EmperorR Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Let me see all the things I did - begged - wrote long letters - bought flowers - showed up unexpectedly - told I was going nc and kept breaking it - cried on the phone - wrote poems - said I would change even though I did nothing wrong - facebook stalked - sent forwards - called and hung up on "special" days - tried to make her jealous yes I was this pathetic for more than a month, don't make the mistakes I did Link to post Share on other sites
frustrated&sad Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 This is normal Emperor. Don't be too hard on yourself. Great post, too. It is the official broken-hearted laundry list of things-to-do. Link to post Share on other sites
trueblue72ny Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 i am on day three (again). and this time i have not done any of that. all i said was: really? already? there was no begging, pleading, arguing, being mean, or crying. and now i am just going no contact. there really is nothing else one can do. and the good thing about that is i dont feel pathetic and i dont have any regrets saying something i wish i didnt say. i am just 'gone' now. ive hit the road so to speak. now i hope i can keep up with the no contact and dont become weak and email or text her in a couple weeks. i always find that as much as i have absolute detemrination right now, i wind up caving and saying, well, its only a text. Link to post Share on other sites
Peanut9330 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 We all make those mistakes at some point, the one that I hate the most is when your in that state of despair and you say things that you later regret, like apologizing and begging. The best thing is NC that way you don’t hurt your pride and dignity and really think things through and then figure out what you want to say if there is anything left to say. Link to post Share on other sites
gypsi Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 - cried everytime i spoke to her - Begged pleader her to come back - promising her i would change - phoning her when i was drunk and emotional crying AGAIN - Telling her im on sleeping pills (she said i was weak and dramatic) - Wrote her a long long long e-mail - meeting up and sleeping with her in the hopes that she would come back - Texting her every damn time i have a few beers to many and calling her by the cute nickname i gave her - Breaking no contact all the time (makes me look like an idiot) - Telling her to erase me out of her life if she doesent want me, then patheticly beg and plead for her back the next again! In general ALL of this made me look like a sad pathetic emotional psycotic loser why on earth would she want me back...? **** i lost all my selfrespect and i have never in my life chased after anyone, im a strong confident person untill love knocked me out! If i could go back in time i would just immediatly have gone no contact, i know for a fact i would have had her back then, i suffocated her with my begging and pleading and crying. She i now just annoyed by me, the person who once chased after me was madly in love with now can stand me!! If only i found this site one month earlier i would still have my sanity and selfrespect in check and now i have NOTHING. Link to post Share on other sites
greenparrot Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 hmmm did everything you did emperor -begged her back -sent flowers -arrived at her house only to see she also had some of the new guy -drunk called her -cried on the phone -told her I was leaving town -talked bad about her new bf trying to warn her etcetc.. At the end, got tired, told her I was leaving period and for her to also not contact me. 4 days pass and she tells me she loves me, for her to be freinds etccc..... urgg Link to post Share on other sites
greenparrot Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 wow gypsi, what you wrote is exactly how i feel and did at a certain time. LS, has helped me alot... Link to post Share on other sites
DSM2709 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 I broke NC a couple of times, and my problem is I keep rehashing the same old thing over and over. She says to me that I don't give her a chance to miss me or hurt, because she's always explaining to me what she wants in her life, and that I don't understand it. I don't want to keep rehashing the past, I can't help it sometimes. I did nothing wrong to deserve this breakup, she got bored of the relationship and seeked other avenues, but kept me in the loop, and lied to me about everything. If a person who has an answer for everything, does that make them a cheater? She always covered her tracks, but I found explicit text messages on her cell, strange phone numbers etc etc. , and that did it for me, although I don't want to lose her. I keep asking myself why, why, why???, I am a good guy, who never hurt her or her two kids when I lived with her. I keep telling myself, "I did nothing wrong", and it doesn't hurt as much. Link to post Share on other sites
borbiusle Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Hmmm, me at my absolute worse 4 years ago, fresh into college/girls, let's see here: - Wrote an epic/biblical "I hate you" 8-page speech, never sent it(Thank God) - Facebook stalked - Posted her nudes on the Craigslist prostitute section + phone number - Gave her number/pics away to derelicts, drunks, and men grabbing taxis fresh out of jail - Almost followed cars/driver that looked like her on the interstate - Call her liar in 20 different ways, in 3 different languages - Showed up to her door a week later, mumbling about how I miss her - Avoided her like the plague for 5 months after feeling like a dumbass once I calmed down a week later Easily one of the lowest points of my life . Link to post Share on other sites
lokster Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 i did everything u did and probably more Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 I don't believe in using NC to get someone back. The way I see it, if you have to ignore them, censor yourself/thoughts/feelings to get someone's attention or garner their interest, that should be the first big fat sign it's not meant to be. If someone loves you, barring any severe untreated mental illness, drug addiction, or you're best friends with a butcher knife; they will allow you to be YOU and still be okay with that. Using these tactics only plays on the success of human behavior; it's litterally manipulating another person into being with you, and I just can't help but think if you need to go to those lengths to have someone in your life...you can do better. So, as for all these "mistakes" Sure, we cringe now but we were honest, weren't we? Didn't we do what was in our hearts? We were vulnerable and open, and if that caused a person to not want a second chance with us? The love was already gone anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
borbiusle Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 I don't believe in using NC to get someone back. The way I see it, if you have to ignore them, censor yourself/thoughts/feelings to get someone's attention or garner their interest, that should be the first big fat sign it's not meant to be. If someone loves you, barring any severe untreated mental illness, drug addiction, or you're best friends with a butcher knife; they will allow you to be YOU and still be okay with that. Using these tactics only plays on the success of human behavior; it's litterally manipulating another person into being with you, and I just can't help but think if you need to go to those lengths to have someone in your life...you can do better. So, as for all these "mistakes" Sure, we cringe now but we were honest, weren't we? Didn't we do what was in our hearts? We were vulnerable and open, and if that caused a person to not want a second chance with us? The love was already gone anyway. What's the alternative to NC then, especially if SHE dumped you and told you she doesn't have feelings for you anymore? I can't think of anything that won't amount to total failure.... As for the mistakes I made, it all seemed fueled by a mass fury of emotions: bitterness, hatred, and above all, sheer confusion(they never tell you the reason lol!). The fact that I feel very ashamed and unfulfilled after-wards tells me my inner-self rejects this, it can't be truly who I am if everything in me refuses to embrace being like this. Link to post Share on other sites
WTFO Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 - Posted her nudes on the Craigslist prostitute section + phone number - Gave her number/pics away to derelicts, drunks, and men grabbing taxis fresh out of jail. I'm sorry, that's some funny stuff right there! Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 What's the alternative to NC then, especially if SHE dumped you and told you she doesn't have feelings for you anymore? I can't think of anything that won't amount to total failure.... As for the mistakes I made, it all seemed fueled by a mass fury of emotions: bitterness, hatred, and above all, sheer confusion(they never tell you the reason lol!). The fact that I feel very ashamed and unfulfilled after-wards tells me my inner-self rejects this, it can't be truly who I am if everything in me refuses to embrace being like this. What's the alternative? Well, here's a WILD idea..The alternative is; if someone has decided they don't want to be with you any longer; you move on. Go NC by ALL MEANS, but DON'T do it because you want to use it to get someone back. Use it to help YOU move on. I wasn't trying to say NC is a bad idea, it's a WONDERFUL idea when used properly; that is to move on and help you heal. Not as a device you're sticking too to make another person miss you and come back. Afterall, think hard on this one; you use NC to make someone miss you; it works; they come back. However, WHAT has changed? What's different? Nothing is, and once enough time goes by the same old problems the person felt were dealbreakers will come back to the spotlight and it's adios. Spending your energy on NC to get someone back is very hurtful to you; you will use all this energy concentrating on them instead of helping yourself reach acceptance and move on. My point is, if someone doesn't want to be with you? LET IT BE. There is a reason for it, and you might not see it at the time, but you will later on in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
playlislay Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 It is surprising what advice and actions we take to get our loved ones back.... 1) Beg 2) Cry 3) Fall down to your knees, scream their name and cry hysterically in front of strangers 4) Buy flowers.....although he never took them ( 5) Soppy texts 6) Emails pleading your worth 7) Driving to their house to only sit out there for hours like a lover-struck fool 8) Try to take advice from friends on staying away from him.......I couldnt manage that one! 9) Take advice from a stupid 'love guide' by writing him a letter saying how you were fine with his decision to not be with you, that youve got loads of events coming up and that you hope that one day you can be friends..........it didnt work. I think it hurt him rather than helped me get him back.....stupid internet books! 10) Promise you will change (which I have ) 11) Get your friends to talk him round and hope that it will work 12) Finally take your friends advice and give him his space.........to only find that that doesnt work either! 13) After not hearing from them a while, you drop random texts here and there like "Hey! thinking of you ) ". Sometimes they reply but mostly they dont. 14) Finally accept that they are not coming back but search on Loveshack for false hope in the 'second chances' section 15) Take up the religion "No Contact" 16) Slowly ween yourself off of here and of off him-yet Im still here and think that I will never find another one like him Link to post Share on other sites
DSM2709 Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 hopingtoheal, your advice is amazing. I never thought of it the way you explain it about NC. My problem began in April, and then we got back together, but it turned sour again in July. It's just hard for me to comprehend why this BS has happenend to me. Was I too nice of a guy?, and should have had an edge? She has told me on several occassions, that she did not want to settle, and she was looking for someone who challenges her, and I guess that was not me. I guess I was insecure, but only because I was suspicious of her behavior. Thanks, that was great advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I have done all the same crap. Each time I tell myself I will save face and go NC from jumpstreet. I agree that NC is not a ploy to get your SO back...it is to help you heal. Once someone breaks up with you...it is over. You may have a few rebound times, but there was a reason they broke up with you...and that issues is still present. It looks especially bad to beg, plead, and cry...all of which I've done. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 hopingtoheal, your advice is amazing. I never thought of it the way you explain it about NC. My problem began in April, and then we got back together, but it turned sour again in July. It's just hard for me to comprehend why this BS has happenend to me. Was I too nice of a guy?, and should have had an edge? She has told me on several occassions, that she did not want to settle, and she was looking for someone who challenges her, and I guess that was not me. I guess I was insecure, but only because I was suspicious of her behavior. Thanks, that was great advice. You two weren't right for eachother. It doesn't even mean you're an inadequate partner, just because you get dumped. It doesn't even mean the dumper is always an *******. In fact, if someone dumps someone because they no longer want to be with them, and stays out of their life; that is one of the most respectable and caring things they can do for you. What makes me mad, is these dumpers who use the dumpees vulnerability and feelings against them to stroke their own egos. That is when A dumper becomes a jackass (man or woman). Sometimes it's just as simple as two people aren't right for one another, and it's time to let it be. There's no need to try and make a square fit into a circle. You will only exhaust yourself with a futile result. What's the point? It hurts going through a breakup, it's painful, it's emotionally draining, it feels SO bad, but that doesn't mean it wasn't for the better. When someone's time with you has come to an end- accept it, and realise what the universe is trying to tell you here; that you two are not compatible or right for one another. Don't fight it, just feel your hurt, come to acceptance and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
DSM2709 Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 Well, I am slowly accepting the breakup, and I was suspicious of her cheating on me, she would always have an answer to anything I was suspicious of. I found text messages on her phone, she would be talking to another guy on the phone, while I was in the house. I even asked to lunch one day, and she said she was having lunch with the girls at her work, later to find her walking down the street with another guy. She is very quick witted and knows how to play the game, where I didn't, she took advantage of my vulnerablity, and played with my emotions. She knew I would believe her, because I didn't want to lose her. I guess I was a sap for that. Link to post Share on other sites
DSM-IV Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I just looked too ****ing good. There's not a damn thing I can do to change it either. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 Well, I am slowly accepting the breakup, and I was suspicious of her cheating on me, she would always have an answer to anything I was suspicious of. I found text messages on her phone, she would be talking to another guy on the phone, while I was in the house. I even asked to lunch one day, and she said she was having lunch with the girls at her work, later to find her walking down the street with another guy. She is very quick witted and knows how to play the game, where I didn't, she took advantage of my vulnerablity, and played with my emotions. She knew I would believe her, because I didn't want to lose her. I guess I was a sap for that. Do you want her back? Link to post Share on other sites
DSM2709 Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I do, but only if she would stop lying to me about who she's been with. I miss being with her. I know I will find someone better, someone who accepts me for me. She's always talked about changing me, and she wishes I was more ambitious and confident etc etc. I know she hasn't been faithful, but she will never admit to me, she's too good at decieving. I just need to wake up and smell the coffee, and move on. I know I did nothing wrong during this realationship, and she got bored and decided to play games. She thinks I'm stupid, but I know what she was up to. She is also divorced from a cheating ex husband, so I wonder if that's her gig now, to play the field, and from she tells to "to see what life has to offer". Good freakin luck lady. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I do, but only if she would stop lying to me about who she's been with. I miss being with her. I know I will find someone better, someone who accepts me for me. She's always talked about changing me, and she wishes I was more ambitious and confident etc etc. I know she hasn't been faithful, but she will never admit to me, she's too good at decieving. I just need to wake up and smell the coffee, and move on. I know I did nothing wrong during this realationship, and she got bored and decided to play games. She thinks I'm stupid, but I know what she was up to. She is also divorced from a cheating ex husband, so I wonder if that's her gig now, to play the field, and from she tells to "to see what life has to offer". Good freakin luck lady. So, do you have any guesses as to why you want to be back (not miss, but actually want a relationship) with a woman who shows no signs of stopping decieving, most likely won't stop cheating, tells you she wants you to change and plays games. Do you have any guess why you might want that back in your life? Link to post Share on other sites
DSM2709 Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I guess it's the fear of being alone, abandonment. It would have been 2 years this month (August 24th), that we were together. Last year, she asked me to move in with her which I accepted, and in November she bought a house. I took a new job (Promotion), that was closer to home, and in April, that's when the **** started happening. We got back together in May, june, and I guess I didn't "Change" in July. In April, the kids were gone for a week with her ex, and that's when it started, she suggested I move out and get my own place, which I did. She says it was for me to grow as a person and to be more independent, BS, she wanted to play around with other guys. Then in July, the kids were going for another week with her ex, and low and behold, she wanted another break...another excuse to screw around. She denies any wrong doing, and claims it was because of me and my insecurities and the stress in the house with the kids and the dogs etc etc. I guess I don't want to be with someone who alwys lies, I just feel alone now, and I don't want to be where I am both apartment / town and job location. I really wish I could turn the clocks back one whole year exactly, and would of said NO to everything. She has alot of "guy" friends, and I guess that's a red flag, but I was too nieve to see it, now I do, and I'm getting the big picture. So, no I guess I don't want to be with someone like that, it just sucks this happenend and the way it happenend is even worse. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I guess it's the fear of being alone, abandonment. It would have been 2 years this month (August 24th), that we were together. Last year, she asked me to move in with her which I accepted, and in November she bought a house. I took a new job (Promotion), that was closer to home, and in April, that's when the **** started happening. We got back together in May, june, and I guess I didn't "Change" in July. In April, the kids were gone for a week with her ex, and that's when it started, she suggested I move out and get my own place, which I did. She says it was for me to grow as a person and to be more independent, BS, she wanted to play around with other guys. Then in July, the kids were going for another week with her ex, and low and behold, she wanted another break...another excuse to screw around. She denies any wrong doing, and claims it was because of me and my insecurities and the stress in the house with the kids and the dogs etc etc. I guess I don't want to be with someone who alwys lies, I just feel alone now, and I don't want to be where I am both apartment / town and job location. I really wish I could turn the clocks back one whole year exactly, and would of said NO to everything. She has alot of "guy" friends, and I guess that's a red flag, but I was too nieve to see it, now I do, and I'm getting the big picture. So, no I guess I don't want to be with someone like that, it just sucks this happenend and the way it happenend is even worse. I think you just figured things out a little more clearly. It isn't her that you want her so much (gee, I wonder why that is?) you just don't want to be alone. Sooner or later though had you stayed together? The realisation that you're alone would of set in. Being close and connected with someone; being intimate takes much more than living in a space together physically or calling eachother bf or gf. Did you have any kind of abandonment issues prior to meeting her? You seemed to tolerate an awful lot of mistreatment from her side. Link to post Share on other sites
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