, my life could have been very different now. Moral of the story is - you're probably better off for it. Link to post Share on other sites
broken_promises Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Ugh. That is the worst pain. The few times I have experienced this (found out an ex married, found out my current ex is doing stuff with the new girl that we were supposed to do together but never did) it just absolutely devastates me. It is that horrible feeling of watching what you wanted be given to a new person by your ex. It is the feeling of being replaced and realizing that they might have wanted something (child, marriage, travel, etc.) just NOT WITH YOU. That is the one that always gets to me. That "not with you" part. Although I don't want kids, I am terrified that my ex (who also said he didn't want them) is going to have kids. That will KILL me for some reason. Isn't that stupid? I really do wonder if it is just a primal thing... I mean, humans are primates. Is it just all about territory and procreation? Sorry for that tangent... hang in there. Hope it gets easier for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 crap happens bw, dont look at it like you lost her, she made her own choice to sleep with the new dude and get preggers. Just be happy your not dealing with the drama. You got a second chance to do things right with someone else. lol. That's the best part of the silver lining. Link to post Share on other sites
Peanut9330 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 I know how u feel I been through this before too except my ex ended up getting this girl pregnant and he did not want to have kids so I guess it was karma for cheating on me, but in the beginning I was miserable but in time it got better and I came to realize that I he didn’t deserve me all he did was mistreat me and take me for granted so in a sense I was glad that it wasn’t me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BW007 Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 Next Day: I guess this qualifies as "Not my problem" Yeah I am sad about this and I guess there were those buried wishes that everything would resolve itself someday, but I have known it was over for months. I just still love her but it is not returned anymore. I get it. I will try to find it in my heart to wish her and the baby well. I wonder if she is going to get the old shotgun wedding soon. I suppose so, but a marriage that started with cheating and a real quick pregnancy probably won't do too well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BW007 Posted August 8, 2009 Author Share Posted August 8, 2009 Grrrrrr:mad::mad::mad:. I wish I didn't give a rip. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 Sometimes this is a blessing. Honestly, MOST of the time it is. Six months and pregnant already? Not sure if that was her plan, but as I always say: "Relationships that start off like a rocket are sure to come DOWN like one -- and just as fast!" In every relationship I've been in where things started off fast, they always ended fast. No time to really KNOW who the person is (It takes at least a year to really KNOW someone IMHO). And if you ignore the red flags, thinking "They'll change!" -- GOOD LUCK!! I stuck with someone thinking they would change. That I could change them. Didn't happen. I ended up getting dumped. I know girls that will stick with absolute LOSER guys because they see it as some sort of challenge to change the guy. Not gonna happen. Oh sure, they'll change for a short period of time. As long as you provide them sex and companionship they will stick around. When they get bored or get tired of the nagging them to change, they'll drop you like a hot potato. Especially if they find someone else they like better. So with this girl, consider it a blessing. We always want to see the GOOD in people but honestly, you can't control them. You can't change them. They have to want to change on their own. And you (me and everyone else) needs to accept them for who they are or move on to someone who is a better fit. Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BW007 Posted August 8, 2009 Author Share Posted August 8, 2009 I was wondering if you would weigh in. Hey , babies happen I guess. Yeah I guess the problem is that even though it is WAY over, I still have some leftover feelings for her. What a bunch of dramatic crap , huh? Her new relationship started on lies and cheating and a brand new baby, so I really don't see it going well for them. I have always appreciated your advice on here Cali, and you have always been brutally honest and no BS even when I did not want to hear it. All the leftover feelings are just detrimental though and a wish to change a reality that I don't want to exist. The whole preggers revelation set off some repetitions through the acceptance cycle (shock, denial,denial,denial,denial,denial,depression, depression depression, bargaining, bargaining some more, acceptance, rinse and repeat) Link to post Share on other sites
Dlyrica Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I'm sorry, that must be really tough. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BW007 Posted August 8, 2009 Author Share Posted August 8, 2009 Nice Smile! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I was wondering if you would weigh in. Hey , babies happen I guess. Yeah I guess the problem is that even though it is WAY over, I still have some leftover feelings for her. What a bunch of dramatic crap , huh? Her new relationship started on lies and cheating and a brand new baby, so I really don't see it going well for them. I have always appreciated your advice on here Cali, and you have always been brutally honest and no BS even when I did not want to hear it. All the leftover feelings are just detrimental though and a wish to change a reality that I don't want to exist. The whole preggers revelation set off some repetitions through the acceptance cycle (shock, denial,denial,denial,denial,denial,depression, depression depression, bargaining, bargaining some more, acceptance, rinse and repeat) So now that she's preggo, that should help you let go. You don't want her back, you won't take her back. Whatever happens with her current relationship, she has to deal with that on her own. Imagine if you married her and she got pregnant from some other guy?! Better to be single and lonely than married and miserable, right? Think about it that way. You will recover, you will meet someone new and you will be happy again. Just put all of your focus and energy on yourself now and not her. Not anymore. She doesn't deserve your time or emotional energy! Link to post Share on other sites
WiseOne1 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Lemme ask a question BW007? If she came back and stated that she had really messed up, and doesnt know what she was thinking, the whole 9 yards. Would you take her back? If she said we could pretend that the baby's urs? I ask that because sometimes a baby does not play a factor, I"ve seen many men that have overlooked that and still be with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BW007 Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 I can't forgive her for all the betrayal.Her getting pregnant was not a betrayal, because we were broken up already, it was just too quick and thoughtless for her life. The betrayal was a while ago. All of this was just a new shock to my system in this (dis)continuing drama. There was PLENTY of betrayal during the relationship. I wish deep in my heart that I was worth enough to her for her to ask my forgiveness sincerely. I do miss the great deal of good things about her but she is also a DEEPLY flawed , messed up person.Kids are kids and I would never hold it against the kid if we ever reconciled BUT this and all of her other crap has made that an impossibility. Over is over. Link to post Share on other sites
WiseOne1 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 I can't forgive her for all the betrayal.Her getting pregnant was not a betrayal, because we were broken up already, it was just too quick and thoughtless for her life. The betrayal was a while ago. All of this was just a new shock to my system in this (dis)continuing drama. There was PLENTY of betrayal during the relationship. I wish deep in my heart that I was worth enough to her for her to ask my forgiveness sincerely. I do miss the great deal of good things about her but she is also a DEEPLY flawed , messed up person.Kids are kids and I would never hold it against the kid if we ever reconciled BUT this and all of her other crap has made that an impossibility. Over is over. See this is exactly what I was trying to tell you in my earlier post, true enough this happened before you were ready... But this is a good thing in a way, you can start fresh, you just stated that even if she wanted you back you wouldn't take her back, because you can still have everything you wanted. You could start your OWN family fresh, most men don't want to come in on someone elses family, you want you 100% own. Your a single guy, great future ahead of you, your and her are no longer in the same league, you get what im saying? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts